last day tomorrow and I get the sows!

 Evening~~

I slept pretty well again last night and woke up just before my alarm - I prefer it this way, I hate waking up to an alarm, I like waking up on my terms

I could tell when I got up this morning that I was running out of steam. I wanted to go school but knew I would struggle with my fatigue today

Got to school and had my first practical to do since returning - there has been other biology practicals to do but Jack did them for me. I managed it, I felt it took me longer than normal cus I needed to get into the swing of it again like making up chemicals etc but Jack was there for me ^^

I helped a bit in one class too

and did sitting down jobs and got all my jobs done but I had had enough. Jeez Id had enough

I keep being hungry 45mins into my shift T^T so i have one snack then an hour or so later I have my second snack ><; 

I came home and had lunch with mummy and Oz

Then went to bed for 2 hours as I was so tired ><

woke up and did 30mins of yoga but it was hard going I had no energy. Its hard being on this diet and still recovering your digestive organs as I am not eating energy rich foods and not getting everything from the food I am eating. So life is very hard right now! But I have to try and do some exercise each day. 

Then I made lunch for Jack he has such a good lunch tomorrow! made a start on dinner. Ate dinner far to quick as I was ravenous so I had bad tummy ache after my dinner I know it wasnt helped by how fast I did eat but I was just so desperate to have food in me! Whilst recovering on the floor with my hot bag I watched Jack and Oz groom one another its so sweet. jack using a brush obviously! 

Im gonna have a bath then slather steroid cream all over my face and neck as my eczema is so sore now. 

Then it will be anime and switchs in bed.

tomorrow is friday, last day of term and also the day the sows come!

Jack has said I can work from home if needed but I really dont want to. I shall see how I am tomorrow if I feel I can get through the day and safely drive home. Mum will drop the sows off mid morning

i dont want to work from home but I also need to be grateful at how well I have done this week. I have done much better than I thought. I went from nothing to being back on my 4 hour shifts   

made an olaf

 Evening

I slept pretty well last night. I woke up at 5:50am to the sound of Jack 'screaming' in his sleep. Did not know he could go so high pitched! I woke him up as I thought he must be having a nightmare. And he was. So I was glad I woke him. I decided to get up tho as I knew if I fell asleep Id be annoyed at the alarm in a short amount of time.

So we had a leisurely morning~

school was ok I guess. Julia had had all on with her cat in the night, she looked shattered. Jack ended up taking her home with a cage from a science teacher so she could lock the cat up. Her cage hasnt arrived yet and he needs to be locked up for 6-8 weeks bless him. I felt sicky anxious when he left as I was worried about people needing stuff and I didnt have him there to help. So I hid in Julia's prep room for 15mins as I knew he wouldnt be too long

Then a teacher came to say she was needing to make a big Olaf for her daughters birthday this weekend so she could play pin the carrot on Olaf. I offered to do this for her ^^ I enjoyed myself. I left it for her as I had to go home and she was in lesson. Jack said she LOVED it, well worth doing. I didnt take as many breaks as I was bit fixated on doing the Olaf art >< also Jack was upstairs in Julia's prep room like the whole time disposing of chemicals so he wasnt around to tell me to go for breaks. I got all my other jobs done, I was doing Olaf all morning but it was fun to do. I took a picture so I will show it one day

I got home and mum was here, I sorted my thai curry out I had put on before school, had lunch with mummy we talked about ADHD and autism, as you do. I waited for the washer to finish so I didnt get to bed til 2pm and then when I woke up it was 4pm. I went in the garage with Oz to make up the girls cage as theyre staying on friday ^^ cant wait

Jack came home and we watched the teaser for scarlet and violet which wasnt anything great I have to say....then we had dinner. I got tummy ache from food. 

I need to have a bath and maybe do some yoga, done no exercise today! Im not getting round to art today cus I keep sleeping for 2 hours! but I am so tired ><

Oz has demanded so much fuss today its been lovely. Think I have had 3 full face washes from him. I love him and always give him fuss if he wants it. I never ignore him. 

