ate pasta for the first time in over a year

 Evening

I am STILL poorly TT^TT just what the hell man >.>

I was up til midnight unable to sleep due to aches and a burning stomach I just could not get comfy with. So yeah I was up doing a few things really until I felt I could maybe sleep

However I was having a nightmare in the morning, I knew Jack was up and kept coming in to see if I would wake but I couldnt wake up I was praying he would wake me but no he kept leaving the room so I had to remain in my nightmare!

eventually he woke me at 8:50am and said "im going to my mums soon"

nooooo! I wanna go!

i looked mega rough this morning, couldnt wake up and felt drugged and hungover with a splitting headache. I told him I wanted to go. He let me have breakfast and drugs to see if I would pick up but realistically, I was going no where T^T I missed out!! I was so annoyed. Kinda glad I didnt go tho as I had to die on the toilet.

I txt my mum and she said she was just nipping out by her self a.k.a without dad so she would pop by. She came in for a brew and I asked her if she would the same route I did yesterday with me. So we did that. On the walk she said "yeah you're not going tomorrow. You will also ring up the doctors for a doctors note" 0.0" well thats me told! Guess I must have looked bad walking. 

shes right tho, its just I had it in my head I would go back to school no matter what tomorrow T^T

I am just frustrated by it all you know? gone on for 7 whole days now

she left and Jack came home as I was cooking my lunch meat

we had lunch, Jack made me lunch he made me 2 wraps which was nice of him and what I felt like but my stomach afterwards just was so painful, my brother phoned. I then did a tiny bit of painting then at some point just passed out on my bed. 

I woke up knowing I needed to spend a lot of time in that kitchen ><

I enlisted Jack's help as I needed help to get it all done

I made a cake

made meatballs with a 1kg of mince and then made it into a pasta dinner. pasta

pasta, I have not had pasta for over a year. I went massively off it. I tried dried pasta (obviously cooked) and couldnt bare the texture. How did I used to eat so much of the stuff!? so matt suggested I give fresh pasta a go. So jack bought fresh pasta yesterday. My first time trying fresh pasta.

I was able to eat it. But if I am honest I did not enjoy it. it did nothing for me. Like mush in my mouth. I have no missed pasta. I have tried bread and that doesnt do anything for me. Like I have gone off some carbs. weirdly. its ever since a did that diet last year. food hasnt been the same to me. i spent two hours in that kitchen and i dont feel I got a lot of that. Jack enjoyed it and appreciated it as hes a normal person and enjoys pasta. I said to him i will not be doing that dinner again. way too faffy for little return. we are having the rest of the meatballs on wraps tomorrow for dinner so at least tomorrows dinner will be easy! cus today killed me off!!!

I had a bath and a massive pamper in the bath and out the bath. Hoping to try make myself feel better. feel human -______- I wanna be better. I am so over this now. 

I now feel rough. I am tired and cant wait for my bed. so done

we've given Oz plenty of fuss today he loves having us both around. Hes so sweet. he's 60 in bunny years bless him.

tomorrow~

well tomorrow I should be in school! so Jack will be there, covering for me T^T

he will have warhammer after school so he will be late home but he has the car so he will be home quicker than normal at least. Mum said she will come see me :)

please please let me feel better tomorrow

i hope I sleep tomorrow too

Just been so poorly but wasn't covid

 Evening

I honestly had no energy to sit and do this

i    have    been    so     poorly

But its been quite a weird virus

I had no voice but not coughing

I felt like I had a head cold but no snot

I had a bad headache and could not think straight at all

I was struggling to breathe like someone was sitting on my chest - I have been using my inhaler A LOT

I have been EXHAUSTED - no energy and walking from one end of my house to the other left me feeling tired and out of breath

I have never had a virus like it.

I of course did covid test and I was fine. 

