Evening~~
I didn't do my diary yesterday as it was too late and I was too tired!
Anyway yesterday!
I had woken up late and mum had already cleaned the pigs out!!
Damn it woman its a job I can do let me do it! I woke up at 8:50am
We got Millie ready for the vets
and they looked at her and discharged saying her lungs and throat sounded
totally normal which i was happy about and she had put weight on too
which we could tell without weighing her
we came home and i think i went back to bed as i just felt like crap
id had a rubbish old night as usual
when I woke up I got ready to adam and went over to his house at 2pm
we didnt do much and then we left at 4pm for my house
I didnt feel right coming home
I felt dirty and not right in my own body (I am just mental at times)
I got home and went to sort my hair out which looked crap to say id had a shower at 9am
I put clothes on and didnt feel right in them
all in all i was not happy but not taking it out on others just myself
mum said i looked like a caged animal
in the end i dived in the shower as i thought it would calm matters down
water always calms me and restores me i blame it on being an Aquarius
its when I have these moments i have to be selfish and just sort myself out basically
but it doesnt help when i do this and have a guest over
one of which i had disappeared on and left talking with my mother!!!
I came downstairs in a better frame of mind - not perfect - but better
we set off for Tara's house
In the car I asked adam "so what was you and mum saying?"
he gave me a look of guilt "you wasnt talking about me was you!?"
his face confirmed my suspicions
"of al the topics you could have talked about and you chose me" -_____-
he said "i think she was just worried"
>.>
We arrived at tara's with no issue
james wasnt home yet from work but when he came in tara sent him upstairs
to get changed from work and when he came down he had a lovely surprise
of nutmeg and rocky!
so we played with her bunnies which are cuties i love em
but then i love bunnies ^^
I felt so much better at taras i was much more at ease and enjoying myself
we all sat down and played 'card against humanity'
for those who have never heard of it its an incredibly funny, cringing, dirty game
i had played it once before in london with my friends years ago and found it hilarious
so playing this time was no different
god all our faces ached at the end of it even adam's
it was good to see he had such a good time with my friends
we got up and sorted our own food out which was chips and pulled pork on cobs
taras pulled pork was flippin amazing i ate more than i usually do it was so freakin good
we finished up and i held her hamster who woke up he is adorable i love him
we finished a couple more round on the card game
i won XD oh yeah people didnt expect me to be good at that game X3
at 9pm we left and tara gave me my birthday present
i went to take adam home
all the way home feeling like i was gonna bring my food up but it was just anxiety
getting anxious about my mentality once id be home
turns out i did manage to get ready for bed and pass out til 1am
i was tired so i wasnt surprised but then the night from there was rubbish
i got up and i dont know where my head was today but it wasnt right
i had such a bad day with my head
i couldnt face getting cold just putting the pigs outside
i couldnt face getting told off by mum from doing nothing and not putting the pigs out
i couldnt face ringing the agency for work
i couldnt face making myself some food
i didnt want to eat
i didnt want to draw or sew like i had planned
i didnt want to be alone
i wanted to ring mum and ask her to come home
but wasnt going down that line
all in all i laid about in a ball and paced til mum came home
crap crap crap day
waste of a day
a day spent wrapped up in my abnormal head
mum came home and could work out i wasnt in the right frame of mind
i told her and i could tell she was just tired of it
we made beans on toast for a late lunch at 2pm
luckily at 1pm i had managed to put the pigs out before she came home
since then i have gormed out in front of my laptop watching hair and make up stuff
fed up of my hair so i might go out and buy a dye tomorrow
i feel unwell
i feel like im coming down with something
i hope im not with my birthday being less than a week away!
ive got yoga tonight
i will drag my corpse through it somehow and then get anxious
about the night to come no doubt
i hate life at times
tomorrow id like to buy hair dye and actually sew!
my nails from a previous week
Evening~~#~~
I fell asleep around 10pm to wake at 11:30pm
jeez I havent even been asleep long!!
I had a dream also, I was being chased, which I did enjoy but upon
waking up I found myself incredibly sweaty and I hadnt even slept with my
pajama bottoms on, just how do I create so much damn heat!!!?
I fell asleep and woke up at 1am having a strange dream about bells
that everyone had their own bell on a shelf if you picked it up it should hover and ring
if it does this loudly and a lot it means you truly love your other half
mia rang hers and it rang loudly i rang mine and it rang but not as loudly as hers
i found helina's and rang it and rang once which was very quiet
i went to pick up her fiance's bell and it fell straight to the floor
no hover or ring
i was furious and wanting to ring his neck!!
