Good Evening~~
I stayed up late ;)
honestly it was 11pm by the time I made my way to bed XD
I had decided to watch Kill Bill by myself
It was quite good I guess, something different to watch
there was a lot of japanese in it actually
i found myself being able to understand a bit of it
i was impressed with myself
I woke up at 8:15am
I got up and started my jobs
put animals out
did the pigs's salad
hovered
wiped down surfaces
tied up
put pigs away
by this point I was quite sweaty
so I had a shower cus I just felt icky
then I got ready to go over to Adam's house
we left pretty much soon after I had come over
it was a good 30min drive to this pub
but it was worth it cus it was really something
the pub it's self was small and old fashioned, just like how public houses used to be
His parent's told me "you may not want a starter"
judging by the menu I couldnt see anything on the starter menu that stood out to me, but I knew they meant 'Jo you aint gonna manage a starter and main'
so I skipped the starter, but when theirs arrived I looked thinking "jeez a starter would do me"
then the main came, I had lamb sunday roast it was huge!!!!! honestly i could not believe the value of this place it was cheap enough, you got lots of food and it was high quality too
i was well impressed
well worth the trek out there
i finished my dinner with full on determination
but didnt want to see food for quite some time
the pudding, well adam and his dad skipped but me and his mum got ours to take away
butterscotch tart *0* pure luxury
we came home
on the way home i was practically falling asleep
i had been tired and really achy all day and now had a head ache and stomach ache
so i felt quite done in
when we got back to his house adam turned to me and said "why dont you go to bed?"
i must have looked how I felt
so he left me to it for 30-40mins
i did feel better afterwards
so I got up and had a tea with my butterscotch tart with his mum
it was good ^^ oishi~
then at 5pm I left cus i wanted to see my mummy :) they got back at 12pm
Spoke to mum about her holiday
they'd had a good time it sounds like
tomorrow is school -______-
im sure i'll get through the day
after school i do not have any plans tho
I thought I'd show a couple of materials ive used on my hoodie
first is this awful little number, its suppose to be a babydoll night time wear
but its so cheap and crudely done i wouldnt be seen dead wearing it
i just brought it for its material as it was cheaper than buying by the meter
then I brought this cool shiny stuff for the wings on the back ~kira kira~
i have never worked with this material before
I brought a dress/top off ebay last night and a hoodie~
Good things today
I cleaned up
I ate so much i honestly did
Evening~
I didn't sleep to bad actually
I got up and put the girls out for 8am cus it was set to be another warm day
I cleaned them out
did some sewing
got dressed and went to adam's house
we sat and had a brew and talked
then we went to the shops for food as per usual
just our usual saturday routine
i did his mum's nails also
she was pleased with them
I came home at 4pm
It was still too warm for pets to go out
i sat and did some sewing
im on the home stretch now with the jacket
all that is left is to sew it together!
I did a lil bit of dancing
went for a shower
now im in 2 minds weather to watch Kill Bill or not
thinking I should really X3
Tomorrow mummy comes home ^^
I am going out with adam's family
it's his parents 35th anniversary and they have invited me to join
them to this sunday pub roast theyre going to
should be good
just hope i dont get stomach ache --______--
then im coming home later on to see mum and get ready for school
my brother went for mcdonalds at midnight last night with his friend XD
and he had take-away pizza tonight
pleased with himself
i came home to see my new converse had arrived!!!!!!
ex-display and they are like new honestly i cant fault them
reduced from £65.99 to £18.50
leather as well, came with another set of laces as well
so pleased!
Konbanwa~~
Last night I ended up speaking to Ed
I havent heard his voice in such a long time!
I felt awful, I could here his loneliness
I could just tell he was sad
He asked me once again if he could stop over
but I told him it's not fair to do that
as much as I wanted to see him and make him feel better
it just wasnt meant to be
but he did say he now has 6 weeks off and soon i'll have 7 weeks off
so chances are we can probably meet up
I hope!!!!
