tilly finished her meds

Konbanwa

It was nice to be back in my own bed last night
took me til about midnight to sleep but once i was asleep i slept til 7am
then napped til 8am 

I went for a walk with mum this morning
i really couldnt be bothered
i was just worn out for some reason
im thinking its maybe hayfever thats making me feel so drained
theres soooo many seeds flying in the air right now!
but i managed a walk
i came back and did 15mins of dance half heartily
then showered
then i dusted my bedroom cus it was ready for dust after making that jacket
it had kicked up quite a bit dust and fluff from that blanket!

I spoke to mia on the phone for over an hour
god my joints and muscles afterwards hurt!
it was good to speak to her tho
she seems to be doing alright 

then i started to plan out my pokemon painting
i spent hours drawing it all out and i have finished the rough sketch
i  can start painting it now
theres many hours of work there but it should look good when its actually finished
and should keep me quiet

i helped mum with the dinner 
then i did 25mins of dance practice in my room after dinner
i was learning a hard fast one and i have managed like 30seconds 
so hard to take in and get right but i was in mood for a challenge

tilly finished her medication today
she seems totally fine thank god
we will give the sows a bath tomorrow

tomorrow probably exercises if it isnt too tiring
and painting!
tonight might draw a rough outline for the picture for the dish washer at work 

Chibi cakes

Evening

My tillie is doing really well
almost like there was nothing wrong with her....
but im glad shes doing well ^^

Saturday morning I went over to Jack's
I was reunited with both jack and flump ^^
we made a soup for lunch
then we did a big walk with theo
we played switchs
at pizza
and that night I slept really well
had a dream that i was back at my high school 
it was empty until i got to my form room which had a class in and my form teacher
thats when i flew into a rage and i could blast people with a force of wind by thrusting my palm out, safe to say that the room was covered in blood and guts when i was finished
i was being chased so flew out the window and was casually hopping from roof top to roof top
yup ether im disturbed or watched too much anime XD

sunday morning 
we did a work out together which was mainly yoga for me and weights for jack
we did a walk
we baked cookies
played switches
then his friends gave him a call at 4pm on Zoom
i was laid out on the rug in front of the patio door which was open and letting in a lovely breeze and hot sun, and hot sun on my joints is amazing
so i laid and laid, they were only talking about politics for some reason anyway
then i got up and talked to them for a bit
then i made dinner which was chopped roasted veg and chicken, jack played his switch and didnt help much but i was fine as i kinda wanted to it as he seems to always cook for me
then he had his gaming and theo was gaming online with harvey
so i was very much just left to it
which i was fine about and it allowed me to finish of the picture i have done for the fridge at work:

cute huh
it got to 9:30pm and i was aching and had enough
i decided to grab my phone, ipod, jacks flat keys and i went for a walk round the city centre by myself at 9:30pm it was odd being out so late and no one around
i got back at 10:10pm
usually jack is done for 10pm but he wasnt
it was 10:40pm by time he had finished
bit annoying
i couldnt sleep as id gone past the stage of being tired
got to sleep around 1am

we woke up to the sound of jacks alarm at 8:30am
i got up and had a shower
we had a meeting online at 9:30am
it was good to see everyone from science 
and people were asking if jack was treating me right XD
it only lasted 10/15 mins and was pointless as nothing was said but i guess its about staying in touch and i actually havent attended a single meeting yet so it did me good to show my face

all day from the moment i got up i have felt sick and really really anxious
like im gonna sit an exam or have a panic attack like my throat feels tight and everything
jack says i was ringing my hands a lot
dont know what the problem even is
i cant work it out
annoying tho
feels like i havent had my medication but i know i have

jack got showered and we went round the city
popped into wilkos and tesco
we brought the cutlery i wanted for our house - its rainbow! how cool is that ^^
jack paid for it as he says ive been buying loads of stuff for the house which is true but only cus he already has a shed load of stuff
we talked on the walk and i said i felt fed up last night, sometimes i think he talks too much about gaming or does/plays too much games
it can feel relentless at times like if hes not playing it hes talking about it
and sometimes its a bit much
i said i didnt know if it was me being tuned into it or if it was him
and he confessed he knows he does too much gaming or says to himself "ok i gotta shut up now"
i think cus i dont talk about my interests really as i think no one is interested why bore them
but he doesnt think the same as me XD
i dont mind him gaming but playing pokemon go whilst we're having breakfast can be a pee take
but i know a lot of his 'habits' are from him living how he likes, he usually does all this cus im not there so its hard to stop you doing these things in front of someone when youre so used to doing them. he says he will try harder but i told him theres no need, just sometimes its grating XD

