First Day of School Tomorrow!

Konbanwa~~

I had Oz in my room last night because of how much was kicking off outside
he spent the whole time washing and laying under my bed happy little bunny he was
i sat with him on the sofa and mum said, at 9pm, would i like to go for a short walk
both of us in pajamas like
she doesnt usually do this so i felt i was ether in trouble or she needed space and air
so i changed my clothes and went for a walk then came in at 9:20pm 

I watched the final episode of Killing Eve last night
was not expecting that for an ending
clearly left it open for potentially more episodes
cus that was not an ending!!!!
I went to bed then it was about 10:30pm
by 11:50pm I went downstairs just like the god old days
i was aching and couldnt sleep despite pain relief and sleep tablets
just couldnt sleep 
so I did 25mins of yoga and had a hot chocolate

woke up at 7:30am then I woke up again at 8:20am and got up
weighed myself
im a lump
all the weight i lost is back with a vengeance
honestly hate this body i really do
i ended up having a massive rant i had kept in lately to mum
about how much i hate my body and that i want to be in the 8 stone
boundary not the 9 stone and how i put weight on so easily
my body disgustingly shaped and has fat everywhere i hate it
hate it
truly hate my body
i want to lose weight
makes me feel like i have a control over its awful appearance
its not feminine and fat
hate it

i went and washed my car which was ready for a scrub
and now its already for my journeys to school
came in and had a shower 

i got a few things ready for school
took a photo of the thing i made  

then attempted another thing to hang off the christmas tree but ended up being pretty crap

but still it kept me quiet for an hour
i then put my cousins picture in her frame and decided to start on the picture i was gonna do for mia and after a few hours i got it finished and framed! good job done and i think it looks alright
mum says its good but im my worst critic but i think its good enough to give her

i had lunch and had an hour's walk
it was raining a little but i needed the air
came back and had a brew in front of my laptop
looked and ordered a few christmas presents as i order abroad i need to allow time for them to come it also distracted me for a bit
i hate christmas with a passion
why have we in the first week of November got christmas adverts on TV and christmas songs playing it shops huh? appalling

I went on Just Dance 2 for a short while
couldnt be bothered but thought id eaten a lot today so i needed to burn it off otherwise it will turn to more fat no doubt

gonna sort out what to wear tomorrow as its school tomorrow!
my first day of school!  My first proper job!
I am nervous hence why i cant sleep and have upset stomach 
i just hope im good enough and i hope the staff are nice especially the teacher i will be working along side til easter >< 
i know i will be tired after school
getting up at 6:50am and leaving at 7:45am 
start at 8:30am and finish 4pm
not taking much for dinner as food gives me stomach ache lately and i dont want stomach ache at school i can deal with it at home but not at school
i will eat when i get home

i usually go running club on a monday but seeing as it is bonfire night im not going as a lot of fireworks will no doubt be kicking off so Oz needs me
i will go running club on wednesday instead 

adam text me today not heard from him friday and saturday :D
he text "Hi, how are you?" today
i just didnt respond
i mean thats a talkative message to respond to right
he has no one else to talk to and is probably bored and has nothing to say
and i cant say i have anything to say to him

school tomorrow!
please let me sleep
i cant think we so much tiredness