Pain Clinic

Konbanwa~~

Ahhh still not sleeping -_____-
nemuritai!
I must have fell asleep reading my kindle as i found it on the floor this morning!
how did I not hear it fall?

anyway I got up at 8am feeling like utter crap
hate those death like mornings

I went on my laptop for a lil while trying to put songs on my new ipod
my priority is Hello! Project groups ^^
I have managed to put some stuff on but I like to make playlists and theres
where lies the time that gets eaten up!

At 11:20am I was called up by the pain clinic telling me their internet was down
did i still want to come?
well considering I had turned down work to come to them today, yes, i was still bloody coming!
anyway why the hell do they need the internet? im the focus not google 
yeesh

so I got there for my appt at 11:40am (yeah they rang just as i was leaving the house)
it was a nice place as far as therapy places go
and i was called through straight away by a middle aged woman
and i could have kissed her feet
finally a professional who knows their stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!
honestly i learned more from her in 5 minutes than I have in the last 5 years in regards to my pain so i was taking in every word. She said to me "we will get you sorted and another appointment very soon as youre too young to be left like this" oh my god! she saw me as an actual person!
i was not used to this treatment! 

I left with the information that I was going to be put into a therapy group as she said it shows to be the most effective way to treat those with my pain condition 
i am to meet with the leader of the group 5th march to talk about which group i should start out of the 'active group' and i guess the not so active group
and to find out more about this group work

she told me that my fibromylgia that ive had since november 2010 has gone on for too long. it is my nervous system sending wrong signals to the brain. its telling the brain theres pain were there is no pain and it goes through my emotional centre in the brain so it pulls on mood. but because ive had this condition so long my brain has forgotten how to turn off these pain sensors and is on high alert at all times and thus causing needless endless pain. i need to learn to turn the volume down on the pain sensor as it were. so thats what i gotta learn
as with all my conditions there is no 'quick fix' or 'cure'
she also mentioned about changing my anti-depressiant but wanted my GP to talk to my psychologist before that happened. my god health professionals talking to one another!? really!?
this therapy centre truly was the twilight zone

anyway i came home and got lunch
i tell you i have nothing but ate today
sod the world
i went for a quick walk in the hope it would wake me up instead of wanting
to drop asleep 
i went on my laptop, then did a bit of sewing then went yoga
god i wanted to fall asleep in  yoga and thats not something im used to feeling
usually im loving it or knackered but not wanting to sleep
just that shattered i guess 
going to the doctors next friday to hopefully get some sleeping tablets 

on monday i went for my second psychology session
we talked about life and the devil that seems to reside in my head
and how i communicate with it, past experiences of what its been like
yeah it all makes me feel normal -___- 
but my next appt is in 5 weeks time! so until then looks like i just gotta cope by myself!

tomorrow i have work just for the morning at a school i worked at last month
with two special needs kids
looking forward to working not looking forward to looking awake and happy for others.
but just the morning and first time i would have worked this month
woo £30 to survive off for the month!
wish i was normal and could work a normal 9-5 job

i brought some more korean make up to try its a brown mascara thats easy to remove as i have very sore and sensitive eyes from not sleeping
came with free samples!