200 days

Good Evening~~

Last night I had a bit of a moment shall we say
I was putting off going to bed as I felt a bit churned up and anxious
I can't explain why
in the end I went to bed at 10:30pm (late for me!)
by 10:45pm I was back downstairs with tears pooling in my eyes as I walked to my mum
"do you want me to come up stairs?"
I nodded
i just felt like my breath wouldnt come in all the way and i had so much going off in my head that i just felt like i was about to have a panic attack anyway mum came upstairs a minute later

I got quite upset
just seems things came to a head 
I was upset about how little I was working, how I wasn't handling things I used to be able to handle, that Im still not normal, its taking so long to live a normal life, what did dad think about me?, is mum disappointed in me?, im 25 but not acting like it
I got it all out my system and by 11:15pm I was back in bed trying to sleep
which came a lot sooner than I thought and the night wasnt too bad
mum had told me to wake her in case i felt like i was gonna have another panic attack
but luckily I didn't need for any of that in the morning

I got up and felt rather rough
I didnt want breakfast til gone 10am
I looked through my craft books but didn't find much inspiration for gifts
guess I gotta come up with stuff from the top of my head which im pretty good at anyway
Adam was coming over after work
I got a dance recorded and I emailed agencies to say that I dont want to be called up for work in the mornings as i need more notice as im not coping with it.
I started making pasta lunch for me mum and adam
as they would be both coming in at the same sorta time
it was good pasta :)

me and adam sat on the sofa with Oz then we sat on Pokemon
my 3DS eventually needed charging >.>
and I wanted fresh air anyway so I motivated adam and I drove to his house
we walked round the shops
i didnt get anything he offered a cake or a tea but i didnt want to sit in a cafe if im honest
so we went back to his
we talked to his dad for a bit about France and the holiday we were planning to have there
then I took adam upstairs as i wanted to talk about his dad and mum's xmas present
I didnt want to talk in case his dad over heard
then I went home really

I got back and started planning
i quickly planned out adam's mum's nails for saturday
then started on the cushions I want to make for his mum and dad for xmas
as the idea just came to me really and ive decided im gonna make him one too as why not! theirs looks knackered and old anyway if im honest. so 3 new cushions im sure will be appreciated :)
the 3 will match and I will do a silhouette of their favourite animals with a pattern
adam will have a lion
his mum an elephant
his dad a bird
nice having something to sew :)

tomorrow doesnt seem like i'll have work so i might start cushions
or i might go and look for fabrics somewhere 
ether way i plan to do something productive
I drew a picture this week

today me and adam have been going out 200 days
mum says im sad for  counting
im not counting i simply worked it out >.>