Yet another uncurable illness diagnosed to me

 Evening

or morning? its 1am anyway

I dont sleep properly since the procedure. That camera ruined my life

anyway this week~

I can no believe that the first week of my easter holidays has passed me by!!! T^T

anyway, monday I saw Mia, we went for a good hours dog walk. It was nice to catch up with her. I was quite tired afterwards and  my aches were still bad from doing that stupid run on friday. I came home, had a quick brew then went to mum's and had lunch with her. Giving jack some time to himself.

Tuesday, jack still continued to do the odd hour each day weeding the garden. I can't remember what I did 

Wednesday we went to a couple of garden centres with mum to pick some plants for the garden, it was a bit rainy that day tho and everything was outside so we got a a bit cold and damp

thursday I got my diagnosis from the gastro doctor. God I was on the phone for 2 mins. It was awful Couldnt care less for what I was trying to tell him, how my life has been ruined by that camera. He just said that all the samples that were sent off came back fine - so no stomach cancer for me, I have a VERY sensitive stomach - I could have told him that. He gave me the diagnosis I did not want....IBS. To me IBS is when a doctor gets negative results and can't be bothered to do anymore investigations. Done sorted, you're fine, its just irritable bowel syndrome, get on with life. I did not want this diagnosis as it is not curable, you can have it for life, and I feel fobbed off. Dont get me wrong I am sure there are people who genuinely suffer with this, I just feel I have something more up with me than this.

He told me to go on the FODMAP diet. Which to be honest is very very similar to what i am on now - the paleo diet. He didnt want to prescribe any medication to me as i am already on such a cocktail of drugs which he said isnt helping my stomach any. So that was that. I feel like I had that life ruining procedure for nothing.

friday, I did some FODMAP research to see what I can and cant eat. Like I said its  very similar to what I am doing now. The only things I am gonna have to cut out is onion, sausage, mushroom and garlic. The rest I can ether eat or I dont actually want to eat. So my diet wont change much apart from those 4 foods really. So thats not too bad. I am also permitted to eat some foods that I couldnt before such as rice.

mum had been over to help Jack with the gardening. It looks so much better already!!! she brought the girls over which was nice, I was working on the things I have been sewing for mum all week. She wanted a little baby blanket for the girls to sit on, and also 2 guinea pigs -  one each. So she now has the best guinea pig bags I have ever made! Theyre cute, sturdy and well padded. Mum was very pleased with them

saturday, we did our food shop, I came home and went to bed I was exhausted as I still dont sleep. Even tho its the holidays I still dont sleep. Stomach likes to keep me up.

I had lunch and stuff with jack and cleaned loaf out, did some more on the picture I am working on and then we went to Jack's family's house. His nan was there which was nice. we had home made scones, a mini egg cookie and they gave us easter gifts which was nice  of them.

we came home at 4pm and had an early bath. I pitched the idea to Jack to scrap dinner, have the remaining 4 scones his mum gave to us, a hot cross bun we bought in the morning and anything else we want. He agreed. So we had a sweet dinner! it was well good! we dont usually scrap dinner and eat bad, so when we do it, it feels more forbidden! I then did 40mins of yoga

tomorrow, or today whatever,  I have my cooking to do in the morning, I have the bathroom to clean that I didnt do saturday and at some point we having home made cake at mums. I might take Oz over as our easter bunbun.

mum hasnt bought us anything for easter, she asked if we wanted anything and I said no. I have Oz, he is the best easter gift of all. My own easter bunbun. so she said she would just make a cake to celebrate

i will be starting the FODMAP diet this week, however there will be occasions that I will be breaking my diet as it is the holidays and I have plans and treats to have and do which I deserve. when I go back to school on 17th I imagine I will be fully on the diet. so its a nice break into it, not that its much different

i have been working on my dragon picture, its looking ok

I have got my kanji books now so I can hopefully get going with all that now!

Jack has been enjoying animal crossing still, and today I had to order him amebo cards as he wants to complete his bun island. He wants a  remaining 3 bunnies to join the island. 

I shall enjoy my last week off~ more plans this week

monday - clean the house as its bank holiday so everywhere will be busy and also weather suppose to be awful

tuesday - suppose to be meeting up with lizi

wednesday - blood test TT^TT

thursday - free of plans so depending on how I feel, I may pop out somewhere with Jack

Friday - massage and jack has a night out with the lads

could I be anymore stupider!?

 I totally forgot to do this yesterday!

I remembered at some point but then it left my head

Well I can confirm I am on easter holidays now!!! woohoo!!!

