Evening~~~
Well last night I went out to meet Jack
I got into the city centre for 7pm and we went to a bar
called 400 Rabbits
very weird place
like my dreams on crack
rabbits and skulls everywhere and mexican themed...yeah
so Jack brought me a cocktail, I have no idea what it was I drank
just that it was like a slushie drink and I couldnt taste gross alcohol
we sat and played Connect4 which I wont then we just talked really
I was unaware of the time even after he offered me another drink
we were the only ones upstairs so it was really quiet which was nice
I checked the time at it was almost 11pm the time when my family goes to sleep
and i forgot my house key
thinking my brother would surely be awake i text him
no reply
so i rang
no reply
crap
if he was asleep surely everyone else was
so i gave up and hoped that someone has realised my keys were at home and leave me the door unlocked, we decided to leave a bit afterwards i couldnt finish my 2nd drink i felt to sick i think it was a combo of alcohol, being 4 hours late for medication and worrying about getting home
i went to my bus quickly leaving jack as i saw the bus there
turns out it was just ditching people and then was not in service
next bus 45mins
so i text jack and he came and waited 20mins with me i didnt ask him to and i sent him on his way to get him tram as he has work in the morning
i sat in the cold it was past midnight now
i got on the bus and my phone rang...
mum
crap
she wanted to know where i was and if i was ok and that i should have text her and yeah yeah yeah i got told off basically for not making my where abouts known
its just cus theyre not used to me being out late my brother is out all the time and no one is arsed but because its me people like to know im ok in the world
i got home and got in as my mum left the front door open
turns out my brother did get my text just didnt fancy telling anyone about it
i was up til 4am
got up at 8am
it was worth it tho it was a good night ^^
and i got a cute little plastic bunny that they placed with a drink~
so today mum gave me a little talking to
i swear i should just wear a GPS XD
lesson learned and all that
i had a shower this morning there was no time to do exercise
then we went into the city centre
we went for massage and acupuncture
i wasnt aware just how knotted my back and shoulders had become actually
so it was much needed
then we went for tea, toastie and cake
it was all amazing
did a bit of shopping i got two new bras just £3 each bargain~
then we came back
i went on my laptop for a bit then sat with Oz and had a brew
then continued drawing and got my drawing finished for school
think it looks alright
im gonna get it printed out on friday~
i havent done any exercise today apart from walking round city centre
as much as i was tempted for a run i decided not to what with having a massage
its not always good to do hard exercise after a massage
so as hard as it was i left it
i hope i sleep tonight
not got anything on tomorrow
might draw or something
got plenty to be working on
i have an idea for a painting but i need stuff for it
Afternoon~~
Doing my diary now as I know I wont have time tonight
Last night I tried the tea that came in the post
Mugwort
never heard of it but suppose to be good for vivid dreams and pain
so i thought id give it a shot
when it came it looked like Cannabis...
my brother asked what I had brought and he concluded that it was hemp XD
i told jack and he was like "you've brought hallucinogenic tea which might as well be weed"
when I opened it tho it smelt earthy and not of cannabis
was by far not the worst tasting tea ive ever had ether
i could not sleep i ached too much but I remained in bed all night
having weird dreams
i was a wolf in one of them, trapped in a wooded area and i saw a huge turtle in the lake and dived in after it becoming human so i could grab onto the turtle and be pulled to another area
weird
im gonna give the tea another go tonight, did make me feel sick for an hour after having it tho :/
this morning I did some dancing for 45mins!
i was tackling Fairies Crossroad i can do 1:25 now!