I didnt make a single day of school this week! just was so poorly

strange thing was, Thursday I actually felt better, not 100% but certainly better. To the point where I thought about going into school on friday but decided I would be stupid to go in and just to take the week off to recover. And it was a good thing I was thinking this as Friday I was really poorly. It was like I had caught a new virus. So strange. 

where did that improvement go!? so unfair. 

Because I havent been able to breathe properly I havent been able to sleep properly as laying down made it harder to breathe so I was up all hours of the night, catching up on my sleep during the day. I have been all over the place with sleep and meals! 

I have been SSOOOOOO bored. I literally cant do anything due to exhaustion and fog brain. So I ether sleep or play Okami or watch youtube or look at clothes online. Thats it. Thats been my week

jack on the other hand, has been stressed out at work due to Ofsted, he had a funereal to go yesterday to which he had to drive somewhere totally new and stuff. He has had a full on week. He slept for 3 hour today during the day which is not like him but all week he has been saying hes tired. 

Hes also had me to help out a bit more cus of me being poorly and also covering for me at work.

the week has been seriously crap

I thought id be able to enjoy my weekend

ha no

I couldnt go food shopping today cus I couldnt drive or walk so Jack went alone AGAIN bless him. 2 saturdays on the go. 

I have managed a 15min walk today to the end of the street and back. It felt SO good to get out the house but also tired me out massively. My legs now ache from that tiny walk

I have been yoga during the week if I got some energy, just so I wasnt tight and stiff cus it wont do my fibro any good. Having to exercise when youre tired and cant breathe is like some sick form of torture. 

I am hoping I am back on monday. I cant take anymore of this!!!

Tomorrow, its jack's mum's birthday and he is popping over in the morning, I am hoping to be there too but depends on how I am. I can not believe I havent kicked this virus. My immune system is crap. like a slug. Mum has kept me company, bought me new pyjamas and pure orange juice. shes been so good to me, even bought the girls a couple of times to cheer me up

I hope I can at least enjoy some of my sunday before I go back to school

I suffer enough damn it >.>

Jo poorly, I hate having no voice

 Evening

I did not sleep well. I was aching A LOT, sweating, cold. Yeah just generally not well. I felt shattered in the morning. I woke up at 5:30am as I needed a drink, it hurt to swallow. I stayed up then and woke Jack up for school.

Considering I had NO VOICE I decided not to go today. My head felt like it just contained tumble weeds. So I didnt work from home ether. I had the day off sick. I hated not having a voice. It took everything I had to whisper >.>

Jack left for school, I texted mum to say I would be home today and that I was going back to bed. Slept well for 2 hours. Like the dead.

I did literally nothing all day. Nothing

I was capable of nothing

I couldnt think, I was tired walking round my house, I was a useless mess. I hated it

Mum kindly came to see me and lunch and brought the girls to cheer me up too.

I wrote my shopping list for saturday, early, but it was all I felt I was up to.

I took all my plants outside and watered them with feed and let them enjoy the sun. I also inspected them to see if any were ready for repotting and two are! That was as energetic as it got today

I did do 30mins of yoga just gentle stretching and I went to lay on my bed for an hour afterwards. Today sucked

mum came over later and bought us cakes she had made

Jack came home and we prepped the stew and I did dinner. I did a different dinner than planned as I needed something plain. still gave me bad tummy ache >.>

today has felt like one big punishment

but its not covid. I did do a test at 6:15am and I was fine. not even a faint line.

my INKBOX tattoo has arrived! it looks soooo good! I am so excited to put it on. However i need to not sweat for 6 hours after I put it on. And at the moment my temperature has gone mad, I am cold then hot then sweaty. So unfortunately it has arrived at the wrong time, I will have to wait til I am better before I apply it TT^TT another kick in the teeth

I still feel like complete crap so I have said I need tomorrow off too. life is not fair

however OFSTED are in school tomorrow so I will be kinda glad to skip that as it makes the teacher SO stressed. Theyre in thursday too and I hope to be back by then but at least I am missing 1 day of it.

god knows how I will pass tomorrow. Maybe feel up to painting??