So last week

My Jack was still poorly. Sunday he was doing well but then come later afternoon he went downhill again so we came to the conclusion that he couldnt go to work on monday. So I was going into work early again

He returned Tuesday and I worked from home, I wasnt going to but Id had a bad night and was massively exhausted from picking up jack's slack. 

Wednesday we were reunited at work again~ But god Jack was drained. He was still recovering and looked like death bless him. The whole week was a slog for him. Thursday night I couldnt sleep so I did 2 hours of work in the night so I could go home early Friday. Friday I aimed to get a load of stuff done before I went home, but I didnt happen as people kept coming to chat to me T^T I was trying to get crap done before easter damn it ><

but god were we all massively burnt out at the end of term

friday night I did something  VERY stupid, so very very stupid.

Jack was gaming with his friends, and Lizi told me the other day she had gone for a jog. I honestly felt quite envious of this act. So whilst Jack was gaming I had the thought "can I still run?" when I was 24/25 I got good and running but gave it up due to my joints saying NO MORE. but god did I love running. It wasnt fair. another thing my illnesses rob from me.

so I snuck out, didnt tell anyone, no phone, no inhaler

could I be anymore stupid!?

I was gone 20mins and it was hard work but it was nice

however

HOWEVER

I started to not be able to breathe....I am asthmatic 

why on earth did I think going for a walk in the damn cold evening by myself without a phone or inhaler was a good idea!!!!???

I kept running, finding my breathing sounded god awful. Like proper gasping for breath and not in a fitness way. More in a "my airways are closing up" way. I kept going thinking "ill be fine ill be fine" but then I found myself going light headed and dizzy (turns out this was due to lack of oxygen to my brain, who'da thought) so I did walk for 30 seconds then continue on.

I got home in one piece, Jack unaware of what stupidness Id been up to

the bath I had run before I left was waiting for me along side a cold drink

it took AGES for my breathing to sound like a normal human being again. Like I had caught my breath but my breathing was awful.

in the morning I felt like road kill. Jesus christ did i HURT and its monday and I still HURT!!!!

I knew that Jack would pick up on me being in more pain than usual and extra stiffness when walking so I decided to confess thy sins~

he was not happy. no not happy indeed ><" Jack doesnt get angry. He just silently seethes. and he was very quiet ^^"

He told me it was a very stupid thing to do, I could have died (over reaction me thinks), to never do it again, if I did it again he would be very angry with me, why dont I take asthma seriously, next time he games hes gonna lock me in the house XD 

saturday and sunday we decided to just rest. We of course did our chores but on the whole we did just take it easy.

I told mum that I ran and she couldnt believe that I did what I did

yeah I do a lot of stupid things >.>

Today is monday and this morning I went to meet mia for a dog walk for an hour

I came home and threw my sweaty body in the shower, put the dinner in slow cooker, had a quick brew then went to mum's to have my lunch

so Jack had rest bite from me for a bit today. He was doing chores and some gardening with Oz

then the rest of the day I coloured in and took breaks. I hadnt got to cook or exercise as Id done it all! so that was nice

tomorrow

Jack has his first physio appointment so I said Id go with him as he doesnt know where hes going. then we're going pudding pantry, then were going to pick up some stuff at shops like cosmetics and home cleaning stuff, nothing amazing

I dont have any other plans this week

I have plenty to do tho! 

My poorly Jack

 Evening

ahhhhh what a week!

My week started as any normal week

Tuesday morning at school, Jack was running to the toilet and looked pale. He had off stomach and a banging headache. He asked head of science if he could go home.

Well that wasnt his words

his words were

"I have become very familiar with the school toilets this morning, I wish to not become further familiar"

So at lunch time when I go home, I bought him home with me.

Hes still poorly. literally getting through a toilet roll a day here! 

Wednesday and Thursday I was at school for 7:20, the time I usually leave the house! But I know how bad I am at physics and I wanted to make sure all the physics teachers have what they needed before the day started. It meant I could leave at 11:20am and go home to check on Jack. Oz has loved it cus he gets to be house bun >.> 

I hadnt seen my mum as I didnt want her to catch what Jack had so on Thursday afternoon I went for a walk with her which was nice. Very tiring even tho it was a short walk. 

Friday came round and I was all set to go to school even tho it was the day originally I was gonna work from home. I woke up and felt like death, Id had a rough night of toileting and it hurt to walk. Jack said I looked like death. Julia txted to say her and Darren would have everything all in hand.

