Evening~~~
Man I was bad last night
seriously my head was messed up
and to add to that Adam too said he was struggling mentally
he said he hasnt had a wobble since dec/jan time
i felt bad that i couldnt be there for him
he knows what thoughts burden my mind
i have no clue as to what troubles him
maybe i will find out one day if he lets me in
his depression is practically on the way out
he wasnt sure what caused this little blip but hopefully it will pass
but i will try be strong for him
i told him he doesnt have to see me cus i dont always want to see people when im bad
but he really wants to see me still
anyway today
i woke up peed off with the world
i just wanted to go back to bed and stay there the entire day
the world would still go round without me
i got up and went into mums room and on her bed (dad was already up)
she knew there was a problem as i only lay on her bed when im not happy or well
i told her i didnt want to go to school i didnt want to do anything today
she told me to not let it win and i'll be annoyed at myself if i dont go
all she said was true
so i slowly got ready
got to school and all the kids looked quite fashionable and on a good day
i would have joined in with that but i had a jumper and joggers on
screw it who have i got to impress
the morning went relativity slowly
i kept feeling like i could have a panic attack at any point tho
then i went home for lunch
god i didnt want to go back i was so tempted to ring and say im staying home
but i knew how easy the afternoon would be so i went cus its easy money
got back and i was home alone
so i made a brew and read in the quite
then went on my laptop
i ordered some canmake make up cus i earned it today damn it!
i also got my new skirt through the post BodyLine!!! so kawaii to the point were i dont wanna wear it its just so cute and lovely!
and i got my canmake concealer which i am yet to try
then i watched Tokyo Girls on BBC4 Iplayer
that was interesting to say the least
just gave an hour about japan idols and the industry
i recognised quite a few groups ^^
Oz gave us all a heart attack
i couldnt see him for about 10-15mins so went to find him
couldnt see him then mum shouted me and she sounded panicked
she told me not to move so i crept
and i could see Oz under the gate
HE HAD GOT UNDER THE GATE AND THROUGH THE OTHER SIDE
that has NEVER happened in all the years ive owned bunnies never has one got
under that gate. even as babies they never managed it or dared it
but i think cus hes so thin and small he could do it
and he was trying to get back in
got my heart was in my mouth
i picked him up and took him to my room
Tomorrow I may start my fairy kei jacket
seeing adma at some point as its my normal thing to do on a saturday now
but not going if im really bad you know
made him this i brought him some beard scissors and made a pouch for them
Evening
Not in a good mood
I slept not too bad i guess compared to some nights
mum woke me up at 8:30am for the pets as it was far too wet for them to play out
so i had the piggies on my knee til 9:30am then Oz came into my room
he was so giddy with excitement that sometimes he hopped up on the spot and would
bash into things like the wall and bin XD
I took him home at 10:30am
I sat at my desk designing my Fairy Kei hoodie
I have got the final design
then I went through all my stuff and I have all the materials to make it
i just got to actually make it
i did some research on fairy kei DIYs see what i could find
nothing special came to mind
but i ordered some amazing sparkly fabric for the wings :D
I had a rest on my bed i managed to find a new book to read
on my kindle as reading has become a chore lately but i think i will get back
into it soon enough
lately a lot of stuff feels like a chore!
After lunch I went over to adam's house for a couple of hours
we had a brew and he brought me a pikachu t-shirt!! he didnt have to ><
he brought a load of pokemon card packets so we went through them
there was some cute ones i would like to have drawn but hey
Then he took me into his room
he cuddled me on his bed
i felt kinda bad as i know he wanted more than a cuddle but i just wasnt arsed
i just have zero sex drive i never have had a drive to be honest and i do often wonder
what it must feel like to have one.
i try my best to join in i guess but it doesnt do a lot for me
but i cant always deny him of stuff cus its not fair on him that im this way
he does so well to put up with me --____--
I left and came home
my mood was changing i could feel it
i was getting hot and bothered and ended up showering at 5pm which is early for me
i thought it would cool me down and in doing so cool my head down
but no such luck!
i felt really frustrated and annoyed but at what i have no idea!
