Morning~~
Ohayou~~~~~
I dont normally blog in the morning but I fear I may not get time tonight!
I didnt sleep well but thats no surprise
my brother was kinda enough to txt me to say he was home so i could
rest easy knowing he was home otherwise im alert a lot of the night
listening out for him
I got up at 9:30am~~~~ 'av it!
2 days of lay ins i am pleased
I had breakfast and stuff
then I cut out a bit more fabric which is making a lovely mess!!
its awful stuff I have to say
that hoover is gonna be out again!
But I have it all cut out now I believe
so I can start piecing it together
Going over to adam's at 12:30-1ish with Oz
then dropping Oz off for a walk then I think I'll pop
home so I can get stuff ready for school in the morning
ugh school again! where are these weeks going!?
Then I will go back to adam's as if I can escape my house on a sunday
I do so very quickly!
adam's mum wants her nails doing so I will do those for her
I painted mine last night i think they look ok, I did clouds~
Tomorrow is school
and then for the 3rd week in a row im suppose to be seeing tara
but who knows!
Here is my lovely Bodyline skirt
Brand new! it would have been £35 I brought it for £11
such a bargin and so beautiful I hardly want to wear it
I will wear it in manchester im sure
Im planning on getting my jacket finished for manchester :D
Good Evening~~
I didnt sleep great but whats new
I did however wake up at 9am ^^
I got my lay in~
In the morning I set to work on my jacket
I got the two bows made before I went over to adam's house
he said he was feeling a bit better and so was I
I enjoyed going round as usual but I could feel my mood trying to change
but I fought it
we had lunch and treats ^^
We played darts and I got a freakin bullseye!!!!!! I was well happy and I got the ring around it twice in succession!!! I could not believe it!
Still lost but i didnt care
I played pokemon for a bit and then I insisted I wanted 10min cuddles before I left ^^
I got home and got back to sewing
Ive cut most of the jacket out I forgot how messy the blanket fabric is
jesus its everywhere in my room ><
So I have yet to hoover that! I will do it after this
I stitched whilst watching vampire diaries
cooked my left over dinner and ate that in front of vampire diaries
then I danced for about an hour
I well enjoyed it as no one was home X3
Tomorrow I am sewing my jacket
then after lunch im taking Oz to adams for a play
then were dropping him off home and going for a walk
then its his house for dinner his dad always asks me to stop for sunday dinner ><
his mum has asked me to join them for their anniversary meal next sunday ><
gonna do my nails tonight~
here is a load of hair bows I made I forgot to upload!
Evening~~~
Man I was bad last night
seriously my head was messed up
and to add to that Adam too said he was struggling mentally
he said he hasnt had a wobble since dec/jan time
i felt bad that i couldnt be there for him
he knows what thoughts burden my mind
i have no clue as to what troubles him
maybe i will find out one day if he lets me in
his depression is practically on the way out
he wasnt sure what caused this little blip but hopefully it will pass
but i will try be strong for him
i told him he doesnt have to see me cus i dont always want to see people when im bad
but he really wants to see me still
anyway today
i woke up peed off with the world
i just wanted to go back to bed and stay there the entire day
the world would still go round without me
i got up and went into mums room and on her bed (dad was already up)
she knew there was a problem as i only lay on her bed when im not happy or well
i told her i didnt want to go to school i didnt want to do anything today
she told me to not let it win and i'll be annoyed at myself if i dont go
all she said was true
so i slowly got ready
got to school and all the kids looked quite fashionable and on a good day
i would have joined in with that but i had a jumper and joggers on
screw it who have i got to impress
the morning went relativity slowly
i kept feeling like i could have a panic attack at any point tho
then i went home for lunch
god i didnt want to go back i was so tempted to ring and say im staying home
but i knew how easy the afternoon would be so i went cus its easy money
got back and i was home alone
so i made a brew and read in the quite
then went on my laptop
i ordered some canmake make up cus i earned it today damn it!
i also got my new skirt through the post BodyLine!!! so kawaii to the point were i dont wanna wear it its just so cute and lovely!
