Evening
Despite sleeping really well yesterday
last night was sadly not a repeat
I woke up at 12, 1:30 and stayed awake til 3am
the owls outside would not shut up
I was aching and just couldnt get off
in the end I got up for cereal, hot choc and pain killers
woke up at 8am to my neighbours balling at one another
then woke up at 9:30am shattered
Mum had cleaned the pets out whilst id been asleep
i felt so drained all i did was take my meds and have a brew
then i went back to bed
i woke up at 1pm god it was such a deep sleep like real deep
why cant i sleep deeply during the night?
i had quite strange dreams as well really vivid
I got up and had lunch then did some sewing on mia's present
and I did get it finished actually which is a good thing ticked off
i had breaks and stuff
didnt manage a walk cus just walking to the end of the garden was a feat in its self
I applied for 2 more schools
I went back to bed for an hour.
Oz has been cute today well he is every day but he's been sat on the back door whilst we were all upstairs he looked like he was guarding the house and then i sat with him with a brew and he sat so well on me it was so cute
tomorrow I should be seeing adam as i let him down today in seeing him
just wasnt up for it at all so im gonna try see him tomorrow
he says i ow him a cake like hell i do XD
I also have yoga i hope she doesnt murder us again
mum has booked to see the acupuncturist on friday!
Here is my jacket I forgot to upload
made from a purple blanket it has a kitty bat theme probably cost me around £13 to make in total so not bad at all and its soooo soft and warm I love it. I love the ears and wings. Had a lot of comments when Ive worn it :D
evening~~
I achieved something
I only woke up once in the night!!!!
It is in an achievement~
I got up for acupuncture today
I asked him to work on two points that cause me A LOT of pain
I wince to touch them and I can't have anybody touch there
it's where shoulder and collar bone meet
so I asked him if he'd have ago
so he put a needle right next to where hurts telling me its an acupuncture point anyway
i asked "will it hurt?" cus ive never had a needle there
he simply replied "yes"
I laughed at his bluntness but to my surprise it didnt hurt
he told me he didnt want to put a needle in where it hurts because the skin is thin but he he would like to try somewhere else. I trust him
He puts a needle between my thumb and index finger the fleshy part there and thats a belter it really does make your hand spaz a split second. so those were in and ive had those before now the new ones were just right next to it and my left hand jutted 20cm away from me i had zero control over that action and i yelled out in surprised pain. the right had the same but didnt jut out the same distance luckily. He then pressed the points that hurts and no pain...
no pain...
how is that possible? I've had that pain for 5 years and to suddenly go is hard to get my head round
i asked "will it be that way when the needles are out?"
"yeah should be"
i could not move my hands at all not even a mil cus the slightest movement caused hurtful spasms so i had to keep deadly still for 30mins not easy but if it means i can ditch pain then i'll do it for sure
and just as he said when he uncomfortably took the needles out, the pain was still gone
i couldnt believe it
im so happy i truly am
from there i went home and despite mum being home within the hour i rang her up to say i had 1 pain less!!!! she was happy for me and glad to get some good news :)
I went and did some more work on my picture before CBT
CBT we worked on a sheet together
and talked about relapses
she showed me a chart of my progress and i was so surprised at how far id come
my depression and anxiety had decreased so much that it was almost touching "normal" levels!!!
she doesnt want to see me for 3 weeks now~ woo
I came home and had some lunch then grabbed Ozwald and went to Adam's house
Oz played round the downstairs as usual and was even licking adam's dad's hand!!
he's working his magic on him! he'll get him under the thumb like he has everyone else XD
just give him time ;)
I left there and came home with Oz and Oz only as I thought it was best to rest
so I got home and went for a 20min walk with mum
then got a lot done on my laptop I had been putting off to say the least
I havent done much else since really
I drew this last night
took 30mins
I was quite impressed to say that I havent drawn a tiger before
I showed it therapist and adam they were both amazed and adams dad was impressed ^^
it feels amazing not to have that pain
i feel my posture is better too
wish everything could be cured with a needle i have to say
tomorrow adam said he wanted to play on his xbox with me and go for cake
not a 100% ideal plan for me but he'd organized it for a change instead of me so im going with it.
i hope i sleep well again tonight!
