Evening~~
I had to get up and went back to bed at 2am
felt so incredibly sick but i did drink that tea
i wonder why it makes me feel so sick?
I did sleep tho so much so that I didnt wake til 7:05am
as i was having weird dreams
that tea works once you get off to sleep
hasnt helped with pain i dont think tho
I got to work on time and went to print out my picture
I drew for everyone on the Science team
from top to bottom Me, Alan, Rebecca, Jack
and my god the response I got from everyone!!
they loved it!
and printed of 4 A3 copies and laminated them
so we now have one copy in each prep room and people took one home
i was happy that i could make them happy with my art work
Alacia and Liv would like to be drawn next ><
Teachers saw the doodle and thought I was really talented
My morning was different
Jack wanted me to learn from Rebecca
so I spent 3 sodding hours making some bacteria!!
it was so lengthy i could not believe it!
but good learning experience I guess
then I did some tidying up
had lunch where I got the 6 of us to participate in arm wrestling!
i beat the girls anyway
then after lunch i did Jack's washing up and then i went downstairs to help alan
good full on day i was quite tired
after work i came home and went to mia's for an hour
good to see her and she wanted to know every minute detail between myself and jack...
but good to talk to her
then i came home showered and had dinner
then me and my brother went to the shop so i could get some liquid masking fluid
and paint brushes
now im home and gonna sit with Oz
i won some lace trousers last night so i was happy about that
tomorrow unsure what to do yet
the weather looks like its gonna be awful
might see jack this weekend~
Konbanwa~~~
I could not sleep
and like last night I didnt sleep til 4am and got up just before 8am
so ive had 8 hours sleep in the last 48 hours -___-
i was doing half hour of yoga at 1:30am
stupid agency rang at 6:50am i put the phone down
cheeky gits
waking me up after such a crap night
i drank that mugworm tea again and had weird dreams
truly does make you dream weird things
this morning i cleaned my Ozwald out
he didnt pester me too much ether
then I went to dance
i did a good i think 40 mins
i worked out how to sync my ipod up with the tv speakers so i can blast music out now
its brilliant!!! i loved it as the little speakers ive used up to now are rubbish
so i was well happy about that
i was wet through with sweat
i have no idea how i do the work outs i do half the time
i enjoyed it tho
i changed my bed too
then i sat drawing mainly
i tried working on the Absol picture for Jack but couldnt get on with it
so tried drawing tyranitar and i wasnt happy with that
so ive gone with dragonite
ive done the outline
then ive had this idea i want to do which is basically a wolf face but i need to buy some liquid masking tape at the weekend to do it think its called Gezzo but could be wrong its been 10 years since i used the stuff
here's the rough plan which im gonna trace onto A3
i had yoga to attend and i did really well it didnt feel like a massive ask how it usually can feel like and i made an L shape with my hands on the floor and feet up the wall, well easy
Tomorrow I have work all day then should be seeing mia
im a bit sad as I know Alan is leaving in May but Jack has told me today that Rebecca will be leaving same time as Alan D:
they had interviews today for Alan's successor but out of 6 people they didnt hire anyone
im yet to find out just why
but it really made me wonder how i got my job i mean only 3 people went for my position and i got in, just how did i do that. Jack says he might try and get a few more hours for me maybe
it will just be me and him then soon ><
im gonna print out my picture tomorrow at work i cant wait to show everyone
Evening~~~
Well last night I went out to meet Jack
I got into the city centre for 7pm and we went to a bar
called 400 Rabbits
very weird place
like my dreams on crack
rabbits and skulls everywhere and mexican themed...yeah
so Jack brought me a cocktail, I have no idea what it was I drank
just that it was like a slushie drink and I couldnt taste gross alcohol
we sat and played Connect4 which I wont then we just talked really
I was unaware of the time even after he offered me another drink
we were the only ones upstairs so it was really quiet which was nice
I checked the time at it was almost 11pm the time when my family goes to sleep
and i forgot my house key
thinking my brother would surely be awake i text him
no reply
so i rang
no reply
crap
if he was asleep surely everyone else was
so i gave up and hoped that someone has realised my keys were at home and leave me the door unlocked, we decided to leave a bit afterwards i couldnt finish my 2nd drink i felt to sick i think it was a combo of alcohol, being 4 hours late for medication and worrying about getting home
i went to my bus quickly leaving jack as i saw the bus there
turns out it was just ditching people and then was not in service
next bus 45mins
so i text jack and he came and waited 20mins with me i didnt ask him to and i sent him on his way to get him tram as he has work in the morning
i sat in the cold it was past midnight now
i got on the bus and my phone rang...
