As some may know I am currently suffering from a few of illnesses
not my choice obviously, but it started in 2010 when I was just 18
As of 2008 I have spent every day, every single day
in pain...
I hurt all over there is never any relief
I do take pain killers - morphine - to help ease the pain
But I never truly free from it
Last night I awoke in the middle of the night
which is normal for me, it's rare I sleep through the night
I awoke to find myself numb absolutely numb
I couldnt feel anything and thought it was maybe me
just being half asleep or dreaming because I never felt like that before
I decided to stay awake and enjoy this feeling
the feeling of being pain free
but I fell asleep, and awoke a few hours later to find I was still numb
now this was werid, as its usually pain that wakes me up in the night
I fell asleep again and when I finally awoke at 8am I was still numb
but I knew the moment I would move I would
fully awake and the pain would come flooding back
I slowly got myself up and I was still numb I couldnt even feel the
temperature difference between my bed and my room
At this point I was really starting to wonder just what has happened to me during the night
Had I been drugged? Had my parents sent a hypnotist over? Had I got better?
I ran my hand under the tap trying to feel temperature and i could just about tell
the difference between hot and cold, i pinched myself but barely felt it
now, i was wondering:
A)had I actually gone "numb"? Had i had a stroke in the night?
B) had my pain gone away and this is what it felt to be "normal"
I got on with my usual routine, holding back the urge to scream to the world
that I was pain-free. I felt like the moment I announced it that the pain would come back
just to spite me, long term pain doesnt just disappear one day not just like that
so I kept quiet and went down stairs, at this point I would be dosing myself up
but instead I just took my other pills leaving my pain killers alone
i didnt need them, why take em?
Half an hour from waking up I was sat in the garden with mum and Tiffin
i told I hadnt taken my pain killers this morning
she asked if I felt too sick to take them
then I filled her in, she wasnt over joyed or anything i think we both knew not to get
hopes up so we didnt
i would say I ended up having an hour of this numb feeling until slowly pain started
to creep back in, until at midday i ended up taking my pain medicine
still it was nice whilst it lasted!
I sat sewing my brooch which I'm pleased to say is finished~
Helina-chan came over, we did a short walk as it began to rain - again
then she stayed over at my house for a couple of hours just chatting and catching up
it was nice to see her. :D
I hope to do some dancing tonight~
and see Tiffin of course
I downloaded 7 new books last night ^^
tomorrow I have got work round the corner from me
so its an easy journey but the kids are bratty :/
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