Konbanwa
I had lost the will to live last night -____- I had had enough~
I just felt exhausted and achy, knew I had a blood test in the morning and school and just felt like after half hour dying on toilet that the world just must hate me.
I had a quick shower, listened to the thunder and lightening and went to bed.
Yup I went to bed without even saying goodnight to Jack. He was happy gaming and I didnt wanna put a downer on his evening as I could hear he was happy talking with people so I just took myself off to bed at 9:30pm, he came to bed at 10:15pm but I didnt speak to him I just wanted to be alone.
I slept really well as it goes
But felt totally numb to everything. To say I had a blood test I felt no anxiety. No love for Jack, nothing really, just numb. I still got up with Jack and had breakfast with him and watched him leave. He told me I would be fine and to txt him how it goes. Head of science came to pick him up
I fussed Oz for a bit inside which was nice, then I walked over to mum's at 8:15am, sat with her and the girls which was nice then we went to the doctors. I still didnt feel anything even in the car. I just shut off but cant choose when I shut my emotions to the world.
I was called through as soon as I walked through the doors and I didnt feel nervous. Its so werid as usually I am so worked up by this point
My lovely nurse saw to me and I was sooooooooooooooo good. I actually spoke during my blood test! usually I am mute as I cant even think to talk or im passed out. I spoke and made sense! So strange. This never happens. I also left the room ok too, usually it takes me a while to get into the corridor where I regain myself then I leave. But I didnt need my pit stop in the corridor I just left. I was so good. Mum said I only went a bit clammy as opposed to the bucket of sweat drenched clothes I usually am.
We got home and I had a sweet up of tea as bloody hell I had earned it.
I told Jack how I got on. I sat with mum for a short while then she dropped me off home. I ate some nuts whilst Oz had a quick stretch outside then I gave him a quick cuddle and put him in the garage. I left for school at 11am. Jack and Chris had suggested I had an early lunch at home before I came back to school, however I had said to school id be back around 11am and I did feel ok so I saw no point in delaying it and besides I wanted to have lunch with Jack and Julia. I got to school around 11:20am
I was playing catch up all day at work tho, had a lot to do so I was rushing around and wearing myself out quite nicely. But people asked how I got on - everyone knows Jo doesnt do blood tests. I could actually proudly tell people how well I did. I started my bacteria off as well and got all my jobs done!
I was knackered, Mia had txted to see if I wanted to go a walk but I had no energy for that. I sat down on the sofa, drank my brew and fell asleep for half hour >< shattered.
I was sooooooo grateful I hadnt got to cook dinner as I put stew on before my blood test, the thai stew was bloody amazing.
Jack cleared up, we did some yoga whilst watching Oz in the garden, then Jack sat with Oz whilst I had a bath then he went in the bath whilst I am doing my diary.
We're gonna have hot chocolate and watch inuyasha then go bed
tomorrow got school and a lot of bacteria to be doing
maybe I am improving with blood tests ^^
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