Evening~
Yesterday I spent my morning cutting out 63 squares for the baby blanket
which took longer than i expected
I sorted my pets out too
i rounded up Oz and took him up to adam's house for 2pm
he is so cocky
to say he hasnt been shown the stairs he started climbing even further than last week and went straight to the 10th step. Later on he made up all the way to the landing...then it became a game didnt it. How many times he could go up the stairs
usually he has a lay down every so often but not that day. he didnt have the time. not when upstairs could be explored. i sent adam up each time as i was saving my energy
but oz went in the spare room, his parents room and under their bed (which they just found funny), he went in adam's room and under his draws and wardrobe. no where is sacred from Oz XD
We took him home after an hour of scamping
then we went for a walk and stopped in a pub for a drink i had hot choc he had coke
yup we really both dont drink
then we went to his house
i painted his mum's nails i did a fox theme she truly loved them and said they were her favourite yet. she told me she'd got monday off and was gonna go shopping the city centre i kinda felt bad for her as shes never had a daughter to do that with. maybe id go with her one day. i told her im going to do that on wednesday with mum.
we had dinner which was spaghetti and meatballs it was good actually
i came home for a shower and to sit with Oz
today~
I didn't sleep well at all
having dreams about about how powerless id be against a man, to leave adam and to stay away from guys as i dont need them. then a faceless guy got me, pinned me beneath me and started ripping my clothes off it was leading to rape but i woke up in time luckily.
It what I have to deal with. These nightmares
I was suppose to have acupuncture and dentist check up today
but I felt sooo terrible and barely had a voice
so i cancelled both appointments
just didnt want to be messed with when i can barely breathe, feel sick and dizzy
so i had a home day
i told adam not to visit cus i was just shattered
I began working on the baby blanket
I got it all laid out
Then as the day progressed I got further
its coming together, i got to a point i wanted to tonight anyway
tomorrow it needs a border putting on
im about to choose a nice fabric to border it with :)
I ended up having a sleep at 1pm
Pinks's has moved inside
she seems quite content actually and not bothered that shes left
her cage shes been in for 6 years!
dad is moaning about the smell all i can smell is hay, granted i have a cold
but dad stinks 90% of the time anyway so whats a cage smell to him
he usually reeks of fuel, mechanical stuff or just fart
it surprises me actually he can even smell 'bad' smells
tonight id like to draw or dance or both!
tomorrow im not sure what im doing it all depends on how i feel
Evening~~
Im home~
So last night I went to go collect my boyfriend from his work place at the greyhound racing stadium where he works as a barman
I got parked up fine it always feels weird tho being out the house in the late evening
I started walking in the direction adam told me to go
i saw loads of people with betting slips and shouting
upon going inside i was swamped by the sheer amount of noise
humans make so much noise when theyve had a drink
Plenty of guys cheeked my out but i kept my cool and confidence as long as they didnt approach me or talk to me i'd be fine i kept telling myself
Adam spotted me straight away and waved to me from behind the bar
I stood talking on the other side of the bar to him and he pointed out a few members
of staff he talks about but ive never seen/met before
then he had to close the shutters on the bar
he told me to wait upstairs as it should be quieter
so i walked off and found myself a seat upstairs and it was quieter
i wasnt waiting long and one of adam's work friends told me he wouldnt be long
then adam came up and he introduced me to his boss and stuff
and then we went home to his house
I had a hot chocolate on the sofa with him whilst he chilled out eating a sausage roll
there wasnt anything worth watching on the TV but i was happy dosing on his chest
then he asked if i wanted to play DS upstairs cus i think usually when he comes in from work he watches tv then goes on his DS or Xbox
so we played pokemon on his bed til about 12
then I gave in cus i was too tired
he cuddled me til I fell asleep
I woke up several times tho in the night as i couldnt breathe due to my cold and i was cold
my god i was cold, even adam was cuddling me as i was shivering in my sleep!
