Wednesday, 21 March 2018

I gave in, I will fight another day

Evening

Last night when I just finished my diary I recall I wrote that
I felt quite sick, as soon as I finished my diary I ran to the toilet 
where just loads of water came out my mouth it was gross and I shouted for
my brother to get mum and i really thought i was gonna be sick after all these years
she came with water, a fan and cold flannel
good old mum shes a saviour
even tho i was shaking and sweating i didnt vomit
my god i was grateful and it did pass but that whole thing that lasted 10 minutes
drained me for the rest of the night
just what the hell was that all about!? im never that nauseous
so grateful i wasnt sick
my brother asking my mum "has she drank something? is she on new medication? is she pregnant?"
right ok thanks for that
1st I dont drink, 2nd I am on new medication as of 4 weeks ago, thirdly id die if i was pregnant!

I managed to stay in my bed the whole night
woo but was waking up feeling off and cold
i woke up from 6am and i felt sickly but nothing like last night

i went school not wanting to go as its so dull its like watching paint dry
and im in a really uncomfortable seat
i dont get to move round the classroom im just stuck in a seat for hours on end
i came home at lunch and moaned at mum
when i came home from school i was so tired and exhausted that i cried
and said to mum i didnt want to go back to school
she said i was feeling negative cus i was feeling so knackered 
but i was stressed with it all
with the decision on whether to go back or not

at 4:40pm i rang the agency and told them i wasnt going back to school
that i felt poorly theyre always a bit arsy about it but i felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders dramatically i can always tell when i enjoy school, can just get the day done or simply its not happening and im not going back

i got in contact with adam and mia and im seeing them tomorrow
i felt so crap about myself i felt i needed to go "sod the world" and enjoy myself

I had Oz in my room he was happy bunny as i didnt get to sit with him last night
he kept trying to wee on the sofa and this morning i saw him before work
im gonna see him tonight too i like making him happy hes cute when hes happy
i sat later on doing the 1st anniversary card for adam
here is it semifinished 

i have completed it since and i will photograph it
i uploaded a dance too

ive been watching live videos as they boost my spirits up a lot
they truly do
live videos are far better than music videos 
todays choice was Yuki Kajiura including Kalafina and FictionJunction 
amazing voices id love to be able to have a voice like Yuki-sans 
i have no idea what i sound like singing as i dont sing i never do 
just never think to do it XD

tomorrow seeing adam then mia~
not gonna go yoga i need some R&R 
mum said "youve only worked 2 days" but i cant tell you how crap i feel inside lately

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