its difficult and wont get any easier ether its quite a full on dance not very repetitive
i went and applied a face pack and went online whilst that was stewing then showered
then i braved the horrid weather and went food shopping with mum
came home and had lunch then i slept for 2 hours
dont know what was up i think i was just so warm and comfy which is a total rarity for me
then i sat with Oz who I think has stomach ache bless him
but im unsure why so im keeping an eye on him
im gonna get ready soon as im seeing Jack tonight
we're gonna go for a drink in the city centre
meeting at 7pm but we wont be late back as its a school night
but should be fun as my evenings have been so dull as of late
a mini figure came Rin from Lovelive! got her for £3
tomorrow im having a massage with mum then we're going for lunch~~
Konbanwa~
Well I didnt sleep last night
BUT i did remain in bed for entire night
first time in a while for me
I got up at 7:30am and saw my lovely Ozwald
he gave me lots of licks this morning
but last night he fell asleep on the sofa for ages!! so cute!
his little mouth was really twitching and his front feet kept twitching
wanted to squeeze that cuteness~
This morning I began working on a new dance for me
Fairies - crossroad
it was a good work out but i needed to save energy for work
so i showered and i did a bit more of the picture for work
then i got ready for work
work was fine
just mainly washing up but alan let me help put a lesson together
which was sweet of him
he also asked me how my relationship with jack was going
which i thought was nice of him even if it did make me feel a lil embarrassed
then jack walked in so we stopped talking about relationships XD
but it was first time anyone at work has asked me about my relationship
i came home and felt restless after my brew with mum
so i went on just dance for a short time
then i went to work on my drawing for work
got the eyes done anyway and they look better for eyes
if i can get it done for friday that would be amazing
i was pleased with how my nails turned out last night
surprisingly well by the light of the tv XD
i might work on a bit of dancing tonight seeing as ive been drawing
mia says she will see me friday
tomorrow no plans as of yet really :/
Evening~~
I didn't do my diary last night as I got home too late and was too tired
I didn't sleep great but got up and cleaned Oz out and did some dancing
i could not be bothered with the day but got on with it
then i got ready to meet Jack
i had a look round a few stores first then went to go meet him
we went to go buy wind up toys he needed for work
so we did that then we went and sat in a pub
he brought me tea and cake
and then i brought us both a hot chocolate
we sat and talked and talked
i ended up changing in front of him
hes seen my other half and it went as well as it could have gone
there was no aggression or anything apparently they just talked
but i was gone for 20 mins as when i came back i was severally shaking and couldnt move my body i was supported by jack
i think he said he found the whole thing surreal
seeing me with different facial expressions, different voice. and acting differently
it was taking a while for it to sink in for him
i felt so bad but i had warned him that my other self has wanted to meet him
and i was so scared of being rejected but he seems ok with it
i hope he is and wasnt just being nice
but he talked to her like she was a real person
she named herself Eko
he'd like to meet her a few more times before he can get a real feel for her
it was triggered because he actually kissed me
ahhhhh he kissed me
i kinda remember him doing it before the change then after id come round he kissed me not Eko so that was nice that he wasnt scared of put off kissing me because the first time he tried i changed. maybe he will truly accept her
when i could walk again we left and i had to catch a different bus back to my car as id missed the last bus but couldnt be helped i guess
so i got home at like 9pm and made some dinner
i managed to get off to sleep ok but woke up a lot in the night then got up at 5:30am feeling really quite sick
when i got up at 8am i noticed it had snowed
but it was the smallest amount
i didnt bother going downstairs i simply crawled back to bed and stayed there for a while
my concerned mother kept checking on me and asking if i was ok
i just told her i was tired and that my head was busy
it really was busy last night and all this morning
i just felt so outta it and couldnt handle anything even noise
she understood and asked if i wanted to talk
but what could i say "you know the person in my head you have night terrors about? well she came out yesterday and sat all over jack and kissed him"
yeah it wouldnt go down well
i know she fears Eko
so im best not talking about it
but i felt i had to talk to someone about it
im hoping i can see mia tuesday
she will want to know
i made lunch as i didnt have breakfast
then i went on my laptop a bit
it wasnt til 3pm i got dressed out my pajamas and did some yoga and dancing
god knows where i found the energy from
we decided to put girls out but it suddenly lashed it down
its been so windy and rainy today
i went to go grab their play toys in from the run
and the wind blew and blew the run lid down so wood came down hard on my head
it hurt and made me lose balance so i landed backwards in the mud
i was crouching when it came down on me so no wonder i lost balance
so ive had a pain on my head all day but luckily no marks or lumps
i was worried i chipped my teeth as it made me clamp my mouth shut thank god my tongue wasnt between my teeth at the time!!