So that morning I went back to bed and woke up an hour or so later and actually went to the shops with mum, she helped me with my weekly food shop. I have never done my weekly food shop without Jack! I knew i wouldnt be able to do it alone. So she helped with that. I picked Jack up treats from there and treats from other places and ultra soft toilet paper from somewhere else.

I came home and had lunch with Jack, then after that I did my 4 hours of work in the afternoon. It was nice I could get everything done in the morning instead of worrying about it. It meant I could crack on with my work.

On saturday I went over to see mum as a surprise, she was happy. She asked me to cut the girls claws to I did that :) she gave me a project to do over the easter holidays for the girls. Dad came home, he didnt look at me or talk to me.

This weekend we were suppose to see Jack's mum  for belated mother's day but hes still unwell. Today he was doing better but then this afternoon he didnt feel good again. He does look better today as hes been looking white with dark circles  under his eyes. Hes been sleeping during the day too which isnt like him ether. 

I said to him its clear hes not going to school tomorrow. He is getting better its just slow. I think he just needs that 1 last day at home. so yeah I am going to school tomorrow by myself T^T Julia and Darren will be there. i will be going in early again.

Also I have to sort out something that happened on friday. My brother was leaving the school and a group of students from the school started saying horrible things and swearing. My brother got in his car and drove off. So i need to go take him to the appropriate staff members to report what happened. 

I hope this week will be a better week. Last week before easter holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hope my jack gets better soon. I dont like seeing him poorly. Thats why I bought him lots of treats both edible and non edible ^^ to cheer him up~ 

I have a bob!

 Just realising I missed doing this week >< woops!

well nothing has changed here. I am still suffering. I have only slept once through the night in over a month. I am going to the toilet every day like a thousand times a day. But I've gained weight from the procedure! I feel like crap. I am sick to death of life recently.

this week my Jack bought me a doughnut which was nice and obviously upset my tummy but my tummy hurts just from existing. So I ate it.

Oz lost weight he weighed in at 2790g so hes entered the 2.7kg section. Hes losing about 30g a week which I feel is a healthy amount for him to lose as I do not want to starve the poor little bun. He is looking much more trim! Last week we had snow!! he played in the snow with me :) I got cute photos of him.

Today is mothers day so yesterday i went to see my mummy and gave her a bag full of accessories she was very happy as shes really into hair accessories. I sat with her and the pigs. 

also yesterday I did something I have been thinking about doing for quite a while

I got my hair cut off! its now the same length as my ears as a little cute bob and I am in love with it. As my hairdresser was doing it I knew I was doing the right thing, its fantastic i love it. My family liked it and so does Jack. Told no one I was doing it! so weird brushing it and washing it now tho! theres nothing there!!

I had a lovely massage on friday too, I just about got through it but as soon as I got home I ran to the toilet.

next week nothing special really, just getting ever closer to those sweet easter holidays!!! and ever closer to me giving a piece of my mind to the doctor that ruined my tummy!!!

My stomach rules my life

 Evening

ah what a week -_____- I almost dont feel like writing about it you know

its just been so crap and its all stomach related honestly

I left home early one day cus of needing the toilet

I have been round the prep room like a slug

i have not digested food properly

kept up til early hours of the morning due to going to the toilet a lot

and whats more is I have missed yet MORE events this week just simply cus I can not go cus of my stomach.

Tuesday Jack had the work social, it was at pizza express he enjoyed himself but was gone hours! I was glad he had a nice time. On tuesday it was also my brothers 28th birthday! So I bought him cakes that morning from a store on the way to school. I took them too him and he was very grateful. After school we went over only for like an hour for him to open his gifts and have some cake. I would have stayed longer but Jack needed to get off to the work due. He liked his presents tho ^^

wednesday was another teacher strike day, not complaining as it makes school so much more quieter!

Thursday was the day I finished my shift off at home due to stomach pains and not knowing if I needed to go destroy a toilet

friday I worked from home and I was very glad of this...cus we were going out and Jack would be hungover next morning we did our food shop. It was also Brandon's birthday so originally I had in mind that I would save my energy, work from home and go over with Jack's friends to Brandon's house but no. Just no. I was gutted. Got all my outfit ready, ate dinner then BAM stomach pain. crippling stomach pain. I was just about able to drive Jack to brandon's and only just got back to the toilet in time (I tell you its ruining and ruling my life!) 