we got up at 10am
i didnt get dressed i stayed in pajamas ^^
he got dressed and went to fetch us lunch
i had tea and oreos for break fast and for lunch chicken and stuffing cob it was amazing!
when he came in from getting lunch I got to have my bath which was the best ^^
I asked to watch Suicide Squad as I hadnt seen it and he'd brought the DVD
I saw half of it until I got bored and fell asleep
adam left me there whilst he did his dinner then woke me up at 4pm
then I went home and got Oz out as he hadnt been out for a while due to the rain
Then I've been sorting fabrics out for the baby quilt which I plan on starting
tomorrow morning :D
Tomorrow not 100% sure what im gonna do yet
I know adam wants to see me but i wanna sew damn it! XD
Im gonna do my nails tonight, love hearts again but new designs
I have been using this lately it was £10 so I wasnt sure whether to try it or not but it was highly rated
Its a base for make-up and it goes on so well and softly
im quite impressed with it actually
im enjoying testing make-up out
Konbanawa~~~~~
Man I woke up feeling like the day this morning
I had abit of a mad rush to leave the house for 7:55
i needed to be there for 8:15am
got there at 8:05
turns out I couldnt sign in til 8:30am
WHAT WAS THE FREAKIN' POINT!?
I could have had a bit longer in bed!!
I was in foundation all day which is aged 4-5 but mostly 4 this time of year
my god ive done my fair share of cleaning today
4 year olds are so messy
so very messy
cus i take after mum, mess, stresses me out some what
So my morning consisted of me watching the kids play I did milk and fruit with them and read them a story so i had today a few times when i had a group of 30 kids in my charge
no pressure huh
Lunch came and i brought some sandwiches which i didnt fancy
and the members of staff id been working with were all going out for lunch
so i would have been sat like a lemon for an hour and believe me it can be a slow hour
so i went home also! only had 35mins but still it broke my otherwise slow day up
the afternoon came i helped them go to the library for new books then they played then
tidied up really. and im there next week also~
nice school and staff just very slow long days really
came home and showered and went to bed for 2 and half hours
i was dead
truly dead
woke up and had dinner and then had Oz in to help me pack for tonight
im gonna sit with him in a few minutes
im a lil anxious about tonight simply cus i dont leave the house at night
it just never happens. never
so i always feel strange about it
im going to adam's work and meeting him there then half hour later im coming back with him to his and having a sleep over! im taking my pajamas a toy my dressing gown and a pillow the more stuff i take the more annoyed he might get!!! XD perfect
i'll be back tomorrow in the afternoon some time
a necklace i picked up for £1.95 from charity shops this week
pretty huh
Evening~
I didn't sleep too badly last night
I got up and did a little bit of dancing
sorted out fabric as a friend has a requested a baby blankie~
I also did some hama bead work as i was experimenting with maybe
doing some art work for my room
Made charmander but not happy with it
and so the art work didnt happen
I got lunch ready for adam
he came over after he'd done with work
i felt very annoyed, irritable, wanted an argument or a fight
trying so hard not to bite heads off people
eventually went out into a town
i went round charity shops and i went round a few stores
i was happy cus i got the baby blanket i needed and also a brown felt eye liner!!
this brand that cheap but good does black and ive been waiting for brown to
be released and it has! and its a lovely chocolate brown too!
cant wait to use it
I was gonna buy a japanese one but theyre £10+ and if it dried out before i got much
use out of it, it would be a total waste of money
today's was £2.90 :D
i also picked up 2 cheap blankets i might do something with for presents
I had a whole week with out thoughts and everything else that goes off
inside my head and today it came flooding back
thats were the annoyed irritable mood came from
im disappointed to say the least
as i now have to share my head space again
After shops I went to adams for an hour for a brew
then I came home and researched a few patchwork blanket ideas
and then it was time for yoga!
