Evening
Last night/this morning I woke up at 2am and thought
"im gonna be sick"
i got up and felt slightly out of it to say the least
i got downstairs and grabbed some breakfast biscuits and sat and ate them
that still didnt feel like enough somehow so i decided to make a hot chocolate as well
i took the hot milk out the microwave and quickly put the mug down
my vision was fading, my ears ringing and pulse thundering
i just thought 'need to get to the floor fast'
got knows how i actually got to the floor safely
put i laid there without my dressing gown luckily
i was cold but sweating, pulse thudding, and ears ringing
i laid there deep breathing til i felt well enough to stand
made the fastest hot chocolate ever and quickly sat down
and just made it as i could feel the need to faint coming on
i sat and drank the hot chocolate and went to bed when i felt safe to do so
i think it was too much medication and not enough food
this morning mum woke me at 8:20am holding tillie
"shes not well"
not what i wanted to wake up to
poor tillie
she was quiet, still, eyes sunken, fur felt horrible, she was off balance
how had she gone from being a bit quiet and tilted head last night to this!?
mum was upset, theyre her babies
so i rang up the vets for her and got tillie an emergency appointment
we got in for 10:15am
i told my brother, tillie is his favourite
and he said he wanted to go with mum, which was fair enough by me
they went and were a good hour
i did 40mins of dancing til i was a puddle, then had a shower
they came back
they said they had to pull up round the back of the vets, ring the vets to say their arrival, then someone collected tillie, she was examined and brought back to mum and my brother
they think THINK that she could ether have a ear infection or UTI
so she has: anti inflammatorys, antibiotics, something to help her stomach
3 medications once daily for 5 days!
she'll be smacked off her tits!
so i gave her her medication which she was very good about
later we put her outside on the grass with the other two
and literally you wouldnt know there was a problem
she was walking around normally, eating the grass, alert
i think she had us on this morning!
im glad shes like that and not on death's door
i hope she continues to do well
i worked on my jacket til lunch
then had lunch and fell asleep
a few nights of being up in the night does catch up on you
i just needed sleep, even now im tired
i got up and worked on my jacket and got it finished
im pleased with it, its so neat! I made it slightly bigger for me too so i can fit jumpers underneath it during the colder season
mum thinks it good
my brother says it looks like im gonna go sky diving XD
i cleared up and and had dinner
then i went for an evening walk as we didnt do one this morning
i went by myself round the woods it was nice but chilly i have to say!
tomorrow
i will do dance if dad is at work, yoga if he is at home
somehow yoga is more acceptable to him than dancing
then i will shower and get ready to go over to jack's
im staying there til monday
i said to mum if she wants me to come home to do tillie's medication then i will but she says i will only not be able to do it sunday and she will get my brother to help her
thats it really
Evening~
I tried to get to sleep but at 11:30pm my mum absolutely screamed....
she was having a nightmare and was half awake half asleep dreaming/thinking there was someone in front of her. So she screamed
dad is as comforting as an ice cube
i could hear her crying
so i went through to her
and gave her a cuddle whilst she laid in bed
my brother got to see if she was ok
dad just laid there
she apologised loads but there was no need to, we cant help what we dream
she said it took her while to get off to sleep
as for me and my brother it made us quite awake! so i went downstairs for a hot chocolate and to play on my switch my brother came shortly after and watched his ipad
he went to bed and i followed up shortly at around 12:45
I got up at 8:30am i slept pretty well
went for a walk with mum
then did 30mins of dancing til i was hot and sweaty
mum asked me to cut her fringe so i did that
i had soup to make but mum wanted to make it i think she wanted something to do!
so i went in the shower
after i had soup i started work on my jacket
its been another successful day
its really neat and i didnt make any mistakes
its going too well...
it just needs sleeves now and ribbon round the waist and its done!
i sent out texts to those i want to have my new number
i tried ringing several places to update my number and got no where!
