Evening~~
I got up this morning at 8am
the morning went pretty slowly
I was getting the odd thing ready for tomorrow
I arrived at therapy a lil early
I was so anxious I was just in knots
I dont know how I even got breakfast down me
She called me through
and she talked about what we had talked about last time
my demons that I never share with anyone
I showed her some more of my art
one of which she liked (again)
so we talked about that
She got me to speak more about my demons
and how it affects my day to day life
She came to the conclusion that CBT might not be for me...
Apparently my 'condition' needs more specialist help
I am by no means crazy (she says) and my 'condition' is not uncommon
other people do suffer from it I am not alone and there is help out there
but for me to get better I need to be referred to
Psychodynamic Therapy
never heard of it
I had to have it explained to me
but she says what I am presenting to her sounds a lot like 'shadow'
She explained a bit about it and I was shocked when I thought
''that sounds like me!!''
so I gave her permission to refer me
It could take up to 6 months to be seen though...
So she says in the mean time she will keep seeing me, setting me goals and things to do and stuff, just so im not left alone for months and she says it will be good to start these things before the other therapy but she can not treat my real issues hence why I need the other therapy instead.
I left to get to adam's house
then we went to a lil town
went charity shop shopping of course
picked up a cute necklace, a peach lacy top, a black skirt with birds on
so not a bad turn out all for £9 not bad huh and the skirt was brand new ;)
We went for a pub lunch
came free with desert which was a brownie chocice I have never had one before
it was good but I didnt want to see food for a long time
the pool table sat free behind us
so we had 1 game which I won - i was on form ;)
next game he won didnt he
at this point I was happy to call it a draw
but no mr.competetive wanted a 3rd game to crown a damn winner
i won X3 have that!!!!
We came back home
I got Oz in my room for adam to play with him
I stitched a couple of buttons on my cosplay and got a few other things ready
then I sat with him and talked and time soon went really
Then it was yoga which was good actually to say my mind was else where
came home not wanting dinner so i had a piece of bread and soup
i could have gone without but mum doesnt let me off the hook like that
As I had a minute I decided to google "psychodynamic therapy shadow"
and what came up just freaked me out a bit actually
cus it was all me it really was even down to feeling like your demons resemble a wolf
i have drawn 2 wolves now. Just other pieces I read was exactly like me
almost as if I already knew about this and decided to copy it myself
which I obviously didn't
so this therapy looks for me for sure
finally might be getting help for something that has had me for the last 12 years
Anyway tomorrow
big big day! I have been looking forward to it since forever it feels like!!!
I'M GOING MANCHESTER!!!
wooooooo X3
I can not wait!
although I am incredibly anxious and will be until I get to the hotel
but it will be good im sure
I am back 31st July at lunch time
so no blogging or drawings for a few days
but I will come home with a load of photos ;)
Here is my Arcanine~
Evening~
I couldn't seem to get on my blog last night
internet had crashed :/
But yesterday I hardly did anything
I had 5 hours sleep and got up in the night for pain killers and a hot chocolate
as I couldnt bare to lay there any longer
its been a long time since ive got up in the night like that
so in the morning i was shattered
id slept twice during the day i felt like a zombie
i managed to do another picture
and i cut out fabric for my door stop
that was it oh i did do something good tho
i went to see karen's new house!
It was really nice and quite modern but homey
i gave her the present i made her - 15 bunting flags :3
she gave me a tour of the downstairs of her house
and i have half hour back massage
Today I slept for 12 hours
it goes from one extreme to another!!
I did take sleeping tablets but I could not wake up
I felt drugged up this morning I was so sluggish and light headed
god knows what was up with me
i did wake up eventually
took a good hour to come to my senses
I felt like id wasted the day
come 1pm i felt like i could go to sleep
but i refused to waste any more of my day in bloody bed!!!
I finished the door stop :3
It looks pretty cute I guess
I like it better than my old one anyway :) thats the main thing
I couldnt design my jacket yesterday but today
ive come up with the idea of making the jacket longer almost coat like
I wrote down the list of stuff ive got to take to manchester with me :)
I havent packed any of yet cus im not that keen XD
i will do tomorrow tho
I wanted to use my evening to decide which clothes i would be taking
but sadly i spent my evening looking at korean and japanese make-up products
here's some i waited 8 weeks for!
