Happy New Year
and how did your year start you ask?
well I didnt fall asleep til 11pm
then I was rather rudely awoken by selfish people bringing in the new year
with sodding fireworks -_____-
i was awake then til 3am
jesus life is unfair at times
i sent people messages as i thought i might as well as im awake
I got up at 2am and had a hot chocolate and cereal
felt good to get out of the punishment of pain in bed
I woke up at 7:45
I felt like a corpse, not a good way to start the year I have to say
so I went back to bed at 9am
but could I sleep could I bob
so in the end i thought "sod this"
the sun was really shining for the first time in forever
so with the call of vitamin D i got into my running gear and did a rather long run
god I wasnt sure Id finish it but got it done
loads of people were out
i was sweaty afterwards
i came in and had a shower and did a face pack
then laid on my bed as i had bad stomach pains
then at 2pm i had porridge that was my 'lunch'
I sat round reading, sat with Ozwald
who is being cute~ i photographed him the other day
had a brew
and did some drawing
ive started a picture of Tyrunt and Guilmon
doing a digimon meets pokemon kinda picture
love cross overs XD
but im finding tyrunt hard to draw as he isnt a pokemon im familiar with
and i love guilmon ^^
yesterday mother teased me and didnt give me sponge and custard
i had to wait til today
she did a roast dinner as is tradition on new years day
and we all ate round the table
the two days of the year we eat as a family
christmas day and new years day
i was so full but found room for sponge and custard ^^
now just gonna try do a bit more of my picture then sit with Oz then bed
tired man
think we're bathing pigs tomorrow as they stink
not sure what else to do tomorrow really
not thought
i said to mum earlier that last year i set the goals of getting a job and going abroad
both of which i did achieve
but this year what do i want to achieve?
really, what do i want to happen?
i was hoping to come up with something to write on tonights diary
but i literally have no clue
i guess one thing i would like to happen but not gonna pressure myself with it is to go abroad somewhere good somewhere none-european but i have no one to go with
i guess id like some form of proper job too
possibly a better social life
and most importantly for me would be to have better mental and physical health
so i guess theres some stuff to 'aim' for
lets see what 2019 has to bring shall we~
Evening~
Can you believe we're ending another year!?
My god where has it gone
scary ne~
I had to look back at what had happened in 2017 to see if much had changed this year
Last year I had decided to go out with Adam, I was working, I got Oz, I was having CBT
they were probably the main points I think
so this year what has happened or changed :/
well in January I started having sessions from the psychologist and he referred me to see a psychologist, from there I tried different anti-depressants and even tried and anti-psychotic as the psychiatrist thinks I have dissociative Identity disorder. Im still seeing the psychologist and see the psychiatrist as and when
also in January my little boy Oz had his first birthday ^^
February I turned 26! I went to Matlock with Adam and had the day with my mum
April I started coming off tramadol a nasty pain killer I had been on for year, was not easy coming off those buggers but I achieved it, I also achieved coming off antidepressants!
Also in April I attended Antony and Joy's wedding~
During the summer me and Mia went to Mancheser comic con which was lovely just the two of us
September I went abroad for the first time in 16 years, I went to France with Adam and his parents which was nice but also confirmed to me that I didnt want to go out with him anymore
September was also when I ended my relationship with adam which he didnt take well but so needed to be done
October I went abroad on an airplane and without parents! first real independant abroad holiday I went with adam and breaking up with him before the holiday was the best decision ever, I enjoyed myself and its made me want to go abroad again
We lost Pinks this year she suddenly went
November I got my first proper job and dropped it after a month as I wasnt fit for work
in December we suddenly lost Maisy after only having her a year
also in December I started antidepressants again
so yeah a fair bit happened this year
i achieved I think what I wanted to this year
I went abroad and I got a proper job
granted they didnt go as planned as i ended my relationship after going abroad and had to give up my job, but still stands that I did these things and I will remember them
anyway today
well last night i did my nails~
last night I hardly slept cus my god I ached
i got up and had cereal and hot chocolate as i felt seriously sick from medication and from being in pain for so many hours
so when i got up at 7am i was so god damn tired
but I had to get up as I had doctors at 8:40am
i had first appointment but the doctor didnt stroll in until 8:45am good start isnt it
he gave me what i need and for the hormone blood test i need to come off my pill for a month
so i will stop taking that tonight
I came home and mum was ready to go to the city centre with me
we both didnt need much and wanted to get into the city before it got busy
we went round tk maxx and i managed to get the underwear i needed i honestly did so well i got 5 bras!! that is an achievement as im such a small size that its hard to find them and it only came to £24 whereas mum pays £20 for just 1 bra! bargain especially when im picking up two for £1.99 each!!! mum says its cus theres as much fabric on them as a tissue XD cheeky
we went debenams and I got another bra so in total today i got 6 bras so that means its safe to start chucking out my old ones, i never like to throw away unless ive replaced them
we went to a shoe shop for mum where i was about nodding off in my seat i was so tired and mum took ages but i wasnt arsed
we were home for 12:20pm so in time for lunch and i had soup and bread with mum
then i went for a much needed sleep
christ i was shattered
when i woke up mum had finished making the cake for tonight so i was able to lick out the bowl
then i finished my painting!!! im quite pleased with it and mum says its ok to put it up in the kitchen which is why i did it in the first place
its brands you would find in our kitchen
so we have:
Cadburys - chocolate
Heinz - baked beans and sauces
PG Tips - Tea
Flora - Butter
Nescafe - Coffee
Kelloggs - Cereal
Hovis - Bread
I did a bit of yoga for 20 mins and laying around I was tired still
sick of being tired!!!
