had ice cream and bought 2 chest drawers

 Evening

Ah I didnt get time to do my diary yesterday ><

But I started my day by searching for £1000 in 50 pound notes that my dad had given to me to give to the electrician. Could I find them? I was starting to feel sick. My dad had handed them to me when we had just come in from being turned away from the covid jab so my mind was not in the right place when they were handed to me!!!!! Jack helped and in the end chilled out playing pokemon before school - he doesnt usually do this - shows how much I had stressed him out. I got on with yoga, just as we were leaving for school I saw something under the tissue box in the kitchen....yup a wad of cash

THANK GOD 0.0

so that was me crippled with anxiety, all the way home from taking Jack to work. I called in at mum's on the way home as I needed chilling out and felt I would probably only go home to pace.

I had a cup of tea with her then she went to work

I took some  boxes home with me but I wasn't very settled at home I was still stressed out so in the end I went to sleep to escape all thought. So I can tell I still aint right in the head

I woke up and started transferring stuff from my old knackered boxes to my new ones

Then had lunch then I thought I would start on the draw I brought over from mum's and realised I need a chest of drawers to put stuff in T^T mum rang me at this point and I was grouchy with her as my plans had not gone right. She convinced me to go out for a walk with her XD

which worked out well actually as Jack txt to say Chris was dropping him and that he was gonna come in for a cup of tea which is great but would give me no time to work out. So worked out well as then I would have done a walk and yoga in the morning

mum left just before Jack and chris arrived. It was good to see someone from school in a way

I started running a bath whilst chris was here tho as we needed to get off to harveys soon

chris left and then I was in the bath, Jack had the bath after me. He then started running something by me about school cus he needed to and I wanted him to. However it did my stomach literally flip over. And when he talked about progressing his career and one day leaving I wanted to cry so he stopped there 0.0 yeah Jo is not able to cope with that right now, which made Jack feel awful. But he needed to talk to me about these things as he needed to arrange a meeting but wanted to talk to me about it first.

we set off for harveys it was just us 4 and the guys had wagamama's I had left overs which I enjoyed

then we had Kaspers for dessert, I ordered a waffle like the guys did. mine had white chocolate, fudge and oreo on it. It comes with a little pot of whipped vanilla ice cream. When it arrived, at first I had written the ice cream off as i knew I wouldnt have room for that and the waffle and wasnt holding out a lot for it's quality but I thought I would try it as its been months since I have had ice cream. It was so nice!!!! I then pinched a bit of my waffle toppings and ate it with the ice cream and I actually really enjoyed this! It was nice without being too sweet and sickly or heavy. I had a spoon of jack's waffle and it felt heavy. I knew what sort of feeling that waffle would give my stomach. So I finished my ice cream and told Jack I didnt want to eat my waffle. He said "its fine we will take it home" I didnt want to push my luck with food and I could hear food thoughts starting up too

we stayed til 9:30pm but my god did i need pain killers as harvey's living room seats are hard, no padding, outdoor seats T^T

we got home and I wanted drugs pure and simple. We had Oz in for 15mins he couldnt want to do toilet on his clean blanket at 10pm -_______-

then we went to bed, told Jack I was having food thoughts, he was like "it was a small pot of ice cream, you will be fine (weight wise)" I said "believe me, I KNOW" T^T doesnt stop the thoughts happening.

It took a long time for me to sleep even tho I had taken a sleeping tablet

today

I dropped Jack off for work and came back to find the electrician and his son outside.

so I had them in the study and craft room - where i wanted to be. plus the electric + internet was turned off. I literally couldnt do a damn thing. So i curled up on the sofa

they finished tho around 11am ^^ they even hung two new lights up for me which was nice of them. I paid them and they said they would help with any future electrics

I sorted out my boxes and then had lunch, then had Oz in, he 'helped' me sort out more boxes and then i booted him out. Mum came over at 2:30pm we had a cup of tea and she brought me food too ^^ Jack came home at 4pm and then mummy left. I spoke with Jack about school he said on monday I have got to have a meeting with head of science about my absence >< 

we had dinner and cleared up and Jack has gone to play D&D, he said he can skip if I wanted but I wanted him to enjoy himself after a hard week at work

I won a pair of drawers on ebay, which I am hoping I can collect tomorrow!