One is like a make-up base that was highly rated and i have used it once
and was very very impressed, it was worth it's money anyway
second thing is like hair chalk but hair creme instead
i got pink colour naturally :) Im yet to give it ago
I plan on drawing a picture after my shower tonight
which is what i will do next after blogging
I have been keeping up with my drawing
but havent been photographing >< i will i will
Tomorrow
ugh
i want tomorrow to come cus then i can see adam i havent seen him since sunday cus hes been working all this week and he sounds tired actually
but then i dont want tomorrow to come as i have therapy
and im so very very anxious about it
after therapy im meeting adam for some lunch then coming home here
got to spend time with my Oz before manchester
i fussed his face big time this morning actually he was so cute and happy in my room X3
Evening~~
Yesterday I went to town with Adam
I picked up a fair few bits so it was worth going
nothing of real importance
I wanted to pick up a mini sketch book (smaller than A5)
and a mechanical pencil but I wasnt having much luck finding them
Adam asked someone in a store as we were directed to an art store
We eventually found some a pack of 3 then a pack of 4 mechanical pencils
he ended up buying them for me //>.<//
I always feel guilty when people buy me stuff
like I havent done anything to earn it
I used to really protest against until Karen told me
"to refuse to take is denying someone the act of giving"
So he brought me those
I now have a sketch book and pencil in each of my bags :3
Later on after id paid for lunch (food seems to be the only I can buy for him!)
we went forbidden planet I was kinda annoyed to find it had been changed around
and it took me ages to find anything >.>
They had a fair bit of pokemon in including ninetails and arcanine plushies!
Me and adam we debating which one we liked best
as much as I love ninetails theres something about arcanine I like better
maybe its the fire bits and the fangs X3
Anyway whilst I was trying to find stuff adam had gone and brought me an arcanine
/////>.<////
Honestly I didnt bring him shopping just so he could spend on me
he told me arcanine is not for my bed but for my desk or cabinet X3
I told him mum would have him for buying me a plush
turns out she didnt
perhaps thats boyfriend privileges as she's banded the rest of my friends from buying me plushies.
It is nice being treated to stuff, or so i tell myself. i just feel bad and straight think "what can i do/get for them in return?" i feel instantly in debt. maybe thats not normal im not sure but its how i feel. adam seems happy to do it tho but on the way home i told him
"i dont ever expect you to buy me stuff, it really is fine. i dont want to feel that you have to buy me stuff to keep me cus im not like that. i love you for you not your wallet"
he said "i know but i like to treat you"
"you dont need to tho, you're my treat in life"
he seems happy to have a girlfriend to treat tho i guess
so i will think of something in return
we came back to his house
were I literally died on his bed
i was shattered
he left me for an hour but i did not sleep
i was so cold almost like my blood wasnt circulating
he came to check up on me i said "i'm cold"
that was all the invitation he needed from looks of it
cus next thing i know he was laying next to me and hugged my body to his as i shivered against him jeez he was warm it was so good and comforting
i knew he was tired as he has been last 2 days and as i laid there i realised he'd dropped off to sleep!! X3 I could not believe it cus i have like never seen the guy sleep so i made sure i watched him a bit
we had dinner with his family i was so tired and cold
i had 3 layers on even tho it was 20c
adam kept feeling my body and telling me i was in fact warm but i felt like ice
after dinner and a few round of dominoes (i won 4 games in a row i might add)
i came home
showered
Oz
Bed
My brother had completed his first 2 shifts at work
and seems to be doing alright actually thank god
he's there again tomorrow
Today I was shattered
I had spent the night in pain tossing and turning
and ether sweating hot or shivering cold
my thermostat has gone a bit of out whack it would seem!
so i was truly tired and by 10am i found myself asleep on my bed in my dressing gown
i hadnt even got dressed or brushed my hair
i woke up at 12pm
i stitched the bunting up and its finished and wrapped
good job too as im seeing karen tomorrow!!!!
he new house X3 it looks easy to get to on google maps
After lunch i went for a 25min up and down hill bike ride
i thought it would get me going but obviously not
i got in the house knackered
it was nice to get out whilst it wasnt raining tho
as it had rained all day
i decided again rounders as i didnt fancy slipping around of wet grass
knowing me id do an injury and ruin my holidays
plus i wasnt even sure if it was still on
since then I have been trying to design a new hoodie
but failing
so i started getting templates together for my new door stop
i wanted big black toy eyes but we were looking at £4+!!!
