Evening~
I just got back from yoga
it was good actually
only felt like 30mins instead of an hour
we attempted splits
Anyway I had another violent dream last night
i cant recall all the details now I just know there
was a good amount of blood involved
I woke up at 7:30am
It was lashing it down this morning so all pets were indoors
Oz was so happy to be in my bedroom XD
I got ready for therapy
not wanting to go out in the rain
Therapy well where to start
She asked me if I did my homework I told her yes
and I went on to say I had started doing these 30 min drawings
she asked if I had brought them
I got my sketch book out of my bag
and it all went from there really
She looked through them at her own pace
she then got me to tell her what the picture kinda means/represents
and what I was feeling at the time when I drew them
it was last night's drawing she was particularly interested in
honestly she even said "Im hooked, I've got to know who this girl is"
she even took a photo of it! for 'reference' she said
so we talked about the picture
I told her things i have NEVER shared with anyone
well I shared a bit with my acupuncturist actually
but apart from him NO ONE knows
I have never been brave enough to tell anyone
I feared telling anyone
I sat there thinking 'how much should I tell her?'
but I thought 'if I am to get better I need to be honest'
so it was like opening a can of worms
I didnt get upset but I was shaking at the end of it
we spent the whole session on that 1 picture!
I asked her what were going to do before I showed her that picture
she told me she had a sheet ready to start mapping out coping methods
but she said "I don't feel we can start that yet until I have gotten to the bottom of this girl"
she then went on to say "is it ok if I talk to my supervisor about this? I have a few theories I would like to discuss with her"
I told her it's fine and it was ok to show her the picture as well if she wanted to
I got away with no homework this week!
Going again on thursday
I walked to Boyes with my legs and hands shaking
I picked up a lot actually
I certainly got my money's worth of stuff
I needed to stock up on items and get stuff for Karen's bunting
It's hard to shop for stuff when I have someone with me so I tend to stock up
when I know I am by myself and can go at my leisure
I came home and had a hot chocolate to try cure the shaking
I sat with my little girls for the 2nd time today :)
Then I went to go put all my purchases away
I sorted out a few bunting flags just pinning stuff - no sewing today D;
Adam arrived so I did us cheese on toast
we sat and talked with a brew
dad came home so I took adam and Oz upstairs
Oz entertained adam whilst I finished up pinning my bunting
just so it meant I could put a lot of stuff back instead of keeping it all out
Then we went out for an ice cream since I was owed it from tuesday
he said I wasnt owed it at all
but my argument was that because he took so long to shower on tuesday that
we ran out of time to go
I got Vanilla and he kindly paid ><
we walked round charity shops but I got nothing
then he popped into the florist and brought me these ><
So sweet of him. I felt my cheeks burn big style
adam said "you're blushing"
"I am not"
"you really are. You have colour in your cheeks"
"how insulting, are you saying Im usually paled faced hmm?"
"i can clearly see how red they are"
"actually I can feel them burning and blood flowing to them which is unusual for my corpse body"
they are pretty and I arranged them when I got home
when we were at adams we sat with the TV on in the background and talked with his dad, pretty usual stuff really. hayfever has been driving me up the wall today its always worse after the rain.
I left to come home for yoga
and now im here debating whether to draw or not or whether to leave it tonight
I have one idea of a face shrouded in darkness but then I have another idea formed from today which is more happier I have to say XD
My brother got a job today!!
an actual job at 22 years old!
i can not believe it. Im happy for him cus it would have been a very
long boring summer for him
and it does him good to actually have a job
tomorrow I have got my last day of school!
i dont want to go as usual but I know its last shift and to just get it done!
Evening~
I didn't sleep to bad last night
I got up and ready for school
I used a new make-up base
and it was really rated online but when I came to try it
i was surprised how a little didnt go a lot
felt like i used loads
but I thought i'd test it on this warm humid day
Got to school and it was P.E.
about 10 mins into P.E. a TA asked to borrow me for "2 mins"
I finished after break so that was 80mins later -____-
Actually I was happy to go along with it cus it beats standing there
I had to make a big 3D book out of card board then paper mache it
Then it was music which was dull to say the least
then lunch time!
Mum picked me up~
I went back to school and did some work one to one with the child
i took her round school too just cus i couldnt be bothered to get any more work
out of her really so i let her play with different things
then it was break time
afterwards the whole class had to tidy like everywhere and everything
so i was sweeping out draws jeez the dust and spiders!
