Evening~~
I didn't sleep too bad
I got up and got all ready to go in the snow
yup snow AGAIN! it wasnt much to be honest
but it still makes people drive extra slow so I allowed for more time
and i forgot to take my medication!
I arrived at the school was a lovely school and the staff were lovely
wasnt many young staff i'll say that much which i prefer
not a fan of young staff sometimes
i like seasoned experienced staff cus I find theyre the best to learn from
I was in the youngest class which had two children in with special needs but no TA to have one to one with so it all hands on deck
never thought id have to tell a child to stop licking the windows but hey-ho
by 11:30am the teacher asked me if i was busy next week as she'd like to book me for the next two weeks! I could not believe it that that soon I had made a good impression
the receptionist said "you must be doing something right"
i must be!
the staff even told me they'd had a lot of staff off this term sick so they'd obviously had other agency staff in so they could have easily have had someone previously but they chose to have me again after just 3 hours! made me happy as i havent been in a school for a few weeks and i was worried id get out of touch with the profession
i only got half hour for lunch as the other half had to go to us doing play ground duty
jesus i was frozen
and my dinner made me feel sick - too much left over pasta
I didnt finish til 4pm -___- the class left at 3:15pm i think
so I tidied up and help put up the christmas tree
and talked about guinea pigs with a fellow guinea pig TA owner ^^
I felt awful i really did feel unwell and had the 40min journey home to face
i came home to an empty house which is rare
i dived in the shower and my feet stung from the hot water it reminded me that i hadnt felt my feet in quite some time it would seem!
i got my pajamas on
walked down stairs and realized i hadnt had this morning's medication
no wonder i felt so terrible! problem solved
When I checked what post had arrived
it was a wedding invitation!! I've never been personally invited to a wedding before
I have attended a wedding when I was 12 as it was my baby sitter's wedding but she had invited the 4 of use really. To have my name on a wedding invitation made me happy
I can't believe Im going to a wedding and after party
it's a friend i've known since I started primary school so 21 years
he's always always been kind to me and we went to secondary school too
but didnt share any classes like we did in primary school as he was smarter than me XD
he's getting married! I am happy for him but I had no idea it was happening
he's kinda one of those friends you dont talk to very often which is another reason for my surprise at the invite! But i'm going it's April 14th
April 2nd is mine and adam's 1st anniversary so be a loved up month
I have nothing to wear but I can suss that
and it says I can bring someone too~ be adam probably but I have to wonder if Mia was invited
she too was close to him in primary school but went to a different secondary school to him.
something to look forward to
I facebooked him a message today to say thank you ^^
tomorrow I am bathing dear Maisy who has been out on the grass today
for what could be the first time ever for her
and im sad I missed it but mum did it whilst I was working ><
she took the half hour well and even tried some grass!
bless her
so tomorrow shes having a bath, a brush and a trim.
Its going to be probably traumatic for her but its one of those necessary evils im afraid
she will benefit from it
mum says hair is coming off her in chunks which shows her skin and coat are unhealthy
so she NEEDS this
best of luck for the 3 of us!
then I will see adam
suppose to snow this weekend
I drew a picture of my 'rape dream' i didnt want to draw it as its awful but i thought the psychologist would like to see what he's in for when i meet him next year ^^
me being pinned down and then just before i am officially raped I always wake up
thank god
Evening~
Actually let me start with the evening
last night I had gone to bed at 9:30pm
at 9:45pm I heard my mum shouting downstairs which doesnt happen
then she pegged it up the stairs I instantly felt sick and adrenaline ran freely
something had happened...
mum came into my room
I said worriedly "whats happened?"
mum "oh Jo we can have it"
me "what?"
mum "we can have the guinea pig!"