I could buy a new door stop for that
so I cracked out my clay and forged my own damn it!!
they seem alright im using them anyway :) saved a bit of money
Oz has been lazy
and last night he was a bit moody with me
turns out he hadn't had a single treat so i put that to right :)
might do some drawing tonight as I didnt do any last
far too tired and late
tomorrow just got karen really
and may clean my car
but knowing me i'll sod the car and do the door stop X3
I could see adam but i'll see
Here's some japanese hair dye im gonna try on friday!
Never used it before but the shade looks lovely
Konbanwa~~
I didn't sleep well at all
the rain kept waking me
that and sound of people playing out in the rain
just what the hell!?
I woke up at 8am
I decided to get up as I knew mum was going for her
park run at 8:15am
so I had the pets indoors as they couldnt play out
it wasnt raining but it was certainly wet to say the least!
I cleaned them out Oz didnt help mum
I did offer him a new treat I brought
usually rabbits or animals in general, sniff new food before sampling it
I suppose a bit like we do when we're introduced to new food
with Oz no, its "yeah I'll ave that"
just takes it and eats not sure he even tasted it
that boy loves his food! Ive never had a rabbit eat so much dry food and treats before!
I got some sewing done in the morning :)
Then I got ready to go over to adam's house
I waited for mum to get back around 10:30am
When at adams I sat with him and his family having a brew
then he went to go get food
I had skipped breakfast and wanted to skip lunch but no such luck
but to be honest what he did buy me was really good
anyway I wasnt in the mood to walk up the hills I was tired
and had a headache
so I offered to paint his mum's nails whilst he went
thats what I did, she now has cherries on her nails :3
she was dead pleased with them ^^
I showed his parents my doodles I'd done
wondered just what they thought of some of the ones I had done!
But his mum said she loved the wolf one and last night's drawing too
they both agreed that they were very good
We ate lunch
then sat on the sofa for a bit just messing around and talking
about tomorrow and stuff
then we took our DS's and sat on his bed cus its comfier
After a while he just cuddled me laying down on the bed
telling me this was how we'd sleep together in manchester
he suggested when we go to both sleep naked.....
not happening
I do not sleep naked anyway I am a pajama girl
but the thought of my bare skin being on a foreign bed does not sit well with me
call it my cleanliness OCD but I dont think I could do it
but I didnt say that to him I just said to him it would be no hard ship
for him as he only sleeps in boxers anyway!
I left for home and when I got back I did some sewing
all the flags have been stitched ^^
they just need to go on the bias then done!
They look good now sewn and ironed
Oz played in my room whilst I did them
Tomorrow I am going to the city centre with Adam
I want to hunt for a few bits really
then I will go to ether his or my house (hopefully his as I HATE being here on a sunday)
Later I have been invited to stay for dinner at his :)
Oh 'new' converse
second hand like but hardly been worn
they are almost identical to the ones I use now just lighter
they are for the new school term so these are my new 'work' shoes :)
only £7 can you believe that!?
Otsukaresama desu~~~
Man I was shattered when I got up for school this morning
I was cold too, really cold and it was hard to get outta bed I have to say
But I got ready cus it was my last day ^^
I was sooooo busy at school today
I did so much cutting, laminating, sticking
I got so much ready for the new class in september
it was good to do tho cus I do get bored working with the same
child doing the same things
they were making chocolate then cube boxes to put them in
so I did help out
the assembly which is usually 30 mins on a friday was an hour
I struggle to sit for the 30 mins so I asked the teacher
if I could do something else
so i carried on with jobs and worked through my break
before I knew it was 12pm!!!!