Yoga was good and tiring
got back and id missed a late call from the agency so i rang back
and i have work! its for tomorrow
same school as ive been to be before and theyve booked me for next friday
i was kinda looking forward to doing some craft work tomorrow
but work is work gotta get on with it :)
Tomorrow I have work like I say
then I will have a sleep cus I am need of energy for my evening
at 9:45pm I will set off for adam's work place - greyhound racing stadium
I will search for him and then he will finish at 10:30pm
I will take us both to his house and have a sleep over!!! X3
I havent slept over in ages~ so im looking forward to it
but it will be a little strange i have never seen him at work heck ive never
been to the stadium before! but also he says he needs an hour to chill after work
so i told him id leave him alone and probably go to bed as i'll be tired
but i'll no doubt wake up when he climbs into bed im a light sleeper after all
he says i dont need to need him alone but i know my brother is the same after work
so i'll give him space
then i'll have a bath saturday morning I can not wait!!!!
sleep over!! X3
Evening~
I didn't sleep too bad
dad woke me up at 7am
I had a mad dash getting out the house this morning
I was out by 7:45am
brewless and I hadnt seen any of my pets
The journey that should have taken just under 30 mins
took an hour
I was late
and not a happy bunny
Lucky the school staff were nice and were fine with my lateness
thank god cus i was coming in just as the kids were
it was a religious school...so i had to watch my "gods" and "jesus"'s XD
but seriously it was full on
crosses and god mentioned everywhere
morning pray
morning pray assembly
lunch pray
holy music being played during lunch time
end of the day pray
talk about rammed down your throat
My roles today
I helped out with hand writing
took a group of 12 children to practice spelling (i had no lesson plan from the teacher I just has to wing it and I did rather well)
worked with half the class for maths then swapped to the other half
sat with 2 children doing drawing whilst the rest did P.E.
brought 7 children one by one from music to finish their maths
supported the class with music
and i missed both breaks cus i had to stay in the classroom
so i only got a 50min lunch
i was done in!!!
the school was alright but there was a fair few kids in the class that were pure trouble makers the kind were you know their parents just havent raised them with respect for others
I left on time and the reception staff told me the teacher was pleased with me and they have kept my name on record, its good to get some feedback :)
had missed a phone call from an agency whilst in class so i rang them back
i have work for 13th at a school ive been to before they said they would have me again and it looks like they were true to their word!
I got home and collapsed on the sofa with a brew, mum's cookies and Oz
i havent done much else if im honest
I did draw this last night
took an hour its a tree in the shape of a bird
i saw a picture similar and decided to draw it XD
wonder if i'll draw tonight
i know id like to practice dancing as with any luck i might be able to get
some recording done tomorrow!
never get any alone time!!
Tomorrow I believe I am seeing adam~
god knows what were doing
KonbanWA~~~
I didn't sleep too bad last night
just waking up cus I can't breathe damn it >.>
I got up and had missed a call from the agency Im guessing it was work
but I felt terrible I really did
I managed to get up and have breakfast
I told adam I wasnt feeling very well but I tried to pick myself up
as the morning went on
and in the end I was determined not to waste my day
I sniffed some stuff to help me breathe
my face was sore so I used one of the Korean face sheets I brought last week
I used the rabbit one, can't say I feel the difference but it did sooth my face
So I picked adam up
Another reason I wanted to see him was because it marks the 6 months
we have been together damn it!
I can not believe it's been 6 months
jesus where has it gone
and we havent had a single argument
he said to me "its been the best 6 months ever and enjoyed every minute" today
he is always sweet to me and always treats me well, and is patient with me no end
i've done well with him i know i have ^^
i hope we last another 6 months~
We went into a town
adam said he was hungry from gym so i thought a pub dinner would do him better than a cafe meal
I felt sickly so I had soup and he had a massive mix grill
gammon
5oz steak
2x chicken breast
2x sausages
egg
chips
I would have been sick
but he enjoyed it and ate it ALL
The pool table was free so we went and had 3 games
my hands were shaking a lot due to fatigue but I didnt do too badly
it was fun tho :)
We went round the shops and I brought a jumper with a guinea pig on it!!!!
