Im back~
well I never went anywhere, just didnt have access to my laptop ><
On Saturday I went to meet Ed in the city
we went round a few shops and stuff, I got a pair of grey shorts for work
they were £4 from charity shop ^^
2 mangas I have been wanting to read - Jiu Jiu vol 1 &2
2 mangas for paper mache - some random ones, came free with my other manga :/
He treated me to lunch, I had a chicken panini but he ate the other half
We came home late afternoon and got stuff ready and grannys house
I had a shower and later on mum and dad had been to collect
a pizza for themselves and were kind enough to drop one
by to us ^^
The Sunday, it was Valentines day >____>
Not a day i celebrate at all, and I dont think id celebrate it even if i was
with someone, i do not believe you need a day in the year to say how
you feel about someone, its just commercialism
But Ed wanted to treat me like a girlfriend for the day
something im not used to, so he got me lunch, again
i popped down to the range and hobby craft for some bits
to start my shelving with, i got mod podge and paint :3
We just spent the rest of the day doing a lil walk by the river
Came home and I was prepared to cook a pasta dinner, simply cus it was valentines
so i knew all the restaurants would be full of loved up couples
But Ed insisted we ate out, insisted on it. He wouldnt listen to me
we had no reservations or even knew where to go
so in the end I drove out in the dark to this chinese he felt confident
we'd get into, but upon arriving the lady said they were fully booked
i tried to tell him! so called in a pub on the way back, walked in and out
it was full of guys drinking...
so I said "3rd time lucky?" i was prepared to cook dinner at 5pm not 7pm
which it was now, so i would have been peeved if i had driven for nothing
and had to cook dinner, but we got into this pub i havent been in for years
and they had space, it wasnt busy ether so it was nice actually
and ed treated me once again -_- i ow that guy so much ><
He had chicken I had fish pie~
Then the evening we just relaxed
this morning I woke up and didnt realize as i was on the end of the bed
so got out, started to stumble tried to get my feet and fell on my butt
now my butt hurts, but thats what you get for getting out of bed when your not awake XD
ed didnt laugh tho, he knows his place XD
Today we really didnt do much, i was happy to go out, but
he kept saying he was happy just with me so what could i do
I had Karen's at 11:30am typical timing i guess
but i wanted to go
I had reflex and from one look at my feet she knew my troubles
jeez you would be astonished at how much your feet give away
she said to me "you've been quite low havent you?" I just said "yeah y'know
its just a constant battle with my head at times" she felt my foot and said
"yes quite low indeed actually" so i was annoyed my feet gave me away
i wouldnt have even mentioned my mental state other wise
it has been shockingly bad lately
ive booked myself to go in the doctors on 23rd (earliest I could get in!! good job im not dying!)
So I sat round with Ed til it was time for him to leave at 4pm
we had a good time but he is troublesome he says im the troublesome
one but its him, i have to practically look after the guy but then he says the same about me XD
We play fight and wrestle and he knows my weaknesses
trouble is i dont like giving control but hes so much stronger than me and weighs like double me
so really i stand no chance and im at his mercy most times
doesnt stop me from trying XD
He cuddles me til I sleep ^^
I guess it was nice being treated as girlfriend
he held my hand and gave me cuddles and i felt wanted but i cant help myself
i say bad stuff to him -___- looking back i wish i could hit myself!
I told him, i cant believe I told him, but i said "you're only doing this as a practice run
for when you get a real girlfriend"
and there you go Jozu way to go, its what i do when people get close i push em away
i cant stop myself. He denied it of course
He told me other personal things to me and i said "you only want me cus im the
first girl youve ever been close with"
i think that was a step too much...he looked hurt at that and said
"do you honestly think thats why i like being with you?" i could see hurt in his eyes
i felt soooooo bad so I said truthfully "i cant imagine any guy actually wanting to be with me
or wanting me remotely" he told me I was pretty and nice
and i felt even worse. i feel so bad now. i did say sorry ^^;
so he's gone home, going Hong Kong this week lucky git
I told him to bring me something back X3
Then hes going up to scotland for 4 years cus of work :(
so meeting up is gonna be tricky
but I had fun
tomorrow Im starting my shelves i think~
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