Something Saturday night disturbing and not totally unexpected happened
Oz humped my arm...
Now my little boy has been not himself for a week now
some evening hes been charging up to me on the sofa
grunting at me and thats sign of hormones building
but saturday night he started jumping and grunting round my arm on the sofa
then all of a sudden he tried to mount and hump my arm
so at least I know why he hasnt been himself
its because he's come into his hormones!
quite a few months late too!!!
which is surprising for rabbits as usually theyre still babies and wanting to produce their own babies!
Im a late bloomer too trust me to pick a fellow late bloomer
He's booked in for thursday for 'the snip'
So yesterday I sat and made a couple of cards in the morning
I thought afterwards I only had 2 more to do but today ive realized I forgot to add both Karen's to my list so I have 4 cards left but still im getting there :)
I txt adam to see what we were doing as the weather was chilly
he said we were gonna golf so i got ready then he said his dad didnt want to go
so i had to think of what to do, got to his house to find out his dad did want to go golfing
so we went
and it was the opening weekend for the mini golf course
but there was hardly anyone there! it was brilliant ^^
actually the course was really good it was well worth coming
and guess who won!!!! :D
wooohoooo im just awesome despite the fact my head was a total mess yesterday
we got back and i drove us straight to my house to see Oz and to allow myself to get a few bits ready for when id get back from adam's later
Oz was over joyed to see adam
we got to adams house and I fell asleep on adam on the sofa
i was shattered i really was
we then played pokemon
had dinner
played some card game i wasnt playing cus his mum played on my be half
i was so tired i hadnt got a clue what was going off
then we had a competition who could squat the longest
and i thought with all my yoga i should be able to do this
so the scores
adam's mum - 9 seconds
adam - 27 seconds
adam's dad - 1.11 seconds
ME - 1.51 seconds
'AVE IT!!!
I won that bugger
I came home and mum said I looked shattered and i was and my head was a terrible mess
adam could tell there was something troubling me but i didnt want to go into it as i felt it would have upset me and i wasnt prepared to be upset
i had a shower and took my meds
i talked to mum in the kitchen and eventually the tears fell
so we went to talk on my bed for 40mins
i felt so bad for her as shes always picking up the pieces
everyone sees the happy normal facade i put on
then i shut the door and i break and mum is there witnessing the broken side of me and picks me up and puts me together again
she said she doesnt mind and will always help me but its always tough on her
which i imagine it is as she has no one to talk to about me
i fell asleep and woke up once or twice but waking this morning i was tired
my face was puffy too
I sat doing some more of the black bird drawing and its slowly coming alone i think
I went to bed and two hours later woke up
i had sweated a lot in my sleep due to having a nightmare (during the day!) about being raped
adam arrived 5mins after i woke up
i was in pajamas and sweaty i looked a state
so i went and had a shower and like a gentlemen he waited downstairs for me
we played pokemon and at 4pm we went to a cafe
he had a burger i had hot choc
we went to his and he cuddled me on his bed
i asked him what we did for valentines day this year if we saw one another
so i said i'd check my diary
i got home and danced a lil
then checked my diary
i read about 18 days worth between jan - april 2017
i couldnt read any more it was too upsetting to read
i cant bare reading what i write here
cus all i see is the negatives and my illness and how difficult and messed up i am
tomorrow I have acupuncture at 8:30am
im gonna ask him what he worked on last week as this week i dont feel like i had any benefit from it
he massaged my shoulders which are still bruised and have ached every single day this week to the point where i end up taking my bra off. My mental health has totally sucked too this week
then at 2pm i have my new therapy
psycho dynamic therapy
mum knows someone who works there and told her who im seeing
apparently its a 61 year old lady 0.0
she will assess me then the assessment will go to a board of professionals and theyll pick someone to work with me.
just want tomorrow out the way if im honest
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