no where was sodding open and it was only 1:30pm!
i will keep trying tho
been with my lad
hes been happy playing outside
its been so nice out that ive had my breaks and brews outside with him instead of sitting him on the sofa with me
tillie, who has had a slight tilt to her head since day 1 has been even more 'tilited' today
her head is really on one side
it could be an ear infection
so we shall see how she is tomorrow
it only really started this evening as she was fine this morning
we dont know if its just her being a bit on one side as normal or if something is up
this evening i did some more of my cake drawing
i just have the hair to do and its done!
and i practised a bit of dancing
im half way through a fairies dance
tomorrow i plan to finish my jacket
hopefully get my picture done also
about it really
Evening
I couldnt sleep last night I was in too much pain
so i sat with heat bags and tens machine downstairs til 1am :/
sucked
and then i woke up at 6:45am but managed to sleep til 8am
this morning i went for a walk with mum
we drove somewhere again for a walk which was nice
I came home and did a whole hour of yoga + physio exercises
my body was shaking when I was finished
so i had some lunch and went for a shower
My dad wanted to sort my phone out as the new sim had started working
we now needed to get a fresh number and to make sure i wasnt gonna be charged anything extra
but dad being dad was very stressy on the phone and when a woman, in india, picked up the phone, would could barely understand and hear her and think she had the same issue. But there was dogs barking in the background and other noises. I get people are working from home -even in india- but at least make your work space practical. My dad was fuming and i couldnt cope with anymore i had reached my limit of being in the company of my stressy dad. I said "dad its fine i will just find a new phone company and get a new phone and contract"
he went back to work
after all that I worked on my jacket
which is coming along well
ive still got plenty to do
whilst i was working my brother took my mobile
and i think it took him several hours but he has sorted my phone
such kindness
i am truly grateful
i couldnt do it i couldnt handle it or even understand it
but he stuck with it and got it all sorted
now all i need to do is tell multiple places and people my new number -____-
hopefully that wont be too bad ^^;
im so grateful tho
it does bother me that i cant stand on my own two feet and sort these things out but i literally crumble and cry i just cant hack it for what ever reason. im just damaged in more ways than one
i spoke to jack it was good to see him even if it through a screen
he had flump, damn him
i told him i was missing flump and im concerned about his flumpiness
he said "this is just your excuse to get more plushies isnt it"
damn it how'd he know!? XD but need to replace flump before he is squishy
little does he know i plan on bringing a massive plush over to his flat - when it arrives!
he told me that school had sent out a form asking who is safe to return to work and not to fill it in yet. I have since looked at it and it asks if you are 'clinically vulnerable' and i have no idea if i am or not! so i texted him asking if he will help me do it and he said he would when i go over on the weekend. it says we could return to work 1st June and I really hope i can go back then. But its got to be safe.
i showed him how far i was with my jacket and he thought it looked really good, he thought my doll wasnt too weird ether X3
i had dinner and continued a bit with my jacket
i should have been doing the work picture but my eyes sting too much i cant look at my laptop too much sewing i think >< i will do some tomorrow
might have a run through my dances im learning like last night
tomorrow probably just more jacket making and exercises really
what else is there to do?
my nails last week~ I have plans for this weeks nails
Evening
So last night I was finding it hard to fall asleep as I felt sick from one too many painkillers
my dad for the last 2 weeks has been faffing with this house brick in the garden, it is blocking a rather large hole in the fence and my brother one night saw a hedgehog in our garden! we worked out it was using this hole. Dad put a brick there so Oz didnt get any bright ideas, as he has sniffed the area out. Every night since my dad has moved the brick and then returned it in the morning. I dont want him doing this particularly as i worry the day he forgets to return the brick and Oz does a runner into next door's garden - home to 4 cats and a dog...
so yesterday night my brother left some guinea pig droppings round the brick
my dad came to it and said "we have rats! im not gonna move the brick and encourage it"
me and my brother struggled hard to keep a straight face, mum knew they were guinea pig droppings but dad being dad was adamant he was right and that they were rat leavings
so last night he didnt move the brick, it remained blocking the hedgehog's path as none us actually told dad it was a prank.