Tomorrow

school and seeing mummy. 

putting myself down, getting upset cus I am hungry and tired

 Yo~nn

I was struggling last night. I was looking at jobs and decided I couldnt do any of them due to my health or even if I did get the job that they would be disappointed me as Id no doubt have time off cus of my health. Then in bed I started doubting myself as a technician. Saying I was crap and a let down in the team. Jack cuddled me and told me how good I was as a technician. Bless him, its always me in the relationship with the emotional breakdowns, making his tshirt wet with tears. He said "I feel you have a lot more to be upset about than me. Youre poorly after all" hes so understanding and amazing. 

At the end of the day I was simply tired and hungry. Thats what triggered all this off -____- not my proudest moment. I had to get up for more pain killers as being upset ramped up my pain and my head was killing me.

this morning I woke up 10mins before my alarm so I woke Jack up with a cuddle. Kinda didnt feel like going school ><

school was ok tho. I got a txt from Julia saying her cat had broke its leg last night so she was having to take him to the vets. So we covered for her. She came in at 10am and her phone rang - the vets saying she needed to collect her cat and take him to a specialist vets to have plates put in his leg. Poor kitty. So glad she has pet insurance as its costing £4000.....eye watering

so she went and never returned cus she needed to get across town in a taxi

I went to see Lizi and the new art technician Kimberley! shes so lovely  and so young! shes 21 and from hong kong originally. I am glad shes wanting to be our friend ^^ Jack said she felt comfortable enough to come eat lunch with him and chris joined too. I was glad Jack hadnt been alone all afternoon

I had lunch with mummy then went to bed, woke up at 3:15pm. I went for a 20min walk I wanted to g longer but that was the most I could manage. I have zero energy!

I got back and made Jack's lunch for tomorrow again. I dont have to but I like to try make his life easier and he says I always make tasty lunch ^^ i love doing things for him.

I then made a start on dinner as I was hungry and wanted to eat as soon as jack came through the door.

I really should do some art but unsure what to do and I am so tired. Maybe I should just be grateful I am back at work instead of putting extra stress on myself.

I will go for my bath now

Oz is cute. I love him. I spend so much time with that bun. I hope Julia's cat will be ok

tomorrow school

I managed to return to school

 Evening

Im so hungry T^T I have been hungry allllll day TT^TT

I had a banana before bed as I was hungry. Woke up hungry. Everything I eat doesnt fill me for long. Food I fancy eating, I cant eat. The food I can eat doesnt fill or satisfy me. Life sucks >.>

so anyway, I slept thank god. As I was returning to work today

I wasnt too anxious ether so I could tell I was ready to return

I was warmly welcomed back but the department wasnt happy cus of who they have employed as our new head of department, that happened on friday. No one likes the decision but no surprise there. If youre a straight white male - youll get the job and the top jobs at that, at the school. Way it is. we all know it. sad isnt it.

So today my morning felt like a hard slog because I had zero energy. I got my jobs done tho - somehow. Then I was doing sitting down jobs that Jack gave me. Then chris came to talk to us which was nice as I havent seen him for weeks. He was telling me about new art tech and showed me a photo, she seems nice so I want to meet her ^^

I came home and saw mum for literally an hour whilst I ate lunch as I was so exhausted and in need of my bed. As soon as I went to bed I slept for almost 2 hours.

usually I would wake up and have a brew with Oz but no can do and I am not enjoying fruit teas.

so I grabbed my picnic blanket and grabbed my rabbit and went and did 30mins of yoga outside

I then did a load of food prep. Did tonights salad - meant I could snack on stuff - I did Jack's lunch and I prepped tomorrows dinner cus I need to put it in the slow cooker tomorrow

Jack is late coming home cus its war hammer day at school, hes on his way home and should be back just after 6pm. so  i am just waiting round for him.

