Evening~
Man I have just been yoga and Karen wrecked us
so much for "its a slow session today of core and legs"
slow my arse!! jesus that woman is obsessed
you know the lesson is gonna be good when she comes to me
at the start telling me to go slow and that shes keeping an eye on me
anyway last night
I woke up to the sound of my brother getting ready to be taken
to uni by my dad
I shouted to him "see ya"
but in the end I was laying there so long listening that I ended up
needing to get up for pain killers so I saw him off in the end
I was shattered this morning as per usual
I managed a bit of dancing this morning mainly Angerme
didnt have the energy for a dance video but I knew I had yoga anyway
went for a shower then I sat and read and didnt do much basically
i finished off a drawing I did last night which took me 20mins
surprisingly quick even if it just is an outline
I ate lunch and waited for adam to turn up from work
we sat and played pokemon and lazed round
i felt so tired and i ended up relaxing! fancy that me relaxing!
It was the first time in days ive relaxed
ive been so tense, anxious and restless
think i might have nodded off a bit on adam
poor guy deals with a lot from me XD
He told me that this weekend at his gym is "bring a friend weekend"
so basically who ever he takes gets a free pass for the day
he said that I was welcome to go swimming
i thought "great free swim!"
but it turns out hes not swimming with me...>.>
hes going to be in the gym he says
i said "why cant i go gym too?"
he said "ive banned you from the gym after last time"
ok so maybe i did end up practically passed out for 3 hours afterwards
but what right did he have to ban me >.>
so im swimming by myself which im fine with to be honest
the only trouble is that gym doesnt have cubicles to get changed in
theres like 2 and its a big gym last time i was lucky enough to get a changing room
and i was like a ninja nun there not letting anyone see me even if it meant my
clothes getting wet from the shower
adam said i could have a bath at his house when i got there so i neednt put
myself through the changing room ordeal
i will still need to get changed from the swim suit but i can manage that quick im sure
something different to do and look forward to
we've agreed to go Matlock round my birthday
and i think we are gonna book it on saturday
when i next see him
Ive been given work at a local school for next thursday and friday morning :D
I brought a new eye liner to try
its soooooo thin its brilliant and it also comes off easily
no rubbing my eyes for an hour!
tomorrow ive got the day with mummy~
Evening~~
I didn't sleep too bad last night
but I was shattered and didnt colour as my eyes were stinging
just to keep them open
This morning I got up at 9am
to find mum had cleaned all the pets out!!!! jesus what time did she get up!?
so once again I havent been able to a job I can do
she moans no one helps her but how can you when you dont get the chance!?
i was grateful i was
she went out shopping
I put on another exercise/dance video which was 20mins longer
but wasnt as good or as fun as yesterday
it was learning a dance but the woman kept stopping and talking
annoys me why cant some people just get on with it
I finished and had a shower then got ready for the day
after lunch I went up to adams i wasnt in the mood
but then i wasnt in the mood to do anything really if im honest
so going up there at least i was doing something
I got up and we went straight to were the shops and cafe was
just for a walk and wonder
we got back for a brew and talked to his dad
then we started making up a cabinet adam had ordered online
it took 90mins shockingly
but it was a bit of a surreal experience for me
DIY was taking place but there was no stress, tension, swearing, aggression
and adams dad even let me use a screw driver a lot and educated me on using one would you believe, well if you have never done these things before how do you know whats best to do
then he let me use a hammer at the end to knock a few nails in
all of it was a total experience to me
my dad has never educated me on this kinda handiwork he simply doesnt have the patience whereas adams dad didnt pressure me or anything
it was such a different experience compared to what ive been brought up with
after the cabinet completion i offered to polish it for adam cus it has dust and bits on it from making it, he simply said "it doesnt need polishing"
"its ok I will do it for you if you go and get me a polish and duster"
after a bit of arguing he went and had to ask his dad where the polish was located...
seriously!? that boy does zero cleaning -_____-
I got my way and cleaned it and whilst I was at it I cleaned his room too as it was driving me mad seeing that dust piling up, he was not a happy bunny seriously.
yeah it was a side to him I had never seen before
hes usually so calm and easy going and he was actually annoyed, grouchy and stroppy!!!