I laid in bed and heard the sound of a brick moving, god knows how i heard it and recognised it
but i thought "do i get up and investigate and wake myself up or try and actually sleep?"
but you know curiosity killed the cat and all that
i got up and grabbed my ipod for the torch
i went outside and i could hear rustling - there was definitely something in the garden
then i saw it! a hedgehog!!! so cute X3 and i cant remember the last time i saw a live one, usually you see them dead in the road unfortunately.
i stood silently and watched it, it just walked around didnt even notice me, then the cold got to me and i went inside
so that was different, i left a note for dad on the table to say i have seen Mr. Hedgehog
i stayed up and ate some cereal to try and give my stomach something to chew on apart from my medication then i went to bed at 1am
slept pretty well from then
in the morning i told mum about seeing the hedgehog, and later when i saw dad he asked about it and i had to tell him it was my brother who pranked him the day before XD
i love hedgehogs theyre so cute, i just wish we had food to leave for it. we dont cater to hedgehog needs but also it can encourage vermin so we are best just letting it eat our garden critters like slugs/worms/etc
i went for a walk with mum this morning
we actually drove somewhere and went for a walk which was nice
it was like an hour long walk too
i needed a brew with my lad after that
then i went to bed at 12 to read and be warm
when i got up at 2pm i had lunch then danced for 25mins i found it exhausting
i am just so damn tired today and i ache soooo much its unfair
after my work out i went for a shower
then sat with Oz and had a brew
i decided to try and start my jacket at least
and it actually came on well much to my surprise
it was a lot easier working with this blanket than working with the last one, that stuff was awful
so i have just finished the torso
next will be the front + back + pockets
i was telling mum that Flump - who i sleep with at jack's
is starting to not be so 'flumpy' and i dont want him misshaped and such
so she suggested i find something else to sleep with
but that would mean having ANOTHER plush at jack's XD
im not sure he would be that impressed with that
but needs must
so i had a look online today
and i found the solution to my problems!
its this huge 40cm hamster/rabbit plush! i have one similar from convention one year and they are usually between £30-£40 and this one is new and packaged for £15! so i have brought it, i will show mum when it arrives and then just turn up with it at jack's flat -- whats he gonna do XD
i havent actually heard from him today :/
im just doing a bit of drawing now
but might do some dance practice later
tomorrow probably just work on my jacket
oh here is the doll i did
when she arrived her hair was in strands and a mess
so i have sorted her hair out by washing, brushing and straightening it
she also arrived naked so i made her a kimono to wear :3
Evening
I slept pretty well last night
probably good to be back in my own bed
my bed however does look like something is missing
Flump...
didnt realise how much id gotten used to seeing him on my bed
this morning i went for a walk with mum
then i did 25mins of dancing which felt good to do
then the postman came and delivered a little something to me
it was the little weird doll i ordered, just for something to do
so i got to work making a template for her kimono
chose fabrics and got to work making her a kimono
gosh shes so small so it was a little fiddly at times
but gave me something different to do and think about
i finished it
her hair was a bit of mess from being packaged and brought in from china
so i washed it and shes currently drying near the radiator
i will photograph her tomorrow~ then i will have 3 weird dolls looking at me X3
i have hung out with my lad plenty today
and i gave truffle a hair cut she was soooo good i couldnt believe how much she co-operated!
she just sat there
and she looks so cute and small again i love it
i dont enjoy cutting her fur but has to be done as she struggles to keep it clean and tidy when it becomes long, as its not only long its very dense as well
thats all i have done today really
i ate dinner and had to be in a ball for almost 2 hours with stomach pains
food just doesnt seem worth it at times!