I went home for lunch
not that I wanted it as there was so many treats in the staff room I snacked on ><
I have had a sugar over dose today to say the least!
After lunch I was in year 4 and the TA wanted me to paint the huge 3D book
I helped make on wednesday
it was a pleasure and honour cus lets face it I love anything creative!
so I sat and did that til the end of the day and gave it a beauty and the beast theme
it was to be a fairy tale and i chose that fairy tale
looks really good the kids loved it and couldnt believe i had made it
speaking of the kids I got loads of stuff today!!!
I got cards, chocolates, cookies, candles
it was so sweet and totally unexpected as well
I brought it all home at lunch time along with the stuff outta my tray
I got home and went straight to bed
not even a brew with mum
i was just done
I woke up at 5 but didnt get up til 5:45pm
i was cosy and warm
I havent done much since then just had dinner and played pokemon
not sure what to do tonight i might dance yet
burn off some calories!
tomorrow is my usual so going over to adam's for lunch and stuff
before his shift and paint his mum's nails
i want to do cherries on her nails :3
man i worked so hard im beat
Evening~
I just got back from yoga
it was good actually
only felt like 30mins instead of an hour
we attempted splits
Anyway I had another violent dream last night
i cant recall all the details now I just know there
was a good amount of blood involved
I woke up at 7:30am
It was lashing it down this morning so all pets were indoors
Oz was so happy to be in my bedroom XD
I got ready for therapy
not wanting to go out in the rain
Therapy well where to start
She asked me if I did my homework I told her yes
and I went on to say I had started doing these 30 min drawings
she asked if I had brought them
I got my sketch book out of my bag
and it all went from there really
She looked through them at her own pace
she then got me to tell her what the picture kinda means/represents
and what I was feeling at the time when I drew them
it was last night's drawing she was particularly interested in
honestly she even said "Im hooked, I've got to know who this girl is"
she even took a photo of it! for 'reference' she said
so we talked about the picture
I told her things i have NEVER shared with anyone
well I shared a bit with my acupuncturist actually
but apart from him NO ONE knows
I have never been brave enough to tell anyone
I feared telling anyone
I sat there thinking 'how much should I tell her?'
but I thought 'if I am to get better I need to be honest'
so it was like opening a can of worms
I didnt get upset but I was shaking at the end of it
we spent the whole session on that 1 picture!
I asked her what were going to do before I showed her that picture
she told me she had a sheet ready to start mapping out coping methods
but she said "I don't feel we can start that yet until I have gotten to the bottom of this girl"
she then went on to say "is it ok if I talk to my supervisor about this? I have a few theories I would like to discuss with her"
I told her it's fine and it was ok to show her the picture as well if she wanted to
I got away with no homework this week!
Going again on thursday
I walked to Boyes with my legs and hands shaking
I picked up a lot actually
I certainly got my money's worth of stuff
I needed to stock up on items and get stuff for Karen's bunting
It's hard to shop for stuff when I have someone with me so I tend to stock up
when I know I am by myself and can go at my leisure
I came home and had a hot chocolate to try cure the shaking
I sat with my little girls for the 2nd time today :)
Then I went to go put all my purchases away
I sorted out a few bunting flags just pinning stuff - no sewing today D;
Adam arrived so I did us cheese on toast
we sat and talked with a brew
dad came home so I took adam and Oz upstairs
Oz entertained adam whilst I finished up pinning my bunting
just so it meant I could put a lot of stuff back instead of keeping it all out
Then we went out for an ice cream since I was owed it from tuesday
he said I wasnt owed it at all
but my argument was that because he took so long to shower on tuesday that
we ran out of time to go
I got Vanilla and he kindly paid ><
we walked round charity shops but I got nothing
then he popped into the florist and brought me these ><
So sweet of him. I felt my cheeks burn big style
adam said "you're blushing"
"I am not"
"you really are. You have colour in your cheeks"
"how insulting, are you saying Im usually paled faced hmm?"
