Evening~~
I slept pretty well last night
meaning I got to stay in my bed the whole night!
I did wake up several times but my longest sleep was 5 hours i do believe
so i cant complain
still felt like crap tho when waking up
I managed to drag my corpse to school
school was dull to say the least
but i think it was because of the way i was feeling
i got home had a brew and cereal
rushed to nigel's had my 3rd Bowen Massage which killed round my neck
hes getting better at it
I left there and came home for lunch
me and mum popped to the shops but it very hard to move my body round stuff
i couldnt wait to come home
the sun was out which was nice but my eyes were so tired and sore that i was constantly
shielding them from the light
i got home and went to bed
sod it
i know its probably buggers up tonight nicely for me but what can i do
when i cant function or keep my eyes fully open
mum says i was snoring XD i woke up choking so obviously something was blocking my breathing
I got up but I havent done a lot
it took a an effort to even shower
so drained and dead
I took a photo of the wolf painting i did the other day
took me i think 2 hours
i was gonna bin it as i dont paint to keep them just something to do
but adam wants it so i will take it to his house tomorrow when i see him
I brought as a surprise for him a new 'criss cross' book and its got a bunny on the front
that came today so i will give him that as well tomorrow
so just cleaning pets out and seeing adam
usual saturday ahead
Evening
I got two hours sleep last night
yup just 2 hours
between the hours of 3am and 5am
I spent the rest of the night feeling awful
I felt like being sick just to see if Id feel better
what a long crappy night
safe to say I rang the agency at 7am to say no way could I work
I was majorly disappointed
I have done nothing all day
just dead
I couldnt sleep ether I did manage a quick hour but my body wanted more
but I just couldnt drop off for whatever reason
Mum took me for a quick walk again just so i could get some air and a stretch
i came home to find a txt message from adam
"you better put a brew on"
wait, what?! i told him NOT to see me today as I was dead and no good to anyone
he came anyway and I made him a brew
we sat with Maisy and then we laid on my bed
we did nothing simply cus i couldnt do anything
he understand and was just happy being in my corpse like company
he did brighten my day i will admit
and he kept me from falling asleep too
which should help the battle tonight
I tried on the t-shirt he brought me this week
We arent going yoga as Karen is poorly and so am I
I have been booked into school tomorrow morning just one down the road
ive been to a few times now
im sure i can drag my body over there for the morning
the school i had to cancel on today are giving me another chance for wednesday
and i have work thurs and fri morning at the school im going to tomorrow
so its nice to have a bit of work in
ive done some drawing today
worked on the card im making for adam on our anniversary
its coming along slowly to say the least
so tomorrow its work til 12
then come home for a brew
at 12:30 i have nigel
then come home again and not sure after that to be honest
Evening~~
I slept pretty well last night actually
I couldnt believe it
thats the 2nd time that having a bath has helped with sleep
to be honest last night i had Oz on my lap and i fell asleep with him
on my lap he didnt budge XD thing he was dosy himself
so i took him to bed, did my teeth climbed into bed and fell asleep
i didnt read my kindle or txt adam good night
just dead
today i feel like utter crap
i seriously do
i am like a dead weight i have no strength or energy
so we didnt go swimming
we just went to the bank so i could hand something in
i needed photo ID and the woman took my driving license from me
and said "is this really you?"
-_______-
i have this like every time i show it
YES ITS ME!
i was 17
and in a bad place mentally, very cynical and hating the world
i had short dark hair like a boys hair cut
so its like 9 years old and im in a different place now
i look different and she pointed out its up for renewal in november!
so i wont have to use that photo anymore XD
we came home and had lunch
ive been falling in and out of sleep all day to be honest
like being narcoleptic
i dont want to sleep cus it means i wont sleep tonight
mum took me for a short walk
the fresh air was good but it was tiring
it was a shame i couldnt see adam today but he was going out tonight with
work friends he'd organised so at least he did something
he weighed himself at the gym and said he's lost more weight
he's doing good
and he had a hair cut and shave today thank god
the whole year ive been in his company not once has he seen friends or gone out
so tonight him going out is good and i want him to do it more often
i sat and painted tonight
just what i felt like doing
so ive painted a wolf
still looks like a 12 year old has done it but it kept me quiet
i will photograph it and bin it probably
tomorrow i have got school
a new school for me working in the youngest class
all sodding day
if im feeling like this tho im not gonna go
but i will still get all my stuff ready tonight as i would like to work
and thats today
a total waste of a day
sick of having such a sickly body
Evening~
I know I didn't do my diary yesterday
man yesterday was hectic!