Yoga was really good but the whole time i still felt peeved
i felt like i could easily have had a go at someone but kept it in thank god
Came home and i cooked me and mum pasta
then just with Oz really
I spent ages sifting through my wardrobe on what to wear tomorrow for school
as it's non-uniform day - a day i normally love
but in all honesty i cant be bothered with it i really cant
im going in t-shirt and jeans and thats not me at all!!
but i cant be bothered to look pretty or cute or cool
i just want to blend in and be over looked
After 7 weeks from my original phone call for help from 'lets talk'
i got a phonecall at adam's saying that i could have a one to one appt!
finally!!
so thats next week which will make it 8 weeks
really looking forward to that yeesh
my car is dying
i had on 25th passed my driving test 8 years ago
on 28th i had my car for 3 years
its 13 years old
dad wants rid as its slowly dying
my nails from a another week
Konbanwa~~
I didnt sleep too bad last night
my dad ended up waking me up for school
whereas usually i have been awake before anyone on a school morning
I took my car this morning as it was throwing it down
i didnt fancy getting soaked at 8:15 in the morning
Got to school
we had P.E. first which was indoor and they did dodgeball
then it was music which was slow and dull just cus i dont enjoy music lessons
then lunch time so i came home and had cheese on toast ^^
I cycled to school the rain had slowed a bit
we did a bit of work and then another P.E. lesson for less than hour
which was mainly 'just dance' and that was our last extra P.E. lesson of the term!
then came home and went to bed
I was so tired I had got changed at lunch time into a jumper
i was cold and i think being cold and achy had tired me out
i thought i was seeing mia but she said shes hurt her arm at work and wasnt coming out
so hopefully we're meeting on friday!
so i made a hair bow
Tomorrow it's a day off~~~ and no appts ether
mum said there was a program on BBC4 last night to do with japanese girl bands
she told me i should check it out so im gonna sit and watch that in the morning
see what it's like
my parents didnt watch it mum simply changed over to see what it was like as she knows i love that kinda thing whereas dad had no clue i liked it and called it "crap"
yup thats what i deal with hence why i never talk to him about my interests
he has ALWAYS called my interests crap, rubbish, waste of time
since i was about 10 years old :)
happy days
In the afternoon I am seeing adam for a couple of hours before yoga
i'm gonna come home at 4ish for yoga at 6ish gives me time to rest
think were just gonna chill out and maybe play pokemon
he would have been at work in the morning so he never wants to do much and i have to save myself for yoga. I hope in the morning i have enough energy for dance tho :)
Here are last week's nails
went for summer colours
Good Evening~
I didnt sleep well but theres not surprise really
I ended up getting up at 8:45am
I leisurely watched vampire diaries whilst cleaning my room and talking to 2 friends online
It was good to catch up with them
I had one telling me to be careful with adam and not to be pushed or rushed into anything
then the other asking me why i hadnt slept with him yet XD it was quite odd getting it from 2 different sides, but also out of all the stuff we talked about it was my relationship that came up
my relationship isnt anything special just that i had to wait 25 years to have one XD
Then I got ready to go meet adam for 12:30pm
it would help if my car would start
honestly it keeps failing me but eventually starts up ><
i would have had it 3 years tomorrow
I met him at the gym for lunch I had soup and bread it was alright
adam paid i wanted to pay but he never lets me!
then we headed into a town just for a few bits
and i managed to get everything on my list
i went hunting for blankets to make my jacket out of
i found some and usually theyre £10 for one
I saw some for £7.99 and I liked both the pink and the turquoise
i couldnt decide then adam said "theyre buy 1 get 1 free you know"
That settled that! so i got 2 blankets for £7.99!!!! bargin or what!!
Then we came home
We sat and had a brew with Oz who is being an absoulte scamp lately XD
then we sat in my room play fighting as usual
then we played on pokemon
booked the train tickets so we are all sorted for manchester now!
im so happy i cant wait to go!!