I woke up and could still feel the bitterness and rage i felt in my dream
I was awake for a while, dropped off and woke up at 4:30am
its relentless im only sleeping in 1- 2 hour bursts
mum woke me at 7:30am as I had requested
I got piggies out and got ready to go karen's
I arrived at Karen's a couple of minutes late as there was a major traffic build up
where there usually isnt and its the way to taras too so i hope its not permanent traffic as i gotta go that way tomorrow!!
It was lovely to see Karen again and we talked about numerous things as always
I saw her old dog bless him
then i left for home and a shower
Mum came in and i made myself a salad for lunch
quite into salads
then i picked adam up from the gym
we went for a walk by the trent which is what i wanted to~
it was nice actually
then we came back to my house and some how the day went
we saw my pets and stuff and i took him home
I got these in the post yesterday
BBIA Downy cheek in Apricot colour and Berrisom's My Ice Bar for lips in Pink lemonade shade I have tried both, the blusher is subtle and soft to use and the lip balm is very vibrant and even feels cool on your lips! I like both products ^^
I may dance tonight or I might draw~
Tomorrow I am seeing adam in the afternoon then were going over to tara's for dinner :D
KoNbaNWa
I slept okish it was nice to be reunited with mu own bed
and my own space, never quite used to sharing a bed
I woke up at 8:15am
I had breakfast but felt exhausted
I tried doing half hour of dancing just practising a few I want to learn
learning i think 5 at the moment! But I like variation
mum came home and I went for a shower then sat with her
I ate lunch and went to bed feeling tired and achy from my weekend
I had just started to feel like I was about to drop off and what happens
the bloody door bell goes >.>
I got up as I was home alone
and I couldnt even slag anyone off because it was a parcel for me!!!
I couldnt get off back to sleep so I googled kawaii dungarees
for some inspiration on what to do with the dungarees mia had given to me
I came up with a design eventually and started sorting materials out and such
I made myself dinner with was tomato tuna pasta
couldnt be bothered to cook much
went into my room to tidy up and go on my laptop
mum was going out and couldnt find her car keys
she shouted me to look in her room so i did and i found them
my brother was at the bottom on the stairs with mum and was just about
to say "dont throw them" but they had already left my hand and as soon as i did it
i knew i shouldnt have but it was stupid mistake we all make
none of us are perfect
but my brother lectured me and dad was in the other room calling me stupid and such
you know the usual rude remarks he says to me
i was tempted to go take it up with him but chose to take it out on my brother instead
- the safer option and less aggressive
dad is so rude tho i have no idea why he hates me the way he does and it is hate i can feel it theres no love or warmth there. he never talks to me unless its something involving him, my car or my work. i sometimes try strike up a conversation with him but it never goes anywhere because he doesnt want to talk to me i think he sees me as a waste of his time or something. So when he isnt talking to me or ignoring my existence completely hes being rude to me
and it is 99% of the time unnecessary and very hurtful
mum says shes doesnt know why he is the way he is but he needs help
seriously he needs help as over the years he pushes me further and further away
and its a strain on mum because shes the 'go between' literally conversations that have to happen between me and my dad are gone through mum as i dont want to talk him as hes rude and uninterested in anything i have to say and i fear him being horrible to me and he doesnt talk to me because i dont know i cant work him out
people say to me "he does love you" "he shows his love in different ways"
no he doesnt
he really doesnt
hes soulless and i think he always will be
anyway enough ranting about the home life i live with
i drew out a nail idea i want to do before i go away next week
as this time next week im in Matlock with adam :D
this is this week's nails
Tomorrow I am seeing Karen at 9am so I gotta get up and out
I will come back shower, maybe start my dungarees and maybe see adam
see what the day brings
Evening all!!!
I am back from up north!!
