Didn't sleep too bad but was awake before my alarm
must say i wasnt feeling it today but continued on~
Got to school and felt stupidly anxious
Jack asked if everything was ok and I said I was feeling anxious to the point I felt sick, but I said I wasnt even sure what I was anxious about
in the end I got up to distract myself and busied myself with work
i kept feeling a bit off during my shift
i got to go help a teacher give a lesson to year 6 which was nice
it was like being a Teaching Assistant again
and the teacher appreciated my help
and i think i get to help with a year 7 or 8 lesson tomorrow and its heart dissection tomorrow as well i said id go and help with
the head of science who's display i did yesterday said he'd had a lot of good comments about the display ^^
year 9 had exams and a teacher walked in
"ah i dont wanna mark these, I have bottom set to mark"
she picked up a paper "its a good start when the child cant even circle correctly the teacher they have for science, theyve only been taught by them for a whole year"
i laughed and said "good luck with that"
she came back later
"when you think you've seen it all Jo. theres a question in the exam paper 'how does a microwave work?' and the student drew how to cook an instant microwaveable meal...."
i laughed. thats the level we have at school sometimes
Because I felt so off I kinda wondered about the blood test i have booked on monday, originally i thought id be better by then and therefor wouldnt need to go. but im still not feeling that well so im thinking i should go. I asked jack what he thought
he said "you need to go Jo this has gone on long enough dont you think?"
i said "yeah i know but its not til 9:50am and i have to recover AND drive to school it might be like near lunch time by time i get here..."
he said "doesnt matter youre going"
so bossy but hes right and just concerned
i didnt want lunch, shoved it down me and had stomach pains
im so sick of anorexic thoughts as well
its so relentless and i tried to talk to mum about it last night but i could myself tearing up so i stopped i cant describe the sheer hate i have for my body
i cant look at it
i really hate the look and feel of it
so having to eat lunch is a real kick in the teeth
i just about made it through my shift
dont know how i drove home safely
half zombied
got home
pajamas on
went to bed mum woke me for dinner
then i talked with my brother for a bit
did some drawing and got stuff ready for school
that was it
i have no life lately just so tired and dead
tomorrow just another day at school to get through really
did the eyes and started shading but didnt work much on it
too tired and eyes full of hay fever
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