we came back and had lunch
then i had a massive sleep i probably wont sleep tonight but i am shattered
we had tea and cookies 

i got a message from mum saying my new plush had arrived - my replacement flump
i havent told jack, he just knows that i plan to replace flump in the future
so i said to jack i would take flump home and bring something else to his
little does he know its a great big bunny X3
i will photograph it :D  

when i got home i went straight to Oz as i know he really misses me
i got lots of licks
and im gonna go now and sit with him and fuss his little face
he does miss me a lot and i feel guilty but i have to live my life sometimes
but mum always keeps him in routine and provides plenty of love ^^

tomorrow i might start a pokemon painting ive been wanting to do
and theo and jack gave me ideas for it too

Poorly Tillie and jacket finished!

Evening

Last night/this morning I woke up at 2am and thought
"im gonna be sick"
i got up and felt slightly out of it to say the least
i got downstairs and grabbed some breakfast biscuits and sat and ate them
that still didnt feel like enough somehow so i decided to make a hot chocolate as well
i took the hot milk out the microwave and quickly put the mug down
my vision was fading, my ears ringing and pulse thundering
i just thought 'need to get to the floor fast'
got knows how i actually got to the floor safely
put i laid there without my dressing gown luckily
i was cold but sweating, pulse thudding, and ears ringing
i laid there deep breathing til i felt well enough to stand
made the fastest hot chocolate ever and quickly sat down
and just made it as i could feel the need to faint coming on
i sat and drank the hot chocolate and went to bed when i felt safe to do so
i think it was too much medication and not enough food

this morning mum woke me at 8:20am holding tillie
"shes not well"
not what i wanted to wake up to
poor tillie
she was quiet, still, eyes sunken, fur felt horrible, she was off balance
how had she gone from being a bit quiet and tilted head last night to this!?
mum was upset, theyre her babies
so i rang up the vets for her and got tillie an emergency appointment
we got in for 10:15am
i told my brother, tillie is his favourite
and he said he wanted to go with mum, which was fair enough by me

they went and were a good hour
i did 40mins of dancing til i was a puddle, then had a shower
they came back
they said they had to pull up round the back of the vets, ring the vets to say their arrival, then someone collected tillie, she was examined and brought back to mum and my brother
they think THINK that she could ether have a ear infection or UTI
so she has: anti inflammatorys, antibiotics, something to help her stomach
3 medications once daily for 5 days!
she'll be smacked off her tits!
so i gave her her medication which she was very good about

later we put her outside on the grass with the other two
and literally you wouldnt know there was a problem
she was walking around normally, eating the grass, alert 
i think she had us on this morning!
im glad shes like that and not on death's door
i hope she continues to do well

i worked on my jacket til lunch
then had lunch and fell asleep 
a few nights of being up in the night does catch up on you
i just needed sleep, even now im tired
i got up and worked on my jacket and got it finished 

im pleased with it, its so neat! I made it slightly bigger for me too so i can fit jumpers underneath it during the colder season
mum thinks it good
my brother says it looks like im gonna go sky diving XD

i cleared up and and had dinner
then i went for an evening walk as we didnt do one this morning
i went by myself round the woods it was nice but chilly i have to say!

tomorrow
i will do dance if dad is at work, yoga if he is at home
somehow yoga is more acceptable to him than dancing
then i will shower and get ready to go over to jack's
im staying there til monday 
i said to mum if she wants me to come home to do tillie's medication then i will but she says i will only not be able to do it sunday and she will get my brother to help her
thats it really 

almost finished my 2020 jacket

Evening~

I tried to get to sleep but at 11:30pm my mum absolutely screamed....
she was having a nightmare and was half awake half asleep dreaming/thinking there was someone in front of her. So she screamed
dad is as comforting as an ice cube
i could hear her crying
so i went through to her
and gave her a cuddle whilst she laid in bed
my brother got to see if she was ok
dad just laid there
she apologised loads but there was no need to, we cant help what we dream
she said it took her while to get off to sleep
as for me and my brother it made us quite awake! so i went downstairs for a hot chocolate and to play on my switch my brother came shortly after and watched his ipad
he went to bed and i followed up shortly at around 12:45