I have zero energy or brain power for anything. I really should start some art work tho. not sure what tho!

tomorrow is school

I hope I can manage it

my diet is making life so damn difficult. It was kinda nice to be back. I wanna try not work from home tho as I dont like working from home. I think Oz coped with us both going to work today XD

Id kill for a brew already

 Evening

I cleaned the bathroom and painted my nails and played okami in bed. But I had a bad headache and stomach pains. At 10pm I went to get a cuddle from Jack, he soon came off his game with Theo - not cus I asked him to - but because they both had enough. Jack had been hyperfixating as he does on games, his eyes were bloodshot from not blinking and he hadnt moved in 3 hours....

It took me til 11pm+ to get off to sleep cus I was in a bit of discomfort

I woke up at 8am, I honestly wanted to sleep in longer but I knew I had pulled pork to put in the slow cooker T^T so I got up. Jack had been up half hour, entertaining the bunny XD

I didnt quite know what to do with my day. I needed to cook meat as I didnt have any breakfast so I sat cooking my meat and Jack's bacon for his lunches.

I asked him what to do today and he said he had a few chores to do and maybe not to push myself to go out. So we didnt go out which I am a bit sad about but I didnt have the energy. Think its my diet. Already I badly miss tea and sugar T^T this is so difficult I hate it. I just want chocolate and other bad things I cant have >.>

I decided to distract myself by going to see my mummy. I opened her front door to find her getting ready to go out. But she soon took off her shoes when she saw me. She was just taking the dog a walk I mean my dad I walk. Dad saw me didnt say a word to me. I sat in the living room with them both, he still didnt look or talk to me. 

I went upstairs to see my brother and it was nice to talk to him, took some stuff from my bedroom to bring here. Dad came up and into my room still didnt say anything. He was wondering round the house waiting to go out like a dog holding its lead. So I told mum I would go as we wouldnt be able to sit and chat cus he wouldnt allow for it. So I left. He saw me leaving but didnt speak to me

I got back and was wondering for an hour why is he like this? hes nicer to his customers than me. Heck he speaks more to the postman! what have I done!? to not speak to me. so rude. I dont want him at my wedding if I get married. What would be the point?

I had lunch with Jack then went on my bed for a couple of hours, I just had no energy, bad headache and tummy ache.

I got up and didnt know what to do so asked Jack if we could go out for a walk in the sun and he kindly came with me ^^ I was tired after that. We came in and had fruit tea then Jack hung my new painting up in the living room. I am pleased with it, got something to look at on that wall finally.

we did dinner together as it was salad and always quicker with 2 people. Jack pitied me for how little I had on my dish but literally because I cant have anything else! It wont be long now til I am starving I know it wont....im only on day 2 give it time. Not sure what snack I will take to school tomorrow

I will go have a pamper in the bath now :) 

tomorrow

I am going school for the first time in over 3 weeks....last school day was 14th september...as 15th I worked from home and 16th I had off in lieu! 

I hope I cope ok. I will take plenty of breaks as I will need them. I hope I dont burn out after one day. i know I have lost a lot of my stamina from being poorly for weeks!

Started my caveman diet

 Evening

I slept ok apart from waking up a lot. Think cus Jack was restless in his sleep, it was waking me up Miss.lightsleeper. We got up for food shopping anyway

I started my diet today, same diet caveman used to eat people say XD so pork for breakfast as all I had in. Jack weighed me too and took the scales away so I wont be tempted >< 

We went shopping, saw my mummy in the shop~ the shop was expensive because I needed more stuff for my diet kinda thing. Jack doesnt mind and rather I have actual food to eat.

