Wolf Dream

Evening~~

Yesterday >.>
I was seeing adam at some point and he was supposed to have gone out
with his work mates for after work drinks but he skipped out
he's as bad as me so i cant blame him
who likes clubs, drinks, drunk people, banging music
the people who did go got plastered 
adam doesnt even drink so I cant imagine it would have been much fun for him really

I saw him after lunch
I had an alright morning really I had finished the picture of a dream I had
of being a wolf and battling it out with another wolf
it was good til I was woken up by mum ><

I took it to adams to show and they all liked it :) 
im still not spending long on the pictures so i dont labour over them
but getting to adams didnt go quite as planned
my dad's van was in the way and because he cant hear and cus he lashed out at me for no reason really other than to vent at me as i did nothing wrong 
i sat in my car and cried to adam's house
i pulled up a lil past his house and felt like i was going to explode
so i rang mum and was sobbing down the phone to her about dad being horrible and always taking his aggression out on me, id done nothing wrong, why does he hate me so much?, he doesnt know the damage he has done to me now mentally. I was doing so well until he broke down all my mental walls and he doesnt care. she tried to calm me down and said she'd talk to him
meanwhile half way through my conversation adam turned up at my car
not how i planned it
he came in the car listening to me going on at mum
i got off the phone and said sorry through my tears
i must have looked a right state honestly 
my plan was to talk to mum, compose myself, knock on adam's door and he be none the wiser
but he'd seen my car he said and wondered why i wasnt coming in. 
so he had to pick the pieces up even tho it had nothing to do with him
i was so mad, hurt, and upset. adam noticed i was shaking
stupid dad

me and adam and his mum got ready to go mini golf
it was one we'd been to before and it was good it wasnt busy at all
i came 2nd 
adam fell over a bank i watched it in slow motion i was too far away to help
and he fell on his knee on a concrete mound he said it hurt 
i bet it did but he doesnt cope well with pain much like my brother 
we finished up and came home for a brew
i was shattered, crying my eyes out usually does make me tired and id been putting on a brave face for everyone as well so i went to bed
woke up and we played on DS on his bed im still playing Okamiden
i did some yoga on his bed room floor
then we talked for a bit, went downstairs and had dinner
talked with his parents after dinner
i went to leave to find a sodding squirrel in my shoes again >.>
but i was glad his dad did it because it reminded me of the little prank i had install for him
i got the squirrel badge out my bag and pinned it onto his work jacket

today i didnt sleep well
i kept waking feeling like i was gonna be sick
i was tempted to get up but i didnt
i spent my morning drawing my rape dream, not something i particularly want to draw but i thought i can show it the psychologist when i see him next year :D so he can see just how messed up i am
i went to bed just before lunch as i felt like road kill
got up and my phone rang it was the agency with work on friday so i am going to work this friday! i havent been to work in a while and mum said it would do me some good. it will even if i am already anxious about it. 
adam phoned me to say his dad found the squirrel badge XD
me and mum went for a walk for 45mins its been pretty mild past 3 days :) 
then I have been drawing digitally since then
tonight id like to do some dancing tho

tomorrow i am seeing adam after his gym session then he wants to eat at the pub
im not eating cus food still hurts at the moment and its no fun. it is getting less painful tho
and my hot and cold sweats have practically gone. my headaches are less painful too so i think the acupuncture is helping me :) 
anyway so after lunch we'll go to his so he can shower and we'll wait for his dad then as they both won something in the auctions. ive not been down to the auctions before not that im bothered but adam seems to want me to go. he's won a hornby trainset. he's been wanting one for a long time now so i imagine hes gonna be like a kid at christmas. i told him he didnt have to see me if he wants to play with his trains but he says he will see me XD