I got up at 8:30am i slept pretty well
went for a walk with mum 
then did 30mins of dancing til i was hot and sweaty
mum asked me to cut her fringe so i did that
i had soup to make but mum wanted to make it i think she wanted something to do!
so i went in the shower

after i had soup i started work on my jacket
its been another successful day
its really neat and i didnt make any mistakes
its going too well...
it just needs sleeves now and ribbon round the waist and its done!

i sent out texts to those i want to have my new number
i tried ringing several places to update my number and got no where!
no where was sodding open and it was only 1:30pm! 
i will keep trying tho

been with my lad
hes been happy playing outside
its been so nice out that ive had my breaks and brews outside with him instead of sitting him on the sofa with me
tillie, who has had a slight tilt to her head since day 1 has been even more 'tilited' today
her head is really on one side
it could be an ear infection
so we shall see how she is tomorrow
it only really started this evening as she was fine this morning
we dont know if its just her being a bit on one side as normal or if something is up

this evening i did some more of my cake drawing
i just have the hair to do and its done!

and i practised a bit of dancing
im half way through a fairies dance

tomorrow i plan to finish my jacket 
hopefully get my picture done also
about it really

Phone is fixed!

Evening

I couldnt sleep last night I was in too much pain
so i sat with heat bags and tens machine downstairs til 1am :/
sucked
and then i woke up at 6:45am but managed to sleep til 8am

this morning i went for a walk with mum
we drove somewhere again for a walk which was nice
I came home and did a whole hour of yoga + physio exercises
my body was shaking when I was finished
so i had some lunch and went for a shower

My dad wanted to sort my phone out as the new sim had started working
we now needed to get a fresh number and to make sure i wasnt gonna be charged anything extra
but dad being dad was very stressy on the phone and when a woman, in india, picked up the phone, would could barely understand and hear her and think she had the same issue. But there was dogs barking in the background and other noises. I get people are working from home -even in india- but at least make your work space practical. My dad was fuming and i couldnt cope with anymore i had reached my limit of being in the company of my stressy dad. I said "dad its fine i will just find a new phone company and get a new phone and contract"
he went back to work

after all that I worked on my jacket
which is coming along well
ive still got plenty to do
whilst i was working my brother took my mobile
and i think it took him several hours but he has sorted my phone
such kindness
i am truly grateful
i couldnt do it i couldnt handle it or even understand it
but he stuck with it and got it all sorted
now all i need to do is tell multiple places and people my new number -____- 
hopefully that wont be too bad ^^;
im so grateful tho
it does bother me that i cant stand on my own two feet and sort these things out but i literally crumble and cry i just cant hack it for what ever reason. im just damaged in more ways than one

i spoke to jack it was good to see him even if it through a screen
he had flump, damn him
i told him i was missing flump and im concerned about his flumpiness
he said "this is just your excuse to get more plushies isnt it"
damn it how'd he know!? XD but need to replace flump before he is squishy
little does he know i plan on bringing a massive plush over to his flat - when it arrives!
he told me that school had sent out a form asking who is safe to return to work and not to fill it in yet. I have since looked at it and it asks if you are 'clinically vulnerable' and i have no idea if i am or not! so i texted him asking if he will help me do it and he said he would when i go over on the weekend. it says we could return to work 1st June and I really hope i can go back then. But its got to be safe.
i showed him how far i was with my jacket and he thought it looked really good, he thought my doll wasnt too weird ether X3

i had dinner and continued a bit with my jacket
i should have been doing the work picture but my eyes sting too much i cant look at my laptop too much sewing i think >< i will do some tomorrow
might have a run through my dances im learning like last night

tomorrow probably just more jacket making and exercises really
what else is there to do?
my nails last week~ I have plans for this weeks nails