I had school first thing in the morning
and what was suppose to be a 25min drive was a 45min drive
I was passed round different classes and really had to think on my feet
if it was my first day as a teaching assistant i would have crapped myself
i had to teach children as in a class of children by myself
i had been given lesson plans i was expected to just do
talk about winging it
i was quite stressed and couldnt want to leave
the kids were brats and feral
I got home and had some lunch and went to bed for 2 hours
mum woke me up and as she did adam came to the front door
so i had no choice but to get up
I was quite achy to say the least but I believe it was the stress of the school
that had made my pain worse than usual
so i didnt do much with adam really
i got ready to go to the pub quiz
It turned out the pub was one id been to years ago with a college friend
so that was a lil weird
we ordered food and it was so damn cheap too! adam paid for me ^^
after we'd eaten we moved tables to go for the quiz
there 3 rounds the first being general knowledge, second music, then third just random
i sucked big time but i knew i would
i did get 3 questions right tho the first question i got right was
what was abolished from france in 1981?
and before the quiz master said the options i had said to my friends "the guillotine"
and that was the first option, my friends all turned to me gob smacked
i laughed as i said "the first answer i get right and its to do with death" XD
i got right the question
.....played John Smith in which animated film? I said Pocahontas
then there was a picture and the question was
"who is this band from years ago" i recognised them as Coldplay
mum loves Coldplay
and that was all i knew out of like 100 questions
i knew nothing on the music round
it was fun tho but I was aching from sitting there so long
every break i could get i was up and about
we didnt come last but we didnt come very high
we all enjoyed it and want to go again
so two weeks time were going to a themed one
round one is harry potter, round two is video games, and third round is general knowledge.
and you can dress up and win extra points
we left at 10:15pm
i was tired
i dropped adam off i chose not to stay over as i got the feeling he didnt want me to stop over
i got in at 11pm and i told my parents briefly about the night
they went to bed i was up til 1am by myself
went to bed to only lay there in pain til i got up at 2am and was up til 4am
i slept from 4am til 8:30am so i got 4 and half hours sleep
wonderful
Today I got up and motivated
i was going to the city centre with adam as he needed new clothes for work
and i needed treats for Oz off the market
everything felt like a massive effort today i was so drained but i knew
that if i did nothing then i would simply sleep
we picked up a few bits and i got what i needed i guess
adam wanted to go get some clothes from this store he has frequented as an adult
its called 'big and tall' because hes so damn tall he struggled to fine his size in every day retail stores
the guy who owns the store knows adam from over the years
ive been in before but he made a fuss of me this time
discovering i was adams girlfriend
he told adam "you have your hands full with her dont you"
sure do man i dont take no crap
we had lunch which i paid for and then we went home really
to my home and sat round but i was getting fed up of sitting
so i said we'd ether go for a walk or we'd go to his for an hour
we went to his and no one was home
we laid on his bed a bit then he turned to me and asked me if i wanted a bath
i think i died right there i was very grateful of a hot bath
and my god it was hot i came out pinkish with a strong pulse
but felt much better for it all
then i came home
tomorrow i think im going swimming with mummy
then seeing adam
Evening all
Man did I have a crappy night
I couldnt sleep so I got up and went back to bed at 1am
woke up at 2am got up for an hour then fell asleep around 3am
and woke up at 9am
I had a morning of pets and cleaning
everything has be straight for when mum comes home!
i did some dancing as well
then i went for a shower and got ready
i decided that because my skin had healed enough that i would
wear make-up today! i havent worn make up in 2 weeks!
not even for work just cus my skin was so sore and raw
so i felt like a girly girl today
i wore a flowery top and a velvet skirt
I made a fuss of mum when she came home
she had had a good time and told me about it all as i ate my lunch
she sat with pinks as well
then she opened the stuff i gave her
the card i made her
and the Ipod pouch i made her (had to cut out all those 1" squares)
along with a face pack, candle, foot cream and hand cream
she was very pleased with it all ^^ made me happy
mum does so much for me and has been through a lot with me
i could not live without her i love her so much and very grateful for all she
does for me and my family
a very selfless person indeed
I set off for adams house i told him to be ready as we were gonna go
to a few shops i just needed a few bits which i did manage to get!
then we went back to his i had a brew and did his mum's nails
we looked at holidays and places to go
he said to me cus it was mothers day that a lot of people from our year
had uploaded photos
it truly staggers me as to how many people from my school year
have got children and/or married
seriously its amazing and i know being 26 its not an uncommon age or anything
it just makes me wonder am i on the right path?
i still feel like im 18/20 years old
i could raise a child hell i even have trouble caring for myself
how is it other people my age have just gotten on with life so easily
and im so far behind
will i get there? will i want to get there?
I came home for dinner
i was glad to come home as i was quite cold and wanted a jumper
i was wearing adams fleece but it still didnt feel enough
tonight ive got to get a few things ready for school tomorrow morning
just there in the morning a school thats godly and 30+mins away
i went last year but cant remember it
tomorrow i am going school
then im going to bed as adam will be over just after 3pm
at 6pm we're meeting tara and james at a pub quiz finally
were all eating there together too
then might sleep over at adams house
Oha~~
I slept not too bad last night
I did drink that new sleep tea which tasted like how i imagine cat pee would~
rank truly rank
but maybe it helped? who knows but I will be putting it to the test again tonight
ugh not a pleasant thought
Last night I sat with Oz in the living room with tv off and I just sat reading whilst
he made himself at home on my knee
only when I felt him twitching did I realised that he had dropped off to sleep!
