Konbanwa~
I didn't sleep well
I was waking up a lot and my thoughts were quite dark
and keeping me awake
I was suppose to go into the city centre with mum today
but she ended up waking me at 9:30am by bringing millie in my bed
which was lovely
I felt tired and shattered and my mood wasnt good
so we decided to not go out i just couldnt be doing with people
So in the morning I went to bed
well i went to sleep on mums bed X3
got up and did a bit of sewing
then had lunch and went for a 45min walk with mum in warm weather
which was an effort but i enjoyed it as it required no travelling and didnt see anyone around
perfect for the way i was feeling
then I cut out fabric for my jacket which made a shocking mess! ive cleared it up
Festival of Quilts held at Birmingham NEC 13th August 2017
Lynn had brought me a ticker for my birthday in february
den came and so had his son and the 4 of us drove to birmingham NEC
we arrived and the men saw us to the door then they went to find a pub
me and lynn were let loose!
den had given her £200 as an early birthday present
I had £50 on me
but we both said "not buying any more fabric"
there was sooooooooooo much stuff and the quilts were works of art they truly were
i took loads of photos
just beautiful
In the end lynn spent just about all her £200
I spent £40
and we had both brought fabric!!
but they were so good and some very very cheap
i brought some fat quarters and a few scraps of fabric and rabbit fabric!!!!
it was a great day i was shattered so was lynn
dont think anyone spoke on the way home we were just so tired
i drove home from lynns she offered a brew but i just needed to go home
we said we'd go again next year
tomorrow I am determined to get up at 8am and embrace the day
i hate waking up late
and also i have the pets to clean out, if im late getting up mum usually does it
and it annoys me as she has enough work to do, i can clean pets out
but im grateful all the same
then im gonna go over to adam's as usual on a saturday
Konbanwa
I didn't sleep too bad I guess
I woke up at 1ish as my brother came in from his pub crawl
think i would have slept better if it wasn't for him coming in late sometimes
but what can you do he is as quiet as he can be
I got up at 8:15am as mum woke me before she went to work
i sat with my guineas and stuff and it was 10am
at that point my mood felt quite low and i felt shattered i ended up falling asleep
on my bed then 11am mum came home shouted she was home and it woke me
i did feel better for it tho.
mum wanted to bath the guineas
I got up and did some drawing then did hair and make up cus all this week ive been in jumper and joggers and pony tail so i thought a skirt and make-up was in order XD
Adam came over from work at about 1ish
we had a brew and sat with Ozwald bless him
then we set off for lunch
i paid for lunch cus i wanted to
adam told me he'd meet me at a charity shop after we'd eaten
i didnt argue it and walked to the charity shop alone
he met me there and had brought me flowers!!
Peach my favourite colour and red his favourite colour :D
it was really sweet of him and he didn't need to
then we went to his
we played pokemon for quite a long time actually cus we were trying to trade and stuff
i did my homework of 20mins wasting time -_____-
i felt shattered once again so at 5:30pm I left for home
when i got back i stitched the yellow lace to tara's apron so it's now complete
i will photograph it maybe tomorrow
since then I have just been on my laptop
going to dance after writing my diary then any time will go to drawing
Evening~~~
I didn't sleep well at all
got to bed and didnt feel tired
my body was tired my mind was wide awake -_____-
so I laid there playing pokemon and txting adam just so I didnt feel alone
thats what I hate during the night is the loneliness
At 12:30 I fell asleep and ended up waking up at 1:15am as my brother came in
from being with his mate and eating midnight mcdonalds -___-
so I fell asleep shortly after to wake up as my paralyse shadow demon moved
my hair from my neck and kissed my neck.
well i almost screamed and i was almost out my bed I was panting and scared
cus god it felt real
took me a while to get off again
ended up getting up at 9:10am
I spent my morning sewing I got pretty far with Tara's Umbreon apron
in fact I got it finished but Im just waiting on some lace in the post to add to it
then it's done :)
Adam came over at 1ish
we played pokemon for a few hours as we both wanted to start again
on our sapphire versions so we were clearing them out and starting afresh
we sorted out pokemon we wish to have in our teams for next time :)
then he cuddled me on my bed for a lil while telling me his dad had booked the
cottage in Whitby for sept 15th - 17th ^^
then I took him home really after he had 2 sits with Oz
I came straight home and went straight out for a walk with mia
it was good to see her
After a few slices of pizza I started doing the personal shrine thing
my acupuncturist suggested I do its looking good and almost done
might do some drawing tonight but getting short on time
here is a bunny door stop I made the other week
a pattern i used from Sew Desu Ne but I changed the eyes and ears and face XD
its cute and looks like one of my toys
Evening~
I didn't sleep too well last night
I ended up waking like an hour after i'd gone to be -____-
what is the point!?
and ive been doing really well lately not scratching my face in my sleep
and last night I woke up twice cus I was scratching my forehead
so my forehead was a lil red when I woke up :(
it was healing so well!!