ive done a bit more of the picture
the base is coloured in
jack has checked up on me today via text
im glad hes ok with me
i see him tomorrow at work anyway
Evening~
Didn't sleep well
had the reoccurring nightmare of being raped
so i got up binged cereal had hot choc and pain relief
i was truly fed up
didnt sleep great after that as i was cold
needed a human next to me for heat XD
i got up at 6:50am
got ready for work
work didnt go well
i mixed sulphuric acid wrong
i broke a glass measuring jug
i couldnt find things
i wasnt doing things quick enough
and as much as jack kept telling me that i was doing ok and stuff wasnt my fault
i felt at fault and felt like he must hate me for taking up so much of his time
fixing my mistakes
it frustrates me greatly
i tried to eat something at lunch for the first time in weeks thinking id be ok now
a banana has given me stomach ache from 1pm til now 7:30pm
i just cant eat at work im guessing im too tense or something
ether way i couldnt wait to finish and was out the door as soon at 3:30pm came round
didnt bother waiting for alan or jack i just wanted to put the day behind me
i got home and mum made me a brew
i sat with her then my brother then did some dancing til i sweaty
and had a shower
ive gotten used to my new hair colour i quite like it
i found a photo i took of myself from tuesday evening so before i dyed my hair
tonight i can not be bothered to do a damn thing
im so tired
but i cant even loo forward to bed cus frankly whats the point
im not gonna sleep anyway
i will spend another night alone no doubt
need company during the night
sick of it all
im moaning i think ive just had a cruddy day and it hasnt gotten much better
no matter how hard i have tried with it all
tomorrow jack says hes going city centre so i was welcome to join him
i might do in the afternoon as its something to do
the morning will go to cleaning oz out and doing exercise
Evening~
I slept
my god I slept
i cant even remember the last time I actually slept through the god damn night!
you dont wanna know just how much I took last night tho
I knew if I woke up Id probably be sick
but luckily I didnt wake up and woke up at 7am looked at the clock
and went back to sleep til 8am when a drowsy me got up
does make you drowsy taking all that stuff
not proud of it but god did i need to sleep
So this morning I did some dancing fro 45mins
working on Fairies Bling Bling My Love and a Yosakoi dance
i had forgotten how difficult it can be to do yosakoi
but i enjoyed it none the less
i was gonna shower but i have decided that i would be dying my hair later so would shower then
mum came in and we had a brew and i made myself a salad for lunch
after lunch I began making 2 place mats mum wants me to make for
a neighbour's 50th wedding anniversary
i cant say i know them or even been in their house so picking colours and themes
was a lil difficult but mum told me not to put too much effort into it all
so i got this far today as i worked out the measurements last night
just needs the bias binding round the edge and theyre done
but i didnt have any bias for them
can get some any time
but they look alright
if i knew what they liked i could have themed the fabrics or done a design or applique but kept it simple as apparently their interior design is pretty plain
i sat and had a brew then i went on my laptop for a little bit
then mum dyed my hair
it says on the packet light warm brown
so why am i red?
proper red head XD
ive had this colour before so i knew what colour to expect to be honest
wonder what jack will say tomorrow im not gonna txt him to say ive done it
but i did keep threatening that id go ginger
its evened out my colour, made it shiny and soft~
ive felt sick for hour upon end
i think its cus of what i took last night
yoga, i couldnt be bothered to go but i did
it doesnt help knowing you have to exercise when you feel sick
but it wasnt too bad actually
i came back and had leftovers
now i might do some drawing before i see Ozwald
wonder if i will sleep tonight?