I have had bunnies go to sleep NEAR me but never ON me
it was so unbelievably sweet I didnt want to breathe in case I woke him!
bless him so sweet and trusting
I got up at 7:30am
I had stuff to do man~
I got pinks out and released oz into a very wet garden
I let pinks have her trot and put her home
I got maisy out and got my first licks from her!!! I couldnt believe it I got licks!!
maisy had her trot whilst I had a shower and got ready for hair cut
I put her away and went for my hair cut
feels good to be trimmed i must say
I got back home and i got millie & alice out
cleaned them out and sat with them and went up to adams house
we walked straight to the shop to get lunch
i came back and talked to him and his parents telling them all about going mcdonalds at 1am
they were surprised but they always all laugh when im telling them about my week
i like making others laugh
we had lunch then sat and talked about anything we want to do this week
we both put money in out 'holiday fund' pot reaching i believe £605
more than enough for a holiday i reckon
i went home as i needed to do pets and he was going to work earlier
i put my girls outside and Oz came to watch over them
i found it very hard to motivate myself my body to do anything
its like a lead weight, ive even had 3 brews today to try stay awake
in the end i decided to start working on the card im making for adam
not that im far with it i got distracted by music
im hoping i have enough strength to dance tonight
normally when i watch live videos or PVs i get pumped up to do something
idols motivate and inspire me
me and adam talked about the pub quiz on monday
and he feels he knows a few topics whereas i know nothing
literally i know nothing
i suck at maths and english
i dont do history
dont know any english music
dont do sport
dont watch films or tv
so what do i know?
im gonna be next to useless at a pub quiz XD
i will just take a doodle book with me
I finished this the other day
a random bat i thought of
i liked it enough and gave it a background and now its the background for my ipod touch
tomorrow is mummy's day!
shes coming home thank god
my brother brought flowers today and ive arranged them for when she get back
ive got to have a tidy up of the house in the morning
see mummy and see adam at some point
Evening all~~
I went to bed at 9:45pm
and I did eventually drop off to sleep
I woke up at midnight tho
came downstairs and got some cereal and pain killers
no longer giving a crap about it all
10mins later i heard a car pull up and its my brother getting out of a taxi
he'd been drinking with his friends
and hadnt eaten since 3pm and had had quite a bit to drink
he was craving a mcdonalds to 'soak it up'
i told him id be up for another hour at least so if he wants to go
i will take him
thats what we did, 1am I was getting my coat on in my pajamas and got in
my car and took my brother to a deserted mcdonalds
like no one there at all
it felt quite strange almost like i was in a dream
in truth i was just grateful of the company as im finding the nights very difficult
my brother was very very grateful tho and ordered 3 burgers
he ate them downstairs whilst i had made myself a hot chocolate
then i wondered off to bed to try it all again
i did sleep a bit from there but woke up at 5 i went to bed at like 2
i just dont sleep long enough
i was dead when i got up at 7am
mum and dad have gone to derbyshire
i left for school
which went just fine as soon as the 9 year old boy got into school
he was so hard work but he did calm down and work with me
i was grateful as i was shattered
i finished at 12 without any issues
i came home and put my girlies out
and made myself some lunch
i then washed my car as the snowy roads from last week had made my car look brown not red
i kept shifting thie guineas round so they all got a turn outside
i wrapped mum's presents up for mother's day on sunday
i went on my laptop for a lil bit and did some dancing then showered
made myself some dinner and then went to TK MAXX and B&M bargains
mum had informed me that B&M had got bunny bed sheets in and i knew they had to be brought
so i wen tot get some whilst they were still there, only £9.99! thats really good for bed sheets actually dont know what the quality is like but they look cute
i like easter time as the shops are filled with bunny styled things
i went into TK and i brought a A3 sketch book for £4.99 which was amazing value, sleep tea - a different brand to try which im gonna try tonight for £1.49, and then a canvas to paint for £3
so i didnt break the bank
i needed A3 card anyway, and i knew if i brought just one sheet i was looking at at least £1 so ive got 32 pages for £4.99 the sketch pad will get used eventually. but i dont work with A3 as much as i used to i just want to start making the anniversary card for adam :D
I got home and unpacked and got into pajamas
gonna sit with my lad now
tomorrow I have got hair cut at 9:30am
so ive gotta get up and get pinks out, shower, put pinks home and go for my hair cut. come home get millie & alice out then clean their cage, sit with them, get maisy out and let her have a trot then sit with her. then im going to adams for lunch, coming home and starting sow shifts once again
im not having as long as i usually do at adams cus ive got pigs to sort
i ache a lot
and im restless like i have been the past few days
ive been pushing myself so much to try and tire my mind and body out that i sometimes feel a bit light headed, fainty but gotta keep going
i got these in the post...
what are they?...
cute cute cute ear muffs!! with cat ears!!!
i had no idea they folded up and i was well happy that they did!!! i love em!!! £2.40 bargain!