Evening~~
I know I didn't do my diary yesterday
basically yesterday I didn't sleep as per usual
but I woke up early enough that I could get in the shower before
I was to meet up with adam
I made the effort and wore make up and stuff
we went to the city centre and walked the entirety of it
literally
so I was quite tired but we did take 2 breaks
1st I had a white hot chocolate!!!! jesus I could have it hooked to my veins
the 2nd stop was for food I had beans on toast
I only picked up a pajama set from primark nothing special
just alice in wonderland ones and then some shampoo from savers
only spent £13
adam on the other hand i had taken him for the few odds and sods he needed
then i took him to Hopkins an antique store and antiques are his thing
well certain antiques anyway so he brought a few things anyway
We came back to my house so I could drop stuff off and get stuff
ready for the evening and we sat with Ozwald
then went over to his house we didnt do an awful lot before dinner
dinner was gammon which was nice and then we sat and chatted afterwards
and the topics got a little rude with his dad saying and i quote
"well you dont look at the mantle piece when you're poking the fire"
apparently my face was priceless when he came out with that
adam told me his dad had never said that before and he and his mum were
in hysterics i started to laugh and couldnt stop
he really is a dark horse at times, you think you know him and another new things hits you
At 8:30pm mum had txt ADAM not me, ADAM and asked "when is Jo coming home?"
seriousl!?
8:30pm and im 25!!!
I came home anyway cus i was tired to be honest
mum said that Oz didnt seem happy
so i gave him a fussing and he sat on my knee
speaking of Ozwald here is a card I made adam for his birthday it was inspired by the bunny himself, the rabbit is material scraps and the green is torn paper
Today I didn't sleep well
I couldnt get off as I was plagued by thoughts
I havent felt this down in quite a while
when I woke up in the night i chose to read just to distract myself from my thoughts
When I got up it was pouring down so all pets inside including Oz who was dead giddy about being inside. He showed me that he is capable of jumping on my bed -______-
not impressed, well im impressed he did it, but im also gutted he can do it! i deliberately never put him on my bed so his smell wouldnt go on the bed and so he wouldnt get confident to go on it as usually in the past rabbits have chewed my toys and done toilet on my sheets
I took him home and cleaned my room, did some dancing but really kept screwing up
then I sat sewing buttons on mia's present.
then got stuff ready for lunch cus adam would be joining me
he came over and we ate together
we went for a walk when the weather cleared up then sat with a brew with Ozwald himself
he cuddled me on my bed for a bit and we played pokemon
then I took him home
Saturday night I took the time to draw a picture for CBT as I hadnt done one in ages and she had asked me what my art work would be like now ive had some therapy so I drew 1 picture and I fancy drawing one tonight if not two
tomorrow I have acupuncture at 9:15 - 10:15am
so not looking forward to it as ive asked him to work on 2 points that hurt i cant have anyone touch them and it hurts for me to touch them. friends have caught them in the past and it brings tears to my eyes. its were my arms meet at the sockets and near the collar bone. it is gonna kill
then i have CBT at 12:00 - 1:00
from there i can ether go home, go to adams, or go home and go to adams or just stop at home
depends how i feel
Evening~~
I didn't sleep that great but not the worst night ever
I woke up at 7:40am
Kinda knew I had to wake up anyway cus we were having the guy round to
do the kitchen floor so I had to get up and get my breakfast
and medication and help in anyway I could
I got ready to go out to adam's house
he said I could come over at any time ^^
Me and mum went in separate cars and drove to the shops
the shops being just down the road from adam's
I went into a charity shop and they had a wad of korean face masks
usually theyre about £2.99 each
theyre were selling them 3 for 99p
clearly didnt know their value XD much to my advantage
I brought 3 just to have ago with
they have bunny faces on
facial masks with faces on are like £6 at boots
so real bargin huh
then we went back to the car park and said our goodbyes
I went straight to adams she went home
I didnt do much adam we had lunch together, played pokemon
but he had football on....jesus i dont know how much more i can take
in the end i fell asleep on him in front of the tv
i woke up and went home i just felt like i was wasting too much of my saturday
doing bugger all not that i told him that.