We got home and I collapsed on my bed, I was honestly quite done in to be honest. But Jack motivated me in to actually making some soup for my lunch otherwise Id have no lunch! He kindly chopped up SO much veg including a pumpkin! So I have pumpkin soup for my lunch this week ^^ its really nice actually. Whilst it was cooking we cleaned out Oz together. I needed help with it

After lunch I went to bed for like 3 hours. Not to sleep for all of it but just rest. I felt like I had nothing to give. I was energyless. day 1 of diet huh DX 

I got up to find Jack and Oz asleep. Think the house must have been stuffy. So I motivated Jack and we went for a walk whilst the sun was out. Oz was booted out whilst we went for a walk. I was disappointed I hadnt been able to go to the shops I wanted to go to last weekend. But its no big deal really.

we got back and had a cup of herbal tea. I MISS TEA already XD I cant have milk or sugar and black tea with out milk and sugar is disgusting! so I am on herbal tea

I went to make dinner which was my omubeans. But I cant have BBQ sauce or beans so I had to go without - serve mine up - then add the usual stuff to Jack's dinner.  He enjoyed it. I didnt mind mine but it massively missed the BBQ sauce.

Then I trimmed Jack's hair he needed a sheer. Hes had a shower and gone to game with Theo. I will go shower then probably clean the bathroom. I will do my nails tonight as well. Might as well busy myself as I am alone. I am glad hes playing with Theo tho

tomorrow

might go shops but depends on how I feel. Got a load of food to cook as per usual for a sunday

I must say, I have not had crippling stomach ache today!!!!!!!!!!!!! first time since August. its nice to feel the rewards straight away. I have had a bit of pain but nothing compared to how its been. I have til christmas to do this. When I go on holiday I will try to stick to my diet as much as I ca but will be difficult as I wont have much control over my food. 

just hope I dont drop too much weight. I have weight to lose but I dont wanna lose loads and look sickly again...

My hellish Paleo diet starts tomorrow

 Evening

God I could not sleep last night, I couldnt lay down without being in horrendous pain in my intestines. So I was up til 2:15am. I did keep going back to bed to try sleep but the pain was far too much. I was up playing okami and watching youtube. All very dull when you just want sleep!

I hit the alarm to shut up at 6am and fell back to sleep, didnt even register that Jack left the house. I needed sleep. I woke up at 9am. My stomach still hurting. 

I got ready and mum picked me up at 11am. We went to a garden centre. We ordered tea and cake. It took AGES to come. seriously I have cooked meals in less time. I got a milky bar brownie it was SOOOO sweet, I couldnt finish it so I wrapped it up and took it home for Jack to consume. We looked round a bit of the garden centre but not all of it as Id had enough. I was also having a hot sweat. I got a new oil for the diffuser and some more cacti soil.

Mum dropped me off home

I didnt have lunch til 2pm as I didnt feel like it and couldnt face settling my stomach off. I ate it and there was that pain! I sat doing some drawing as I wanted to plan out some art work. I laid on my bed for an hour. But once Jack came home I knew Id have food to do, food to EAT

I honestly couldnt face my dinner and mum gave me homemade cakes too. And whilst these past few days I have been over eating trying to enjoy food and put weight on, I just couldnt bring myself to eat dinner. I knew I wouldnt be able to get out of it. I ate and yup I have the dreadful pain that I wont escape from now til when I fall asleep tonight. Wonder if I will be able to sleep? Its like laying on a brick, its a dull bruised pain that you cant escape from 

So tomorrow I am starting my diet in the hopes to take away some inflammation before I go away with Jack. I have meat in the fridge for breakfast. I am not looking forward to the diet but it am looking forward to not being in pain, digesting properly, not having a noisy uncomfortable stomach, sleeping without discomfort and actually getting energy from my food.

We did say we would go out for cake tomorrow me and Jack but not sure I want to. I have had enough of food. I will get him to weigh me in the morning before the weekly food shop

I hope the food shop doesnt tire me out for the rest of the week like it did last week -_____-

so yeah I start tomorrow :/ its not easy or fun but gotta be done. luckily I have plenty of weight on me so when I drop weight I wont go boney. First time I did the diet I could see my ribs! 

wish me luck~