I was awake from 6:30am
so I got up early at 6:50am for school
just as well, cus I was having a morning were time was going quick
but I know I spent far too long playing with my new Canmake eye shadow
it was the first time I had a go with it
this is how it turned out
I only applied the eye shadow round my eyes no other eye make-up cus
i wanted to test how it came out
comes in cute packaging right
they have loads of different variations but i felt these were my colours
so now i have a small palette i can take away with me cus all my eye shadow
palettes are big ><
it came free with some samples :3
My parents were getting ready to go on holiday
I always miss mum, i gave her a cuddle before i left for school
they have arrived at york safely which im glad about
I got to school and the morning wasnt too bad I guess
came home for lunch
then after lunch soon went
I came home and went to bed
i was tired and crippled from yoga mum says shes crippled too
Since then I went on my laptop
then I did some sewing, not much but its all progress
then I made pasta for myself
a lot of pasta -______- theres enough left for a week i reckon XD
Now just gonna get pigs in and shower
tomorrow I am cleaning pets out by myself
then Im going over to adam's house as its my usual saturday routine now XD
then coming home at 4pm and sewing~
mate ne~
Todays good things I did
did some more sewing
made my dinner and ate it
i could have easily skipped meals but i didnt
Evening~~
I just came home from yoga
man I came back hot and sweaty!! 28c doing yoga!
I couldnt wait for a shower
but it was good :)
I didnt sleep great today and wasnt sure
what day of the year it was when I did wake up at 5am XD
I spent my morning sewing
just sewing in my own little bubble
I got a fair bit done too, even with vampire diaries in the background
I got most of the front done including the pockets and the hood as well
Then at lunch time adam txt to say he wasnt far away
I made us cheese and beans toasties
I really wanted that especially after my brother last night whilst i just got
into my bed he came in with cheese in toast and wafted it round me
so i was in bed with the amazing smell of cheese on toast
the git
Me and adam just chilled out really
and had play fighting
it was so hot we couldnt really touch one another even cuddles were too warm
so we chatted and sat with Oz
I showed him how far I was with my jacket
Me and mum dropped him off near his house
as it was soooooo hot so we dropped him off on the way to yoga
he would have melted walking 50min up hill home in 28c
Then I had yoga
I did my first lot of therapy homework last night
and I will do tonights after this
Tomorrow I have school
literally counting down the days now I have left
Trying this currently
Canmake concealer, I have to say its not as good as I thought it'd be
Konbanwa~~
I was wired last night
like I wasnt tired at all despite having the busy day I'd had
so it took me hours to fall asleep
I was tired anyway in the morning and I have been up since 5am~~
Last night I was struggling with a new difficulty I have never experienced
I have a boyfriend now and some things have to change
Ed was back in the UK for the first time in months
he was also passing through my city to get back to scotland (work place)
he offered to come see me but it meant he'd have to stay a night
instead of meeting me for a few hours as he had loads of stuff with him
from his tour. Now usually I would have loved to have him over
but Adam...I couldnt do that to him it wouldnt be fair
as innocent as it would all be on my part it still isnt fair
so I had to turn him down I felt awful cus i know he's lonely
Im suppose to be his friend and I turned him away cus im in a relationship
and I feel really torn
I know obviously I can still have guy friends and adam still sees his female friends
ive never had a single issue with it cus i trust him
but this wouldnt be seeing it would be staying over
and i think thats stepping over the line.
i wouldnt like it if he had a girl stop over
just stuff i've never had to consider before
i want to get stuff right so i dont upset anyone
im sure i'll see ed one day
hopefully
Today I had school, I spent a lil longer on my make-up as I had the time to spare
I wasn't sure if I liked it or not tho I did it all a bit darker than usual
I was tempted to take it off as I felt it made me look mature
But I thought "screw it its good to have a change"
so I kept it and no one said anything so it must have been ok on me
i cant wear dark colours cus its too stark against my paleness
a girl at school told me i look 13 years old -______-
My morning was P.E. to which I joined in
it was cricket and I have never done cricket
then it was music then it was lunch time~~~
I came home for lunch
after lunch I did some jobs for the teacher whilst she entertained them
we went out for a long break time
then did a tiny bit of work so all in all not a lot it was easy!
came home and went to bed
i didnt want to but I couldnt keep my eyes open
so now im on my laptop
and im ether gonna draw or sew
but before that I have my therapy homework to start
tomorrow I am gonna sew in the morning
then adam is gonna come see me after work
then yoga
Yahallo~
Mum woke me up late
I did sleep better and didnt wanna get up
But knew I had to cus Id be bloody late if I didnt!!