how damn rare is that!!!! I was buying it no matter how much it was
it was only £4.99
then I found a black jumper covered in stars it had no price and was a good brand
i thought they'd charge me £4.99 nope they said £2 :D
I brought a cute necklace too
I then went to adams and had a brew
then I came home at 3pm just cus i was exhausted
as I did I got a phone call from the agency they offered me a job but its 14 miles away
but I want to work so I took the job
ive got a new CD in my car I'll just get on with it~
I google mapped it and it turns out the school is right next to a school i used to teach at when i had my mad science job, so I know the route :D
Im looking forward to it and its year 3 so im happy its not the little ones~
Ive got all sorted to go
got to be there at 8:20am so ive got to leave home now later than 7:45am
early start for Jozu ><
I drew a bird tonight randomly
couldnt decide what to draw and thats what happened
i will photograph it sometime
so tomorrow it's work
my first day back~
Evening all
Yesterday I didn't sleep too bad but i felt quite unwell when i woke up
i ended up going back to bed
i told adam i'd see him at 1pm with Oz
i didnt know what was up with me, so i googled the withdrawal symptoms
of the medication im currently trying to drop and it turns out that is whats up with me
so i think ive been dropping my medication a lil too fast
1 a week is too quick it seems
i took Oz up at 1pm then I came home to drop him off and i went up with adam
to the local park for a walk which i enjoyed but it was an effort
then we came back to my house whilst i sorted a few things out for the evening
then went to his house for the evening, i ended up going to sleep for a little bit
i felt and looked like a zombie i must have looked awful
i felt like a junkie all i could think about was when my next medication was due
something weird happened on the way to adam's tho when i was bringing Oz up
a guy say about 19/20 years old was on the corner of the pavement
i was pulling up to the T-junction and he was staring right at me just constantly staring
i had no idea who this guy was, and he walked out in front of a car coming round the corner
luckily the car saw him and stopped and beeped
i just thought "what a freak thats what you get for staring"
why would he have been looking at me?
i said to mum "its probably because i looked so much like a zombie he was surprised to see a zombie driving a car" XD
I slept really crappy
I was aching and like a junkie i ended up getting up for some pain killers
and a hot chocolate i couldnt stand the pain any longer
and i could feel myself scratching everywhere cus thats what i was do
when im a bit stressed, so i thought id rather have medication than sore skin
But I had to get up at 8am -____-
felt really not that good
I went for acupuncture
i had the spoon treatment but he said the spoon wasnt getting deep enough
so he wanted to use his hands
and for a weedy looking guy i was surprised of his strength!! honestly i thought
he was gonna pull my shoulder from its socket!
i felt like id been ran over afterwards and i still had the needles to endure
i love my life XD
I got home and txted adam that i wasnt coming out
and went to bed
my phone went and woke me it was adam asking if he could come visit
and i could hardly say no i would have felt too bad afterwards
so he came and brought his own lunch so i wouldnt have to make him any
and he insisted on walking home so i didnt have to drive
i did look and feel like a zombie
we just lazed round and talked and fussed my pets
that was it for 3 hours
it was nice in a way cus i would have spent my afternoon alone
then my family comes in and it all goes stressy
my household is so stressful compared to adam's relaxed atmosphere
i envy it in a way
i had an early dinner cus i felt like it
recently i could be sick at the sight of some food or even some smells
so i gotta eat when i can
then ive just been making a card for tara and a card for my therapist
but now id like to dance
im determined to try my best cus lately every time i go to dance i get dizzy and i mess up constantly almost like my head is too fuzzy to remember the moves
tomorrow I have put my self down for available for work
whether i get any will be another story
if not im going to have lunch out with adam and go to a few charity stores
and then his house then home i believe
so i have options
and it depends if im not a corpse
Here's a really cool necklace I got in the post :D
i love bats~