I did 10 mins of dancing as well
then went for a shower
now just waiting for the pizza to cook then after were having sponge and custard
what a way to bring in 2018!
I think Mia was having a new years party tonight at some friend's house but shes not let me know whats happening and its 7pm and im in my pajamas
i dont want to go cus i went to her party the other night and im so damn tired i wont make it to midnight and its just her friends getting drunk and merry, not my scene
parties arent my thing
so im hoping she doesnt text me but if she does i will just tell her im too tired
tonight will be a quiet one of me being in bed for 9pm probably XD
to me new year means one thing - the date changes so i have to get my new calendar out
its no big deal
if i wake up from the fireworks at midnight then i might text a few people wishing them new years but if not then it doesnt matter, my phone will be on silent thats for sure
no one is waking me saying "happy new year" >.>
that was 2018 anyway
a sorta eventful year i guess
wonder what 2019 will bring~~
hopefully better health, new job, and family, friends and pets be alright
this was 2018 jozu~~
Oh yeah and i found out how long ive had my laptop for
9 years!!!!!!!
i can remember when i got it and people told me "they dont last longer than 4 you know"
and here i am 9 years later
been blogging using the same laptop~
Konbanwa~~~
I hardly slept
it was a night of tossing and turning being in pain
i woke up at 7:45am and got up as I couldnt stand another minute in bed
i know when its bad when i get face ache from the pillow -____-
safe to say i was tired this morning!
I didnt do a lot in the morning
i sat and painted
through out the day i have painted and i got all the logos finished
i finished Flora butter and Hovis bread
just got to do the borders which wont take me long at all as my brother
has kindly given me masking tape for the straight borders~
I needed his help actually as since last night my gmail hasnt worked
and i left it 24 hours and it still didnt work so he had uninstall google chrome
and everything, such a faff for him but its times like that im in amazement to
his tech knowledge and grateful he can do it as i certainly cant!
i fell asleep after lunch as i was just shattered really
then got up and did a bit of yoga and went for a run
i couldnt be doing with a slow walk i just wanted my exercise for the day done and dusted
so i did my usual route then came home for the second shower of the day -____-
then had dinner really
nothing special today
tomorrow i have the doctors at 8:40am
then i might head off into the city centre as i need underwear
my bras are in a mess i mean im gonna check my draw tonight to see if theyre all
in bad shape and assess the situation from there but past few i have worn look like rags
and maybe i could find some in the sales
apart from that there isnt much i need really but thought id check sales out
feel like i want to do my nails tonight
after ive sat with Oz i will do them
sat with him earlier for almost an hour bless him
hes likes a cat he just sits and wants fuss XD
here is a lip stick and lip gloss i got the other week its DHC and good for your lips
i quite like the colour also~
and it came with free samples i must have over 50 free samples now XD
i never use them as i forget about them ><
Evening~~
I had a good time at Mia's party last night
I left around 10:30pm
I couldnt stop yawning I had been up since 5am
it was getting louder as the alcohol kicked in
so yeah I left really
but everyone made a fuss of me and i sat with Mia's cousin Sammi
and we had a catch up
i spoke with mia's mum and mia's aunty too
it was nice
I got home and got in my pajamas and had a hot chocolate
then went to bed at 11pm
didnt fall asleep til gone midnight
i was quite tired this morning when I woke up at 7am
But I got up and i cleaned my pets out
then i read on my bed for a bit then found the will to go for a run
i was running for 25mins i did a different route
very up and down dale i have to say
but made a change to do a different route
i came in and showered
i did some more of my painting
i got PG tips finished and Kelloggs~
Nescafe is almost finished just needs another coat
I've sat and read a fair bit today
just so tired and drained and not been in the mood to do much else really
so not a very exciting day but i knew thats how it would be which is why
i did my exercise in the morning so i could sit back rest of the day
i did do 20 mins of yoga to stretch myself out
and i might slow dance in my room tonight if i have any energy left
apart from that i will just sit with my Ozwald and go to bed
not got any plans tomorrow so i will just see what i fancy doing