Then I took him home at 6pm
Tomorrow I have got school
then hopefully seeing my dear mia for a catch up
I get to see tomorrow at school if theyve started the huge back drop i drew for them yesterday
spent an hour on my hands and knees on the floor drawing a back drop of charlie and the chocolate factory which was 3m x 4m big! it was of the factory gates
a TA called me out of lesson to come draw it for them :3 im glad i have my uses
i wanted to paint it badly but i had been out of lesson too long
hopefully theyve started filling it i would love to do it!
i hope i get to help more tomorrow
just my shoulders, back and knees are sore!
Here's a brand new t-shirt I brought randomly from ebay for £1.99!!!!! bargin
its random and i like it and the colour
Things I managed to do well today
I ate 2 biscuits and some chocolate
I was able to eat out for lunch
I cleaned my room
I got my blankets for my jacket
Evening~~
Could not be arsed to do my diary yesterday~
Basically I didnt do a lot in the morning as I insisted on having 12 hours in bed
yep you heard right 12 hours :3
It was an achievement and i felt much better for it
it was just what id lost out on during the week right
I went over to adam's house
I arrived at lunch time they were having a sandwich and i asked for jam toast
i was fine making it myself its no bother
and i heard adam's mum say to his dad
"if you spread jo's toast she doesnt like the lumps"
"you what!?"
he walked in to me, keeping mind id only been there 10mins and said hardly anything to him yet
"Jo you know the lumps in strawberry jam? well they are just strawberries you know"
"i know but they ruin the toast with their hardness"
"i can't believe this, do you want me to complain to the company for you? bloody lumps"
"its ok but seeing as your not working for a while you have time to sieve the jam if you like"
yep id been there 10mins i hadnt said a lot to him but i managed to annoy him X3
its all fun nothing is mean or serious
after lunch we set off for the mini golf which has recently opened
it was 20min drive or so
we waited in line for the ball and sticks
i looked out across it and thought how easy it looked
jeez was i wrong!!! seriously wrong!
it was well hard, honestly
just nothing level and so many obstacles
im not good at golfing as it is
the sun went in and rained a lil and i didnt have my jacket i got cold ><
and i came last it was just really difficult
when we finished the 18 holes we went for a walk round
we came home and i rested with adam for a lil while
but he always wants to give me affection
im learning all the time with affection emotions and intimacy
i will get there! i will break free of my Nun ways!! XD
We had dinner which was sausages and then beef burgers cooked on his dad's bbq
it was a cute bbq
all i had was a sausage cob and a few potatoes no way was i touching beef its like poison
then we had a game of frustration i came 2nd
then i went home and showered and sat with Oz
i had the worlds worst stomach ache from food it was crippling and kept me awake
Today I was awake from 5:30am i woke with stomach ache still
i was tired -______- its like i have a fear of over sleeping or something im sure
I drove to school my car keeps having moments were it doesnt want to start
its 13 years old and on wednesday i would have had it 3 years!
school was quite challenging as the child i was working with was proving difficult
and chose to test my patience
at lunch time i came home and had soup and a cob which didnt cripple me too much it was my first meal of the day as i still had bad stomach ache this morning i couldnt face breakfast
back at school we did P.E. i took part a bit cus i cant resist~~
Then when I got home I sat and did some cross stitching
then i made pasta for me and mum
then i decided to do a lil sewing on my machine :3
followed by dancing gosh im learning i fast one!! its good fun tho i have to say
tomorrow im gonna clean my room i think or my car one of the two anyway
then meeting adam for lunch then god knows after that!
How many times have I forgot to do my list of;
Good things I did today
I ate chocolate
able to eat food without too much pain
didnt sleep during the day
organised when im seeing my friends
I brought this from Japan for my face
its baby powder but you can use it on your face i watched some artists use it
my face was getting sore so i decided to buy some to see if it would be softer and kinder to my face it has green tea in it :) its working so far
Evening~~~
Ah I have been pampered by girly products~
I hardly slept at all last night I have no idea what was up
apart from my stomach giving me jip
So I was shattered this morning
just wanna damn sleep ><
I got up and cleaned the girls out whilst mum was out
at her park run
I was already and dressed by 10 i had skipped breakfast cus i didnt
want stomach ache
at 10:15am I went over to adam's as he was actually awake and up at that time!