I couldnt believe it and found it funny
I left shortly after as I needed to see pets
he later on sent a txt saying he hates showing that side of himself and hes sorry
nothing to be sorry for cus jesus im far worse than he is and im constantly changing moods so what i had to deal with today was nothing compared to what he has to deal with in me
besides i need to see all the sides to him
lets me get to know him better
i was trying my best to wind him up with it all tho XD
i got home and sat with millie and alice
then maisy
had dinner and now im with Oz who is happy bunny ^^
tomorrow not sure what im doing
i know i have yoga
i might do another video in the morning
big news tho
my dearest younger brother is leaving us at 3am
hes going with his University to Tokyo
and will be back wednesday
of course i am jealous!!!
Evening~~
I didn't sleep as per usual
I couldnt get off to sleep but it wasnt pain that was the issue
it was my head, jeez my head was busy
I couldnt stop it I tried to focus on something else to focus on my breath
anything but it was relentless and in the end I got up
had a hot choc and went back to bed at 1am
from there I woke up as usual
I got up and sat with my girls
then I got ready for my first ever dance/exercise video id found online
i chose a half hour one to do, start at the deep end as usual
and i enjoyed it, i turned the volume right down on the video and had my itunes playing so it was a lil weird dancing to a different tune but i could not being doing with all the american "wooos" and "youre doing great" cheesy crap
I completed the video all the way through without stopping
i sweating but i enjoyed it
i went for a shower then and got ready to meet adam
i sat and had my lunch with pinks
I met adam at the gym and picked him up
we went to his and played pokemon
but i went so cold even with the heating on
so i was in one of adams jacket, sitting on the floor in front of a radiator and drinking hot tea
eventually blood started circulating and i perked up a bit
i stop functioning when i get too cold i literally turn off and start to sleep
i didnt want to sleep
after i warmed through rather than get cold again i went into his room were its warmer than downstairs and sat on the bed with my legs in the sheets
we talked about my birthday and just other stuff
until i set off at 5pm to go chemist on the way home for my usual medication
got home and i have not stopped being restless
ive been pacing the house i think its an anxiety thing
i have a lot on my mind it would seem and i think im worrying about sleeping tonight as well
just very messy and noisy head
not sure how to destress it all out really
ive got Oz with me to try relax me and i will do some colouring tonight
not sure whether to watch a dvd or not
I knew adam could tell there was something up with me
but i just didnt know how to express what my problems were
and as much as i want to tell mum i feel she has enough to deal with without
knowing my mentalness
i did tell adam bits but i didnt go into all of it
talking about it makes me feel less normal as no one can relate to how i am
i feel alone with it
and dont want to trouble others
tomorrow i need to clean pets out
and i would like to try another exercise video as well in the morning
then might see adam might even see tara in the evening
here are my nails this week, bunnies for Oz's birthday!
Evening~~~
I did not sleep well
back ache makes sleeping uncomfortable big style
I kept waking to turn over and get comfy
mum woke me at 7:30am because as luck would have it
I had a massage booked for 9am with Karen!!!!
thank god man
I got to hers on time and told her how much my back killed
as it now felt like it was across the whole of my back where a bra would sit
and jesus her massaging that area was painful and crunchy
god knows what i have done it could have been anything
i did feel better after my massage and she amazingly remembered i wanted to
have ago with her Angel cards like I do every time I see her in the new year
last year predictions were spot on as were the year before
so this year my 3 cards were
Joy, which was to make sure i keep doing what I enjoy and love which will bring me happiness and i will be happy for others
One about past males, basically all the hurt I hold on to from past and present experiences and relationships with my dad has got to be let go and I need to move on its not my burden to carry its his i can fix myself and i dont need to worry about him. by doing so my relationship with adam should improve and strengthen - this card freaked me out how much it hit home
finally one about letting go, that i have to let my torment and hurt go and move on and to be happy i will achieve what i want to if i continue and be positive
so amazing cards and looks like its gonna be a good year :D
i imagine all the dad stuff and my burdens will be fixed when i start my psychotherapy
I got home and sat with a face pack on whilst I had my morning brew
I went for a shower
sat for a bit and went to bed
I put my girlies out for a trot outside they appreciated
and I went for a 20 minute walk
I got home and rang up the psychology department as im fed up of waiting quite frankly
and they said the guy who is gonna treat will ring back and he did
he gave me an appt of 23rd January
finally and appointment!!!