jesus mum let me catch my breath and let my heart stop pounding
last time she acted like this, tiffin had died
Basically my mum knows someone - and its 'knows' not 'friends with'
this family of 4 have 2 twin daughters who are 11 years old
have everything they could ever ever desire
so spoiled and have horses and make-up - you name it
their parents brought them 2 guinea pigs
guinea pigs who are/were very neglected
one had died and the daughters didnt know til 2 months later....seriously!?
thats how bothered they are
so this lonely guinea pig was at the end of garden out in the elements, not shelter over its cage, not in a shed or anything and never ever came out
mum was taking salad and 9/10 times it had no food and/or hay
that is cruelty
it was so skittish too
the woman txted mum at 9:45pm last night
"do you want our guinea pig?"
she'd had all week to txt my mum and she did it last night the night before mum was set to go over
so mum txted back saying "yes of course!!!"
she asked for the hutch and for the pig's dry food
she replied "i will leave you a key so you can fetch it from the garage"....
seriously!?
we're doing HER a favour and she cant even be bothered or to even get one of her spoilt cow daughters so get the food from the garage for mum who is collecting their guinea pig!
disgusting!!!!!!
so today after I waited and waited round for the morning to pass
adam came over at 1:40pm and mum came home with dad and the pig at 2pm
so adam was a lil ignored i'll say cus i had to drop everything for the guinea pig
but adam understand
i saw the guinea and my goodness it's pretty such a cute face!! so petite!
I held it and tried to determine it's gender but it is not used to being handled
despite being 3 years old shows how much time was invested in it
it's never been on grass ether
I thought it was a male but when I googled I changed my mind and thought female
we al had a look (poor undignified guinea pig) and we all think female
and besides we cant see the parents buying 2 boy guinea pigs for 2 8 year old girls
mum went and changed its bedding as it was disgusting
honestly none of my pets have ever smelt that bad
never
it just looked like they'd put sawdust on top of sawdust and not properly cleaned out
so we did that i took the bowl out which was foul
it had poo smeared all along the base and the sides and inside was filthy
no animal should be eating out a bowl that dirty
certainly guinea pigs as it can cause illness from the bacteria so i washed that and topped it up
and did them a salad too
found out there was 2 water bottles for a small cage - why - thats easy it means they have to change the water less frequently so they didnt have to bother going to see the guinea as often
sickening
we put the guinea pig back home it was terrified
it is living in its hutch in the shed, facing millie & alice
we talked names and my brother couldnt resist getting her out
we decided she needed a pretty and cute name as she is pretty and cute
we named her Maisy
no pictures as of yet sorry to say
shes in a sorry state, she has loads of dry skin, matts of fur and she STINKS
she hasnt had any treatment
she NEEDS a bath and a brush and a trim
she has a bit of long fur that is beyond saving i have to say i will be trimming that off for her
shes a mess basically and its so sad
and i had no idea the guinea pig was in such a state
i was tempted to photograph and send to the RSPCA
disgusts me to my core that 4 people all well off and have time but left this poor animal to fend for it's self for so long
i mean she was left outside in the elements and 2m away was a wooden shed
why wasnt she put in that out of the cold!?
people make me so sick!!!!!!
so we have gained a guinea pig
my hopes for her are for her to become happy and confident
she is so scared of life and its hard to watch
i want her to befriend my girls it would be lovely if they could share a hutch
but thats the future
for now she just needs TLC
i will bath her over the weekend
i wanted to do her today but she was stressed as it was
i didnt do much all day
saving my energy for school tomorrow
8:30am til 4pm
i will be knackered
but im feeling confident about it all actually
my anxiety is low
my only worry is how i will be feeling as in tiredness and pain
we shall see!
please look forward to meeting maisy!
Konbanwa~
Did not sleep well
I was up at 4am for pain killers and up til 5am
I had woken up at 12am and 3am
does my head in cus i have no idea what wakes me other than the damn
hot and cold sweats i am getting once again!!!!!