came home and let Oz out as he hadn't been out all afternoon due to the gate
needing to be open and the back door so we would have lost him somewhere
he was grateful to come out and i had to sit in the garden with him til they finished
then i helped mum tidy it all up
didnt take too long and now our kitchen floor is level-ish as level as were gonna get
but it loads better seriously
since then i've danced, chosen buttons for mia's present, face pack, looked at korean beauty products i wanted a lip scrub and i saw a good base serum on kawaiipateen youtube channel
so i found both and ordered em
just need to sort out clothes and my bag for tomorrow as i believe we're popping into the city centre as i want some jumpers, maybe some pajamas i havent got any warm pajamas just short sleeves and thin trousers. then we'll come back here so i can ditch any stuff i get, get stuff ready for the evening and see Oz, go over to adam's and have dinner at his. and do his mum's nails. she says theres a bit of a nail war going off now at her work place XD what have i started!? someone went and bragged to her about their nails saying her friend took 3 hours doing them!!! 3 hours!! mental. im like 20-30mins
so I dont want to lose to woman i dont know but its a matter of pride damn it XD
anyway whitby I took some photos of the harbour and what have you at whitby it's self which is what we did the first day, the friday. but first heres a photo of me just before i left the house
the next day, saturday, we went to whitby's abby. unfortunately the weather wasnt as good as the day before and the walk up there killed my ears it was so windy and cold i couldnt wait to warm them through they hurt big style. we went into a cafe for lunch and i think i had the best beans on toast i have ever eaten - and i've had that meal 100s if not 1000s of times! then me and adam split up from his parents and explored whitby together
as you can see the weather wasnt good but it did brighten up and we had ice cream together
i brought adam a vintage 1970's vodka advertising mirror for £15 the shop only took cash adam didnt have enough so i bailed him out and told him i'd pay cus he did buy me the cloud lamp the other week and i know that was around £15 so i dont feel quite so in debt to him. he wasnt pleased about not being able to pay me back but i told him to just be grateful and that the mirror had to be hung in a place i could see clearly cus i struggle to see in any mirror in that house - tall people >.>
the final day the sunday in which we were coming home, we went to scarborough and basically just looked around there wasnt much to see then we came home that was our little get away
the cottage was lovely tho the upstairs was kinda suspended so you could see downstairs easily and talk to anyone throughout the whole cottage. we had the upstairs and his parents downstairs simply because the stairs were dangerous - wooden not carpeted, very narrow, narrow steps and steep. its a wonder how we didnt fall down. i made sure to hold on everytime i used them. so his mum didnt feel confident using them which is fair enough. the saturday morning his parents went for a run so we had the cottage to our selves. i tried to get back to sleep as the noise of them getting up woke me. adam on the other hand was well asleep. sleeps like the dead that guy
but we all enjoyed it anyway. apart from the traffic we got caught up in on the way home
id happily go away with his parents again as it was very easy and relaxed and not annoying in any sense. i was just VERY tired and ended up sleeping during the day on every day just cus my sleep at night was so poor.
anyway thats all about it
just kept forgetting to allow enough time to write about my day and whitby
might not have time to do my diary tomorrow tho
got CBT homework to do as well, must do it!!
Evening~
I woke up at 3am last night
an improvement from 12-1am
but I woke up cus I was freezing!!! I was really cold and my nose
was really stuffed up I couldnt breathe
so it took me over an hour to get off again
then I woke up at 6:45am then next thing i knew
it was 9:45am!!!! Bloody hell man thats my morning gone!!!!
But look what came in the post today!!!!
Aren't they cute!?
Kawaii yo ne~~~
I brought them for £3.40! well cheap and theyre so soft
a bit bulky for gloves but I think theyre well good
mum says adam is gonna think im mad
i said "he probably already does and if he doesnt then hes had long enough to work it out"
I got up and got ready to go out as I knew mum wanted to get out
and I didnt want to waste any more of my day
We set off for boots first and went to book our flu jabs
the lady said we could get it done there and then if we like (same thing happened last year)
so yep my breakfast felt like it was gonna come up as id only eaten 30mins previously
I volunteered to go first to get it done with so I couldnt get worked up
the woman told me too look for Wally on her 'weres wally' poster
but she was sooo fast and painless that I hardly got a moment to look!
i was so surprised how good she was
mum said the same and I felt alright actually I was able to stand up and walk away!
Thats how I used to be before I got poorly and had one to many blood tests to give me a needle phobia. it was an achievement for me
despite the fact the lady offered me twice a lollipop or a sticker....
seriously how old did she think i was!?