im not dosing myself up tonight
id like to be coherent at work tomorrow XD
yeah i just have work tomorrow really thats all
Evening~
So last night I had the pub quiz
I made my way into the city centre and Jack met me outside a store
and we walked to the pub together
we got there earlier than Alan and Rebecca so we had a little time to ourselves
I didnt want food but promised mum id eat something
Jack ordered like a massive burger how the guy isnt fat ill never know
I ordered what was essentially a chicken breast on a bun with wedges
i ate some wedges and ate the chicken from the bun
didnt bother with the rest of the meal
far too much there for me
Rebecca showed up at 20 mins later Alan showed up
the pub was filling up with people
lots looked nerdy and lots looked like pokemon fans judging by their outfits
we had a picture round were we had to write how a pokemon evolves
a general knowledge round (i knew nothing!)
a round of general knowledge on pokemon (i knew some)
a round of pokemon theme tunes from the games (knew a lot)
a round of clips from pokemon movies (new movies i hadnt seen so knew nothing)
it was good actually
alan and rebecca left and me and jack stayed to see how well we'd done
we knew we hadnt won but it was fun all the same
we got 27/40 highest score in the pub was 39....some serious nerds
i said to jack as he looked tired that we can leave as he has work in the morning i didnt, but he wanted to stay out with me a bit longer as he said he wouldnt see me til friday. so i was fine witht hat we sat and talked then i waited with him for his tram as that was gonna be quicker than my half hour wait for my bus
i got home and i hurt as id had to sit for hours and it was cold and wet coming home
i had no time to wind down
so that was me up at 2:30am in pain wanting to die
i woke up at it was 3:40am i thought "is that taking the pee" i must have only been asleep a sodding hour, so i got up and had a pain killer and cereal
still hardly slept reckon i got 2 hours
i was shattered this morning i had massive red bags under my eyes and i was white
i looked like death and i had a lovely blood test to look forward to
got to the doctors and yeah i did really well having my blood done actually
i didnt feel too bad
but once i tried to get up i almost fainted
its a weird feeling having your legs go out from under you and your vision to just turn black
so i had to lay down
mum said i looked dead she had i had that look and my lips had no colour they matched my face she said its disturbing and she feels sorry for me going through it
she watched my body shake she said it looked like i was fitting and i was sweating
think i went into shock a bit
but on the positive side i was having to have another blood test next month to test my thyroid and the nurse said she could do it today!! so if thats all fine it means i wont have to have another blood test for a year!! fingers crossed
i did eventually get out the surgery but took a while
and i felt horrid and like i wanted to be sick
i came home and had a cake and sweet tea to revive me followed by a shower
i went food shopping with mum which i found draining
i came back and went to bed i was just so dead mum said i didnt need to go food shopping but i felt the need to help
i woke up and had lunch mum had kindly made me a salad ^^
then we went shops just for a few bits
she picked up make up that im gonna have a go with
we came home and a choker had come in the post for me
from china but doesnt say who from and cus im waiting for other bits from china i have no idea where or who theyve come from and i havent ordered a choker so its a lil weird
i have 1 clue who it could be from but i cant email til everything else has come and im 100% sure
rather annoying as if ive been sent a choker instead of a tshirt i will be annoyed
i havent done anything all day
ive tried to draw but im so sodding tired
ive just slept and read
no exercise!! my god its odd not doing any exercise
and i can feel i havent
but ive felt too drained and poorly really to do any
stupid how much blood tests do to me
i find it so frustrating!
this evening i have planned out 2 place mats mum wants me to make for a neighbour's 50th wedding anniversary this month
so im gonna get out fabrics now so i feel like ive achieved something with my day
then tomorrow i can make something i guess
tomorrow i will put the world to right
im gonna exercise til im sweaty, do some sewing and drawing and go yoga
it will be a better day tomorrow!!
here's the canvas i did last week nothing special but something different to look at
i have laid out tonight
3 times the dosage of pain killers
and a sleeping tablet
ive gone past the stage of caring how crap it could make me feel
i just need to sleep