I emailed the agencies to let them know when i can work
I was in a bit of a bad mood this afternoon from 4pm
i had back pain flaring up, stomach pain for some reason and i didnt know what I felt like doing and all in all i became a little bit grouchy shall we say
yeah i bit mums and adam's head off -_____- I have since apologised
jeez im like the devil sometimes
I made my own dinner tonight i made pasta
and had some Oz cake afterwards
Oz enjoyed having his girls outside today
not sure what to do tonight i will do some colouring i know that much
but not sure whether to try a bit of dancing or do some drawing or watch DVD
unsure really I want to dance but unsure if thats gonna help my back or worsen it /:
i dont know much about back pain.
tomorrow might see adam
didnt see him today and probably good job given my mood and pain
Oh I got these in the post
Eye cream to try get rid of dark circles
and my new Etude House Eye shadows!!! I loved the 'wine party' one I had and seeing 'juice bar's colour I just really wanted a go, I'd love to have the 'sakura' one too but i know thats being greedy so i wont buy it....yet XD I have been dying to have ago with it since i got it last week but i keep sweating so much so theres no point in doing nice make-up for it just to become a mess and feel horrible and sweaty on my skin
Today I got up at 10:30am
can you believe that!? 10:30am!!!
Thats my morning gone!
I made a fuss of Ozwald and gave him his birthday present of banana flavoured popcorn
he loved it
Then I spent most of my morning making him a cake
Would you believe he actually loved the cake he wouldnt stop eating it! including the chocolate icing!!! he has such a sweet tooth but its his birthday
During the icing of the cake my back went
this isnt a normal thing for me, bones coming out of joint is a normal occurrence for me but for it to do it in my back is a new one
i cant tell you the pain i was in
in the end mum cracked my back by applying pressure to my back whilst i laid down
it cracked 3 times with one go
i felt better but it felt like it had shifted to the muscle next to it
she left with dad and i was home alone
and it went again
so i grabbed Oz and went to adams where he cracked my back a different way
it was a relief as i killed to drive there but once again the pain felt like it had shifted
I let Oz play round and he got loads of fuss
and my back went again i came home and mum had another go but it was adam who cracked it
I took 3 different pain killers, stretched and i did feel a lil better
we went to his house and walked up to the bar where his parents waited for us
i had a hot choc then we walked back to his i painted his mum's nails
i did a dog design for year of the dog
she loved them
i sat with adam
we had dinner
i sat and talked with them all then came home to share my cake with Oz
He's such a lovely little boy he truly is
and im so happy he's so socialable and happy
he loves his girls and everyone
i have fallen in love with him and i do hope and pray that
this is just one of many birthdays for him
as i currently write this he is laying down, feet out to the side beside my knees
as im on my knees typing this XD
Evening~~
I went to bed at 10:30pm which is late for me
but I was enjoying painting my nails in front of the TV
I couldnt sleep so by 12am I got up and had cereal, hot choc, painkillers
my brother talked to me for a lil bit
then I went to bed at 12:30am
I fell asleep only to have a nightmare so I was sweaty and panting
then fell asleep to wake up at 6am -______-
cant i just friggin sleep!?
mum woke me at 8:30am like I had asked her to
I got up and got ready for hair cut and city centre
I was a bit early for my hair cut but wasnt kept waiting ^^
she shaved me nicely my fringe is really quite short tho >< but it will grow
I just feel a lil naked having it so short
nothing to hide behind
I finished up happy with my hair cut and then waited in my car for adam to turn up
we headed to the city centre
We went round a few shops then went for lunch in a pub
I had jacker potato and baked beans which adam had treated me too
he had also brought my new pokemon joggers and a new plushie of Espeon!!