i didnt feel like i wanted to do any drawing tonight
think all my concentration went to the kimono
my blanket came this afternoon
its a lovely shade of red and its not stretchy ether! result!
so tomorrow i will be making a start on my jacket - finally
just hope i can get my head round it you know
been a while since i have made a jacket
so thats tomorrow~
Tadaima~
I am home from jack's
I went over thursday night after putting Ozwald to bed
I've had a good time :) think it is doing me good and like stabilising me by getting out
so thursday i went over and we didnt do a lot at it was 8:45pm by the time I got over
i did help him by putting his new mattress cover on ^^ god the difference those 2 inches of feathers have made...wish he'd got one ages ago
we played on switches in bed which was nice
i tried to sleep but woke up aching and it wasnt the best of nights
but that was my fault not the bed, i was just over sensitive
in the morning it was hard to get jack out of bed, he was so warm an comfy
damn him
i got up and pounced on him til he got up
we didnt do a lot that day, we did a big walk of the canal and things and spent time with theo
we cooked pulled pork for dinner
jack had got his D&D online that night starting at 6pm
so i said to theo did he want to watch a film with me whilst jack was off nerding it out
so thats what we did
he put on i think it was called '21 jump street' typical guy film but made me laugh and i was grateful to have the company to be honest
then we sat playing on switches on the sofa
i had served up pulled pork cobs and delivered them to jack and i cleared and washed up
what a good service is that
he said he's be done at 10pm, it got to 10:30pm and i was like "what the hell is he doing?"
he ran over and i was like shattered and wanted to go bed
he came to us shortly afterwards and apologised for over running
i just wanted to go to bed
but i couldnt sleep
jack already woke me up as i was scratching and moving around a lot
i woke up and my skin felt raw and i felt annoyed - god knows what i was dreaming
so i got up cus i knew i couldnt sleep like that
i left jack in bed
i went upstairs and played on my switch and stretched out a bit and it was like 4am
i came to bed, i was crying, i was tired and felt it was so unfair that i couldnt even sleep next to my boyfriend in bed, i crawled to bed and jack kinda stirred and i asked for some covers and he gave me some and held his arm up inviting me to come cuddle him
i cuddled him and i was crying on his chest - bare chest i will add
he just held me and i thought "is he awake? is he awake and not arsed? but how has he given me covers and cuddled me?" i fell asleep at whatever time
in the morning i felt like death and really woke up on the wrong side of the bed
i was in such a mental mood
proper sucked into myself
i couldnt and didnt want to talk about how i felt
i got up straight away as i was aching badly from the bad night
i woke jack up and he asked for 5 more minutes - as usual
so i gave him 5mins then he asked for long - i gave him 30mins and at this point i took my tablets as i didnt want breakfast or to eat
i went down again and woke him, he asked for 5 more mins i said "jack ive been waiting an hour now" he swore and decided to get up, not realising that i had been waiting that long
he said i could have eaten without him
i didnt want food
and he soon caught on that i was in a bad mood
he was worried it was him
it wasnt it was me
and cus i wouldnt talk i could tell it was bothering and concerning him
so i said to him "i need out jack i need to get out and walk"
he got up and brushed his teeth, dressed, and put his shoes on and we went for a walk
i needed it and i talked that i was just feeling off and had a bad night
cus even when i had gotten to sleep i had had nightmares
i said "did you not feel me crying on your chest?"
his face dropped "no! you should have woke me! please promise me that next time you will wake me" so i pinky promised
we came back to the flat and i did feel better i kinda snapped out my mood and was able to face breakfast.
later on we went for a walk just the two of us down the canal as it was dead sunny and brought a cold drink and sat and drank it on a bench which was nice
we baked cookies we made soup we did a lot
he also introduced me to painting warhammer - something i never ever thought id do
i knew it looked hard but it has given me a new appreciation of it
my god its hard!