I'll be doing a covid test in the morning~

 Evening

I still slept last night. Jesus. How much can I sleep lately!? I must say tho I didnt turn off my switch til almost 11pm cus I was determined to get those stray beads XD think I am like 90/100?

I woke up at 9am Jack had been up 2 hours!

This morning, Jack was suppose to be at mum's at 9am. However he had really upset tummy so didnt go in case he had a virus as he doesnt want his nan to get it. So I had him home

I went for a walk with mummy at 10am, went to hers and sat with the girls, trimmed truffs then my brother dropped me off home

I had lunch then I sat doing more stray beads. I felt so tired and wondered why I was punishing myself and at 2:30pm went to bed for an hour. When I woke up I cuddled hammington for half hour

had a brew with my jack and was starting to feel a bit crappy. Like my nose and throat are burning as if I have water up my nose. Its horrible

and as the evening has gone on I feel poorly. I swear the one time I go out and socialise and I get sick. I am gonna do a covid test in the morning cus i have symptoms

If I am honest I am secretly hoping its covid so I can have 10 days off work at it doesnt clock up time off sick youve had off cus its covid! but yeah we shall see. Jack says if I am poorly then I dont go school even if its not covid. He is right. I guess.

I drew a bit on my canvas and ordered some gold leaf. never worked with gold leaf and I would like to try it. 

gonna paint my nails tonight and die quietly in bed.....after more stray bead hunting

dont wanna go school tomorrow, had 5 days away from that awful place!!

oh also I havent seen a single second of queenie's funereal. 

like in a 48 coma here

 Evening

I didnt think I would sleep last night after the sheer amount I had slept through the day.  But after playing okami til 10pm I slept. I woke up at like 9am too....dear god. Jack had been up for 2 hours with Oz and was worried if I was gonna wake! XD

I got stomach ache after my breakfast cus I just do now.

We did go out to B&M and TK MAX in the morning as we wanted a few bits from B&M and I wanted to look round TK for halloween stuff but sadly there was next to nothing left of halloween stuff as  they had made way for christmas T^T we havent even had halloween yet! heck it aint even october!!!! so that was a bit depressing. We did get stuff, I was happy with nail varnish and plant pots~

We came back. I was dead. Honestly dead. I had to cook my lunchtime meat tho. So I got on with that. After lunch I didnt bother going to sleep as I couldnt bare to spend any more time in my bed! however, I am so tired now that I feel I should have just got on with it and gone to bed >.> I did manage - somehow - to clean the bathroom 

Then, as I had little mental capacity, I was on okami on the sofa looking for the stray beads. I have decided to do that saga....foolish XD 

I then looked at shelving on Wayfair. The ones i wanted tho Jack said are far too big >.> so I need to rethink. 

I did the dinner which was very nice. Korean spices which were actually making me cough cus it burnt my throat and made my nose run. Jack on the other hand had no such issues....damn him.

I havent done any exercise since thursday. I still dont feel up to an awful lot. However I need to do something. I was gonna do yoga but I dont feel up to it. So I have suggested to Jack that we do a short walk, come home and put Oz to bed then have a bath and maybe get him to massage my back and just watch anime and play switches in bed. 

tomorrow

Jack's mum rang him today and said theyre going to birmingham for his nan's birthday tomorrow and we're invited. I do not have the ability to do that in my current state. Jack said he would go and I am glad hes going. Its important to see grandparents. But he regretted saying he would go after he foundd out the day would be watching the queen's funereal....poor poor jack. 

so I will be home alone but mum says she will come try see me as she wants to hear about the wedding. I would like to do some damn painting. I am hoping come tomorrow I will be less corpse-like

I can not believe how much I have slept tho since the wedding. I feel I could spend 24 hours asleep. 

My Mia got married!

 Evening

I can't remember the last time I had to spend so many hours in my bed. 