"i can clearly see how red they are"
"actually I can feel them burning and blood flowing to them which is unusual for my corpse body"
they are pretty and I arranged them when I got home
when we were at adams we sat with the TV on in the background and talked with his dad, pretty usual stuff really. hayfever has been driving me up the wall today its always worse after the rain.
I left to come home for yoga
and now im here debating whether to draw or not or whether to leave it tonight
I have one idea of a face shrouded in darkness but then I have another idea formed from today which is more happier I have to say XD
My brother got a job today!!
an actual job at 22 years old!
i can not believe it. Im happy for him cus it would have been a very
long boring summer for him
and it does him good to actually have a job
tomorrow I have got my last day of school!
i dont want to go as usual but I know its last shift and to just get it done!
Evening~
I didn't sleep to bad last night
I got up and ready for school
I used a new make-up base
and it was really rated online but when I came to try it
i was surprised how a little didnt go a lot
felt like i used loads
but I thought i'd test it on this warm humid day
Got to school and it was P.E.
about 10 mins into P.E. a TA asked to borrow me for "2 mins"
I finished after break so that was 80mins later -____-
Actually I was happy to go along with it cus it beats standing there
I had to make a big 3D book out of card board then paper mache it
Then it was music which was dull to say the least
then lunch time!
Mum picked me up~
I went back to school and did some work one to one with the child
i took her round school too just cus i couldnt be bothered to get any more work
out of her really so i let her play with different things
then it was break time
afterwards the whole class had to tidy like everywhere and everything
so i was sweeping out draws jeez the dust and spiders!
A few little labels had become damaged or fallen off so the teacher asked me to
re-laminate them I re-laminted ones I couldnt replace but they looked rubbish
others I could I remake I quickly went on the computer for 20mins and made some fresh
I showed them to the teacher to double make sure she wanted mine up
and she loved them so I was glad my creativity got to go up
it was home time then!
My brother came to meet me
1 more shift to go!
I was given a card today with a candle from one girl and a pen from another boy!
I wasnt expecting that at all!
When I got home I went to bed I was physically and mentally tired
got up and had my dinner then drew another picture
here is yesterday the thought that came to my head was 'cute devil girl'
I drew something weird today
Speaking of weird my dream last night
jeez what was i on?
I was some sort of fanged and clawed monster
I was ether slashing the throats of people or ripping them out with my fangs
I was soaked in warm blood
I woke up sweating to say the least
Adam said he's missing me X3
I remembered what he told me yesterday
he was quiet on the bed and said to me "can I say something?"
"yeah course"
"I know it's only been 3 months but I couldnt imagine being without you, I couldnt imagine losing you"
I was kinda taken back by this cus I've never known a guy to say something so sweet and so forward with me, usually they keep to themselves or dont know how to express how theyre feeling (my experiences anyway)
I told him I felt the same and that he's mine and I own his butt X3
Seeing him tomorrow after his shift
not sure what we're doing but I invited him over here so he could see Oz
Oz was locked in the shed for 20mins yesterday by accident luckily it wasnt warm in there
could I get him out? Could I bob
he was a right little git
I scooped him up, put him in his cage - with out his evening treat, and put him to bed
done
I dont take that kinda crap
Evening
I barely slept
too warm and too achy
safe to say i was shattered come 7am
I got up for acupuncture
I hated acupuncture
I had 12 needles
some in my feet
feet are the worst by the way
On my way home I called into the pharmacy for my usual
bag of goodies but also I needed my prescription for extra
anti-depressiants and the contraceptive pill
the guy gave me the packet
"heres you anti-depressiants and your contraception" //>,<//
Thank god no one was around!!! Keep it to your self mate!