A few little labels had become damaged or fallen off so the teacher asked me to
re-laminate them I re-laminted ones I couldnt replace but they looked rubbish
others I could I remake I quickly went on the computer for 20mins and made some fresh
I showed them to the teacher to double make sure she wanted mine up
and she loved them so I was glad my creativity got to go up
it was home time then!
My brother came to meet me
1 more shift to go!
I was given a card today with a candle from one girl and a pen from another boy!
I wasnt expecting that at all!
When I got home I went to bed I was physically and mentally tired
got up and had my dinner then drew another picture
here is yesterday the thought that came to my head was 'cute devil girl'
I drew something weird today
Speaking of weird my dream last night
jeez what was i on?
I was some sort of fanged and clawed monster
I was ether slashing the throats of people or ripping them out with my fangs
I was soaked in warm blood
I woke up sweating to say the least
Adam said he's missing me X3
I remembered what he told me yesterday
he was quiet on the bed and said to me "can I say something?"
"yeah course"
"I know it's only been 3 months but I couldnt imagine being without you, I couldnt imagine losing you"
I was kinda taken back by this cus I've never known a guy to say something so sweet and so forward with me, usually they keep to themselves or dont know how to express how theyre feeling (my experiences anyway)
I told him I felt the same and that he's mine and I own his butt X3
Seeing him tomorrow after his shift
not sure what we're doing but I invited him over here so he could see Oz
Oz was locked in the shed for 20mins yesterday by accident luckily it wasnt warm in there
could I get him out? Could I bob
he was a right little git
I scooped him up, put him in his cage - with out his evening treat, and put him to bed
done
I dont take that kinda crap
Evening
I barely slept
too warm and too achy
safe to say i was shattered come 7am
I got up for acupuncture
I hated acupuncture
I had 12 needles
some in my feet
feet are the worst by the way
On my way home I called into the pharmacy for my usual
bag of goodies but also I needed my prescription for extra
anti-depressiants and the contraceptive pill
the guy gave me the packet
"heres you anti-depressiants and your contraception" //>,<//
Thank god no one was around!!! Keep it to your self mate!
I felt like saying "well theyre not for contraceptive reasons!!!"
jesus
I came home sat with the girls on my knee
with a sweet brew in my hand
and then went to bed
it was only like 10:30am but I was done
so I woke up at 11:50am
I was meeting adam at 12:30pm
I hadnt spoke much to him all day but id spent it busy and asleep
i think he thought something was up
I picked him up and he was yet to shower from his gym session
we got home and we sat with his dad for a bit
i was thinking 'he will leave me with his dad whilst he showers'
nope
he said "let's go upstairs"
so I took my DS thinking 'he'd go in the shower i'll play on this'
nope
he cuddled me and with my defences down he threw me on the bed then
near enough pounced on me
was not ready for any of it
then came the punishment of his true annoyance
he knows all my damn ticklish spots
and cus hes so damn strong i cant get him off or away
i told him 5 times to go get a shower
then when he'd say "right i'll go get a shower" i'd pin him down
just to be annoying
he threatened on multiple occasions to pull my underwear down
fat chance
then he insisted on more than one occasion that we'd shower together
no~
seems he was not satistfied with that answer
so I grabbed his face and said "you have way too many hormones"
he replied with "well someone's got to have them"
curse him >.>
eventually he did shower - by himself I might add
I came home for dinner
we didnt go for ice cream and i hadnt eaten much all day so i wanted dinner
since then just looked at drawing ideas and got stuff ready for school tomorrow
as of yet i havent drawn a picture today or done any sewing
but i did draw this yesterday - i hate it but i will let it slide
Evening~~
Sick of not sleeping
just exhausted
I got up for school as per usual
knowing it was gonna be a warm day so I prepped my make-up
to make sure it wouldnt become a melted mess
I got to school and we did an english activity
then we had P.E. early
so it was an easy morning and I was on duty so i was able to sit outside
I went home for lunch which was soup mum had practically done for me
as i walked through the door
After lunch we did a quick activity
and then watched key stage 2's end of year play
charlie and the chocolate factory
it was 80mins long!! can you imagine all those kids learning a play that long!