I said I was undeserving of these things but he insisted I was deserving and he wanted to gift me and treat me but I dont cope well with being gifted with things i prefer to earn what I receive
but cant complain as he wants to do this for me
but what can I do in return?
So from shopping I picked up two graphic t-shirts for £15 instead of £40
Socks for mums birthday
a scarf for mum's birthday reduced to £2
a hat with cat ears for me reduced to £2 and each choker was £2 as well
a yoga exercise wheel I have never ever seen before i picked it up for mum's birthday that was £20 I hope its worth the money cus that aint cheap
that was it really
We came home to mine around 2:20pm
I put the girls out and brought Oz in for fuss
I put my stuff away and sat with adam and had a brew
we played pokemon then til 5:15pm then at 5:30pm after Id cuddled and annoyed him
i took him home~
Since then I havent done much really
I had a shower this morning and I dont want to shower again tonight so i dont wash all my hair dye out but also because i know i will sweat in the night so i will only want a shower in the morning any way its getting annoying past few days i cant control my temperature
i laid on my bedroom floor today roasting honestly my cheeks were glowing i could feel them
i said "im hot"
adam said "hot and sexy"
I pulled a face "im hot"
he said "take your clothes off then"
do guys ever get their heads out the gutter XD I just laughed
Tomorrow is my little Ozwald's Birthday
so im gonna give him some of the banana popcorn ive brought him
im gonna bake a cake in the shape of a rabbit then he can sample it himself as well
take a photo of him maybe
then after lunch he's going to play up at adam's house
so it will be a nice day for Oz
cant believe he's gonna be one already!
Evening~~
My night wasn't too bad
I did get some sleep
My morning I could not control my temperature and I knew
I had been sweating in my sleep
but I was getting really frustrated that I kept sweating
until in the end I gave in and showered
I knew I was going acupuncture and would be self conscious in case
I smelt or something
It was bloody raining AGAIN!!
I am so sick of this weather
its ether windy rainy or both
dad said I should be happy that it isnt freezing like how its suppose
to be this time of year
so after having rain none stop today we have a freezing night!
so we've had it all now!
I went to Nigel's for acupuncture
all I can say is poor guy
I went over so grouchy I knew I wouldnt be able to hold back my tongue
but upon entering he had got his daughter's dog
that was tiny seriously it was small like Oz size and that instantly changed my mood
and I was more easy going
but going for the needles I curled into a ball when I got on the table
he told me where he was gonna put needles
and they were going in the places I HATE as they proper hurt
but he says they are for pain
pain for pain huh
it was 4 needles basically
I said "is there an alternative?"
he said "its 4 seconds of pain"
i said "so no alternative then?"
he said "well I havent thought of one but usually I can use up to 30 needles for pain"
I said "so why am I moaning about 4 then!? lets do this"
and I did do it and I said
"so I get away with not having any in the stomach?"
"do you want any in your stomach?"
"I reckon I can handle one"
"just one then?"
he put it in and then went to get another
I said "hey youre getting carried away now!"
but I was fine I just hate it going and I know he finds me amusing
heck most people find me amusing for one reason or another
I got home and had a brew
then went out to pets and home with mum for guinea stuff
then we came home and mum dyed my hair for me
I am a dark ginger thats the best way to describe it
i like it tho and so does mum
then I had Oz in my room who was very giddy like he was last night
Tomorrow I have got my first hair cut of 2018
I am looking forward to it thats at 10:30am
originally I had said to adam to meet me there for when I finish and
I will take us city centre and I can pick up a birthday present for mum
that was until it got freezing tonight and I hadnt seen the weather for the morning
its set to be a cold day
so I am now unsure what to do :/
on one hand I feel its something to do to go into the city
but then I think i am not desperate to go and why should I go to just freeze my butt off
then again what else would I do tomorrow?
so im not sure what to do really as if we dont go I dont know what we'd do instead
he hasnt got work this saturday so we potentially have the whole day together
the weather has nothing but peed me off lately
i will talk to adam about it
I thought Id take a few photos of the changes I have made to my room
it looks very much like an otaku room wouldnt you say XD