Yesterday was a  day!! The recovery has been long, Jack had to the food shop without me

But I am so grateful I got to experience yesterday

Yesterday my friend of 26+ years got married to the love of her life, Rob, who shes been together with for 12 years now, coming 13 I think

So thursday night I drugged myself up massively so I would sleep, and it worked!

jack left for school, i had an easy morning and mum came to keep me company

I had a bath then she dried my hair for me whilst adding the various hair care products to give my hair a shine. I then went to add the band round my chest (part of the dress) and it wasnt staying, I dont know if it was because of the material or because I was wearing nipple pads and not a bra but it was bothering me and I felt like I would be very conscious of it all day. I took the nipple pads off as they felt uncomfortable - i have never used them before, and i wouldnt use them again! I got red nipples and boobs! so after I sorted them out I had to find a suitable bra, mum then had the job of safety pinning the band to my bra...poor mother.

she dropped me off at mia's I was an hour late. Luckily I had already done my base make up

the girls were there

sophie - mias older sister

sammi - mia's cousin

amelia - mias friend there to help for make up purposes.

so we just got chatting and got ready. I thought 5 hours was over kill. no. we were getting ready to last minute. I was last to be done and I was glad I had done some stuff at home! As sammi is a hairdresser she did all our hair and she did a fantastic job! i was so impressed

Mia's dad turned up to go in the wedding car with mia, however, our bridesmaid taxi did not turn up. Nor would the company pick up the damn phone! in the end sammi rang another company and mia and her dad set off before us so they had to wait round the back of the reception hall for us.

we got there tho

me and sophie felt sick. it was anxiety i know, nerves, and excitement

we had to wait for mia to in for her 'interview' to which I was like "what the heck is that about!?" she was being interviewed by 3 people!! 

her dad explained to me it was because they have to make sure the marriage is real and not forced into it, paid into it, that kinda thing. I had never thought of such awful things.

mia came out then it was our time to walk in!!

we all looked stunning, honestly. 

so sammi walked in first, then me, then sophie, then mia and her dad

mias mum and aunty were already in tears bless them

the vowels were said and I couldnt take my eyes off them. i was stunned. I was so happy, proud, amazed.

and was doing my best to not cry and ruin my make up and tire myself out! but I wanted to cry. I was so proud of her and so happy. she looked amazing and did all her vowels right. Rob did so well too bless him.

we then had photos outside, the vintage bus turned up. it was from like 1950s. it was a white knuckle ride, mia loved it. I felt like being sick. It was old and many hill starts. Sophie sat next to me and we were both white knuckling and making jokes. I get along just fine with her as Ive know her as long as Ive know mia.

we got to the reception venue which was Cozy Club, a victorian buliding in the city centre. It had old portraits on the wall, marble staircase - that kinda vibe! very old and fancy

we all sat in a small room for a quick drink and speeches. I offered in front of everyone to give a speech for mia as sophie was too nervous but mia suddenly thought about how much I would have to say and told me to sit back down XD everyone laughed. 

eventually the second room opened and other guests started to arrive

during the day  my mum had kindly spent time at my house keeping my loaf company, gardening with him and doing some cleaning up. I was so grateful. She was still there when Jack got in from work. Jack did his jobs and was late leaving due to fussing that loaf, but to be honest it meant that at no point did i worry about Oz as I knew he had been well looked after that day ^^

Jack turned up and we were mainly with sophie and her partner george as none of knew anyone else there. The second room was so loud. My throat hurt from raising my voice just to speak. I could barel hear people. Mia was up on the dance floor loving life. This is what she excels at - partying and being the centre of attention and taking photos. Shes like the perfect wedding host honestly!

there was a bit of food and I had a bit of cake but that was it, i had carried biscuits in my bag to snack on as i knew id need something but on the whole I didnt eat there. I ate when i got home.

it got to 9:30pm and I was struggling to walk by this point and knew I needed to get home. Mia had a room of 80+ people she wouldnt miss me going. so I told i we were off