Jack was a bit hungover saturday bless him. I made him a sausage, egg and bacon baguette - made with love ^^ Oz had lost 40 more grams bless him. Hes doing so well. Its slow but I am glad cus I would never want to starve him! I bought him some dried grass this week for him to snack on.

It was Theo's birthday event on saturday he wanted a take away night at harvey's so I was gonna go to that - i would take my own food so not to upset my tummy. But no I didnt get to go to that either cus of tummy stuff T^T jack wasnt drinking so he drove himself there luckily.

today, we did a whole hour's walk this morning. It was quite bitter out there almost minus degrees today. but I enjoyed my walk with my jack. We talked about holidays and such as I would like to do a little couple day break in the UK with him. But everything I wanted to do was pretty much shot down as I am anything but realistic with my health which is why i run stuff by him first as hes more realistic but he hates putting a dampener on stuff. We think we might just do Manchester. something a bit further but familiar as I wanted to do london but jack said "you need to build up to our most densely populated city Jo, you get anxious and overwhelmed doing the weekly shop sometimes"....he's right damn it.

I havent done much else to be honest

all weekend I have lazed around my body and mind are just so exhausted for some reason. I have had more to do this week just so it means Jack can go out and not have do so many chores, he never asks me to do these things but i like to help him out. I am also not digesting stuff and forever going to the toilet so I suppose it all adds up. It has been such a dull weekend and I proper beat myself for not doing much. I need to stop doing that, everyone needs rest.

i did google the whole procedure thing and it says 34% of people can be sore and have stomach upset 2 weeks after it and 5% people 3 weeks after. it has been 17 days since I was probed by that camera.

Hopefully I am almost over the worst of all this T^T

I hope for a better week!!!!!

this week coming

we havent got anything out the ordinary happening, not like this week of social events. But on Saturday night me, jack, my brother and mia are going to a pub within walking distance in the evening for drinks. Mia wanted to do it so yeah that will be different! I just hope I can attend. Not sure what I will drink tho.

i finished a picture I was working on but have zero ideas what to draw next with this mush brain of mine right now. Twice i have tried to make mum a mothers day card and it just doesnt happen. zero creativity right now TT^TT 

Seeing my brother at work

 Evening

Its been a week~~~

I worked from home on friday due to me spending thursday night on the toilet which followed through to the friday morning. I felt awful when I woke up but went to school. Set up a practical then by 9:30am I was leaving school to work from home. I got a fair bit of work done but not til the afternoon. I came home and slept for 2 hours. 

Saturday I did so much

I did food shop, went to mums to trim the girls and bath the girls, cleaned Oz out, cleaned bathroom, trimmed Oz's claws, made a cake, marinated some meat, cut up some meat, went out in the evening to a shop with Jack.

Today I have done an hour of yoga, wrapped my brother's presents, cooked a load of meat, made soup, made a cake again. and finally done some more of my art work, watered my plant babies. 

of course I keep going outside with Oz and spent time with Oz indoors as well. My life revolves around that beautiful loaf. I weighed him again and hes lost 60g so hes now 2870g hes in the 2.8kg section! hes doing so well I am so proud of him. I did think he'd lost weight he looked thinner. I can spot that cus I spend so much time with him. 

my brother did his first whole week at work, hes doing so well. Its VERY weird seeing him at school. Monday was the first time I had personally seen him at work. And I had to do a double take XD it was so strange seeing him in MY workplace. But he doing so well and I hope hes enjoying it. Seems like he is and its working for us as he's kindly bringing Jack home ^^

next week

just another week really

tuesday is my brother's 28th birthday. I will go over with Jack after school to mum's so he can open his presents :) I think he's going out for food with his girlfriend that day. I hope he likes his gifts, I always try hard for him. But Tuesday also is the day science department is going out for a meal - pizza express. I for one do not want to attend but Jack does and thats perfectly fine. so I will be dining alone with Oz that night

friday, I think I am working from home that day as we have been invited to go over to Matt and Brandon's for Brandon's 30th birthday. Id like to go, so if I dont attend school I should hopefully have energy for that. I didnt go to the party last year, this year I need to make the effort to socialise. Especially as I didnt meet up with them all the other weekend. They MIGHT be going into the city centre for drinks - I will go home by this point. Saturday, its a meal out for Theo's 30th XD they share VERY close birthdays. That night may also end up with drinks in the city. I am not sure if I will attend any of this yet as we dont know where he wants to eat out. If its like Indian or Chinese, Im out, no way I can eat that food. My stomach will die for a whole week....

and thats it really nothing amazing this week really. Just returning to work felt hard XD

The worst experience, Endoscopy Colonoscopy

 Evening

what a week!!!

its been half term~~~

so monday I went for a dog walk with Mia, which was nice it was good to see her for the first time this year. We were gone a good hour and my legs hurt. We went back to her house and she showed me her amazing new bathroom she gave me my birthday presents too. A retro pencil case, a bath bomb from lush and a watering can made of pot that has cute gloves inside - perfect for watering my indoor plants.