I could see the effort into it and all their outfits and face paint/make-up
it was good actually for their age group
i just found it hard to sit there that long
after was a break then home time
easy day
it was the last time me and the female P.E. teacher would see each other
shes not coming back to the school and I may not return to it ether
bit sad cus i liked her
probably the most memorable thing she told me was that her cat needed anti-depressiants XD
mad
I came home and went to bed for an hour
i was mentally and physically tired
then I went on my laptop
then drew today's picture which Im not best pleased with
I can only spend half an hour on a piece
and originally i wanted to draw fangs but it didnt look good
so I wanted to draw a girl I made up from the top of my head
and this is how it came out but I dont like it
but thats part of why I need to do this, I have to do work im not so proud
of so that the better work stands out
I need to stop being so critical of everything
Tomorrow I have acupuncture at 8:30am
then I come home to do some crafting
pick adam up around lunch time and take him home so he can shower from the gym
then i think we're having a chill out afternoon cus its gonna be warm so theres not
a lot to do when its 25c out there
i think we may walk to the cafe for ice cream
Evening~~
It's only 6pm but thought I'd do my diary anyway.
Cant see me getting up to too much now anyways!
I didnt sleep til midnight last night
I wasnt tired and ached
just wanted to be at my desk doing something creative
but I knew if I let myself do that, then I would start obsessing
I didnt sleep well through the night
So I was shattered when I got up at 8:30am
I started drawing once again
I had an image in my head that I wanted to try and do
I think it came out ok..ish
I know for a fact I draw better in the evening than during the day
not sure why cus usually im shattered and cant function at night
but its the way ive been for a few years now
I did this piece in the morning
I got my stuff ready and went to lynn's house
it was lovely to see her and den
but no toddie!!! D:
she had given him to her daughters for a few days
as they were struggling to walk him and to cope with him
we worked out that this is the first time we've seen one another since november!
We went into her craft room which had changed round since id been
still a total mess tho XD
I cut out all 15 bunting flags
she showed me a few techniques and she showed me a few crafty things
she has and wants to have ago at
we had dinner which was just way too big I didnt eat it all
lynn didnt eat all of hers so i didnt feel too bad
but jeez I thought id bring it up if i ate anymore
so now my head is going mental at me
we had a bit of cake afterwards i didnt have much and didnt want any if im honest
but i had some to be social
we went back upstairs
and it came to about 4:30pm
and id had enough i really had
id talked none stop and was cutting out standing up for ages
what with no sleep as well
i was just shattered so i left for home
put piggies out
and finished todays picture cus i had a lil left to do
i was disappointed i hadnt got it all finished on one sitting but couldnt be helped
i didnt want to be late for lynns house
Adam had done really well in his athletics throwing today
so he feels pleased with himself
but he says its hurt his back -_____-
Tomorrow I have got school >.>
Konbanwa~~
I have just sat for the second time completing a sketch
I have tasked myself with
*to do a picture start to finish in one sitting
*to spend 20-30 minutes on it
*not to labour over it
*to draw the first thing that comes to mind
Today's sketch I wanted to draw a serious wolf
well at first I thought of a wolf snarling but it doesn't look pretty
so I thought I'd go for a mouth closed pose
Quite pleased with it
my family were impressed
I like the simplicity of the black on white
Yesterday I made a started the A5 book with an anime eye
It did take a good 20 minutes even though it doesnt look like much I know
but I was going for neat, trying not to labour over it!
I may use this design for something
Anyway today
I slept quite crap as I was aching big time
I think rounders knackered me up a bit.
but so worth it!
Safe to say I was shattered this morning when mum woke me with pinks at 8:30am
I had to get up and get ready for hair cut and to go adam's
I got to the hair dresses on time
upon walking there I saw an old dinner lady from primary school
she was the devil. she shouldnt have been allowed to work in school
I walked luckily in a different direction
Went into the salon and sat down
few mins later she was in!! I could not believe it!
I kept my head down praying she didnt see me
I didnt like her one bit!
Luckily she didnt notice me
I got my hair cut
and drove up to adam's
in my car I passed another car and driving it was none other than the TA
I am currently covering!! I was so happy to see her able to drive
she must be getting better :)
At adam's all the curtains were still drawn like someone had died haha
or in adam's case not got up and drawn them to let the day in
he answered the door behind the door letting me
he was in his boxers XD really!? XD I had to laugh
seems he could make me a tea but couldnt get dressed
i guess if thats what he wants to do when he's home alone
who am i to judge
we had a brew and caught up
he insisted on carrying me up to his bedroom
which I was a bit unsure of for 2 reasons
I didnt want to be dropped
and I didnt want him to hurt his back anymore
but he insisted
and threw me on the bed which I laughed at X3
At lunch time he said he was gonna go get some lunch
from the shops and if I was coming
but my leg ache from rounders had really gotten worse
i could not face walking up that hill
so I asked him if i could stay home alone
he said it was fine and he'd see me in 15mins
I laid on his bed in the quite, doodling in his note pad he uses for darts
i drew bits and pieces
then he was back
i did some jam toast he had a bacon sandwich
then we both ate biscuits ^^
He drew me a bath which I was so grateful for cus I hurt so much
I was only in it for about 5 minutes and his parents came home...