I need to do some exercise tonight, not even used my new weights yet!!

tomorrow

I have a hair cut at 9:30am then taking Jack to munchies for breakfast takeaway then hopefully collecting my drawers!

not sure what else will happen. I would like a few things drillings but see how Jack is first

wore a dress for the first time this year

 Evening

Ah still not sleeping, hayfever and heat -______- same for Jack

We got up at 6am and first thing I did was die on the toilet for a good 20mins woohoo -____-

just when i thought when I was getting better that had to happen >.> god knows why too

I dropped Jack off and got back to go for a very warm walk mia....my god it was hot and I had all clean clothes on too and my top I am not joking it was ringing wet, even my pants were wet. Just disgusting. We were only gone 45mins but god it was so hot. 

I had got back at 10am and felt disgusting. So I decided to go for a shower as I knew I was not gonna last the day feeling like that 0.0 so clean clothes again for me! This time I put on a new dress! My first dress wearing of the year. I felt so free and loose

I took Oz over to mum's with me and we sat and had a brew, then lunch and eventually went out to the shops it was so hot. I got a few bits, managed to buy some storage boxes for my crafts which is what I went for but I didnt manage to get a chest of drawers which I need for my craft room but they ether werent big enough or I wasnt paying £150 for something I didnt even like that much. Might have to be an internet  job and do it up my style like my dresser. I will keep my eyes open for drawers online

we got back and it was sooooo hot. Mum helped me cut Oz's claws as my god did they need doing, they were long over due, must have trimmed 7mm off him. He must feel better for it. Didnt realise they were that long.

I came home with my Ozwald, put my stuff away and about 15mins later Jack came home, we flopped on the bed as it was 32c and we have hayfever. We ate dinner which was the thai curry we put on this morning it was sooo nice ^^ then we both fell asleep cus were both not sleeping, its hot and hayfever is draining as hell

We had a bath and chilled out on sofa, we're not doing yoga tonight as we're both shattered and dont want to sweat again. I have done my morning yoga and a walk so I have done enough exercise. Oh I picked up slightly heavier dumbbells today! can't wait to have a go with them ^^

Think I will treat myself to fruit loaf or hot chocolate tonight :3 

tomorrow I dont have any thing planned actually

Jack and mum both said I looked very pretty and cute in my dress today ^^ I might put it on again tomorrow actually. It goes down to my knees and is tshirt sleeve so I dont feel exposed and uncomfortable in it.

No anxiety this morning!!!!!!!!!!!

 Evening

I didn't sleep so well again last night, I am blaming hayfever and this heat!! Jack said he hardly slept at all. So we both couldnt be bothered to get up this morning! And nether could Oz! He didnt leave his cage til 10 mins after Jack had opened it up XD Just was not happening here at chateau lapin at 6am today!

Still, I did my yoga and my mindfulness targets - which I can say I totally nailed!

I went with Jack to school and I didnt feel anxious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That awful sicky anxiety was not there this morning!! woohoo!! shows Jo is improving ^^ It could also be that I havent died on the toilet for 2 weeks and I am actually absorbing my antidepressiant. 

I went straight to mum's from dropping Jack off, surprising her. We had a cup of tea and I was able to see her for 50mins before she went to work and I got to see the piglets too :3

I came home as mum went to work.

I got 2/3 things done from my mindfulness list done. Which was to touch up the walls where the carpet fitters savaged my walls, and wrapped dad's father's day present up for sunday.

