My first trip in an ambulance

Evening~~~~~

I've had an interesting weekend

I spent saturday out with jack and harvey
we were getting bits for their black tie outfits for friday
so we were shopping basically
i also got my ears pierced! I got 3 more piercings! all in the same ear
i got two in my lobe and i didnt even flinch i impressed myself
it didnt hurt really, but the rook piercing i got involved a needle like my helix piercing and it did hurt and hurt even more when i was having the bar put through my god that was painful
then we went back to jack's and i left him and harvey to go play pokemon go as there was an event on and i wanted to get ready for the evening ahead and see Oz

so i came home and dropped off the dressing gown I had brought -- it's a man's one ^^ so its massive but its lined with fluffy stuff and was suppose to be £55 i got it for £16.50!! its such high quality, bring on winter so i can sleep in that!
I also got 3 volumes of manga one I havent read before - Yokai Rental Shop
looking forward to reading that

i got ready to go out for jack's birthday
we were gonna go out drinking with about 10 friends
so i headed back to his and ate with him and then people started to come over for pre-drinks at 8pm
a nation of people that before they go out for drinks, have drinks!
insane really XD
i said i wasnt drinking
but one of jack's friends who ive met several times and i like, made me a drink
vodka + coke
so i took it to be polite and join in with everyone who was downing drinks left right and centre
i wasnt fussed on having it but yeah just joined in i guess
then jack tried his gin he's been flavouring with raspberries for the last month
it was alright

i was messing around with people and was the only female there
i did feel a little strange and people were asking if i was alright
i talked to the guy who made me the drink and told him i was on a lot of medication and that i wasnt drinking, he was saying he'd look after me
and he made me another drink but at this point jack asked me not to drink it and drink water, he took me outside and then 2 friends came to see me outside and thats when i cant really remember what else happened
its when the evening took a very different turn 
i passed out - from here this is what jack has told me as i cant remember
i was on the floor with jack and he said i looked like i was panicking and i just passed out
then from there i would wake up frightened to death, screaming, crying and passing out, shaking lots and not letting anyone near me, hiding under furniture
Theo rang for an ambulance, jack took the phone and had to tell the operator my details and how often i was breathing and if i was conscious or not as i kept repeating the cycle of waking up, crawling away and passing out again.
the guys apart from jack and harvey went downstairs to theo's bedroom as i think their presence and noise was freaking me out
the ambulance said it could be an hour
it was about 30mins since making the call the ambulance turned up
i was awake when it pulled up which was 10:30pm
harvey went to go let them in
and he said that he was gonna get rid of the guys too
i was sobbing, i was scared as i didnt want anyone touching me or taking me away
a young female medic turned up with an elder guy medic
i told them not to touch me but eventually let the female touch me, i passed out
god my head hurt from all the fainting and hitting my head
i couldnt speak properly
i was trying to answer them but it took a long time to get words out
they asked what i had drank, what meds i was on, if this had happened before, if i felt safe
i didnt want to go with them
but agreed to go but worried about not being able to walk as i felt so tired and shaky, scared about my parents finding out, worrying about how to get home as the hospital is on the other side of town to my house.
i walked aided down to the ambulance and was strapped to a bed
it was so frightened and the medic said she'd make sure that jack stayed with me at all times, we said bye to harvey and he said he would go and find the guys in town

i just about coped with the ambulance journey but freaked out upon arriving at hospital 
jack was trying to calm me down and the nurses were told he was to stay with me at all times
i was seen by a nurse who took my blood pressure and pulse and then they wheeled me into a section with a curtain with jack
we waited to be seen by a doctor who came and asked me what meds i take, what id drank, what happened and stuff.
blood was taken from me for tests and i was put on a drip as well
blood pressure and pulse were taken a few times and my temperature, my blood pressure was low and my temperature was high
they said i could have had a seizure and that i would see the neurology department in the future for tests.
it was officially jack's 26th birthday at this point ><
poor guy
he was saying he was not expecting to spend his birthday in hospital
i felt so so bad
i had returned more to myself and could remember what was happening now as i had sleep and fluids and rest.
i promised on the hospital bed that id listen to jack, that i understand he isnt being fun police he is simply looking out for me as i dont always think
he was happy with that
i also pledged on the hospital that i would never drink again
even tho i had only had one drink it clearly doesnt go down well with my new meds or me and frankly im not fussed on alcohol so its no loss and is not worth the stress
id rather have a sweet drink

