Friday, 24 May 2019

Saying Goodbye, I'm on my own now!

Evening~~

I basically ran out of time to do my blog yesterday ><

Yesterday tho I went to Mia's in the morning from 10 til 2pm
I was there a lot longer than I thought I was gonna be
but it was good and her sister turned up with her son which was nice
Mia and I decided that we would go for a meal on monday with our boys
so everyone can meet one another 

I came home, it was soooo warm
I did try and dance tho but made myself feel quite unwell so I stopped
after 20mins dripping in sweat 
yeah didnt feel good
from there I basically showered and got ready for my first ever work due!

I got to jack's just before 6pm
I got to see Theo again which was nice and he said how much he loved the cushions ^^
so i was happy
and the stuff those two come out with is grim, proper guy talk and they do it in front of me XD
makes me laugh and its nice they treat me so comfortably too

we set off for the meal and found all the teaching staff already there
we were put at the end of the table like the technicians were segregated
i felt sick with anxiety about having to eat food
i ordered mac cheese as it seemed safe but when it came it looked greasy
i ate 3/4 of it but was so full
rebecca finished off my dinner XD
i was sat between head of science and alan, facing jack
i had a very sweet lemonade and some sugar dips of alans as everyone had pudding but me as i couldnt face more food id had enough looking at what others were eating nevermind my own plate. so skipped out on that
the four of us decided we would go out on a night out next month which will be good
alan couldnt hold his alcohol which was funny but jack and rebecca were also laughing at me on a sugar bend they said i looked high i certainly felt it XD
we took a group shot! our science department, minus a couple

i went home with jack luckily no one was around and therefor didnt see us go home together as no one really knows were going out with one another still
i was high as a kite at jacks i couldnt calm down and i ached from having to sit for like 3 hours
i had a shower and we went to bed after having more laughs with theo
i couldnt sleep. 3rd night in a row now that i couldnt sleep
i was fidgeting in jacks arms but i didnt want to wake him
i moved to my end of the bed and he didnt make a grab for me
i fidgeted and he was like "are you ok?" i said "yeah just cant sleep and i ache"
he cuddled me, exactly what i didnt want him to do...
so i said in the end "im going upstairs for a bit"
i sat down listening to my ipod and did some drawing from one of jack's mangas
it relaxed me and distracted me from my pain
i was wrapped in jack's dressing gown and i grabbed a cushion and curled up on the sofa at 2am, like 10mins later i heard jack come up to check on me it was pitch black and i pretended to be asleep as i knew if i talked id wake myself up and id never sleep and i didnt want to go back to his bed i just needed to sort myself out alone. he guessed i was asleep and left me
by 5am i had grabbed some sleep and woke up
freezing so i decided to go grab some heat from jack
i crawled back in his bed but didnt sleep til his alarm went off at 6:30am
i got up and got ready for work
he did after a while

we got to work
and no one saw us come in together luckily XD
it was weird being there at 8am before teachers are in 
and basically i did not stop
felt very labour intensive to say the least
i was shattered
we had fun at lunch tho messing around taking photos
me jack alan rebecca liv and alacia 
it was good






and i am so gutted it was alan and rebeccas last day
im so sad to see them go
they loved the cards i drew for them tho
and were gonna keep in contact
does mean now that after half term which is next week, i will be by myself standing on my own two feet my training wheels have gone now
gonna be so weird without them :( 
jack is gonna miss them for sure

i came home and felt dead on my feet
id been at work almost 8 hours on 3 hours sleep and no lunch cus i didnt want to eat
i ached enough and was full of anxiety i didnt want to add to it with stomach ache
so i ate when  i got home
tried to dance but dad came in so that soon stopped and i was doing really well as well >.>
i showered as i had done nothing but sweat all day
rebecca gave me her polo shirts so i have smaller polo shirts for work now
alan gave me keys to stuff at work as well

i havent done much tonight
just looked at art id maybe like to draw
and seen my pets
almost fell asleep
and put my stuff away from sleeping at jacks

tomorrow im unsure what im doing yet :/
havent decided
guess i could do some more of my quilt 

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