I felt like saying "well theyre not for contraceptive reasons!!!"
jesus
I came home sat with the girls on my knee
with a sweet brew in my hand
and then went to bed
it was only like 10:30am but I was done
so I woke up at 11:50am
I was meeting adam at 12:30pm
I hadnt spoke much to him all day but id spent it busy and asleep
i think he thought something was up
I picked him up and he was yet to shower from his gym session
we got home and we sat with his dad for a bit
i was thinking 'he will leave me with his dad whilst he showers'
nope
he said "let's go upstairs"
so I took my DS thinking 'he'd go in the shower i'll play on this'
nope
he cuddled me and with my defences down he threw me on the bed then
near enough pounced on me
was not ready for any of it
then came the punishment of his true annoyance
he knows all my damn ticklish spots
and cus hes so damn strong i cant get him off or away
i told him 5 times to go get a shower
then when he'd say "right i'll go get a shower" i'd pin him down
just to be annoying
he threatened on multiple occasions to pull my underwear down
fat chance
then he insisted on more than one occasion that we'd shower together
no~
seems he was not satistfied with that answer
so I grabbed his face and said "you have way too many hormones"
he replied with "well someone's got to have them"
curse him >.>
eventually he did shower - by himself I might add
I came home for dinner
we didnt go for ice cream and i hadnt eaten much all day so i wanted dinner
since then just looked at drawing ideas and got stuff ready for school tomorrow
as of yet i havent drawn a picture today or done any sewing
but i did draw this yesterday - i hate it but i will let it slide
Evening~~
Sick of not sleeping
just exhausted
I got up for school as per usual
knowing it was gonna be a warm day so I prepped my make-up
to make sure it wouldnt become a melted mess
I got to school and we did an english activity
then we had P.E. early
so it was an easy morning and I was on duty so i was able to sit outside
I went home for lunch which was soup mum had practically done for me
as i walked through the door
After lunch we did a quick activity
and then watched key stage 2's end of year play
charlie and the chocolate factory
it was 80mins long!! can you imagine all those kids learning a play that long!
I could see the effort into it and all their outfits and face paint/make-up
it was good actually for their age group
i just found it hard to sit there that long
after was a break then home time
easy day
it was the last time me and the female P.E. teacher would see each other
shes not coming back to the school and I may not return to it ether
bit sad cus i liked her
probably the most memorable thing she told me was that her cat needed anti-depressiants XD
mad
I came home and went to bed for an hour
i was mentally and physically tired
then I went on my laptop
then drew today's picture which Im not best pleased with
I can only spend half an hour on a piece
and originally i wanted to draw fangs but it didnt look good
so I wanted to draw a girl I made up from the top of my head
and this is how it came out but I dont like it
but thats part of why I need to do this, I have to do work im not so proud
of so that the better work stands out
I need to stop being so critical of everything
Tomorrow I have acupuncture at 8:30am
then I come home to do some crafting
pick adam up around lunch time and take him home so he can shower from the gym
then i think we're having a chill out afternoon cus its gonna be warm so theres not
a lot to do when its 25c out there
i think we may walk to the cafe for ice cream
Evening~~
It's only 6pm but thought I'd do my diary anyway.
Cant see me getting up to too much now anyways!
I didnt sleep til midnight last night
I wasnt tired and ached
just wanted to be at my desk doing something creative
but I knew if I let myself do that, then I would start obsessing
I didnt sleep well through the night
So I was shattered when I got up at 8:30am
I started drawing once again
I had an image in my head that I wanted to try and do
I think it came out ok..ish
I know for a fact I draw better in the evening than during the day
not sure why cus usually im shattered and cant function at night
but its the way ive been for a few years now
I did this piece in the morning
I got my stuff ready and went to lynn's house
it was lovely to see her and den
but no toddie!!! D:
she had given him to her daughters for a few days
as they were struggling to walk him and to cope with him
we worked out that this is the first time we've seen one another since november!
