Im well aware of my tardiness ><
Ok so let's catch up with Jozu's days shall we~
Friday
My parents went away so I said my goodbyes before I went to work
got to school and found out it was school picture day....
I had pikachu hair tie in and pikachu necklace
But then again im not staff right so I dont need to be in the photos
wrong!
As luck would have it I did my make-up really well that morning as I knew
I was seeing adam straight from work so I wanted my make-up to last
also i was smartly dressed mum said I looked like a teacher XD
Maybe I had a 6th sense on this!
So I was tidy apart from bloody pikachu in my hair XD
I had my photo taken with the class
the teacher and other TA didn't say anything to me they just let me join in.
It was indoor play again due to the weather
I went home at lunch
After work I got home and adam was there and he'd made me a brew ^^
we sat and talked as I was knackered really
had pets inside and such
made sausage cobs
played mario cart
and we had a bit of thing really not sure what you call it cus it wasnt an arguement or a tiff
basically we were talking about a mundane thing and i made a joke not knowing the topic was a sensitive sore point to adam. He said "i'll go home"
I was so tired I laid on the sofa whilst he put his stuff in his bag he came back and sulked like a child in front of me on the floor. I went and climbed all over him cus I thought he was playing i really did. I had no idea he was actually upset with me. He wouldnt touch me he just kinda pushed me off him. I told him I wanted to go upstairs. He was still quiet with me.
I said "would you really have gone home?" still thinking he was just messing with me.
"yes I would have"
"seriously?"
"yeah"
"was it that big of a deal? I thought you were messing"
"its a sore point"
I went quiet. It all kinda fell on me my thoughts just opened up like a damn my head hurt actually I wanted to squeeze my head but didnt want to look crazy so I just laid there
"are you ok?" he asked
I shook my head
i lost a few tears which soaked through his top
he looked down at me
"whats wrong?"
i shook my head
"i cant help unless you tell me"
"im just having a war in my head right now thats all"
"what is it saying?"
I just couldnt bring myself to tell him what was flying through my mind. It was just absolutely uncontrollable. Being upset causes this to happen its like my thoughts go into 'hyper mode'.
I didnt even know where to start. I felt a rage burn through me at the fact he'd leave me when I didn't understand as I wouldnt have made a joke if i knew it was a sore point to him i wouldnt have done it on purpose so the rage wanted me to have massive argument with him. Then the other part was saying that he is so quick to leave me cus im not worth being with he'll use any excuse to be rid of me. he'll leave me soon. It was horrible.
So I told him the jist I was a lil upset and he wiped my tears away
but he went quiet himself
"whats wrong?" I asked him
I could tell something was bothering him by his body language
"I've made you upset. It's my fault. I didnt think. It caused your head to start off"
"it's ok dont worry. im just tired. my head is fragile when Im tired"
He was still unhappy I could tell
So I brought Oz in as usually Oz makes him happy
but that only masked the problem I could tell
I took him home at this point cus it was near enough 9pm
he was quiet on the journey home so I turned to him
"you know, Im not mad. In fact im fine. We didn't argue. We didn't fight. We're not hurt or angry at one other. It was silly really what happened. I mean its not like one of cheated or anything is it?"
"yeah I know"
when I pulled up at his house I turned to him and grabbed his face with one hand
"you gotta promise me that youre not gonna go spend the whole evening hating yourself are you?"
"no no I wont"
"you best not otherwise Im not gonna be happy"
what did he go and do? he went and hated himself
Through txt messages he was telling me how sorry and stupid he was and that he wanted to crawl into a hole or punch something hard.
To be honest with you I knew nothing I would say would change anything cus I'd said everything so Id only be repeating myself. i was shattered as well and in my bed. So I just night to him and went to sleep. I knew he'd be fine tomorrow
Saturday
I cleaned out my girls
luckily I was able to do them before the rain came!
I went for a hair cut thank bloody god
I now have full vision no hair in my way!
I went over to adam's house
we sat and talked none of us bringing up yesterday which i was glad of
and we were totally fine with one another I mean at first he was a bit frosty if im honest
and i kinda thought "nooo not another day with him being like this"
but we bonded over darts as well pinned on the dart board a photo of an MP which had come through the post talking about election rubbish you know
so that was good fun. His dart board is next to his bed so after the picture had died he picked me up and put me on his bed were he cuddled and kissed me ^^ i could tell he was back to his usual self and we stayed there for a good hour just enjoying each other's company with cuddles
we eventually got up and went to my house
where we cooked some veg and chicken and had dinner
we attended to the pets as well and had a better evening than the day before
we sat and played pokemon for an hour i gave him a kadabra and magby for his team :)
Then at 9pm i took him home
and like the night before I got home, showered, txted mum and went to bed.
Today I got up at 8am
I attended to the pets luckily it actually wasnt raining!
I cleaned downstairs so it was presentable for mum and did some washing also
then i went on my laptop cus i hadnt been on it since thursday
did some dancing
My stomach yesterday after eating my lunch didnt feel right and made all sorts of noises
i had gone to bed with bad stomach pains and they were with me this morning
i had spent a lot of time in the bathroom this morning
my stomach hates me
so I didnt eat breakfast. I managed to cereal and lunch but regretted it
and didnt eat much dinner
so obviously cutting out tomatoes and potatoes hasnt made any odds luckily
mum came home at 12pm it was good to see her
she was reunited with pinks
I have done bugger all today
I have felt like crap
I havent eaten much cus my stomach just hurts and feels sick
I still have my cold which doesnt help matters but as of yesterday I did buy some cold & flu tablets to see if they can help shift it.
What a wasted day /:
I was meant to see adam but I knew I would just be pushing myself and I have work tomorrow as well so I decided to go to sleep at 12;30 and see how I felt when I woke
when I woke 2 hours later I felt no better so I told him I wasnt coming out today
he was fine with it
I'll see him tuesday no doubt.
Tomorrow I have school
and Im not in the mood to go i dont know whats wrong with me cus i like school
but I cant face going but I dont know what id rather do
I dont know what I want and I think its just the way I am feeling with it all
I will get the day done
Here is a necklace I ordered for £2 Its well cute and different made of plastic
I took a photo of it next to my finger cus check the size of it!
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