eventually it was deemed safe for me to go to home
this was at 5:45am
the trams didnt start running again til 6:30am
so we went to the hospital cafe and had a cookie and tea as i bloody needed it
then we had a slow walk to the tram stop
seeing the sun rise together in the hospital car park on his birthday XD
he paid for my tram fare as i had no money or phone on me -___-

we got back to his flat at 7am
i realised that theo hadnt come home so he had obviously gone home with a woman 
we went straight to bed and didnt get up for a few hours
i heard theo come home he sat on our bed eating a sandwich telling us he'd pulled at 35 year old woman and went home with her and i refuse to repeat all he got up to with her >.>
jack was like "you best have showered before you sit on my bed"

we had a slow morning
and i drove us to jack's parents house at 2:30pm
he opened cards and presents and we had some food and cake
then because i looked like death and was driving we came away
his mum was asking about his evening and was surprised about how he wasnt hung over 
but jack bless him didnt tell her what had truly gone off

i got back to his and fell asleep
i was dead
i woke up on my freshly pierced ear and it felt like i had had it repierced >< the pain!
i left jack's and went home it was 8pm and didnt want to tell my parents as i was tired and it was late so i got into pajamas and sat with oz and went to bed

this morning i did some yoga
and did some dancing with the fan and just a bit of dance practice
had a shower then told mum what had happened over the weekend
she was sorry i had gone through that and was glad i had jack there to look after me
she later told dad but cant say he was that bothered
i told mum i am no longer having a drink
i had originally said i wasnt drinking anyway as my pain killer and antidepressant im not suppose to drink on anyway but yeah im really not drinking now
last time i had a gin cocktail and it made my head messy
but this was something else
this was psychotic to say the least

the rest of the day i rested
i started painting and slept
sat with Oz plenty
i still feel off at times and dizzy but i think its just new meds and tiredness 

tomorrow not sure what im doing yet
dont know whether i should give jack some more time to himself before he puts up with me again
he never got mad or annoyed. he even said "its not like i can call you an idiot for drinking on medication because i've done it and a lot of people do it, you didnt know this would happen"
he was just worried and a bit stressed out thinking i would die on his birthday
my head still feels a bit bruised but i will be ok
im glad to have him but i have no idea why he is still with me
i mean after the weekend i wouldnt be surprised if he ditched me and i told him this but he is honestly fine with me
strange boy

doubt i will sleep tonight as my next door neighbour is having her 18th birthday party in her garden with 25+ teenagers
great

Worked a whole hour with that damn fan

Konbanwa~~

Didnt sleep too bad i guess

today i got 2 out of the 17 volumes im expected to get in the post
they were both Noragami

I did a bit of yoga to warm up and then cracked into dancing
i danced for a whole hour!
even my arms were sweaty
i didnt know arms sweated
i was working with the fan to do a dance from passpo
i was getting annoyed with certain bits
i just need practice basically
then i hit the shower
felt good to work out

i went out to run a few errands for mum
whilst i was out i went into charity shops
i got some shorts and some trousers for jack to try they were only £2 so doesnt matter if they dont fit him right
i walked through a park as well
then came home and had a late lunch 

did some sewing
mum wanted two pairs of trousers turning into shorts
i also altered my lab coat!!!
its got lace and bows on it now :3
more me and can tell its MINE
no confusing it with anyone elses XD
well what's the boss gonna say huh

i went to yoga
returned after all these weeks off
i walked in "hi karen your star pupil has returned" she laughed
i did really well too despite everything ive done today

tomorrow i see jack
got stupid work and its gonna be soooooo boring
i dont wanna go but know i have to
10 til 3 again -_____-
then im coming home and having a shower and seeing Oz
then going over to jack's for pizza and an anime film with him and i said i
 wanted to include theo 
its jack's birthday weekend so its gonna be busy
i made him a card the other day~

Full on massage

Evening

couldnt sleep
was in too much pain and felt too sick
my brother was coming home from the cinema late with his girlfriend
he'd been to see The Lion King with her
so i waited for him to come home
then i sat downstairs with him and had a hot chocolate
then went to bed at 1am

didnt wake til 9am
no way did i want to get up
i knew what was coming today
a massage
and i knew she'd find a knot or two

my appointment was at 10:45am
it was really nice but yeah bit painful but im fine with pain
it was the rest of the day that has been bad
my god ive been dead
i came home and had a shower and went straight to bed

i woke up and went TK MAXX with mum
i got some cheap jeans but theyre from Zara and i got them for £6!!!!!
theyre really weird too
i got some hair conditioner and a choker all reduced 
mum got loads of bits and shes been and brought some strawberry gin for jack for his birthday

i came home and just collapsed straight onto my bed
just done it and want the day to be over with

i attempted to draw out the ponyta i want to paint
god ive always sucked at drawing horses!
but i'll try to do well when it comes to painting it
then i looked at cosplay for like an hour XD
id buy it all if i could

now im gonna go downstairs, die, then go to bed
tomorrow i plan on dancing and maybe learning a dance using a fan
i havent learned dances in such a long time i feel rusty!
then i might start the ponyta picture and hopefully go yoga for the first time in forever

here is 2 eye shadows i got 
i love etude house eye shadow, such a strong pigment and so cheap! 