mum
crap
she wanted to know where i was and if i was ok and that i should have text her and yeah yeah yeah i got told off basically for not making my where abouts known
its just cus theyre not used to me being out late my brother is out all the time and no one is arsed but because its me people like to know im ok in the world
i got home and got in as my mum left the front door open
turns out my brother did get my text just didnt fancy telling anyone about it
i was up til 4am
got up at 8am
it was worth it tho it was a good night ^^
and i got a cute little plastic bunny that they placed with a drink~
so today mum gave me a little talking to
i swear i should just wear a GPS XD
lesson learned and all that
i had a shower this morning there was no time to do exercise
then we went into the city centre
we went for massage and acupuncture
i wasnt aware just how knotted my back and shoulders had become actually
so it was much needed
then we went for tea, toastie and cake
it was all amazing
did a bit of shopping i got two new bras just £3 each bargain~
then we came back
i went on my laptop for a bit then sat with Oz and had a brew
then continued drawing and got my drawing finished for school
think it looks alright
im gonna get it printed out on friday~
i havent done any exercise today apart from walking round city centre
as much as i was tempted for a run i decided not to what with having a massage
its not always good to do hard exercise after a massage
so as hard as it was i left it
i hope i sleep tonight
not got anything on tomorrow
might draw or something
got plenty to be working on
i have an idea for a painting but i need stuff for it
Afternoon~~
Doing my diary now as I know I wont have time tonight
Last night I tried the tea that came in the post
Mugwort
never heard of it but suppose to be good for vivid dreams and pain
so i thought id give it a shot
when it came it looked like Cannabis...
my brother asked what I had brought and he concluded that it was hemp XD
i told jack and he was like "you've brought hallucinogenic tea which might as well be weed"
when I opened it tho it smelt earthy and not of cannabis
was by far not the worst tasting tea ive ever had ether
i could not sleep i ached too much but I remained in bed all night
having weird dreams
i was a wolf in one of them, trapped in a wooded area and i saw a huge turtle in the lake and dived in after it becoming human so i could grab onto the turtle and be pulled to another area
weird
im gonna give the tea another go tonight, did make me feel sick for an hour after having it tho :/
this morning I did some dancing for 45mins!
i was tackling Fairies Crossroad i can do 1:25 now!
its difficult and wont get any easier ether its quite a full on dance not very repetitive
i went and applied a face pack and went online whilst that was stewing then showered
then i braved the horrid weather and went food shopping with mum
came home and had lunch then i slept for 2 hours
dont know what was up i think i was just so warm and comfy which is a total rarity for me
then i sat with Oz who I think has stomach ache bless him
but im unsure why so im keeping an eye on him
im gonna get ready soon as im seeing Jack tonight
we're gonna go for a drink in the city centre
meeting at 7pm but we wont be late back as its a school night
but should be fun as my evenings have been so dull as of late
a mini figure came Rin from Lovelive! got her for £3
tomorrow im having a massage with mum then we're going for lunch~~
Konbanwa~
Well I didnt sleep last night
BUT i did remain in bed for entire night
first time in a while for me
I got up at 7:30am and saw my lovely Ozwald
he gave me lots of licks this morning
but last night he fell asleep on the sofa for ages!! so cute!