At this point I wasn't sure if I was gonna go to bed or a walk, but judging the sun, I decided I would in fact go to bed. I woke up to find it was lunch time so I had my soup whilst watching some vlogs

and to be honest I have had vlogs on all day really as hearing voices doesnt make me feel so alone in the house and I am not always in the mood for music you know? I didnt learn anything of interest but it was something different.

I had Oz in for an hour he was happy bunny ^^ I caught him sitting in my sunflowers this morning which was very cute.

I did my exercises as I felt in the mood to move so I did 35mins of working out which did make me a bit sweaty but these clothes need to go in the wash anyway

I went and did some drawing, then marinated my pork for dinner then made some banana biscuits. I decided to add fudge chunks to the mixture and I was really looking forward to that and yeah it was a bit disappointing. Then again, I didnt add loads :/ but it was something to snack on as I was hungry and didnt want to have another slice of fruit loaf X3

Jack rang to say he was walking up to the house so I got a cold drink ready for him and was like an excited puppy to see him again -____- need to reign it in Jo XD But Jack finds its endearing and cute so its all good. Its cus I havent spoke to anyone for hours and my excitement and energy just comes pouring out at once. And my love for Jack obviously X3

He was so tired and is so tired. Said work was so busy that he didnt get lunch til 2pm and dint get to finish it til 3pm and also he hadn't slept so I felt bad for him. He is missing me at school and so is Julia he said. We did dinner which was good but gave me stomach pains for some reason. It was only pork and veg so nothing weird. 

After dinner I did a few chores and uploaded my new ninetails picture onto red bubble

https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/Ninetail-fox-fire-by-LunatiqueDesign/80353094.7KE4Y.XYZ

makes me wonder which will sell more my old design or my new design

I will have a bath in a moment then Jack said he will have it after me

then might do some drawing or something who knows, I have almost done the outline

tomorrow

dropping Jack off at work then Mia is coming over for a walk at 9am

then i will go over to mum's for an early lunch then we said we would go home sense as I want a look round and hopefully find some draws for my craft room and maybe shelving. We shall see! Hopefully tomorrow I wont have any anxiety ether!

started my 6am yoga and mindfulness

 Evening

I had a milk hot chocolate last night! it was white and very sweet ^^

but cus Jack faffs a lot we didnt get into bed til 10:45pm

I was shattered T^T

I got up in the night needing a drink and a wee. mouth was so damn dry but I managed to get back to sleep luckily. I know Jack hasnt been sleeping well due to hayfever. He is trying not to sneeze loudly in bed but his sneezes still makes the whole bed rock. But I dont say anything. I hoping my hayfever isnt too bad this year. Im sure its made worse at mum's due to the guinea pigs

So this morning was my first morning of getting up at 6am for yoga!

it was actually a nice way to start the day and Jack said - surprisingly - that he preferred to get up earlier as it meant he had more time and not rushing. 

I then wrote down my 3 mindful things

3 things I would like to get done today + 3 ways I'd like to be/feel

yoga and mindful is all to help my anxiety, i figured I wouldnt be getting any mental health help any time soon so I have been researching ways to help myself.

we set off for school, as we were getting closer to school i told Jack that I wanted to go school whereas last week I couldnt face going to school. So thats a step in the right direction huh, and on the way home I called in the corner shop for leeks and garlic bread

then I came home and had a cup of tea as I felt tired and so thirsty

the whole damn day I have been super thirsty and my mouth tastes like death. I am putting this down to yesterdays jab as I dont usually suffer like this

mia came over at 9am for a dog walk and I didnt get home til 10:30am the dogs were dragging their feet and yeah just took us a long time to cover not much ground but good to see her and chat to her. She says I might be able to see her on wednesday for another walk depending if she decides to take the day off work XD

I got back and went to bed, I was tired!!! I woke up 2 hours later to the sound of the school behind my fence, it was lunch time apparently! 

