Hallucinations

Evening~~

Well last night I realised I had not taken any of my medication
and by which point it was far to late to take my morning's dosage
so I waited an hour and took my night's normal dose
mum wasnt impressed and I told jack too
I only had a headache but apart from that felt pretty fine
so I took my dosage and went to bed

I couldnt sleep I felt very very sick
and in the end at 11pm I got  for a hot chocolate and a biscuit
I went to bed at 11:45pm
had an awful nightmare consisting of me screaming trying to get my paralysed body off my bed and to scream loud enough for someone to hear and wake me up. then i could walk. i walked to my mums room and literally used my nails and tore at her til she was dead on the bed
blood everywhere she screamed the whole time
i was told to step back and look at what i had done
then to place my hand upon the wall and i watched how the wall lite up with blood, veins, arteries 

at this point i woke up
thank god as that was disturbing
my heart was pounding i was sweating
it was only 12:30....i was hardly sleeping for long!
i thought my phone was ringing, no
thought i could hear a radio, no
i looked around
and thats when the hallucinations started
i sat up right and was freaked out by what i could see
told myself none of it was real and looked away
but it wasnt going
and my heart was going out of rhythm and i felt unwell
i wanted to go wake mum up just in case i really wasnt well
but i didnt dare move from my bed
i knew there was hands on my floor waiting to grab me
there was hands waving at the window
really freaky
by a stroke of luck the outdoor light was triggered on and lite my entire room up
at that point as i could clearly see everything i made a run for it to my mums room
woke her up and cried telling her i wasnt well

she came downstairs with me and made me another hot chocolate 
and i calmed down
she said i was white and looked really sick
i told her i was not going school in the morning as im dead and now wondering what my next dose of medication will do to me
i told her i was just gonna sit with the tablet and watch stuff then eventually go to bed
i didnt go to bed til 3:30am as i couldnt face it
i sent jack a message to say i wasnt going to be in today
i knew he'd see it when he woke up

i woke up at 9am
mum said i didnt look good 
jack had left a message saying he'd rang in for me and to give him a txt to let him know i was awake and how i was doing
mum said i needed to take my morning medication
she brought it in with a drink and popped off food shopping
i fell asleep without having anything
she came home at 11am and said i hadnt drank anything or eaten anything or had my tablets
she said i was sickly looking and motivated me
i took my meds and felt awful for having them
but tried eating the food she gave to me

i laid in bed playing kirby and eventually got up for a shower at 2pm
mum kindly took me to my physio appointment as i was not fit to drive
the guy was really impressed with my improvement 
he said he could tell i had been working hard
and tested my hip strength and said how much it had improved
ive got to continue with my exercises for a few weeks
then he'd like for me to go to the gym during working hours...so ive got to talk to school and see if i can play hooky in the gym for 6 weeks its only 6 hours
he said he'd like for me to do some weight training to improve further as ive worked so hard
mum brought me home and i made some biscuits
then sat with my Ozwald
then went back to bed i was exhausted even tho id done nothing 

now ive had dinner and i need to do todays physio exercises 
not sure what else i will do as i havent got to get stuff ready for the morning as i can actually have a lay in tomorrow! I have a blood test at 10:30am.....dear god its gonna be awful
its not my usual nurse ether and im not feeling well so ill probably pass out
then ill come home and shower and recover and try and get to work
jack has asked i sleep over even if i dont get to work 
i told him i wouldnt be up to much and he said that was fine
so thats tomorrow
im having a blood test to test my thyroid as i think its outta whack
just dont want it
think mum is already stressing about taking me
just hope i get back to how i was quickly 
cant believe the damage of not taking my meds tho
i thought maybe my body was stupid weak but jack said its probably more a case of my medication being so strong and plenty of it...
stupid meds i hate them