Saturday
I got up at 6:30am for a shower and got ready
it took me the full time til leaving at 8:10am to actually be ready!
mad dash!
my dad kindly dropped us off at the station
we boarded the train and got our reserved seats
for the announcer to say "could those in the last two carriages move to the front two due to a light failer" so basically our carriage became rammed literally it was as loud as a cinema and rammed like an indian train it was chaos and i hated it
we arrived in manchester it was drizzling
i found out hotel and we were able to go straight to our room so early!
our room was lovely and had a bath!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we ditched our stuff and went out to find something for lunch
we headed for Afflex palace - our usual place
as its full of independent traders, things change a lot
so our usual cafe had gone and a Vegan Cafe had opened
as we didnt want to venture in the rain we went there
and the service was great and cheap food to as usually vegan places rip you off
i had butternut squash soup as i love that, mia very sensibly ordered "all day breakfast"
i said "youve ordered an all day breakfast in a VEGAN cafe"
she was like "yeah.....ohhhh...yeah" the penny dropped XD
she stuck with it and enjoyed it so that was good
we shopped round afflex and it was a good to have a hunt round
it had stopped raining by the time we had finished in there but before we left
we had our usual ice cream i had the flavour 'peanut butter salted caramel'
jesus it was diabetic but good
we walked outside and did the shops around - independent ones rather than chain
i picked up a few bits so did mia
we dropped our stuff off at the hotel
had a half hour rest and freshen up and went in search of food!
we looked round for 45mins to be told everywhere "sorry 30min wait"
in the end we were so fed up and didnt care where or what we ate
we checked Pizza hut and they said "5-10min wait" so we actually went pizza hut!!!
of all places! we shared a barbecue pizza and both really really enjoyed it
we left there and went to a dessert place and ordered 'white chocolate cookie dough'
a slab each and i had custard with mine
we took it to the room and ate our ecstasy there
i cant tell you how freakin good it was
i couldnt bare to think of the calories i was consuming
i didnt finish it all but saved it
i had a bath then went bed
i didnt sleep too bad even with mia farting in bed -____-
sunday! today!
we woke up at 7:30am and mia isnt a morning person
i got up and showered and got ready basically
we left in search of breakfast
we had it in an independent place to make up for eating in a chain this morning
i had 'rubard and strawberry crumble porriage' which i thought it ether gonna be amazing or awful luckily it was amazing and i ate it all mia had salmon and scrambled egg on toast
we popped to a could of shops to pick up final bits then caught the train
mia left me at the train station to meet Rob who had come to town and had the house key
so if i dropped mia off home she couldnt get in! so she went to meet him
i met my parents and came home with them
i had some soup and bread
showed mum my purchases and popped them away
they are:
a llama glasses case £6 for dad for his birthday i shall tuck away
a birthday card for my brother i couldnt resist
my favourite incense sticks reduced to £1
a Hell Bunny apron reduced to £4.70 I was gonna get the black but chose blue im gonna wear at an accessory rather than an apron
a t-shirt reduced to £4.99 i had one similar and love it
a cardigan £8 to go with the dress i am gonna wear to the wedding, i guessed the colour would match and it is perfect, and my necklace arrived in the post yesterday so i have the complete outfit finished for £15 (not including hair, tights and shoes)
As you can see I didnt go mental, there was a lot more i could have brought but just knew i didnt need it so i just left it really
Mia had given me 2 bags full of clothes she no longer wants
usually i keep a fair bit but stuff didnt fit it was too loose on me
i kept a pair of dungarees to do up but thats it
ive been with Oz really since bless him
hes missed me ^^ i missed him too and home and adam
even tho i was only gone a day i was still happy to come back
it was enough couldnt have shopped another day
tomorrow i might do some doodling or something
Evening~~~
Today is mummy's birthday ^0^
I always make a big fuss of mum when its her birthday or mother's day
she does so much for me after all
she woke me up which i didnt appreciate as id had a crap night
i had got up at 1am crippled and in need of pain killers and just
to get out of bed in general
This morning was a usual morning
then mum opened her presents and cards
she loved everything I had brought for her so I was happy about that ^^
she said I go to too much effort but I dont think i do
we had lunch at home then we went to go have cake
we originally set out to a cafe near adam's house that mum hasnt been to
but i have been with adam several times
but we couldnt get parked anywhere near the shops so we left that area
thinking the cafes were probably gonna be packed anyway
so we went to a garden centre
we had a slice of lemon drizzle cake each which was nice
and a hot choc which wasnt hot it was rather cruddy actually
we sat there and there was 3 old ladies behind us and the couldnt stop coughing
i mean really coughing and it was making us feel sick
and i was paranoid about catching what they had got
my immune system loves germs!
i felt bad for mum cus it had a been a bit of a crappy outing
so we came home, put the piggies out and went for a walk as it was actually sunny!
we enjoyed that and came home i started to pack for my trip tomorrow
later on I did mum's nails using the stamper tools they came out ok
but they are a faff if im honest
i cant take to it but mum was happy with her nails
she let them dry whilst my brother flicked through about 200 of his Japan photos
which got me thinking I hadn't put up my photos of the gifts he brought me back from his trip
so here they are
a t-shirt with an awesome design on it, id rather make something from it than wear it!