I told her how lovely the day had been, how proud and happy i was for her and rob and that i want to keep supporting her. Rob came and said bye

truly a lovely day. it was perfect, well apart from dick taxis but yeah perfect. I am so thrilled for her. it was everything she wanted and she did it her way too.

we walked through the city centre to the bus stop and i was struggling to walk and breath as I was cold even with jack's suit jacket on and i hadnt brought my inhaler. we took the bus home, walked home which felt like miles. I had more drugs when i got home, hot hot hot bath to thaw out, an episode of anime, BED

sweet sweet bed

we both went out like lights and slept for almost 9 hours

it was a brilliant day.

she was staying in the pent house suite in a hotel in the city with rob last night I hope they had a lovely night together just the two of them. I cant wait to see her again

shes a wife!!!!

if i am brutally honest, whilst waiting for Jack to come to the reception, I sent him and my mum a text message saying

"I do not want to get married"

after seeing all the attention on mia, the photos, the social interactions, the everything

i just thought its all too much and i would HATE that

i would hate the attention and the party

it wouldnt be for me

but just has since talked to me and said we wouldnt have to do anything like that

we could just go to a registry office and be done with it. And privately do meet ups with people to 'celebrate' so that made me feel better. I hate my photo being taken but mia is like a model and lapped it up whereas id want to fall through a hole in the floor

id suck as a bride! mia excelled at it!

so yeah anyway

im gonna go now and hope that im not so much of a corpse tomorrow!

i will upload photos soon!

Sod it I'm working from home tomorrow

 Evening

I was so tired last night -______-

I slept well, still tossing in my sleep. But I did sleep.

This morning I once again woke with a headache and stomach ache - due to stress. I know it is. I once again, ate breakfast and ended up in the toilet. 

I am fed up of it all

I am fed up of walking in the prep room and having run round like a blue arse fly. Teacher wanting stuff when I AM CLEARLY DOING IT AS FAST AS I CAN

I do feel like a slave sometimes

also teaching bitching about not having equipment so I pointed to the side and the sheer amount of washing up bowls and said "theyre there. dirty. as I dont have time to clean up." so people grabbed dirty ones and took them to their labs. They might start to realise that  WE ARE STRUGGLING AND SNOWED UNDER. Head of biology was my main thorn in my side. She had the audacity to ask where he practical was - the very practical me and jack were rushing round to get out - jack turned to her and said "you'll get it when you get it" go jack

she also complained about not having any spotting tiles he said "your whole department has used them this week and we've not had time to wash them up" sweet jesus.

I was glad that Jack stood up for us. Between new technician darren and jack, a lot of washing up did happen today but other things suffered like the chemical order that needed to be in on friday and its wednesday.

I was stressed

you could hear my tummy it was screaming in pained knottyness

after the mad hour of getting all those praciticals out on time I sat down for my break, but had an extended break as I felt fainty. I know how I get when Ive been stressed out running around for an hour, so I stayed on the floor, Jack made me sweet tea and I ate my snack and I did get going again but it was time I did not have spare

I was so busy, we had another fire alarm as the kids in PE sprayed too much deodorant and set the fire alarm off. More time I didnt have to spare

it was 40mins before my home time and I hadnt even LOOKED at tomorrow

jack told me to leave and that he will do it

but I hated that

but then I felt how I was feeling, my legs were starting to twinge in pain, I was tired, in pain, headachy and had enough

I said to jack I would take work home to work from home tomorrow in case I am bad and he said "thats a great idea, work from home" I said "no work from home INCASE" he said "No, work from home" and hes right. Im gonna have nothing for mia's wedding at this rate.

so yeah sod em. tomorrow I am looking after myself and working from home

i got home and had lunch with Oz and mum and went bed - my daily routine

got up, hung washing out, did 40mins of yoga, bleached and dyed eyebrows/eyelashes, had a bath and now we're gonna have dinner then Jack has gaming with his brother. He's not had it for a month!

dont know what I will do

tomorrow

im working from home, and the windowsill guy might have a spare minute to do my windowsills or he will do them saturday

but thats it

i am done