4th Day = tears

Konbanwa~~~



I woke up at 1:15am for a wee that must have gone for a minute
my god no wonder my bladder woke me XD
then dad woke me up at 6:50am 
i was quite tired actually but i think its from running last night
i had time to have a brew with Oz in the morning

I felt a bit apprehensive about school today
i knew id be fine but i think i was just mentally drained
i realised on the way to work as i thought on about school 
that i actually had tears running down my face
I was upset on my way to school
but wasnt even sure what it was i was upset about

i got to school and sat in my car and wondered whether or not to ring mum
i did
wasnt sure what i was even gonna say or what the problem was but
felt like i would feel better if i talked to her
she told me how well im doing and how proud she is
being a usual amazing mum to me
i did stop crying and composed myself and headed into school

i worked with the teacher that does the end of the week as the staff for both foundation classes seem to job share and i met them yesterday but today was my first day of working with them
so this morning she kindly talked to me about school
and i just started crying!
i felt like such an idiot but i couldnt even explain to her what was up
i just said its so much to take in and i want to do well
she sat me down and talked to me reassuring me it will come with time, theres no expectations, theyre grateful to have me, were a big team, i wouldnt have the job if they didnt have faith and confidence in me.
i felt better and she let me go wipe up my face in the toilet as the children came in

i was in foundation in the morning with the class i do seem to gel with
then did the weird lunch thing which i still dont enjoy
i went to lunch by myself again cus id had enough of serving meals
i sat quietly, i talked a bit to those who joined us but on the whole i think i zoned out

in the afternoon i was with the other class but first the lovely and amazing sam grabbed me and said we would start the intervention groups so i could finally learn from her
so she went through toys and crap with me and we talked toys and i asked her if she was a 90's child she says shes '96!! making her younger than me and my brother
shocking!
she has such an aura of maturity i was convinced she was 26 or 27 
so i got to see what happens in the groups and i enjoyed that
then i was with the class at the end session 

id had enough
and i said i was sorry for coming in the way i did
but they were fine with it and said we're all human and have our own personal pulls and stresses
theyre so lovely there, if they werent i think i would have jacked it in by now
but because of the staff are amazing i believe they will help me muddle through 

i came in and mum had made Nutella cake!?
never had that before and its actually pretty good i liked it
so i offered Oz some and he actually turned cake down
so i got him a treat and i ate some cereal and cake
needed to boost my sugar for yoga XD

yoga was good
hard work but good 
i struggled to tune off from work tho

came in and had soup for dinner with mum
i felt a bit panicky afterwards and lost a few tears
but i think its because im tired really
i hope i sleep tonight

just got one more day to go
hope it doesnt break me
i think its just a massive overload and will get easier with time
i just have a lot going on with my physical and mental health
which makes dealing with a new job all the more harder
but last day chin up

i got these in the post

cat ear clips
cat ear clips are rare believe it or not as theyre usually on a headband 
so i was happy with this find off ebay