So I have been over at his til 4pm
We sat around, his parents came back from a different park run
so I talked to them but I didnt get chance to do his mum's nails
as she was going back out after her shower
i plan on painting my nails tonight actually
He took me too his room I kinda thought we were gonna play
on pokemon or he was gonna thrash me at darts
but it seems he had other ideas as i was soon pushed down on his bed
and he would let me escape him and eventually cuddled me tightly
we stayed on his bed for a long while
i didnt mind cus i was able to relax my tired self
I went home at 4pm
i didnt do a lot really
i ate dinner separately to my family as they were having take away pizza and that stuff is pure toxic to my stomach at the moment
so they went out for a beer and to pick pizza up
i danced to my hearts content ^^
i even tried some old morning musume songs i havent danced to for years and i was surprised at just how much i could remember! it was fun and I finished another c-ute song too~
Then I hopped into the shower
were i tried a self heating hair pack
then when i came out i tried a foot softener not that my feet or hair is in bad condition
i just like trying things makes me feel like a girl haha
see what my hair looks like dry
speaking of hair i was very pleased with my hair this morning
but it doesnt look that good on photos
i did try to capture my hair but failed i guess!
Tomorrow I believe Im seeing adam and were going to a new mini golf with his parents and then his parents have asked if i wanna stay for dinner and i dont wanna turn em down but theyre having meat and im trying to avoid meat as much as i can cus it aways gives me stomach ache
today at adams i just had jam toast for lunch whilst he ate a really nice lunch from the deli we usual frequent on a saturday T^T
Evening~~
I slept a lil better but right now im shattered!
I got up for school I dared to put a lil more make-up on than
i had over the last week as it was cooler
so no sweat or hay fever or lower amounts anyway!
Got school and I did my reading with a year 4 child
then went to year 2 to find a different lady giving a talk to the class
and on every table were artefacts - not what i expected!
So i sat and listened about her drone on about Brazil
god she went on and on the kids did amazing job of sitting there
then they got to play with the artefacts and some were instruments -______-
I could wait for lunch time!
I managed to swap my play ground duty as the grass had just been cut that morning
and i was cold!
Mum picked me up for lunch
i had cereals cus damn it i wanted em!
i got changed into something warmer as i was just fed up of being cold
After lunch I went to year 4 were I was doing paper mache to help make props
for the end of year play
but i knew the new children for septemeber were coming for a play afternoon
that meant mia's nephew luke would be there!
i went and spotted him i said hello to him he kept looking at me like he knew me
but wasnt sure
then I saw sophie and george - his parents and mia's sister
i talked to them as sophie went to the school as a child so she was asking who was still there
the afternoon well last hour of the day went to year 2 doing their play afternoon
so that was easy
easy day just a bit slow
came home and sat on my laptop looking at converse
as i have sad news that my grey tartan converse have a hole in!!! D:
im so gutted
i put them on this morning and spotted the hole so i need some new ones!!
i couldnt find any i liked online which were in decent condition and right colour for work
they have lasted me over a year and i brought them second hand for £15
so they have done amazingly but i really really like them!!!
i shall keep my eyes pealed for a new pair!
Then I sat watching make-up tutorials and other crap really
After dinner ive been in a crippled ball
god i have bad stomach ache almost like dinner was poison
i thought i was getting somewhere with food!!!!
Tomorrow I am seeing adam he's asked for me to come over earlier
than the usual 11-12am he wants me over at 10am
im not doing anything so i might as well i guess
i brought this online i found it by chance really
its a hot pack for you're hair basically
it was £1.90 and i wanted to give it a test out really
see what it does to my hair!