I got up and had my lunch which was good it was just a bit lonely, so I rang my mother

she came over for 90mins for a quick catch up and a cup of tea which was nice

then she left me so I could get some drawing done!

took me ages to draw umbreon's outline just cus I tried doing it a different way but I didnt like it really so I redrew it.

my brother rang me to see how I was as I had txt him this morning, he seems fine. I am totally fine weirdly.

Then as I hadnt heard form Jack I figured he was coming home late so I thought I would have a 4pm brew by myself, I brewed up at 3:50pm and had a piece of fruit loaf then jack came home at 4:10pm typically. He had forgotten to txt me to say he was coming home >.> but still he had come home on time which was nice. 

We got on with dinner, I made fish pasta from scratch it was really good but made jack far too much >< he was so full >< we were both sweating after we ate XD Jack washed up and I had an early bath as I didnt need to do any exercise as I had done 15mins of yoga and a 90min walk so I think I am ok on the exercise front! Jack had the bath after me which meant we both had pretty free evenings! He is gaming by himself but Harvey says he might come on. I might talk too whilst I am drawing, I keep popping downstairs and putting a layer of nail varnish on in between things

I spoke to Jack about my anxiety, that basically it makes me anxious going to be 'late' as I worry about not getting enough sleep for work and being tired and not being able to get through the day and being able to concentrate. When I am not at school I dont worry AS much however I still dont appreciate being in bed late. At the moment I am not at school but I am still waking up to school hours so I can go with Jack to school so I am still going without sleep. Jack might be able to live off 7 hour a day - but I certainly can not. So I said I would like to put that into place next week but he says we cant start it this week if it is to help my health. I feel bad and selfish tho as it means less gaming for him and he cant sleep when I can, but he says he will just play on his switch in bed. He seemed fine about it. I said he can stay up later on friday and saturdays. Also it does you good to have routine at night. I know I need this. I think we are trying it tonight so he is finishing gaming at 9:30pm >< I do feel bad....

tomorrow

nothing planned yet, just going to see how I feel. I might touch up the walls were the carpet fitters took chunks out my wall. I could pop over to mum's for more of my craft stuff as well I guess.

1st Covid Vaccination

 Nya~

I did not sleep well -____- I was restless I think

despite going for an evening walk with Jack and having a nice bath, i was just restless. I wasn't even thinking about my covid jab but maybe that was what was doing it?

Oh yeah i was really annoyed yesterday. I went to wash my hair and when I looked at my sudsy hands from shampooing my hair - the suds were purple!!!! T^T the hair dye is once again leaving my hair >.> it is true then it seems that ginger hair is hard to dye. So weird. So I have given up I think cus yeah it just keeps washing out. My brother said I need to bleach my hair but I do not want to do that. I love my hair too much to damage it like that. It was tough enough to put permanent in my hair!

So this morning we could already tell it was gonna be warm....and yes it reached 32c. It was predicted 27c. We went off to shopping and found a shaded spot which was far from the shops doors but meant the car was in the shade. We left it there and walked over to the other shops as we usually drive but there is no shade where the other shops are. I was anxious going round the shops for some reason. I blame it on lack of sleep.

we got home and had a cup of tea and then did my soup, had lunch then my parents came over and Jack and dad did my craft desk! it is in now!! the glue is drying and I need to stick the sides on to neaten it up. But looks amazing and doesnt look like a kitchen side. It was time for our covid jab at 3:15pm. Of course i was anxious. we got there to find the carpark dead. we walked up to the doors and cleaner said "you should have had a txt from NHS saying that the vaccines had been distributed else where and the next batch were due in a 4pm" we could ether come back later and tell them whats happened and still get a jab or drive across town to an open clinic today.

we came home after that anti-climax. What a waste of life as it then meant we had a pointless half hour to kill. Not to mention it was roasting. it was 32c by this point. 

we went back out and the carpark was busy. there was a que of people and we had got there at 3:50pm to beat the que! so much for that! saw my brother down there as his appointment was at 4:15pm. he was in the line behind us but I went to go talk to him.