So i was tired when I got up at 9am
I changed my bed this morning and hoovered my room
and then I went to the shops with mum
i was in a mood i'll admit as i was hungry, tired and in pain
so yeah i wasnt in the best of moods, poor mum
I didn't get anything but mum got what she needed which was good
we came back I had lunch and then i went on my bed where i nodded off
but a phone call from adam soon woke me >.> he was on his way over from the gym
we sat around having a brew and he saw Oz
then we went for a walk and it was soooo breezy it was cold and id had enough
we came home and i sat with millie and alice on my knee and then i got Oz ready
and we went to adam's house, Oz had an hour up there and got fussed none stop
he laid down mainly just enjoying fuss like a cat >.>
I came home with him and just on my laptop for the first time today
Id like to do some dancing tonight as ive been enjoying it lately
but i have realized i dont have a christmas dance lined up
shall i bother?
i dont think i have one saved to learn from ether and i dont have anyone to ask for suggestions
tomorrow i will maybe clean my room
i will plan my route to the school for friday and get stuff ready for that to help my anxiety
and i think im seeing adam after his shift then i have yoga!
This was made to represent Tiffin on my christmas tree this year
as each pet ive had and lost has a special place on the tree and sadly i lost tiffin this march
i think he looks cute not as cute as the real deal tho, he was prince
Evening~~
I didn't sleep well as I kept waking up every 2 hours
feeling sick and hungry
i was shattered when I got up at 8am -____-
My morning consisted of sitting with Ozwald who was happy bunny
and I watched new music videos and decided on what dances Id want to learn this
week and such. Last night I danced and I had an ache in my side all night from it
like my back wanted to click but couldnt quite do it
so that woke me as well as annoyed my morning >.>
I got ready to go see adam
met him at the pub for his lunch I ate at home
then we went his so he could shower
we sat and waited round for the auctions to open then set off for then
he got his train set XD i was teasing him about it
but nothing annoys him its no fun
we got home i had oreos and tea it was nice to come home to
even tho i made the tea >.>
adam gave me a hug a tight one at that and something popped in my back
and my back seemed to click out of that annoying ache so i was glad
then upon getting comfy my hip socket cracked and i felt better for that too :D
my problems fixed in a minute it was strange
adam didnt get his train set out i think he thought i was gonna break it XD
we walked up to the shops cus i was getting bored of sitting there all afternoon
then i got back and cuddled up in his bed and he decided to join me not that i asked him to
i was just cold
my stupid hot and cold sweats have come back im so annoyed
they were getting a lot better
i came home and went for a shower i felt gross from sweating through out the day
you know youre not right when your showering under hot water but you have goosebumps
and i wasnt cold ether
just cant control my temperature
Since then Ive had dinner and just getting dances ready to have a crack at then i'll do some drawing i think and then see pets, same old evening
speaking of drawings heres one i just decided to draw randomly in half hour it has a love heart in the centre of its eye :3
Tomorrow Im not 100% sure what im doing as of yet
gonna talk to mum see if she requests my company or whether to see adam XD
Evening~~
Yesterday >.>
I was seeing adam at some point and he was supposed to have gone out
with his work mates for after work drinks but he skipped out
he's as bad as me so i cant blame him
who likes clubs, drinks, drunk people, banging music
the people who did go got plastered
adam doesnt even drink so I cant imagine it would have been much fun for him really
I saw him after lunch
I had an alright morning really I had finished the picture of a dream I had
of being a wolf and battling it out with another wolf
it was good til I was woken up by mum ><
I took it to adams to show and they all liked it :)
im still not spending long on the pictures so i dont labour over them
but getting to adams didnt go quite as planned
my dad's van was in the way and because he cant hear and cus he lashed out at me for no reason really other than to vent at me as i did nothing wrong
i sat in my car and cried to adam's house
i pulled up a lil past his house and felt like i was going to explode
so i rang mum and was sobbing down the phone to her about dad being horrible and always taking his aggression out on me, id done nothing wrong, why does he hate me so much?, he doesnt know the damage he has done to me now mentally. I was doing so well until he broke down all my mental walls and he doesnt care. she tried to calm me down and said she'd talk to him
meanwhile half way through my conversation adam turned up at my car
not how i planned it
he came in the car listening to me going on at mum
i got off the phone and said sorry through my tears
i must have looked a right state honestly
my plan was to talk to mum, compose myself, knock on adam's door and he be none the wiser
but he'd seen my car he said and wondered why i wasnt coming in.