probably do some more painting thats for sure~
here is a robin plushie i made using a template from sew desu ne
i made it smaller tho and its gone away with all the christmas decorations now
think i made it christmas eve
Evening~~
I didn't sleep well
woke up at 1am to the sound of my brother coming home
then I woke up at 5am and got up at 5:45am and went back to bed
at 6:50 and woke up at 8:45am so at least I got some sleep
I did a bit of dancing this morning for 25mins
i was sweaty XD
then went for a shower
then me and mum just went tk maxx i got some boots reduced from £40 to £16
theyre good ^^
i felt rough going round the shops tho
i got home and made some biscuits to take to mia's tonight
theyre kruidnoten in the shape of ginger bread man
taking 20 over should be alright
then i went to bed
didnt wake up til 3pm and i laid there til 3:30pm then got up for a brew
then ive been sat painting
ive been painting logos and ive got cadbury's finished and Heinz
then i had leftovers for dinner and got ready to go over to mia's house
not going over til 7:30pm and its only 6:20pm
and im ready really so i might do some more painting in the mean time
tomorrow not sure what i will do
i hope im not too late leaving mias house to be honest
im so tired all the damn time i hate these antidepressants
yeah not sure what to do tomorrow really
i took photos of Ozwald the other morning
he's cute~
and he's 2 years old on 7th January!
Evening!
i slept pretty well ^^
i went to bed at 9:45pm
I wanted to finished watching big fat quiz of the year
but I couldnt keep my eyes open
thinking i pretty much slept through to 8am
about time is all i can say!
I got up and went for a run
i could not be bothered by any means
and it was a big effort but i got it done
then i showered and did some reading on my bed
i had lunch which was a left over sponge, i heated it up with jam
it was so good
then i wrapped myself up on my bed and read
i was just exhausted i think from running and medication
eventually i got up and i did some drawing
ive drawn it all out now and ive started painting it
hopefully wont take too long but no rush and i wasnt to take my time with it
helped mum with the dinner
sat with ozwald
did a tiny bit of slow dancing in my room
but just so tired
mum says i look drained
might do some more painting in a bit
tomorrow im gonna make some biscuits for mias evening
i hope i can go out somewhere with mum just for a bit
then im going over to mias at 7pm
so i might have to have a power nap in the day to boost myself before i go
here are this weeks nails
10 different designs~
Evening~
Last night I took my brother to a party at 7:45pm
I said Id pick him up so I waited and waited for him to text or ring
he didnt
got to 12:30am and I heard someone dropping him off
I was so tired and dead but relieved that I hadnt got to go out the house
so I drifted off to sleep
didnt sleep great and woke up at 8am
I got in the shower and got ready to see mia for her 27th birthday
i made the effort and put a bit of make up on
I saw her at 10am
i was so tired tho and these antidepressants arent helping with how im feeling
we sat and had a brew and rob made her breakfast so i sat with them whilst they ate that
then we went through to the living room were she opened all her gifts
its like watching a child each year XD makes me laugh
she loved my presents which i was happy about
i got her the sakura figure and drew her a picture
she got some lovely things
i stayed til 12 as she wanted to pop out before family came over
she told me i can go over to join family and friends on friday
and then she said shes having a new years eve party about 5mins from her at a friends house
and that i could come if i wanted to
i feel i have to go but i will see
parties arent my thing but if you always turn it down you never get invited again so yeah
i will try show my face
i will go on friday for sure
i came home and had some lunch then went to bed
i was so mentally and physically exhausted
when i got up i realised i was home alone so with little motivation i got up
and blasted my music out and danced for 35mins
i was rather hot and sweaty afterwards
it felt good to try tho
i did a little bit of drawing
helped mum with the dinner which was amazing it was pasta
and we had left over sponge and custard it was effing brilliant loved it
only got a bit of stomach ache too
then i sat in a ball and read to pass the stomach ache
then did 30mins of yoga
just so tired and the days and evenings feel long just cus im knackered
and cant be bothered to do anything i dont have the focus or energy
but i keep trying to do bits
tomorrow i have no plans
so god knows how i will pass the day
just spend it in bed hopefully XD