we eventually got called through after waiting 25mins....and I can tell you the place didnt have AC....it was rather sweat inducing. So I was getting rather worked up at this point. Like i do if I kept waiting for a blood test, my anxiety spikes. And it had had time to spike. Jack was keeping me going but every member of staff I met was like "are you ok?" I think they could see the fear written all over my face. Our turn came round and we sat at the mini tables they had set up but a nurse came over to me and said "I think she would benefit being in her own booth" so they took me to this very enclosed space like very small, it was sat in another seat. A part of my brain was trying to say

"dont have it sitting up, you will faint!"

it was hot in there and I was feeling sick. So after all the questions the lady got the nurse over again, not sure why, think there was something she wasnt happy with and I said to the nurse - after she had asked me questions - "I am prone to fainting after injections" she was like "right ok"

came back a minute later and I had to moved - again - to a storage room - like bare brick and everything XD its such a pop up clinic so I can't dis but it was just so old and gross. They laid me out and I felt better for being laid out. The lady didnt inject me but the nurse herself just came in and quickly jabbed me!! I was glad it was my right arm too as its the same side as my piercing so at least I have a side I can sleep on tonight! it was sharp but very very fast. She said "I think quick and fast was best for you, you needed to get it done and over with" she was right, I needed it over with about 35mins ago tho -___-

but I had been done. Then I was left to recover. Jack was taken away for his own jab, which started to stress me out a bit as I felt he was taking ages but I was told to stay so yeah, all I wanted to do was find him. He did turn up and we eventually got out the building for fresh air. My brother had waited in the car park for me! He was waiting to see if I was ok. even tho he came alone and I had Jack. So that was nice of him. He did well.

he noticed my "ive had my covid vaccine" sticker

I was like "a lady gave it to me, I told her I didnt need one!" he just shook his head

we came home and it was like 5:10. a flipping jab had taken all sodding afternoon. So I havent been able to get my new lighting up, or draw. But then I have to be grateful of being able to have a jab. Im just annoyed at how long it did take and we had to go down twice! But done now til another 8 weeks.

we had dinner after resting with a sweet cup of tea - mum rang to see how I was and told me my brother HAD to have 2 chocolate bars when he came in XD

Jack is just hoovering as that didnt get done today ether! honestly. I know I wont get any drawing time tonight as I havent done any working out or anything yet. Its 7:45pm. I need to bath and see Ozwald as well yet ><

tomorrow

I am off work and going for a dog walk with mia at 9am after dropping Jack off at work

I am sad I am not going work but I know it is for the best

not sure what else I will do, hey i might just get some drawing done, you never know!

I have been researching ways to help with mental health and anxiety and studies show that doing 10-20mins yoga when you wake up sets you up well for the day with how you react/cope with with stress and to help with anxiety. This means getting up at 6am but I used to get up at 5:50am when i was at home so I know I can do it and I would like to try it. I will start that tomorrow

this is all providing I dont feel like death after my vaccine of course!  

Covid Jab tomorrow!

 Konbanwa~

I enjoyed my hot chocolate last night even if it was a water one

I struggled to get to sleep and was only asleep for a hour, I woke up in pain and got up for pain killers

I did eventually get back to sleep, I didnt need to stay up by myself or anything

I got up at 8am, Jack said around 6:30am I snuggled over to him and slept on his shoulder.....Why do I do this in my sleep!? so needy even in my sleep ><

We got up and opened up all the windows and got Oz up, we had breakfast and mum popped over for her gardening stuff she forgot to take back yesterday, she didnt stay tho as I was eating breakfast and the electrician was coming over at 9am

after he had been over and talked Jack through everything, we also got the bill. Which was so small!! honestly we got such a good deal but he is a friend of dad's, although I had never met him before, he didnt need to do a good deal for us.