We went pets at home and I brought Oz a 4kg bag of food on offer
well normal 2kg bags were going for £6 the 4kg on offer was £6.80
its a no brainer. We looked at the baby animals too
and brought Pinks some alfalfa hay cus its high in fat and shes losing weight
we came out and crossed the road the car that was on the road i recognised the passenger
it was Karen!!! I havent seen her in agesssss and Ive missed her
so we had a catch up beside our car
Got home and had my first brew of the day and did some cross stitching
then went to work on mia's present here is a rough lay out i did a few days ago
just so you can get an idea of what im doing
but it looks really good so far i am pleased
i ordered some number letters today cus i want to put her house
number on top of the door of the house
im gonna drive by her new house tomorrow and get the number
Later on in the afternoon me and mum went for a walk
round the local hilly park it was a bit tough going at times but it felt good to do it
then came back rested by watching make-up and hair tutorials cus i wanted inspiration
and did more of the present
since then I have watched nail tutorials and designed my nails and adam's mums
im having a love theme shes gonna have autumn theme
all 10 nails will be different on mine shes having 5 different designs
she loves having her nails done and says everyone at her work place envies her nails
saying how impressive they are and that she gets them done for free! it keeps her happy
and the family does so much for me its the least i can do
besides she doesnt have a daughter to do girly things with
so im painting my nails tonight
tomorrow, god tomorrow, were having the same guy over who did our bathroom a few years back
and hes gonna take up our awful kitchen floor and put new floor boards down
as ours dips and makes awful squeaks its terrible and we all hate it
but dad is gonna be around, theres gonna be noise and cant use the kitchen
the pets have been moved to round the house so theyre away from the noise
i am going to adams to escape it all. my brother is at work so its just my parents and the guy
adam offered for me to sleep over but mum says it will upset my sleeping so im not
but im glad i can hide out at adams house anyway
Evening~
I know I didn't do my diary last night
frankly it got too late and I couldnt be bothered!!
I didn't do much yesterday really
I got up and went for a walk with mum which was quite nice actually
I felt I needed to get out
Then I think I did some sewing and laptop and then Adam came over
after his gym session and I think we just played pokemon really
didn't do much I dont think
Today I was amazed
I have been waking up at 12-1am EVERY NIGHT for the last
few months its like a thing my body feels it has to do and I have no idea why
anyway I woke up last night and went to check my phone
6am....
0.0 come again!? 6am!? I'd made it to 6am without waking!!!?
Jesus it was an achievement thats for bloody sure!!
I am hoping so much that the same will happen again tonight
I got up and did some hand sewing
sat with my girlies then I got up and went for a walk by myself for 25mins
i was glad I did cus from there it rained like allllll day
I went into my room and began sewing mia's present
it's gonna look so good finished ^^
Adam came over after his shift
I made us beans on toast
we sat with Ozwald and the girls too
We sat for a bit together then at 2pm we went up to his
and played pokemon
I then just laid on him or as close as possible to him
i was so cold my toes were like ice
his house is old and naturally cold
i couldnt ask them to put the heating on even tho they offered
i cant do that to them. so i wrapped up and almost hibernated on poor adam
i dont function well under cold temperatures
I couldnt wait to come home to warm up
i had a hot choc the moment i came in at 5pm
we went to yoga
karen was back
jesus she murdered us
i shouted out whilst she was demonstrating a hard work out "she's back!"
everyone laughed. she says she loves my mutterings XD
came home being able to just about walk and had dinner with mum
showered and gonna get ozwald now
I will upload the few photos i have from whitby ether tomorrow or saturday!
Here is some korean creams i brought to try
one is a night face cream the other is night eye cream
give em a go
tomorrow im going shops with mum and to book in our flu jabs ><
then im sewing damn it and i will go for a walk
Konbanwa~~
I didn't sleep great
I woke up at 12:30 really needing a wee then I was just really aching
i couldn't understand why i had so much pain
then i realised i'd missed a dose of my pain killers cus i'd fallen asleep
during the time i was suppose to have a dose
so i got up and had some pain killers, cereal, hot chocolate, did some yoga
and by 2:30am i was back in bed and slept til 7am-ish
I got up and stuff ready for my morning
I got to acupuncture and had the spoon treatment again
jeez it hurts round the neck and then he put needles in me
2 in my neck had to be thicker cus the thin ones bent i was that tense
they bloody hurt!!
as much as i hurt after the treatment i knew it was doing me good
he then brought his dog through and i had a good fuss of her
it makes me feel all warm and happy when i see someone who really
loves and cares for their pet cus my god i could see the love and bond they had ^^
From there I headed down the road for CBT I had 30mins before my session
so I went into a cafe and had a brew by myself cus god i needed one!
then I walked over
we talked about emotions and stuff, things that i've gotten so used to thinking she challenges and she's right and i have no idea why i started thinking like this in the first place. just need to chill out more it seems!
she gave me 3 pieces of homework! bloody hell man >.>
I went to the store for a few bits for mia's gift
then went back to my car and drove up to the gym to meet adam for lunch
i had a tea cake with jam it was bog standard and the tea was gross
not best lunch to be honest
then we went to his house and sat talking to his dad
adam went for a shower and i was just chatting with his dad
we then went out for a walk, we hit a few charity shops i got a jumper and tartan skirt
and some craft pieces going dead cheap
then we went for a ice cream, came back and i went home
took my bra off straight away it was hurting my back
and i went to bed for an hour
then got up and planned mia's present
tomorrow id like to start making it :)