Working during the holidays

Evening~~

I slept well
drugged out my mind
ive increased my pain meds and my god i feel out of it
and i feel sick and my stomach is rotting
apart from that im great

I did some yoga this morning before i had to go into work
cant say i wanted to go as i felt rough
julia was  in when i got there which surprised me
she only stayed til lunch anyway
i just did the two dingy looking displays in our prep room
my god they were depressing 
now theyre much fresher
but took me longer than i thought it would
my hands were shaking and i kept feeling off
despite all this im still in pain!! hows that work!?

it was nice just working with jack
and having no one else there
as you dont get distracted or pulled away from the task youre actually doing
i left at 3pm and i was glad to get home as i went straight to bed

turns out im down for going into work on friday as well >.>
how annoying
didnt realise but not a lot i can do about it

i called into The Range on the way home
got a canvas and some paint as i have an idea i want to try

tomorrow i have a massage
its somewhere mum has been to and she recommended it to me
as the lady works at her home and is very good at what she does mum says
its a bit more money but damn it ive earned this!
so im very much looking forward to it
ill probably be dead afterwards

not seeing jack til friday at work then ill go to his in the evening
i want to watch a film with him and theo and have take away pizza
the start of jack's birthday weekend~

here is an eyebrow mascara thing i brought to try
its kinda gingery so it matches my hair really well
hides my dark eyebrows as i dont enjoy bleaching them anymore

Manchester Comic Con 2019

Phew I'm back!

It has been a hectic few days to say the least
and it feels so good to be on summer holidays!

So where shall I start~~~

Friday (its monday already T^T) 

Friday
I got up at 6am like a normal school morning
and got ready to go to Jack's
he was about ready and we walked down to the train station and met mia
we didnt all sit together but I sat next to jack and fell asleep
upon arriving in Manchester we ditched our bags at the hotel and went for a wonder
we went to the usual places such a Afflex Palace and other independent shops
we stopped for lunch and I had some sort of bacon on toast
those two had lunch and a beer XD but it was nice they were getting along well
I picked up a few bits
manga from a charity shop there were suppose to be £10 I got them for £3.99 each

Paint!!! from an art shop they were reduced from £5.50 to £1.80 each
and I need paint badly but hate paying for it! so I got all these~

we parted ways, mia went to Matt's house which is Rob's cousin
and we rested up then met up for dinner
he took us to this like old train station building that had been turned into a eatery place
so it had loads of different foods to choose from
i shared hoison pork with jack then we ordered a pizza and shared that

we left there and sat in a pub and had a couple of gin and tonics i had one called Kokoro gin. i ordered it simply because of it's japanese name XD good tho very good and i managed to drink it all.
we were off for another drink somewhere but I said I was gonna call it a night
it was 11:30am and I was getting up at 6

so we went back to the hotel
and it took me til 3:30pm to sleep
i didnt feel so good
i know on my medication im not suppose to drink but i thought a couple wouldnt hurt
turns out it was probably the worst thing for me
my head felt like a tornado had blitzed through it, it was so messy and jumbled up i hated it


Saturday
I got up at 6am
had a bath ^^ and slowly got ready for convention
just left jack to it in bed he looked half dead 
my phone had several missed calls on it due to me listening to my ipod
and jack sleeping the day away
it was mia
so i picked up the phone she was hung over basically
went for one more drink after we had parted ways and she says it finished her off
shes usually so good and holding her drink she wasnt sure what had gone wrong
and said she needed to lie down but if i could take her convention ticket with me and she'd meet us there maybe later one

we walked to the convention i was all kitted up

cute huh ^^  kitty maid
jack liked it and said it was cute
i got quite a few looks in the streets but i dont mind

we walked round the convention and my cousin texted to say she was there
so i met up with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh my god it made my entire day
i was so so happy
i got to meet her boyfriend too who obviously cared very much for sarah

I got a few things, an Alpacaso plush for dad its the 10th anniversary edition, a hedgehog mini plush for my mum both of which im saving til christmas along with the watermelon hair clips for mum, earrings for me and a japanese luck charm. 

