reluctantly put the tree up

 Evening

I didnt sleep too bad last night I guess

I woke up at 8:20am and woke Jack up too

I started eating my breakfast but had to get up to go die on the toilet

good lord I died

Then we had food shop

we managed to get a fair amount so hopefully wednesday's shop wont be too horrendous 

we came back and unpacked and brought Oz in for morning carrot whilst we had a cup of tea

then I made soup, cooked meat, made biscuits, marinated fish for tonight 

finally sitting down with my lunch

I went to bed after I ate my lunch as I was just done

When I got up I didnt do a great deal as I am just flat. My energy is non-existent

Jack motivated me and got the christmas decs out the roof so we put the tree up which didnt take long as we dont have much to put on the tree. I couldnt be bothered so its not my best effort. Still, I am glad we did put it up in the end. We decided against the christmas lights tho as we knew Oz would just hound the cable.....Oz didnt help much with putting the tree up. Hes been in the loaf position most of today, hes not feeling it ether

i drew out ideas for my hoodie but my brain is too tired to think about making a hoodie so I cant figure stuff out. Jo is too flat. All I wanna do is sleep.....

I made dinner and whilst it was cooking I rang my mum. She said theyre fine after their covid booster. We spoke of Karen who is now home. They have said anyone can come at any time so visit her. But Im not sure I have the strength to see her in her final days....Ive seen it with my granny and it does haunt you. I only saw karen about 6 weeks ago she was so full of life and its how I want to remember her. Besides she had loadsssss of friends and family so I know shes not alone and will have A LOT of people visit her. I know I wont be able to keep it together round her. But I also feel selfish for crying in front of her. Me and mum said we would think about it. Mum saw her sister and her mum die of cancer and saw them in their final hours. Mum still has nightmares about it. It does stay with you. Maybe its selfish to protect yourself from further hurt and bad memories. I am not sure. its a tough one. If she was alone and wouldnt have many come see her then I wouldnt hesitate to go see her. 

we had dinner and I luckily didnt receive any further stomach pains as every bit of food ive had last few days has hurt.

I didnt exercise yesterday, I feel I SHOULD do some tonight. I am hoping I get some energy from somewhere to do a bit. Who knows...

Jack is going to go and game in a min with theo and possibly harvey

so I will be by myself tonight. I am still with Oz right now. 

I will do my nails after my bath and maybe play pokemon in bed

tomorrow

i am suppose to be seeing mia tomorrow for a dog walk and present exchange but not heard from her in over a week so who knows

Jack will be going to the city centre with his younger sister to do last minute christmas shopping. He probably wont be home for lunch so mummy is going to come over for lunch.