and i got my canmake concealer which i am yet to try
then i watched Tokyo Girls on BBC4 Iplayer
that was interesting to say the least
just gave an hour about japan idols and the industry
i recognised quite a few groups ^^
Oz gave us all a heart attack
i couldnt see him for about 10-15mins so went to find him
couldnt see him then mum shouted me and she sounded panicked
she told me not to move so i crept
and i could see Oz under the gate
HE HAD GOT UNDER THE GATE AND THROUGH THE OTHER SIDE
that has NEVER happened in all the years ive owned bunnies never has one got
under that gate. even as babies they never managed it or dared it
but i think cus hes so thin and small he could do it
and he was trying to get back in
got my heart was in my mouth
i picked him up and took him to my room
Tomorrow I may start my fairy kei jacket
seeing adma at some point as its my normal thing to do on a saturday now
but not going if im really bad you know
made him this i brought him some beard scissors and made a pouch for them
Evening
Not in a good mood
I slept not too bad i guess compared to some nights
mum woke me up at 8:30am for the pets as it was far too wet for them to play out
so i had the piggies on my knee til 9:30am then Oz came into my room
he was so giddy with excitement that sometimes he hopped up on the spot and would
bash into things like the wall and bin XD
I took him home at 10:30am
I sat at my desk designing my Fairy Kei hoodie
I have got the final design
then I went through all my stuff and I have all the materials to make it
i just got to actually make it
i did some research on fairy kei DIYs see what i could find
nothing special came to mind
but i ordered some amazing sparkly fabric for the wings :D
I had a rest on my bed i managed to find a new book to read
on my kindle as reading has become a chore lately but i think i will get back
into it soon enough
lately a lot of stuff feels like a chore!
After lunch I went over to adam's house for a couple of hours
we had a brew and he brought me a pikachu t-shirt!! he didnt have to ><
he brought a load of pokemon card packets so we went through them
there was some cute ones i would like to have drawn but hey
Then he took me into his room
he cuddled me on his bed
i felt kinda bad as i know he wanted more than a cuddle but i just wasnt arsed
i just have zero sex drive i never have had a drive to be honest and i do often wonder
what it must feel like to have one.
i try my best to join in i guess but it doesnt do a lot for me
but i cant always deny him of stuff cus its not fair on him that im this way
he does so well to put up with me --____--
I left and came home
my mood was changing i could feel it
i was getting hot and bothered and ended up showering at 5pm which is early for me
i thought it would cool me down and in doing so cool my head down
but no such luck!
i felt really frustrated and annoyed but at what i have no idea!
Yoga was really good but the whole time i still felt peeved
i felt like i could easily have had a go at someone but kept it in thank god
Came home and i cooked me and mum pasta
then just with Oz really
I spent ages sifting through my wardrobe on what to wear tomorrow for school
as it's non-uniform day - a day i normally love
but in all honesty i cant be bothered with it i really cant
im going in t-shirt and jeans and thats not me at all!!
but i cant be bothered to look pretty or cute or cool
i just want to blend in and be over looked
After 7 weeks from my original phone call for help from 'lets talk'
i got a phonecall at adam's saying that i could have a one to one appt!
finally!!
so thats next week which will make it 8 weeks
really looking forward to that yeesh
my car is dying
i had on 25th passed my driving test 8 years ago
on 28th i had my car for 3 years
its 13 years old
dad wants rid as its slowly dying
my nails from a another week
Konbanwa~~
I didnt sleep too bad last night
my dad ended up waking me up for school
whereas usually i have been awake before anyone on a school morning
I took my car this morning as it was throwing it down
i didnt fancy getting soaked at 8:15 in the morning
Got to school
we had P.E. first which was indoor and they did dodgeball
then it was music which was slow and dull just cus i dont enjoy music lessons
then lunch time so i came home and had cheese on toast ^^
I cycled to school the rain had slowed a bit
we did a bit of work and then another P.E. lesson for less than hour
which was mainly 'just dance' and that was our last extra P.E. lesson of the term!
then came home and went to bed
I was so tired I had got changed at lunch time into a jumper
i was cold and i think being cold and achy had tired me out
i thought i was seeing mia but she said shes hurt her arm at work and wasnt coming out
so hopefully we're meeting on friday!
so i made a hair bow
Tomorrow it's a day off~~~ and no appts ether
mum said there was a program on BBC4 last night to do with japanese girl bands
she told me i should check it out so im gonna sit and watch that in the morning
see what it's like
my parents didnt watch it mum simply changed over to see what it was like as she knows i love that kinda thing whereas dad had no clue i liked it and called it "crap"
yup thats what i deal with hence why i never talk to him about my interests
he has ALWAYS called my interests crap, rubbish, waste of time
since i was about 10 years old :)
happy days
In the afternoon I am seeing adam for a couple of hours before yoga
i'm gonna come home at 4ish for yoga at 6ish gives me time to rest
think were just gonna chill out and maybe play pokemon
he would have been at work in the morning so he never wants to do much and i have to save myself for yoga. I hope in the morning i have enough energy for dance tho :)
Here are last week's nails
went for summer colours
Good Evening~
I didnt sleep well but theres not surprise really
I ended up getting up at 8:45am
I leisurely watched vampire diaries whilst cleaning my room and talking to 2 friends online
It was good to catch up with them
I had one telling me to be careful with adam and not to be pushed or rushed into anything
then the other asking me why i hadnt slept with him yet XD it was quite odd getting it from 2 different sides, but also out of all the stuff we talked about it was my relationship that came up
my relationship isnt anything special just that i had to wait 25 years to have one XD
Then I got ready to go meet adam for 12:30pm
it would help if my car would start
honestly it keeps failing me but eventually starts up ><
i would have had it 3 years tomorrow
I met him at the gym for lunch I had soup and bread it was alright
adam paid i wanted to pay but he never lets me!
then we headed into a town just for a few bits
and i managed to get everything on my list
i went hunting for blankets to make my jacket out of
i found some and usually theyre £10 for one
I saw some for £7.99 and I liked both the pink and the turquoise
i couldnt decide then adam said "theyre buy 1 get 1 free you know"
That settled that! so i got 2 blankets for £7.99!!!! bargin or what!!