Life is cruel at times
I got up at 7am and sorted pets out
I was out the house for 8:20am for acupuncture
which wasn't too bad this week actually
only 8 needles and I told him how good Id been past 4-5 days
I left there and went straight down the street fr 5mins and arrived at CBT
I sat in my car txting then I had a slow walk to the CBT
cus I was early I sat and drew in my sketchbook
I was called through
found out after 4 weeks she still hasnt sent my referal for psycho dyanmic therapy...
seriously what takes so long!??!
We talked about emotions and I said even though I say "i'm peed off" or "im annoyed"
im not actually feeling those feelings im just saying it cus in the situation thats what i should be feeling. in reality I just dont get that annoyed therefor it affects the main emotion of anger
i said "i know we all have the emotion anger but i cant think of a situation that anger is needed or would make a situation better" she looked at me like id just said the weirdest thing ever
but its true its how i feel so she said i have every right to be angry
so my homework this week is absolutely brutal
i hate it
really HATE it
I have got to waste time
thats it
I have got to sit and do nothing
which goes against everything i stand for!!! im always doing something even if i am sitting down im drawing or hand sewing or something im just on the go all the time. she wants to take that away and write down my anger levels. she even said to get adam involved cus i said he's brilliant at doing nothing and wasting time.
I went home cus i felt exhausted and shaky
so i got some food and put pigs out
i was suppose to eat with adam but i just needed a minute to myself so regain some strength
went to adam's
told him about my homework
he found that so amusing >.>
and made me do my homework!!!! which honestly got my back up
cus it felt like he was winning points on me somehow and his smug face honestly
so i sat for 20 mins and did nothing it felt so much longer than 20mins
he found it funny and i about bit his head off when he said "10 mins left"
so as soon as the 20 mins were over i got up saying i needed a play fight to vent
he told me i needed to record my homework so he smugly handed me a pen and paper
i was seething
but i guess it was all that was needed really
to be annoyed and he achieved it
we played pokemon and i annoyingly fell asleep for over an hour
i was so shattered i just couldnt wake up
eventually i got up and we shared some chocolate cake
i felt drained so i went home for dinner
and thats where i am now~
gonna do some form of exercise tonight and some drawing
tomorrow i get to do as i please in the morning so im having a lay in til about 8-8:30am
in the afternoon im seeing adam he told me he's coming over after the gym to see me
so in the morning i might get some sewing done
here is some nail art i did the other week~
Konbanwa~~
I didn't sleep too bad once again
but then I did have Adam's shirt ^^
He did alright competing yesterday actually
and the weather was good cus it was all very open no shelter
the journey felt like it took a while i fell asleep on the way and on the way back
i woke myself up by twitching in my sleep my leg twitched - hit the car door and i woke up
so retarded -______-
adam came away with a hurt knee, just when it was healing so well!!! so that was annoying
his parents had done me some lunch
i was so shattered and i wasnt the one throwing!
We got back to his house and rested then had dinner which was pizza
then half an hour later i went home i could feel myself falling asleep
and i had to drive home so i decided to get up and go
Today I got up for derby with lynn
i was fine getting into town
i popped into GAME on my way to meeting lynn as adam told me theyre doing another free pokemon download so I went in whilst it was quiet
the guy on the til wanted a GAME card, I havent got one so I asked if I could use my boyfriends
he said yes and took adam's details and it went through on his card
free of course id never charge anything to him
and i got him a code for the pokemon also
just felt quite strange using his details without asking
i havent told him yet i'll tell him in person tomorrow when i give him the code
he'll be fine about it
I met lynn and we caught the bus to derby
we went round our usual places
i picked up some cheap fabric and some fabric with rabbits on ^^
we hunted round charity shops i got some black combat trousers and a pink lacy top
i picked up some cheap nail varnish to replace some of ours that are running out or going thick and finally i brought a LOAD of treats from the market for Oz
some coconut chips, banana chips, pineapple chunks, apple slices, papaya chunks
theyre all dried
and for humans haha but i buy em for Oz
it only came to £2.28!!!!! a small packet of rabbit treats is about £2 and ive been and brought about 15x as much. such good value and i needed to stock up
now he's got too much choice :) he hasn't seen the treats yet
we came back on the bus together then i waited for my bus back to my car
i drove back kinda on auto-pilot
i was so exhausted my body went hot but i felt cold, i had a headache and was weak
these all signs of me pushing my body and illnesses to a limit
i've had a taxing few days and im struggling to keep going
so i had to go to bed when i got in i just felt crap
just for an hour cus i was trying not to go to sleep during the day cus i fear not sleeping at night
but ive still got adam's shirt tonight~
since then I've watched Disney's Inside Out
the CBT therapist wanted me to watch it as my homework
cus we're gonna be working on emotions tomorrow
what fun
might do some drawing tonight~ i like getting stuck into it
tomorrow I have acupuncture 8:30-9:30am
CBT 10-11am
what a fun morning
cus theyre in the same area im gonna go into a cafe after acupuncture have a brew then walk to CBT cus theres no point in coming home between time
after CBT i will come home then I'll see adam shortly after~
Here's some make-up I happily received in the post its all from Korea
we have green color skin correction, peach lips and pink lips
amazing ^^