so he had to pick the pieces up even tho it had nothing to do with him
i was so mad, hurt, and upset. adam noticed i was shaking
stupid dad
me and adam and his mum got ready to go mini golf
it was one we'd been to before and it was good it wasnt busy at all
i came 2nd
adam fell over a bank i watched it in slow motion i was too far away to help
and he fell on his knee on a concrete mound he said it hurt
i bet it did but he doesnt cope well with pain much like my brother
we finished up and came home for a brew
i was shattered, crying my eyes out usually does make me tired and id been putting on a brave face for everyone as well so i went to bed
woke up and we played on DS on his bed im still playing Okamiden
i did some yoga on his bed room floor
then we talked for a bit, went downstairs and had dinner
talked with his parents after dinner
i went to leave to find a sodding squirrel in my shoes again >.>
but i was glad his dad did it because it reminded me of the little prank i had install for him
i got the squirrel badge out my bag and pinned it onto his work jacket
today i didnt sleep well
i kept waking feeling like i was gonna be sick
i was tempted to get up but i didnt
i spent my morning drawing my rape dream, not something i particularly want to draw but i thought i can show it the psychologist when i see him next year :D so he can see just how messed up i am
i went to bed just before lunch as i felt like road kill
got up and my phone rang it was the agency with work on friday so i am going to work this friday! i havent been to work in a while and mum said it would do me some good. it will even if i am already anxious about it.
adam phoned me to say his dad found the squirrel badge XD
me and mum went for a walk for 45mins its been pretty mild past 3 days :)
then I have been drawing digitally since then
tonight id like to do some dancing tho
tomorrow i am seeing adam after his gym session then he wants to eat at the pub
im not eating cus food still hurts at the moment and its no fun. it is getting less painful tho
and my hot and cold sweats have practically gone. my headaches are less painful too so i think the acupuncture is helping me :)
anyway so after lunch we'll go to his so he can shower and we'll wait for his dad then as they both won something in the auctions. ive not been down to the auctions before not that im bothered but adam seems to want me to go. he's won a hornby trainset. he's been wanting one for a long time now so i imagine hes gonna be like a kid at christmas. i told him he didnt have to see me if he wants to play with his trains but he says he will see me XD
Evening~
I was drawing til 9:50pm last night
didn't realise the time
I got 1 picture finished and 1 in pencil ready for pen
Drew wolves really
Last night I didn't sleep well at all
I woke up at 12am from a nightmare that had me almost empty my stomach
i felt so sick and sweaty when I woke up
It was that dream of being raped. but I have no idea why I suffer with this nightmare as I have never been sexually abused so why have this dream? Every time I screamed out or moved another hand would pin me down to the ground until I was flush on my back exposed. I shouted out "I can't do any of this im already taken" to which a voice out of no where replied "then maybe he needs to learn to share you" I woke up at that point, got up for a wee to break myself out the dream state sleep
from there I woke up every 2 hours -_____-
This morning I was going to take photos of myself
and I did get semi-ready for that but adam txt me to say his work might need
him in earlier so i decided to go up earlier and sod the make-up and photos
id rather have company than take photos
got to his house and we sat whilst he watched the last of the cricket - shoot me now
we went up to the deli for our lunch as usual
but what wasnt usual was the fact of our county's MP was in there -____-
god help me now
he is so slimy i hate him sorry well i hate all MPs
it is "small business day" here apparently and so he was making his way round the independent businesses as come on its a chance for him to have his photo taken!
