Football Coaster

Evening

i continued laying on my bed last night for about 3 hours just listening to music
mum came to see me a few times asking if i was alright
i told her i was
she asked if there was anything she could do or if i wanted dinner
i didnt
i just wanted to be left alone
i got up and sat with Oz then tried to eat some food about 9pm
then went to bed

Didnt sleep too bad but woke up a few times
i got up at 8:30am
I finished my christmas cards, decided to only make 4
but i think theyve turned out alright really
should be able to give them out this week~

I showered and attempted some dancing and yoga
but i felt so exhausted
my body ached and felt heavy
i have really struggled today
i fell asleep after lunch

jack txt me to say did i want to come over
i said i wasnt going to
he rang me up >.>
he said he could tell i wasnt right and i said "no im aching and tired"
he said "do you want to come over, watch anime? ill make dinner you can have a bath"
i said "no its fine"
he said "shall i come see you?"
i said "no it would be a waste of your afternoon"
he said "what would i be doing instead? and seeing you isnt a waste of my time"
said "you have theo and games and your gaming session tonight"
he said "thats true but its my job to make your life suck less"
i said "jack its been 9 years another day isnt making much difference to me"
he said "i cant make you come over but if you change your mind you know where i am"
i know its probably wrong of me to say but i felt like he just wanted to see me for his own benefit, maybe im wrong. i just couldnt be bothered to drive over, to sit aching in his cold flat, to talk and be polite to theo and then sit doing something whilst he games tonight and then get ready for school in the morning. i just didnt want any of it all
and i thought if i mattered that much to  him he'd come see me no matter what
but yeah he never did 
but im glad as i was not in the mood for company today
i was just dead
i think it was the acupuncture sometimes i feel worse before i feel better

i have had to rest today
its been a waste of life and a waste of a day
weekends are precious and ive wasted mine recovering basically
im still so tired and in pain so i dont feel its done any good really

im going bed early cus i cant be bothered to stay conscious much longer
sick of all the thoughts, the pain and the aching
might treat myself to stronger pain killers tonight

tomorrow is school
ugh
school again
but still only 10 school days left!
tomorrow i have a practical im unsure of but jack said he'd help
i will need that help im sure
then after school i should be seeing tara at the pub for a drink (tea) then coming home and having dinner, i will be tired to say the least as monday is my busiest school day usually
so yeah one dead Jo tomorrow coming up~

here is the football coaster i did for the secret santa at work

its turned out well
here is the picture i drew