just an arse

Evening

So yesterday I had school
it was tiring but i usually find mid week hard
for some reason
but it was fairly uneventful really
i was just done in after school
and was going to jack's

he was keen to have me over i know he was
and even txted me in the morning to remind me to bring my stuff
I got over to his and my god
what greeted me
just a sheer tip
i mean i know when i've been asking "what did you do last night?" "what did you do at the weekend?" he hasnt respond, for quite some time, with "cleaning"
it was just grim
i could barely walk anywhere due to the sheer amount of crap everywhere
dust, clutter, rubbish, clothes, washing, pots
to say hes been wanting me over for a while and then he doesnt even bother to clean
not even the slightest
kind of made me feel like 'you cant even make the effort for me?'
his room was no better
nintendo switch box from 3 weeks ago on the floor, rubbish like actual rubbish from the convention 1 month ago, books, clothes, the same dirty bed sheets on from 6 weeks ago
the same sheets i would then have to sleep in that night...
yeah i felt a bit deflated if im honest
even my brother cleans his room and stuff before his girlfriend comes over
so to say jack has just been gaming none stop lately is an understatement 
its taken over...

i got changed out my work clothes
but it was cold in his flat
my clothes were cold from my car
and i was just cold
and tired
so i curled up in his dressing gown on his bed trying to restore heat
he came and cuddled up and stuff
reminding me i had exercise to do
i was shattered
and said i was having a day off
he nagged but relented 

theo came home and i watched jack put the tree up his nan gave to him
and i help him put the baubles on
theo played pokemon and didnt help in the slightest - another one addicted clearly
he said to jack "i have some to trade with you tonight"
jack said "sure once Jo has gone to bed"
i said "what? you cant take one day off?"
he said "well thats me told"
i said "no forget it jack you do what you want"
i was going to bed when i wanted i wasnt gonna stay up for his benefit
nor did i expect him to be able to sleep at 9pm when i intended to go to bed
we ordered pizza 
put on an anime film which i found quite crap
watched and ate
after theo continued playing pokemon i could tell jack wanted to 
so i got ready for bed, and left him to it
he came to see me and i told him to do what he wants
he said "ill play til the end of the film and come to bed with you"
i thought 'fair enough' as the film had half an hour to go this was at 9pm
at 11pm he made me jump by coming to bed....
so yeah he clearly couldnt resist playing longer
despite that being all hes done past few weeks
i didnt cuddle him when he came to bed i cuddled flump

i got up at 6am
it was cold
and the light in his bathroom constantly flickers
i got ready and got breakfast ready
then drove us to work

work was quite busy
and we had my probation form come through
it had various questions i had to fill out with my line manager - jack
there was a tick box
needs improvement - satisfactory - good - excellent
he gave me some goods and one excellent
he gave me a satisfactory for attendance...that hurt
i said "i have hardly had any days off. and you think i like being off!?"
he said "its not like you dont have a good reason for being off"
this form goes back to headquarters and they will decide - without having met me - if i keep my job or not. and i personally think that giving me a satisfactory for my attendance looks like i cant be bothered to turn up for work. 
so i said "its fine jack, once ive lost my job i'll know who to blame. you go give julia top marks on her form"
jerk
really pulled rank about the rest of the form too
treated me like an employee instead of even just a friend
he put things like "jo struggled at the start but has become more competent"
i dont know it was the way he worded it. made me feel like an idiot
he said "this part is anything you want to add"
i said "yeah my line manager is an arse hole"
signed it and walked off

i came home and went to yoga
which i enjoyed and had to show a move to the class karen cant do
we came back and voted
then came back for food

i've got my christmas work due on saturday
theres no parking so i ether bus it or stay at jacks....
and after last night i actually dont want to
and after his performance with my form today im not sure i even want to go
i was only going for him
i dont really want to go
and i feel like id be putting myself out just for him
and he doesnt ever put himself out for me
so even tho ive paid £15 im thinking of not bothering

gonna sit with Oz and go bed
friday tomorrow