a crushed coin with hello kitty design, he has a city scape one for himself
a poster from the Sumo match he went to see
2 free magazines one from the Metro he brought back for me to have a look as he knows i love this kinda stuff, one has loads of nail art ideas in! and i like the graphics in it too
these 2 were from japanese shrines both of us arent sure what they are
japanese sweets, i didnt try these, i ate the pocky he had open and tried some melon fanta and a grape fanta which were both quite strange tasting
finally chop sticks which say "father" on them but he said he chose them for looks rather than what they said on them, and some sort of charm which i have stuck on my window :D
I could not believe how much he brought back with him i was expecting just a little key chain or something but no he brought me all that!!! I was so happy it was like christmas!!
Mum and my dad have gone out for a meal i curled mum's hair for her before she left
i made myself a realy rubbish dinner -____-
tomorrow I am going to manchester with mia!!
I am very excited about it and a lil anxious as i always am
i know i will be ok as i know my way round its i think the travelling and sleeping
which is troubling a little bit
but should be a good trip :D
I've got leave the house at 8:10am my dad is taking us both for our train at 8:47am
should be manchester for 10ish
think i will end up getting up at 6:30am so im not rushing and have time to see Ozwald
I will be back Sunday afternoon~~
Evening~~
I didn't sleep well as per usual
and I was very anxious about sleeping
the biggest thing keeping me awake was thoughts about food
how much id eaten basically and how fat i was and that id got to lose a stone
Mum woke me at 9:30am
I got up but ended up going back to bed i felt like crap
so i went to sleep from 11am til 12pm
adam was on his way over so i got in the shower
he came too the door just as id got dressed so that was good timing
we had lunch and a brew, i made mum a brew when she came in
then we went for a walk, then we went to his
i took my DS thinking we'd just play pokemon but turns out he just wanted
my attention and gave me endless affection ^^ i wasn't complaining
im like a cat i love affection and attention X3
Im not seeing him now til tuesday D: shock! which is why i think he gave me
so much affection today because hes gonna miss me~
i came home for yoga which was a good session
i was facing karen but she wasnt too harsh on me at all luckily
and i managed the session without dying too
got home and had left overs with mum
speaking of mum its her birthday tomorrow!!!
yay yay
She is gonna open stuff in the morning, im gonna paint her nails and curl her hair for her its a daughters job to make a fuss of their mum on birthdays ^^
then were going out for cake! woohoo!
i've also got to pack for my weekend away with mia
this is the card ive made for mum for her birthday
Konbanwa it's 9:50pm!
Im usually in bed
but currently writing my diary on my knees whilst Oz is laying down in front of them
bless him he loves throwing himself against me X3
Anyway I woke up at 11pm, 1am, 4:50am
and I have been awake since then! well I did go back to bed at 10am for an hour or two
but I had cleaned 3 hutches out, had breakfast, sat with pigs and showered
i woke up and had lunch then went up to adams house
he had showered and ate from the gym which was a change from yesterday
we walked to the shop and had ice cream!
yeah it was cold but I fancied sneaking off for something sweet :D
then we came back talked with his dad
i was baiting him saying i could out run him
but we meant long distance i have never been good at long distance i was more accustomed to short dashes in fact in high school i could do the 100m run in 13 seconds!
probably couldnt do that now XD
but i am determined that this year i will beat his dad but ive got to practice i guess
and build my stamina up!
I came home and took Minnie to the vets
god we were there almost an hour
so unbelievably slow we saw another vet and this one suggested millie have another week's
worth of antibiotic -____- poor millie i wasnt thrilled at this
I got home then set off to taras house
we talked and played with her bunnies
nutmeg is cute and happy as usual hes very much like Oz in personality but Oz is more affectionate and likes people more but thats because hes a single bunny. Rocky my god had got it on him tonight he was attacking me but i wasnt bothered as im so used to rabbits and how they are it really doesnt bother me in the slightest
tara showed me how to nail stamp
and we ate pizza and garlic bread with James
they insisted i stayed for dinner
saved me cooking when i got in i guess
so ive eaten badly today!
I got home at 9:30pm and got Oz out right away and gave millie her medicine
tomorrow adam wants to see me as he wont see me again til next week then
dont know what we're doing as of yet
and i have yoga about it