I didnt even have time to txt adam good morning
I got to acupuncture on time
we talked and talked and it was good to talk to him
until in the end he says "we need to get on with treatment"
so I got on the couch dreading it
I had 8 needles
2 in my legs which I hate hate hate
1 in forehead thats an easy one
1 in my stomach I can bare
2 in my ears well i guess theres a first time for everything and it didnt hurt
2 in the inside of my wrist which im fine with
2 in between thumb and index finger - this one he warned me about saying it give you a bit of jolt. He did my left first and I said it was fine, next came the right and jesus i got the jolt alright jeez it was a belter, he said the one in my left must not be in right but i told him to leave it XD
when I talk to the acupuncturist about myself he is just so amazing
at seeing it in a different light
and makes me see that i need to relax a lil and step back and chill out
im far too hard on my self and put pressure on my life and myself
and its not helping anything
I left and came home for a brew with double sugar
it was needed
me and mum went into city centre which was quiet
We only went 3 shops
debenams
primark
body shop
I picked up a lot in the debenams sale ^^
I got pink bra reduced to £9
turquoize pants reduced to £1.90
Pink pants reduced to £2.70
white pants reduced to £3
I know I shouldnt photograph my underwear but their pretty ^^
t-shirt was reduced to £4.80
necklace in the star one was reduced to £3
the 2 chokers were from Primark and £2
I also got some slippers and sock and tights from Primark
thick tights reduced to just 50p!!!!! 50p!
I love a good bargin
Then we went straight to my first therapy session
I got there fine and stuff the place had the heating on for a bizaar reason so it was stuffy
a lady called for me who turned out to be my therapist
we went upstairs into a blue room
and so the hour begins
we talked about what i wanted out the sessions, what she expects, confidentiality and what happens to my information, talked about my job briefly, then my primary school experience and secondary school, college life and what i like to do in my spare time
and that was all we had time for
mum was waiting downstairs for me and we left
going again next thursday
mum had been round charity shops whilst id been in therapy
she had brought me the film the acupuncturist suggested id watch today
which was Kill Bill mum had found it in charity shop for 75p i was well happy
she also brought me Kill Bill 2 for 75p as well!!
thats my friday night sorted
he only told me today and i thought it would take me longer to find them
came home and been on my laptop and had a brew
then I went for a walk with mia
I was really nervous about telling her ive booked Juice=Juice
she was thrilled and totally up for it much to my relief!
she wants me to send her the venue website and juice=juice youtube
and then shes gonna go into work tomorrow and book the time off!
so im well pleased
fingers crossed she can make it!!
tomorrow I have school
im sure I'll get through the day one way or another!
Evening~
ahhh I have no idea what to do with myself!!
I got best part of 3 hours sleep last night
I laid in my bed thinking "I dont wanna go school"
I could feel my self getting anxious and a lil upset and i was close to
coming downstairs and wanting to cry on my mum's knee
but I told my self to get a grip and go to sleep
I woke up having cold sweats and aching
I felt awful
I was awake from 5:40am
so when 6:50am came round I couldnt wait to get outta bed
I had practically read a whole book during the night/morning
I got ready for school despite looking like a corpse
I just robotically got on with the day
My morning was a lil different as we were tasting chocolate at school
but my patience was thin I could feel it was
and the rest of the day was nothing special really
came home for lunch
then after lunch we had P.E. the P.E. teacher told me to work in one of the groups
just cus she knows i love P.E. and they were a member down
I was more than happy to cus it was rounders!!!!~
And I hit the ball hard just as the teacher looked over at our group she gave the thumbs up
yup I havent lost it ;)
Then I came home and waited around for my doctors appt
Luckily I wasnt waiting very long at the doctors at all and he actually listened to me
I have got to remain on the higher dose of my anti-depressiants -_____-
I wasnt thrilled but he said he'd like me to stick with it
and I've got the dreaded 'pill' haha just cus I told him that special time of the month (or 2 months for me really) the hormones really pull my depression down and im not good
i need to be a constant steadiness but all the time im up and down
im trying to have a steadiness in my moods
came home and went to sleep for 2 hours
then I got up and went on my laptop for a bit
My nails this week
kids at school loved em ;)
Right as of this moment an hour ago my mood switched from coping to not so good really
it just slips and I drop into a mind set I do not like
just not happy and its not me at all
and the thoughts i have are brutal
a problem I thought acupuncture had 'cured' has surfaced once again sadly
dont know how long i can cope for
tomorrow
8:30am acupuncture for 1 hour which i really want to go to as i wanna talk
9:30am going city centre with mum
1:30pm got my first CBT session ><
2:30pm come home and forget about the day
6:00pm see ether mia or tara or no one
not seeing adam anyway like I do on my usual tuesdays
gonna be KNACKERED