I got home and put my dinner in the slow cooker, had lunch then Ed showed up! it was all pretty full on but it was good, he stayed for some hours. We just caught up really, he bought with him this patchwork game. He first played me and I won then he played Jack and Jack won XD lovely to finally see him. Its been such a long time but it wasnt awkward we kinda just pick up from where we left off. I have known him over 10 years and I can not believe that!

tuesday, haaaa tuesday....-_____-

tuesday was  HARD

I had to start to starve myself. So by 9am I had to eat my breakfast which was just chicken breast - my breakfast was limited choice from what I was allowed to eat. Then the rest of the day just water. Yup just water. I felt full of air and liquid. I was 'suppose' to drink 2 glasses of water every hour but I would have thrown up, theres no way I can fit that much liquid in and without food to soak it up so I just did my best. Despite Jack nagging me to drink more...The day was so hard. I felt so uncomfortable. At 4pm I had to begin the medicine drink.....sweet jesus. I tasted like cheap lemon sweets and smelled like it too - proper lemon chemical. Which you may think is fine and you could drink it. I had to drink a litre of it which is A LOT then a litre of water all before 6pm baring in mind I had been just drinking all day. then start the next litre of medicine and litre of water at 6pm. 

This was all to make me empty the content of my bowels. However to say I started it at 4pm, by 8pm I was concerned that nothing was happening. I thought I would be ringing the hospital up to saying "sorry you cant do it as I havent pooped yet!" 

Jack nagged me that I hadnt finished all the medicine....I could have murdered him. I shouted at him saying "dont you think I would have if I could have!? I can not physically fit anymore fluid in me! leave me alone I have done my best. besides doctors have no idea how big of a woman i am the UK average is a size 14 I am a size 10 so it might be impossible to fit all that in me!" as I had fallen short of about 500ml of medicine

we went to bed and at 10pm thats when the explosions started.....oh my god for the next 4 HOURS I destroyed that toilet. It was horrible. Just horrible. I felt awful. I felt weak from not eating and emptying myself out. my stomach felt like 9 months pregnant of air and water, I didnt know how I was suppose to sleep when i felt this rotten. 

I woke up at 7am needing to run to the toilet yet again... my toilet was just a smouldering pit after id finished with it...

so this led us to wednesday

the day of my procedure

I was nervous as hell. I still wasnt allowed to eat and the last drink of water I was allowed was at 8:30pm 

Jack drove us to the hospital and we were 15mins early but even so I was called straight through like they had all been waiting for me, so it gave my anxiety less time to build. I was asked my name and date of birth 100 times. My blood pressure was taken sooooo many times. I was so nervous. The doctor who would be performing it all came to see me and put a needle thing in my arm. I usually lay down for needles but he didnt let me he just held my hand and did it all with the other hand, he was a pro I give you that. I was visibly shaking at this point and my eyes watered and i whimpered i probably looked like such a wimp. Jack watching on and encouraging me. then I had to get changed into a gown and these disposable shorts. I then went into the minor procedures room.

in there were 5 staff total. And the staff made it. Honestly they were amazing. so for the first procedure the endoscopy I had opted to be knocked out - to be honest I thought I was being knocked out for the whole thing but anyway. They sprayed the inside of my mouth with this god awful spray and it numbed the whole of my mouth and as it went down my throat it numbed my throat, wind pipe etc it was a very odd feeling. I had to put a mouth piece in my mouth to protect my teeth and keep my mouth open. Then they knocked me out and the next thing I know I was being woken up and asked to role onto my other side. they were starting the colonoscopy....

but i am awake!? I said "dont I get more stuff to get knocked out?" and he said "no no you cant have anymore" so thats it? I have to endure this awake!?

so then I was having 1 whole metre of camera rod shoved up my arse hole. it was very uncomfortable and whats more I was watching it all on a big tv. It was a very surreal experience and I think I bled my adrenal glands that day. I was just watching my insides and whats more I was watching jet my insides with water and air but also cut my insides up! I felt no fear or worry and I feel this was down to the previous drugs in my system.