I also picked up a really cool mug that can stand up on its ears 

we sat and talked for a bit as i needed a sit down from walking round
mia phoned and said she could come meet us but i told her it was raining and the ques were still pretty bad but it was up to her. she decided to skip the convention and meet us for lunch afterwards

i parted ways with my cousin and her boyfriend chris and went to meet mia
it was raining and luckily jack had brought his umbrella so i hid under that. i only had my little maid cosplay on so i was a bit cold ><
we picked up our bags and went to a cafe for lunch, i had tea and peanut butter on toast!!
from there we went to the train station and caught the train to nottingham
the train was freezing i was not happy and in pain

i said by to mia and me and jack went to his house
we had about half hour to relax then went over to his family's house
i stayed in cosplay
it was his step dads birthday
so it was his family + nan + a family friend with her husband and 2 children
it was nice being round children as ive kinda missed that now im not a teaching assistant anymore so i played with them
i also got to meet jack's younger brother
i got along fine with him god knows what he thinks of me tho XD
i ate cake and that was it, i didnt want food and didnt feel comfortable enough to eat there
we left at 10:30pm simply because i was falling asleep on the sofa
his mum and nan fussed over me saying i could stay the night but i said it was fine, the continued to fuss until i said "i have a lot of medication i need to take and i havent got it on me" that kinda shut them up.

we left and i got into pajamas and took my medication
i annoyed jack on the bed which was fun
but in return i got a love bite on my neck >.> he knows i hate that
i couldnt sleep
i left jack asleep and went upstairs and did some drawing
i felt so sick and it was because i had skipped dinner and taken my meds
not the best of ideas 
when i felt i could sleep i came to bed, i turned his light off he'd left on and covered him up
i slept pretty well but dreamed i was a monster and had to go live with other monsters
a guy monster found out i was the only female monster and was about to start the moves on me

Sunday
i woke up and it was morning, jack went to cuddle me and instantly let go
he said i was dripping in sweat
and i was my pajamas were soaked like literally wet
i think it was because i was about to have the rape nightmare
so yeah that was gross
i felt awful too
not a good morning
my head was splitting, i couldnt look at lights or outside or deal with loud noises 
it was horrible
and i felt so sick and tired
so i was in bed alllllllll day
jack fussed over me and at 3pm he asked "what do you want to eat?"
i said "i dont really"
he said "youve got to eat, i can do something"
so i said "beans on toast"
he went out bless him and brought the stuff and made it for me
i ate it and went back to bed
i texted mum to say i felt like crap and that the weekend had caught up with me, but i had enough medication on me in case i needed to stay at jacks
she rang me up and said that Oz was poorly
he was off his food...i felt sick. he wasnt eating and had sat in a ball all day
that made my decision that i would get home that day

 i went back to bed and woke up when i heard jack move upstairs
he went to go let his friend james in who was dropping off tickets for jack
i decided to get up and say hi
so i talked to them a lil while then said to jack it was 7:30pm and i needed to go to Oz

i got home and mum said Oz had managed to eat some carrot and food
i gave him loads of fuss and love instantly
he gave me licks
we watched the last episode of Killing Eve together

Today Monday
I got up and did half hour of yoga and half hour of dancing
it literally killed me off but i had missed it so much!
it felt good to actually do exercise
i put the stuff away from my bag and from manchester
i caught up on my laptop
fell asleep twice, kept sitting with Oz he is well happy bunny now and is eating fine
much to my relief
i think he was missing me
my mum tries with him whilst im away but its obviously me he wants
i sat and assessed my shelves, i need manga basically and because i wasnt really earning a wage i wasnt buying manga as its a treat and i was saving what little money i had
now i actually earn money and dont spend it! so i thought "sod it" ive decided to buy all the volumes i was wanting and missing, so ive brought 17 volumes of manga...wow where will i put all them!?
theyre from
Bloody Cross
Inu x Boku
Twin Star Exorcists
Noragami
so ive caught up now and can read my books~
i also put some songs on my ipod
my brother has given me something to link my ipod to my car stereo so i cant wait to try it out!

now im gonna get into my pajamas and sit with Oz
this entry had taken me agesss and i wasnt looking forward to doing it but its done now
tomorrow
ugh im in school 
its suppose to thunder and lightening tomorrow so basically me and jack said we'd do some hours as the weather is so bad
probably do display work 
think we're working 10 - 3 
i might go get a canvas after work
or just come home and dance