Then we came home
We sat and had a brew with Oz who is being an absoulte scamp lately XD
then we sat in my room play fighting as usual
then we played on pokemon
booked the train tickets so we are all sorted for manchester now!
im so happy i cant wait to go!!
Then I took him home at 6pm
Tomorrow I have got school
then hopefully seeing my dear mia for a catch up
I get to see tomorrow at school if theyve started the huge back drop i drew for them yesterday
spent an hour on my hands and knees on the floor drawing a back drop of charlie and the chocolate factory which was 3m x 4m big! it was of the factory gates
a TA called me out of lesson to come draw it for them :3 im glad i have my uses
i wanted to paint it badly but i had been out of lesson too long
hopefully theyve started filling it i would love to do it!
i hope i get to help more tomorrow
just my shoulders, back and knees are sore!
Here's a brand new t-shirt I brought randomly from ebay for £1.99!!!!! bargin
its random and i like it and the colour
Things I managed to do well today
I ate 2 biscuits and some chocolate
I was able to eat out for lunch
I cleaned my room
I got my blankets for my jacket
Evening~~
Could not be arsed to do my diary yesterday~
Basically I didnt do a lot in the morning as I insisted on having 12 hours in bed
yep you heard right 12 hours :3
It was an achievement and i felt much better for it
it was just what id lost out on during the week right
I went over to adam's house
I arrived at lunch time they were having a sandwich and i asked for jam toast
i was fine making it myself its no bother
and i heard adam's mum say to his dad
"if you spread jo's toast she doesnt like the lumps"
"you what!?"
he walked in to me, keeping mind id only been there 10mins and said hardly anything to him yet
"Jo you know the lumps in strawberry jam? well they are just strawberries you know"
"i know but they ruin the toast with their hardness"
"i can't believe this, do you want me to complain to the company for you? bloody lumps"
"its ok but seeing as your not working for a while you have time to sieve the jam if you like"
yep id been there 10mins i hadnt said a lot to him but i managed to annoy him X3
its all fun nothing is mean or serious
after lunch we set off for the mini golf which has recently opened
it was 20min drive or so
we waited in line for the ball and sticks
i looked out across it and thought how easy it looked
jeez was i wrong!!! seriously wrong!
it was well hard, honestly
just nothing level and so many obstacles
im not good at golfing as it is
the sun went in and rained a lil and i didnt have my jacket i got cold ><
and i came last it was just really difficult
when we finished the 18 holes we went for a walk round
we came home and i rested with adam for a lil while
but he always wants to give me affection
im learning all the time with affection emotions and intimacy
i will get there! i will break free of my Nun ways!! XD
We had dinner which was sausages and then beef burgers cooked on his dad's bbq
it was a cute bbq
all i had was a sausage cob and a few potatoes no way was i touching beef its like poison
then we had a game of frustration i came 2nd
then i went home and showered and sat with Oz
i had the worlds worst stomach ache from food it was crippling and kept me awake
Today I was awake from 5:30am i woke with stomach ache still
i was tired -______- its like i have a fear of over sleeping or something im sure
I drove to school my car keeps having moments were it doesnt want to start
its 13 years old and on wednesday i would have had it 3 years!
school was quite challenging as the child i was working with was proving difficult
and chose to test my patience
at lunch time i came home and had soup and a cob which didnt cripple me too much it was my first meal of the day as i still had bad stomach ache this morning i couldnt face breakfast
back at school we did P.E. i took part a bit cus i cant resist~~
Then when I got home I sat and did some cross stitching
then i made pasta for me and mum
then i decided to do a lil sewing on my machine :3
followed by dancing gosh im learning i fast one!! its good fun tho i have to say
tomorrow im gonna clean my room i think or my car one of the two anyway
then meeting adam for lunch then god knows after that!
How many times have I forgot to do my list of;
Good things I did today
I ate chocolate
able to eat food without too much pain
didnt sleep during the day
organised when im seeing my friends
I brought this from Japan for my face
its baby powder but you can use it on your face i watched some artists use it
my face was getting sore so i decided to buy some to see if it would be softer and kinder to my face it has green tea in it :) its working so far