He removed a few lumps from my intestines that given time could become cancerous he also noted my stomach is inflamed he also took 7 biopsies from my large intestines. Just go ahead and cut it all up doc it dont work anyway!

when he was finished and said farewell to my arsehole on screen, my blood pressure was taken another 100 times until in the end I asked the nurse "is it low or something?" she said "yeah its just always low its not coming up" I said "thats just me, mine is always very low" then with that Iwas wheeled through to the recovering room, that was the best bit the wheeling through! 

in the recovery room my blood pressure what checked more and yup still low guys. I asked or more like begged to go to the toilet. my back end was wet....now cus I couldnt see I wasnt sure if it was wet from water from the doctor or poo. During the procedure they said I might feel the need to fart and to please do so, but given the state of my stools lately I couldnt risk farting as I didnt trust said fart. So I needed to check if my arse end was clean. So I had a doctor on each arm take me to the toilet. It revealed to just be the water from it all, thank god. I went back to my bed and then I was allowed to get changed.

then I was taken to a room where jack was allowed in and I got a cup of tea and biscuits. I had been told not to eat a load of food at once, the drugs can take a day to wear off, and I might poo blood. Then I was on my merry way.

Jack bought me home, but on the way home I ate the snacks I had bought with me~ this gave me horrendous pain in my stomach. I told Jack I shouldnt have done that cus they said NOT to do that. he was annoyed and wish I had told him sooner so he could stop me XD but I was starving I had gone like 30 hours without food for gods sake!

I got home and I had lunch I couldnt finish and I was in a ball of pain with hot bag, I think my stomach was just massively sore.

I did nothing the rest of the day apart from my mum and brother coming to see me and wanting to hear about it all. I couldnt finish my dinner ether. Since then in fact I am struggling with food its like they fitted a gastric band or something. No way can your stomach shrink that fast right!?

I was also STILL having to dash to the toilet. At one point just bloody tissue came out. I was THAT empty that my body was literally crapping out organs and tissue....

thursday~

our 4th anniversary! so we went into the city centre, I havent been in such a long time. I gave Jack before we went his gift which was a matching tshirt set with me! its pokemon and I wanted to twin with him and be a cringy couple XD we looked round a lot of shops and he offered to buy me stuff but I felt like it was just buying for the sake of buying. we had a hot chocolate which was amazing, I was so grateful of my stomach feeling more my own. I hadnt had to go to the toilet once! I got a few crafty things and Jack got warhammer things he wanted so he took me round his nerd shops. We went to the dessert place to find it shut but honestly I was struggling to walk by this point, id had enough. I enjoyed myself and I still had places I wanted to go but yeah I couldnt do it. And at this point we saw the bus home pulling up so I said to jack "can I just go home please" he was disappointed in himself for not checking ahead of time what dessert places were open so he could have taken me and that the whole thing didnt go to plan and that he didnt buy me anything. I was just happy I had left the house! not been to the city for 2 years! 

I then went after lunch for a himalyan massage. It was bloody fantastic and I almost fell asleep!!! it was soooo nice. She said to keep the salts on my skin over night as they have 83 minerals in for my skin to absorb.

I came home and just laid down. Completely done. 

friday -- today

I was planning on cleaning my house. However my body did not want to clean or do anything other than ache. I felt like I had fallen down a cliff. I am in horrendous pain. Its from walking round and from massage. Worth it all tho. So I have done very little today much to my frustration. Its all pressure I am putting on myself tho. So to feel productive I made my brother a birthday card and mum came over to dye my hair~ jack is gaming tonight and I am just hear doing a massive diary entry.

tomorrow

food shop in morning and the usual chores that I am hoping to be up for me, and maybe some of the cleaning I wanted to do today. I also am hopefully going with Jack to see his friends at harveys for pre-drinks or in my case no-drinks haha i want to see everyone and show my face as I havent been meeting up with them I usually just drop jack off. But I want to go, I wont be going into the city centre for drinks tho like Jack probably will with them all. I do wonder if he will be tempted to go home with me XD

sunday just chores and maybe clean the car, I dont wanna burn myself out before school like I said its just pressure I am putting on myself

I have ordered some japanese learning books online hopefully they will be good

Oz gets weighed tomorrow I dont think he has lost anything. His new tubes came this week and bloody loves them! its getting him moving more anyway

next week go back to school and I get to see Lizi again now shes back from her other school placement and also see my brother for the first time in the school environment!

in 6 weeks time I get my results back from the procedure. I am not worried. I just havent gone through all this to be diagnosed with IBS....