his little mouth was really twitching and his front feet kept twitching
wanted to squeeze that cuteness~
This morning I began working on a new dance for me
Fairies - crossroad
it was a good work out but i needed to save energy for work
so i showered and i did a bit more of the picture for work
then i got ready for work
work was fine
just mainly washing up but alan let me help put a lesson together
which was sweet of him
he also asked me how my relationship with jack was going
which i thought was nice of him even if it did make me feel a lil embarrassed
then jack walked in so we stopped talking about relationships XD
but it was first time anyone at work has asked me about my relationship
i came home and felt restless after my brew with mum
so i went on just dance for a short time
then i went to work on my drawing for work
got the eyes done anyway and they look better for eyes
if i can get it done for friday that would be amazing
i was pleased with how my nails turned out last night
surprisingly well by the light of the tv XD
i might work on a bit of dancing tonight seeing as ive been drawing
mia says she will see me friday
tomorrow no plans as of yet really :/
Evening~~
I didn't do my diary last night as I got home too late and was too tired
I didn't sleep great but got up and cleaned Oz out and did some dancing
i could not be bothered with the day but got on with it
then i got ready to meet Jack
i had a look round a few stores first then went to go meet him
we went to go buy wind up toys he needed for work
so we did that then we went and sat in a pub
he brought me tea and cake
and then i brought us both a hot chocolate
we sat and talked and talked
i ended up changing in front of him
hes seen my other half and it went as well as it could have gone
there was no aggression or anything apparently they just talked
but i was gone for 20 mins as when i came back i was severally shaking and couldnt move my body i was supported by jack
i think he said he found the whole thing surreal
seeing me with different facial expressions, different voice. and acting differently
it was taking a while for it to sink in for him
i felt so bad but i had warned him that my other self has wanted to meet him
and i was so scared of being rejected but he seems ok with it
i hope he is and wasnt just being nice
but he talked to her like she was a real person
she named herself Eko
he'd like to meet her a few more times before he can get a real feel for her
it was triggered because he actually kissed me
ahhhhh he kissed me
i kinda remember him doing it before the change then after id come round he kissed me not Eko so that was nice that he wasnt scared of put off kissing me because the first time he tried i changed. maybe he will truly accept her
when i could walk again we left and i had to catch a different bus back to my car as id missed the last bus but couldnt be helped i guess
so i got home at like 9pm and made some dinner
i managed to get off to sleep ok but woke up a lot in the night then got up at 5:30am feeling really quite sick
when i got up at 8am i noticed it had snowed
but it was the smallest amount
i didnt bother going downstairs i simply crawled back to bed and stayed there for a while
my concerned mother kept checking on me and asking if i was ok
i just told her i was tired and that my head was busy
it really was busy last night and all this morning
i just felt so outta it and couldnt handle anything even noise
she understood and asked if i wanted to talk
but what could i say "you know the person in my head you have night terrors about? well she came out yesterday and sat all over jack and kissed him"
yeah it wouldnt go down well
i know she fears Eko
so im best not talking about it
but i felt i had to talk to someone about it
im hoping i can see mia tuesday
she will want to know
i made lunch as i didnt have breakfast
then i went on my laptop a bit
it wasnt til 3pm i got dressed out my pajamas and did some yoga and dancing
god knows where i found the energy from
we decided to put girls out but it suddenly lashed it down
its been so windy and rainy today
i went to go grab their play toys in from the run
and the wind blew and blew the run lid down so wood came down hard on my head
it hurt and made me lose balance so i landed backwards in the mud
i was crouching when it came down on me so no wonder i lost balance
so ive had a pain on my head all day but luckily no marks or lumps
i was worried i chipped my teeth as it made me clamp my mouth shut thank god my tongue wasnt between my teeth at the time!!
ive done a bit more of the picture
the base is coloured in
jack has checked up on me today via text
im glad hes ok with me
i see him tomorrow at work anyway
Evening~
Didn't sleep well
had the reoccurring nightmare of being raped
so i got up binged cereal had hot choc and pain relief
i was truly fed up
didnt sleep great after that as i was cold
needed a human next to me for heat XD
i got up at 6:50am
got ready for work
work didnt go well
i mixed sulphuric acid wrong
i broke a glass measuring jug
i couldnt find things
i wasnt doing things quick enough
and as much as jack kept telling me that i was doing ok and stuff wasnt my fault
i felt at fault and felt like he must hate me for taking up so much of his time
fixing my mistakes
it frustrates me greatly
i tried to eat something at lunch for the first time in weeks thinking id be ok now
a banana has given me stomach ache from 1pm til now 7:30pm
i just cant eat at work im guessing im too tense or something
ether way i couldnt wait to finish and was out the door as soon at 3:30pm came round
didnt bother waiting for alan or jack i just wanted to put the day behind me
i got home and mum made me a brew
i sat with her then my brother then did some dancing til i sweaty
and had a shower
ive gotten used to my new hair colour i quite like it
i found a photo i took of myself from tuesday evening so before i dyed my hair
tonight i can not be bothered to do a damn thing
im so tired
but i cant even loo forward to bed cus frankly whats the point
im not gonna sleep anyway
i will spend another night alone no doubt
need company during the night
sick of it all
im moaning i think ive just had a cruddy day and it hasnt gotten much better
no matter how hard i have tried with it all
tomorrow jack says hes going city centre so i was welcome to join him
i might do in the afternoon as its something to do
the morning will go to cleaning oz out and doing exercise