Night out with teachers

Evening~~

So yesterday was my last day of school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
such a sense of freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was so damn hot and i dont feel like i did an awful lot
no lessons and no one could be arsed to work
i tried to spend as much time as i could with Liv
there was the farewell ceremony 
i walked in the hall and was surrounded by staff and food and heat
i last 5 minutes before i decided i was gonna have a panic attack if i stayed longer
jack looked at me and said i didnt have to stay
that was all the permission i needed
i left

he came back and said "you  made the right choice. that was long, boring and hot!"
we packed up and left early
i got home, showered and went to bed
i got up and had a bit of food and got ready and went to jack's
i was at his for an hour then we met liv, rebecca and alan at Wagamama's
i has Yasai (veg) Katsu curry
i was the only one who couldnt finish all their food
and they wanted dessert!! we walked to a dessert place and i ordered banana
and chocolate crepe but i had a few mouth fulls and left the rest
just didnt want it 
then luke sent jack a text "what time we meeting beaut?" XD

so we left there and met some of the teachers at a bar
they all had drinks and jack offered me one but i knew if i had one id be sick
i was so full
i sat and had a laugh with everyone
but id had enough but didnt let it show
we walked to another bar but i didnt really stay i went for a walk by myself
yup alone in the city by myself
jack came to find me saying that liv, hannah, alan and rebecca were leaving
so we left and went home
it was a good night
but we didnt go to bed til gone 1am

i woke up and could not be arsed to get up
dont think i  moved til 10am
today was all about taking it easy tho as i have a few busy days ahead
i went to sleep on jack's bed as his room is soooo much cooler than mine
then i went home
came in and got stuff ready for manchester tomorrow
tried my maid cosplay on
it still fits! 
mia rang me to confirm times and stuff
and pretty much just died the rest of the evening
its 35c and very very humid
its like the littlest of movements causes you to break out in a sweat
no way was i going yoga tonight that was for sure
like no where has AC in this country
think its slightly cooler tomorrow and saturday

tomorrow im getting up at 6am like a school day
just cus ive got to be up and at jack's for 8:30am
at were getting the train at 9:45am
and i wanna make sure he has everything and is actually up and ready
then we will meet mia at the train station at 9:30

coming back to nottingham at 5:30pm saturday dressed as a maid
then me and jack have a family bbq at his house its his step dad's birthday
and  i keep saying  i will go dressed in my maid cosplay
hes like "do it" XD
i may end up staying at his on saturday night too depending what time his family 
stuff finishes
so yeah i'll be away enjoying my new found freedom!
and and! hopefully seeing my cousin for the first time in a few years!!!!!

heres nails i did a few weeks ago
tonight im gonna do them shades of red to match my maid cosplay :3

First fuddle and saying goodbye

Konbanwa~~

Last night things werent good
my head was soooo busy
and i ached
it was like growing pains
and it went on and on until i decided I would get up
problem is i took so much i felt so sick
then as i thought at 12:30pm id go to bed a police helicopter started circling above
course it did
and that too went on and on
so i stayed downstairs cus i knew i couldnt sleep with that banging on
safe to say i was tired this morning, the alarm was needed

it was 32c today and 29c in the prep room
god it was soooo hot its cruel making us work in that heat its so humid
we're all just puddles
luckily today i was able to just do my own thing and just did display work really
got another one finished
going to move onto the chemistry ones upstairs now not that the physics and biology is finished but the chemistry ones are BAD and the teachers want me to do some for them ><

it was the day of the fuddle
i saw past technicians which were just old retired people really
cant say i made much of an effort with them as they were boring and sciency 
but it was sally's last day today T^T sally is an amazing teacher shes like 60 but so down to earth and tells me where to go, i can have such fun with her and im gutted to lose her
ive done "the science of cats" board for her, went out with jack on the weekend and got her a present, made her a card for the department to sign. so i have tried for her
the fuddle went ok i managed to eat bits and pieces and i wasnt too anxious
we gave sally her card and plant and head of science made a speech
then the group of 30 of us walked round to my science of cats display which id covered over with paper and we got sally to rip the paper off
she was amazed at what id done and knew straight away it was me who'd done it
she went to give a few words and got a bit upset
when she eventually left she gave me a hug
earlier she added me on facebook so we dont lose contact
to say originally i didnt want anyone from work on facebook i currently have Jack, Alan, Rebecca, Liv, Hannah, Luke, Sally XD
they keep adding me!!! and i look rude if i dont accept them ><

i was glad to finish school today
as i was a melting puddle
when i came in i went straight in that shower
and laid down after that
i was so damn tired and worn out i felt ill
i was gonna do nails tonight but i cant be arsed quite frankly
ill do them before i go convention tho
heres the nails i did last week