i didnt finish mine i lost interest, painting a small elf in a colour scheme i didnt like didnt do much for me as it turns out XD
but i liked his paintbrushes sad as it sounds
that night theo was playing against harvey online on this sad village game, i could tell jack wanted to join in so i said why didnt he play and i could do some drawing
so the 3 of us sat on laptops in the living room probably looking like serious geeks
i put my ipod on and blasted them out theres only so much nerd stuff i can take
it hit 11pm and i could no longer look at a screen and hold concentration
so i told him i was calling it a night
he said "ill do one more game"
i said "sure ill play on my switch in bed"
he had told me earlier games could take an hour but i let him get on with it
i played disgaea in bed with flump enjoying the peace
it got to midnight and still no jack
so i thought "sod this crap" left the lamp on for him and cuddled flump
i fell asleep as it turned out before jack got to bed
and i slept through!
i think i was just shattered
jack said he came to bed not too long after midnight i said he was neglecting me XD
he said i had lost flump in the night and was feeling around in my sleep for him
jack said i had grabbed his arm, stroked his beard and said his name in my sleep
i said "yeah right! youre lying, like id do that!"
he said "no jo you actually did, it was very cute"
damn it!!!!!!!!!! i need to get a grip in my sleep but he said i turned over and found flump
so today we went for a walk and as usual theo joined us, its nice we all get on so well and none us feel left out or awkward
they painted models i played on my switch as i had lost interest
we ate leftovers
and not much else really pretty relaxed day
i came home at dinner time tho as i wanted to see my Ozwald
mum had been so good with him
i sat on the sofa with him
then mum brought the girls to me
Oz didnt know which to lick, me or the girls XD so he licked all of us XD very cute
he has missed me
im gonna go see him now
i still havent got anywhere with my phone
dad has decided to write a letter - yes a letter (what year is it?) - to head office
but i cant see him getting anywhere with that
just luckily right now i dont 'need' my phone
tomorrow not sure what i will do as of yet
feel like going on a diet im always conscious of my body and food and i hate the way i feel and look so i might weigh myself and assess the damage -___-
Evening~
Despite all that I had going off yesterday
I did in fact sleep! i think I was just that dead!
i slept from 11pm til 6am
I got up at 8am and mum whizzed off to the shops
so i sorted the girls out which made a change
then I did 50mins of yoga + physio exercises
i did the exercises whilst watching the anime Charlotte which is ok i guess
mum got back and after sorting the shopping out we went for a 45min walk
i had a shower
this afternoon i was working on my picture for work
as i hadnt had any work come through so jack said just do art for the prep room
and i did pretty well
i got the cake done, well it needs a bit of editing in photoshop but i think it looks alright
it will get there
i showed it jack and he liked it :)
he rang me up on facebook actually to say that his feather mattress protector had arrived today!
what good luck is that! the night im going over and it arrives ^^ that will make my life soooo much better i tell you. i said id give him a hand putting it on when i come over
my phone still isnt working
someone has pinched my number, my phone is dead, my contract has ended
but the network still hasnt gotten in touch with us :/
i just want it sorted but god knows when that will happen cus of bank holiday tomorrow and the weekend. dad says i might be better off switching companies but because ive been with them 10 years i get a reduced fee so thats the only reason i have stayed with them. apart from that they are crap.
id change company but id end up with an expensive bill. and phones dont mean a lot to me. so i dont want to waste my money on that.
ether way i have stopped them taking money from me
i just want it sorted tho
so im going over to jack's with no phone
but mum and jack have each other's numbers so theres contact
ive spent time with my Ozwald today
ether with our usual cups of tea or outside
make him happy before i go over to jacks
i finished my snorlax cross stitch i think it looks alright :)
i will photograph it.
coming home on sunday
as dad is decorating my parents bedroom tomorrow and i need to be out the way unless i want to slash my wrists and have a million panic attacks!