Little Doll

Evening

So last night I was finding it hard to fall asleep as I felt sick from one too many painkillers
my dad for the last 2 weeks has been faffing with this house brick in the garden, it is blocking a rather large hole in the fence and my brother one night saw a hedgehog in our garden! we worked out it was using this hole. Dad put a brick there so Oz didnt get any bright ideas, as he has sniffed the area out. Every night since my dad has moved the brick and then returned it in the morning. I dont want him doing this particularly as i worry the day he forgets to return the brick and Oz does a runner into next door's garden - home to 4 cats and a dog...
so yesterday night my brother left some guinea pig droppings round the brick
my dad came to it and said "we have rats! im not gonna move the brick and encourage it"
me and my brother struggled hard to keep a straight face, mum knew they were guinea pig droppings but dad being dad was adamant he was right and that they were rat leavings
so last night he didnt move the brick, it remained blocking the hedgehog's path as none us actually told dad it was a prank.
I laid in bed and heard the sound of a brick moving, god knows how i heard it and recognised it 
but i thought "do i get up and investigate and wake myself up or try and actually sleep?"
but you know curiosity killed the cat and all that
i got up and grabbed my ipod for the torch
i went outside and i could hear rustling - there was definitely something in the garden
then i saw it! a hedgehog!!! so cute X3 and i cant remember the last time i saw a live one, usually you see them dead in the road unfortunately.
i stood silently and watched it, it just walked around didnt even notice me, then the cold got to me and i went inside
so that was different, i left a note for dad on the table to say i have seen Mr. Hedgehog
i stayed up and ate some cereal to try and give my stomach something to chew on apart from my medication then i went to bed at 1am
slept pretty well from then

in the morning i told mum about seeing the hedgehog, and later when i saw dad he asked about it and i had to tell him it was my brother who pranked him the day before XD
i love hedgehogs theyre so cute, i just wish we had food to leave for it. we dont cater to hedgehog needs but also it can encourage vermin so we are best just letting it eat our garden critters like slugs/worms/etc

i went for a walk with mum this morning
we actually drove somewhere and went for a walk which was nice
it was like an hour long walk too
i needed a brew with my lad after that
then i went to bed at 12 to read and be warm

when i got up at 2pm i had lunch then danced for 25mins i found it exhausting 
i am just so damn tired today and i ache soooo much its unfair
after my work out i went for a shower
then sat with Oz and had a brew

i decided to try and start my jacket at least
and it actually came on well much to my surprise
it was a lot easier working with this blanket than working with the last one, that stuff was awful
so i have just finished the torso 
next will be the front + back + pockets

i was telling mum that Flump - who i sleep with at jack's
is starting to not be so 'flumpy' and i dont want him misshaped and such 
so she suggested i find something else to sleep with
but that would mean having ANOTHER plush at jack's XD
im not sure he would be that impressed with that
but needs must
so i had a look online today
and i found the solution to my problems!
its this huge 40cm hamster/rabbit plush! i have one similar from convention one year and they are usually between £30-£40 and this one is new and packaged for £15! so i have brought it, i will show mum when it arrives and then just turn up with it at jack's flat -- whats he gonna do XD
i havent actually heard from him today :/

im just doing a bit of drawing now
but might do some dance practice later
tomorrow probably just work on my jacket

oh here is the doll i did

when she arrived her hair was in strands and a mess
so i have sorted her hair out by washing, brushing and straightening it
she also arrived naked so i made her a kimono to wear :3

Playing with dolls

Evening

I slept pretty well last night
probably good to be back in my own bed
my bed however does look like something is missing
Flump...
didnt realise how much id gotten used to seeing him on my bed

this morning i went for a walk with mum
then i did 25mins of dancing which felt good to do
then the postman came and delivered a little something to me
it was the little weird doll i ordered, just for something to do
so i got to work making a template for her kimono
chose fabrics and got to work making her a kimono
gosh shes so small so it was a little fiddly at times
but gave me something different to do and think about
i finished it
her hair was a bit of mess from being packaged and brought in from china
so i washed it and shes currently drying near the radiator 
i will photograph her tomorrow~ then i will have 3 weird dolls looking at me X3

i have hung out with my lad plenty today
and i gave truffle a hair cut she was soooo good i couldnt believe how much she co-operated!
she just sat there
and she looks so cute and small again i love it
i dont enjoy cutting her fur but has to be done as she struggles to keep it clean and tidy when it becomes long, as its not only long its very dense as well

thats all i have done today really
i ate dinner and had to be in a ball for almost 2 hours with stomach pains
food just doesnt seem worth it at times!
i didnt feel like i wanted to do any drawing tonight
think all my concentration went to the kimono

my blanket came this afternoon
its a lovely shade of red and its not stretchy ether! result!
so tomorrow i will be making a start on my jacket - finally
just hope i can get my head round it you know
been a while since i have made a jacket
so thats tomorrow~