Paid off the holiday

Evening~

Doing my diary at 4:15pm cus I don't think I will have time later

Hardly slept
Im so damn tired
something keeps me awake or wakes me up wanting to do stuff
why cant it see that sleep is needed at that particular moment?
so tired

I woke up in a bad mood
literally i would have had any fight going and enjoyed it
talk about tread on egg shells round me
i got ready to adam who i could have said to leave me behind today
but its not fair to him and to push people away isnt the right thing to do

I picked him up at 10:30
we headed off to the city centre together
i told him i was in a bad mood
theres so much nasty stuff i could have said to him too
nothing he's done just the mood i was in
we missed the bus which didnt help my mood

we got into the city and we paid off the rest of the holiday
thats a good feeling ticked off
we picked up the bits mum wanted
went for something to eat
i didnt want food but i knew he wanted food
i had a sausage sandwich which was awful
talk about dried out sausages 
awful
how can you get a sausage sandwich wrong?
didnt eat much of it

we went for the bus 
on the way back home I went into the Range for canvas varnish
then we went to his house for a brew

ive pushed him away all day today
and i know when he wants my affection and i dont give it
it must hurt and a part buried inside me knows that and wants to do something about it
but its squished down leaving me uncaring 
i dont want his affection im quite happy living in a bubble away from everyone
but deep down i know its not the right thing to do

mia texted to see if i wanted to go over tonight
i didnt
but thats not me or the right thing to do
i was with adam, i needed a run, a shower, dinner and to see mia
i couldnt think how id make that all work
the run most people would ditch but i knew i NEEDED that run to sort everything out
so i left adams around 3pm which is early
but its the only way id fit my day together, also i had had enough
and i felt i could quite easily ruin his afternoon 
so yeah i went home

i got changed into comfy clothes and varnished my canvas
the varnish i got i
ID'd for!! I needed ID for that varnish
how old did that guy serving me think i was!? 
i said when i handed my money to the cashier, turning to adam
"wanna go get high?" the cashier laughed
my canvas looks the same but should protect the colours

i tided the computer room/dad's office as it was a tip
it looks better and thats where my canvas is going
didnt want my art work in a tip and ive been meaning to clean it not that its my job
just got a load of my brother's crap left in it

did some dancing, not much cus im struggling with it all
im going for a run very shortly need to get it out my system
but im so damn tired and i know my hay fever is gonna love this

tomorrow im not 100% sure what im doing as of yet
my nails from last week~