we came out both saying we felt sick and needed to shower XD we then found him a few shops down having his photo taken with the owner!!!! sickening!!!
we had lunch and then I did his mum's nails the flamingos came out really well actually ^^
I played on Okami-den for a bit as adam watched the bloody football
i turned it off and got bored quite frankly
and then frustration kicks in and then my mood can plummet so I left at 2:30pm
got home and grabbed my ipod that only has battery these days for 10 songs :(
I went for a walk by myself seeing as it wasn too cold today it was 6c and no winds :)
my ipod died tho >< i really really need a new one its 7 years old would you believe
I got home had a brew with the girls on my knee
then took them home and had Oz in my room who was happy bunny
I opened my parcels from Korea and I got my lip oil finally and I got my yellow eye shadow
cant wait to try them! I got a free facial sheet mask despite ordering 14 the other day
i cant help but wonder if someone is laughing at me XD
I finished off the wolf picture and I will photograph it tomorrow
they're ok I guess~
I got Mia a personalised christmas decoration for one of her christmas presents
its got written on it "first christmas in our new house Mia & Rob"
thought it would be a nice little gift for her :)
Not sure what im doing tomorrow
been invited over to adams for dinner as per usual but what to do during the day i am not sure
i'll probably do photos in the morning and then see him
it might be Oz and a walk maybe cus not brought Oz up to their house for a while
but not sure yet
Adam liked my phone I guess
already could work it quicker than I could >< how depressing is my life XD
Im getting there with it
kinda....XD
Evening~~
I didn't sleep too bad last night
I had the foresight to sleep in my dressing gown :3
I got up to once again the sound of dad ringing the power company
jeez its wearing thin on us all
but at least my phone was happening!
I set off for acupuncture which I didn't want
and I was squirming all over the joint
I told Nigel about my absence of feeling and pain yesterday that went from 5 - 10pm roughly
he couldnt really explain it but told me to take notes of the good things that come from it
i dont want it to happen ever again
i know I upset adam
he sent me a text saying "i feel like you only tell me you love me to keep me happy and that you're gonna leave me soon"
so which i told him "do you think im the sort of person who likes to make people happy even if i dont mean it? if i dont like something i tell people how it is. besides i have more respect and love for you than to string you along. that would be wrong and id never do it and i have no plans of leaving you so you best not have plans of leaving me mister"
he said he felt better for hearing that and that he didnt have any plans to ditch me
mum worries about the day if we do ever part ways
she worries about what it would do to me mentally. no pressure adam XD
although he said he'd turn to drink if i left him. no pressure me!
basically we're both happy how things are why change em XD
I got back and had my morning brew to find my new phone had already arrived!
that was fast! i had absolutely no idea what i was doing with it
so i drank my brew and put it on charge and left it
i couldnt even put the damn sim card in -______-
my brother was out all day so i had no technical help til 6pm
there was no rush anyway but i did what i could do in the mean time which was order a cute phone case and screen protector XD get my priorities right ;P
But on that note it does actually work its fully working and im pleased with it
im yet to have a proper go on it
it bores me
i had lunch with mum and then we went pets at home, bargin shop, tk maxx
i got Oz some new food which had been released that week and it started at half price! had to be brought it sounds really nice and i like to spoil him. I brought a new shirt reduced to £8 i really like it its fitted and mum says it looks good on me :)
we picked up other bits and pieces
came back and i planned out some drawing, went on my laptop for a bit
after dinner me and mum went for a walk which was nice
tomorrow I seeing adam and i told him id be on my best behaviour
he puts up with so much
i feel like dressing up and doing make-up in the morning so i might indulge my self there XD
my profile photos need an update and i have to be in the mood to have my photo taken
Here are my new christmas decorations by the way
i got a snowflake chain, tinsel stuff, donut, squirrel, fox, rabbit, llama
kawaii desu yo~
its all im buying for this year but they were all £2 or under
