Im currently on 4 hours sleep
so tired....
I had yet another bad night
seriously it is relentless as of late
I played Okamiden going to bed and I defeated the boss I had sulked about
and I felt my pain coming on
there was no way id be able to sleep
so as soon as my dad came to bed I went downstairs
i did some stretching and had a hot chocolate
but didnt take any pain killers i felt pretty ok
and at 12:30am my brother came home holding a mcdonalds in his hand
he'd been over at a friends and had a couple of drinks
i didnt want to talk and wake myself up really
i came to bed at 1am and tried to for sleep
but at 2am i decided it just aint happening and i need pain killers
and i had cereal too
by 3:30am I was back in bed and fell asleep around 4ish
I woke up at 8:30am it was weird how last night ended up being very
similar to friday night
I had an easy morning of pet sitting
and then went for my pain clinic appt
i talked with a woman about my health and which therapy group id like to join
eventually we decided that the leisure group was more my thing
but it means waiting for the help like it always does
so im left alone for a few months
but it sounds good
over 6 weeks i go to sessions once a week for gym sessions and talking workshops
about how to manage pain
hopefully its worth waiting for
she told me that its a good job im trying to come off my pain killers as in the long run they have an effect in other ways on people's health which i wasnt told about but she said its the research thats happening now as the type of pain killer im on was only prescribed to people who were on death's bed so they could never see the long term effects. these days they do prescribe to people who arent going to die so they can research the damage really
i cant get off these quick enough
im a bit fed as of late
i mean every night going to bed in agony is depressing in its self
but its making me not being able to look to the future
adam and myself want to go away this year but all i can think about is how
shattered im gonna be or how much pain i will be in.
i scratch myself (my face shoulders and neck and tops of arms) when im in pain or stressed out with anxiety and cus its all been bad lately my face and skin is a state
literally i look awful and its so sore
ive worn away the skin round my bottom lip and that hurts
my eye lids are purply red were ive worn the skin away from rubbing them so much
the skin is like scaly on them so make up is outta the questions
ive got loads of red lumps on my face and everywhere i scratch
its more discomfort to put up with
im just a bit low with it all
so not only do i feel like crap i look like it also
god i cant even face tonight
i was suppose to go taras tonight but i felt like death and didnt
she was ok with it all
today i did go on my bike for the first time this year which felt
good but it was exhausting
i came back and had a brew anyway XD
mum wants a new ipod case making so i started that and cut out what must be 100 1" squares which i have now got to sew, i dont know why i give myself such tricky work to do!
tomorrow not sure whats happening i guess it depends on how dead i am
adam said that he and his parents thought i looked poorly yesterday
great
i want to go swimming but i will see
wednesday ive got work just for the morning at a local school i havent been to but it was adams old primary school! weird huh
im glad i am getting seen to by professionals this year but just everything is so slow
I got some face cream in the post today to try~
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