man what rotten timing
even tho they tell me im welcome to it anytime i still dont feel quite
comfortable to have a bath whilst theyre home
i thought they were coming back later
they were totally fine with it honestly
i was on edge and adam poked his head round the door to see if i was ok
i told him to come in and talk to me a minute cus i felt dizzy from the heat
and on edge he soon soothed me :) i hate that panicky feeling
Came out the bath and his parents sat and talked to me
his mum had brought for me and adam fudge and cookies
cus he wasnt a fan of the fudge he told me id eat the fudge whilst he had the cookies
NOT HAPPENING
what did he do then
he hid the cookies
and he hid them in a place I could not get too!! GIT!!!
To be honest cus id eaten biscuits earlier I wasnt actually bothered
it made me laugh to be honest and he was so smug
his mum said he was awful and mean
I came home and went on my laptop for a bit
then I went to the shops with mum and dad
got a new hair brush :D well happy
then had soup whilst my family had take away pizza
Thats when I came upstairs and drew the wolf
Tomorrow I have been invited to lynn's house for dinner and sewing
perfect
So I plan on doing another drawing in the morning then going over to hers mid-morning
mate ne~
I am suffering quite bad with thoughts at the moment but I refuse to listen to them
the subject is not being with adam any more apparently he's not needed in my life anymore
and no one is needed for that matter
Otsukaresama Desuuuuu
I did not sleep
well I went to sleep at 11pm
woke up at midnight -_____-
I was aching so I couldnt sleep
it took me ages
I got bored and looked at my phone
both adam and ed had txted me
I knew they'd be awake so I txted them for 10 or so mins
I got up for school
I didnt want to go!
My morning was a lil dull
my brother came to pick me up at lunch time which was a surprise
luckily he didnt blast me out with his bass music
and he took me back to school as well :)
The afternoon I was in year 4 as per usual on a friday afternoon
makes a nice change even tho they werent doing much
they were however towards the end of the day having a rounders match
against year 6...i couldnt resist
"can I play too?"
teacher "yeah sure, Im not sure what you're doing in the afternoon"
"ah year 2 dont need me they just play in the afternoon i wont be missed"
So I went outside and played rounders
I say play it was more like me bowling for 40mins only getting 2 'no ball's
the p.e. teacher wanted me to stay on bowling as i was good at it and it kept the game flowing
there was a time were the ball was near 2nd post and a year 4 was running towards it
I grabbed the ball and dobbed her out
the teacher shouted "Jo that was brutal!"
the p.e. teacher said "it's the only way they're gonna learn"
me "i couldnt help myself"
so by the end it was 3:15pm only 15mins til home time
I wizzed back to year 2
the TA was there but no teacher she said to me
"thought you were in here friday afternoons?"
I gave my usual cheeky mischievous smile when Ive been up to no good, its a smile a cant help and have done since i was a child i am told
"yeah i am but i wanted to play rounders"
"ah right ive just been by myself this afternoon"
"wheres the teacher?"
"gone home"
"im sorry no one told me she was going home"
"it's fine i coped, as long as you had a fun afternoon"
"that sounds a bit bitchy" XD
then hometime to which my brother met me on his bike like he did wednesday :)
I got home and showered as I was sweating from rounders and cycling
i then sat and did my homework of sitting for 30mins reading my manga book
i managed it
then I went on my laptop to sort many things out.
gonna do some drawing next.
Tomorrow I have a hair cut at 9:30am thank god
cus my fringe is just starting to annoy me its just lank all the time cus its too long and heavy to do anything else.
then straight after I am going over to adam's house
his parents are away so it will be weird going over on a saturday and the house being quiet
but it will make a change i guess but i like talking to his parents and painting his mum's nails.
gotten into a bit of a routine with it all.
then Im coming home to do creative stuff ;)
speaking of creative stuff
I uploaded photos of my fairy kei/decor goth hoodie I made from scratch~
I am impressed
and it will serve me well when it gets colder