We went into her craft room which had changed round since id been
still a total mess tho XD
I cut out all 15 bunting flags
she showed me a few techniques and she showed me a few crafty things
she has and wants to have ago at
we had dinner which was just way too big I didnt eat it all
lynn didnt eat all of hers so i didnt feel too bad
but jeez I thought id bring it up if i ate anymore
so now my head is going mental at me
we had a bit of cake afterwards i didnt have much and didnt want any if im honest
but i had some to be social
we went back upstairs
and it came to about 4:30pm
and id had enough i really had
id talked none stop and was cutting out standing up for ages
what with no sleep as well
i was just shattered so i left for home
put piggies out
and finished todays picture cus i had a lil left to do
i was disappointed i hadnt got it all finished on one sitting but couldnt be helped
i didnt want to be late for lynns house
Adam had done really well in his athletics throwing today
so he feels pleased with himself
but he says its hurt his back -_____-
Tomorrow I have got school >.>
Konbanwa~~
I have just sat for the second time completing a sketch
I have tasked myself with
*to do a picture start to finish in one sitting
*to spend 20-30 minutes on it
*not to labour over it
*to draw the first thing that comes to mind
Today's sketch I wanted to draw a serious wolf
well at first I thought of a wolf snarling but it doesn't look pretty
so I thought I'd go for a mouth closed pose
Quite pleased with it
my family were impressed
I like the simplicity of the black on white
Yesterday I made a started the A5 book with an anime eye
It did take a good 20 minutes even though it doesnt look like much I know
but I was going for neat, trying not to labour over it!
I may use this design for something
Anyway today
I slept quite crap as I was aching big time
I think rounders knackered me up a bit.
but so worth it!
Safe to say I was shattered this morning when mum woke me with pinks at 8:30am
I had to get up and get ready for hair cut and to go adam's
I got to the hair dresses on time
upon walking there I saw an old dinner lady from primary school
she was the devil. she shouldnt have been allowed to work in school
I walked luckily in a different direction
Went into the salon and sat down
few mins later she was in!! I could not believe it!
I kept my head down praying she didnt see me
I didnt like her one bit!
Luckily she didnt notice me
I got my hair cut
and drove up to adam's
in my car I passed another car and driving it was none other than the TA
I am currently covering!! I was so happy to see her able to drive
she must be getting better :)
At adam's all the curtains were still drawn like someone had died haha
or in adam's case not got up and drawn them to let the day in
he answered the door behind the door letting me
he was in his boxers XD really!? XD I had to laugh
seems he could make me a tea but couldnt get dressed
i guess if thats what he wants to do when he's home alone
who am i to judge
we had a brew and caught up
he insisted on carrying me up to his bedroom
which I was a bit unsure of for 2 reasons
I didnt want to be dropped
and I didnt want him to hurt his back anymore
but he insisted
and threw me on the bed which I laughed at X3
At lunch time he said he was gonna go get some lunch
from the shops and if I was coming
but my leg ache from rounders had really gotten worse
i could not face walking up that hill
so I asked him if i could stay home alone
he said it was fine and he'd see me in 15mins
I laid on his bed in the quite, doodling in his note pad he uses for darts
i drew bits and pieces
then he was back
i did some jam toast he had a bacon sandwich
then we both ate biscuits ^^
He drew me a bath which I was so grateful for cus I hurt so much
I was only in it for about 5 minutes and his parents came home...
man what rotten timing
even tho they tell me im welcome to it anytime i still dont feel quite
comfortable to have a bath whilst theyre home
i thought they were coming back later
they were totally fine with it honestly
i was on edge and adam poked his head round the door to see if i was ok
i told him to come in and talk to me a minute cus i felt dizzy from the heat
and on edge he soon soothed me :) i hate that panicky feeling
Came out the bath and his parents sat and talked to me
his mum had brought for me and adam fudge and cookies
cus he wasnt a fan of the fudge he told me id eat the fudge whilst he had the cookies
NOT HAPPENING
what did he do then
he hid the cookies
and he hid them in a place I could not get too!! GIT!!!
To be honest cus id eaten biscuits earlier I wasnt actually bothered
it made me laugh to be honest and he was so smug
his mum said he was awful and mean
I came home and went on my laptop for a bit
then I went to the shops with mum and dad
got a new hair brush :D well happy
then had soup whilst my family had take away pizza
Thats when I came upstairs and drew the wolf
Tomorrow I have been invited to lynn's house for dinner and sewing
perfect
So I plan on doing another drawing in the morning then going over to hers mid-morning
mate ne~
I am suffering quite bad with thoughts at the moment but I refuse to listen to them
the subject is not being with adam any more apparently he's not needed in my life anymore
and no one is needed for that matter
