Sewn 140 squares

Evening~~

I couldnt sleep
was up til 2:30am
I wanted to go downstairs for a bit but I could hear my brother down there and I wasnt sure whether to join him or not but i managed to drop 4 hours later than what I went to bed at

this morning I cleaned Oz out
I did 50 mins of yoga
then went for a shower
had lunch and went to bed

whilst I was in bed my brother had kindly taken the hutches out the shed
so the pets are outside the back door once more!
Oz was going mad checking out all the areas of the shed XD
he been a busy bunny today, not sure hes that impressed with being kicked out the shed tho

I did some sewing then went for a walk with mum
got back and had a brew outside with mum and Oz
then continued sewing
managed to get all 140 squares sewn together

yesterday it was in squares

day before or so in whole pieces

its looking good, i ordered some fabric at midnight as i forgot
so i ordered baby pink for the border
so i actually cant go any further with it til i get fabric in the post
i decided i would start the pumpkin cushion and whilst i have managed to scrap together enough orange fabric for the pumpkin, i havent been able to find anything that takes my fancy for the background so i ended up buying yet more fabric -____- i already have so much

we were ordering pizza
and whilst i waited jack phoned me
i havent really been in contact with him i have very much been in my own bubble
i find i slip back to my old ways pretty quickly in that i distance myself from others as its less painful. and missing him is painful so if i stay out the way its not as bad but he always wants to call which is right and i know its right its just goes against me trying to protect myself from feeling hurt
my brother is on about if the isolation period is lengthened then he might go live with his girlfriend and her parents. my god id miss him so damn much if he does that
i told jack and he said he'd speak to theo about living with them but i cant its not feasible to do that as i cant look after my health as well there, id get bored as all my hobbies are here and big items to take over and of course there is my baby boy who i feel guilty about leaving just for 1 night never mind weeks! so i cant and it sucks and it hurts and im trying not to feel. i want to be numb as if this continues i will cry as im fed up of it all.
might take a lot of painkillers tonight. sick of not sleeping and being left alone with my thoughts
not healthy

tomorrow i might cut out squares for the pumpkin but i obviously cant finish it as i havent got enough fabric, so everything comes to a halt til i see mr. postman
i have other stuff i could do maybe?