when he left we got on with chores, I did the bathroom and cleaned out Oz. Jack mowed the lawn and also jet washed the pathway round the back of the house. I was quite done in after all that so we had a cup of tea and then I went to sort more stuff  out in my craft room. I have sorted out all my stuff I have brought over so far. I literally need to just bring over my fabric, machines and then my draws 

we had lunch and we both fell asleep after lunch, in separate rooms XD 

I went to go and draw and as I sat down to my laptop I saw my brother pull up onto the drive XD he bought my new shoes that had arrived ^^ he stayed and talked to me for a good hour

then I did dinner and I made it best I can as I know its one of Jack's favourites ^^

after dinner we went for a walk which was nice actually. We left Oz out as he was happy outside and we were only gone 40mins

then I had a bath whilst Jack played with Oz inside, i got dressed and booted Oz outside whilst I watered my plants, I need to go put him home and its like 10pm! but he hasnt been able to play most of the day as its too warm for him. Tomorrow its suppose to go up to 27c!

I ordered some lighting for the porch, and lightbulbs so I have a few things that need to go up!

I didnt get round to any drawing but I hope I will tomorrow!

tomorrow!

its weekly shop in the morning then picking up the lighting I ordered then Jack wants cider from a different shop XD then we will come home

at some point my parents are coming over as dad is helping put up my craft desk! and I also have lighting to go up. 

at 3:15pm we have our covid jab,, my brother has his an hour later. Be good to all get done.

Not looking forward to it tho T^T my brother says he doesnt think he will sleep as he will be worrying about it. I think I will be worried about it when I physically there but right now I feel ok about it all, strangely. As when people have been talking about it, it usually spikes my anxiety but i do feel ok right now. Maybe I will stay ok :D

started next pokemon picture

 Evening

I woke up for a wee at 1am and decided to take pain killers whilst I was at it as I was not in the mood to be in pain all night, I slept through the night

This morning, I felt pretty flat. Just like deflated somehow and a bit lonely. Didn't want to be parted from Jack after I had dropped him off for work.

I got home and the electrician showed up 5mins later. He stayed til 1pm

I did a bit more sorting out in my craft room. Filled my welsh dresser anyway! It's got room in a cupboard for more plush and figures but I haven't dusted them off from my old bedroom yet.  I tossed out a load of crap but what I did come across was a folder full of OC's (own characters) me and mia made maybe 15+ years ago!! My god they are sooooo bad! Haha but we were so invested in them at the time XD I txted her to say I had found them and we were laughing. I said I hadn't got all of them and asked if she may have them so I think she might have a look tonight just for a laugh if nothing more!

Mum came round at 11am and we had a cup of tea. I had been snacking all morning, first day I had wanted food for ages! I did an hour worth of weeding outside and mum helped and continued long after me as I had to go and talk to the electrician. He left so me and mum had lunch :) 

We were gonna go for a walk but I was tired and mum had back ache and could see I was tired. She left after we had discussed a few things. I went to bed for 90mins. Finally!! all week I have wanted a sleep during the day and I finally got it today!!!

Jack came home shortly afterwards and we had a tea. He said that his D&D wasn't on tonight. So I used the opportunity to go for a walk with him as it was nice weather. We came in and had leftovers.

Then I sent a few txts and rang doctors requesting another sick note.....yup I am having next week off as well. I feel I would only be pushing myself, undoing all the rest I have done, and just making myself worse for no reason really. Mum, Jack and Mia all agree that is the best decision. Plus I have my covid jab on sunday so if it does make me poorly I can take the time to rest.

I did a bit of drawing this morning~

started drawing umbreon and flareon for Tara's birthday present. But didnt get very far but I might get further tonight maybe.....

Tonight I might add a bit more hair dye over the dye I already have on, yes I did fish my bottles out the bin...but its washing out a bit! 

I also might try my weights even if its just a 10min video

yeah not really planned my evening XD its all mights and maybes XD

tomorrow

the electrician is coming over in the morning at 9am to talk to us about what he has done and what our electricity looks like now kinda thing. Jack will want to know how it all works! and no point in telling me really XD

apart from that no other plans as such.