Oha~~
I slept not too bad last night
I did drink that new sleep tea which tasted like how i imagine cat pee would~
rank truly rank
but maybe it helped? who knows but I will be putting it to the test again tonight
ugh not a pleasant thought
Last night I sat with Oz in the living room with tv off and I just sat reading whilst
he made himself at home on my knee
only when I felt him twitching did I realised that he had dropped off to sleep!
I have had bunnies go to sleep NEAR me but never ON me
it was so unbelievably sweet I didnt want to breathe in case I woke him!
bless him so sweet and trusting
I got up at 7:30am
I had stuff to do man~
I got pinks out and released oz into a very wet garden
I let pinks have her trot and put her home
I got maisy out and got my first licks from her!!! I couldnt believe it I got licks!!
maisy had her trot whilst I had a shower and got ready for hair cut
I put her away and went for my hair cut
feels good to be trimmed i must say
I got back home and i got millie & alice out
cleaned them out and sat with them and went up to adams house
we walked straight to the shop to get lunch
i came back and talked to him and his parents telling them all about going mcdonalds at 1am
they were surprised but they always all laugh when im telling them about my week
i like making others laugh
we had lunch then sat and talked about anything we want to do this week
we both put money in out 'holiday fund' pot reaching i believe £605
more than enough for a holiday i reckon
i went home as i needed to do pets and he was going to work earlier
i put my girls outside and Oz came to watch over them
i found it very hard to motivate myself my body to do anything
its like a lead weight, ive even had 3 brews today to try stay awake
in the end i decided to start working on the card im making for adam
not that im far with it i got distracted by music
im hoping i have enough strength to dance tonight
normally when i watch live videos or PVs i get pumped up to do something
idols motivate and inspire me
me and adam talked about the pub quiz on monday
and he feels he knows a few topics whereas i know nothing
literally i know nothing
i suck at maths and english
i dont do history
dont know any english music
dont do sport
dont watch films or tv
so what do i know?
im gonna be next to useless at a pub quiz XD
i will just take a doodle book with me
I finished this the other day
a random bat i thought of
i liked it enough and gave it a background and now its the background for my ipod touch
tomorrow is mummy's day!
shes coming home thank god
my brother brought flowers today and ive arranged them for when she get back
ive got to have a tidy up of the house in the morning
see mummy and see adam at some point
Evening all~~
I went to bed at 9:45pm
and I did eventually drop off to sleep
I woke up at midnight tho
came downstairs and got some cereal and pain killers
no longer giving a crap about it all
10mins later i heard a car pull up and its my brother getting out of a taxi
he'd been drinking with his friends
and hadnt eaten since 3pm and had had quite a bit to drink
he was craving a mcdonalds to 'soak it up'
i told him id be up for another hour at least so if he wants to go
i will take him
thats what we did, 1am I was getting my coat on in my pajamas and got in
my car and took my brother to a deserted mcdonalds
like no one there at all
it felt quite strange almost like i was in a dream
in truth i was just grateful of the company as im finding the nights very difficult
my brother was very very grateful tho and ordered 3 burgers
he ate them downstairs whilst i had made myself a hot chocolate
then i wondered off to bed to try it all again
i did sleep a bit from there but woke up at 5 i went to bed at like 2
i just dont sleep long enough
i was dead when i got up at 7am
mum and dad have gone to derbyshire
i left for school
which went just fine as soon as the 9 year old boy got into school
he was so hard work but he did calm down and work with me
i was grateful as i was shattered
i finished at 12 without any issues
i came home and put my girlies out
and made myself some lunch
i then washed my car as the snowy roads from last week had made my car look brown not red
i kept shifting thie guineas round so they all got a turn outside
i wrapped mum's presents up for mother's day on sunday
i went on my laptop for a lil bit and did some dancing then showered
made myself some dinner and then went to TK MAXX and B&M bargains
mum had informed me that B&M had got bunny bed sheets in and i knew they had to be brought
so i wen tot get some whilst they were still there, only £9.99! thats really good for bed sheets actually dont know what the quality is like but they look cute
i like easter time as the shops are filled with bunny styled things
i went into TK and i brought a A3 sketch book for £4.99 which was amazing value, sleep tea - a different brand to try which im gonna try tonight for £1.49, and then a canvas to paint for £3
so i didnt break the bank
i needed A3 card anyway, and i knew if i brought just one sheet i was looking at at least £1 so ive got 32 pages for £4.99 the sketch pad will get used eventually. but i dont work with A3 as much as i used to i just want to start making the anniversary card for adam :D
I got home and unpacked and got into pajamas
gonna sit with my lad now
tomorrow I have got hair cut at 9:30am
so ive gotta get up and get pinks out, shower, put pinks home and go for my hair cut. come home get millie & alice out then clean their cage, sit with them, get maisy out and let her have a trot then sit with her. then im going to adams for lunch, coming home and starting sow shifts once again
im not having as long as i usually do at adams cus ive got pigs to sort
i ache a lot
and im restless like i have been the past few days
ive been pushing myself so much to try and tire my mind and body out that i sometimes feel a bit light headed, fainty but gotta keep going
i got these in the post...
what are they?...
cute cute cute ear muffs!! with cat ears!!!
i had no idea they folded up and i was well happy that they did!!! i love em!!! £2.40 bargain!
Evening~
I had another bad night
literally pain sank in at 9:50pm
I had ages to wait til I could go downstairs!
It was torture laying there waiting til everyone had gone to bed at 11:15pm
hate my life
I felt like crying I just couldnt get relief
I was on my bedroom floor stretching out as I was just in agony
my skin is healing tho! Im making a real effort not to scratch myself
I scratch out of habit as I do it to focus on that new pain instead of my daily
agony pain. I would never go as far as self harm
i mean yes sometimes i do scratch til i draw blood but its never much
not compared to cutting myself
i tend to freak when i bleed. when others bleed im fine but not when i bleed
which means im guaranteed to not self harm
i have thought about it one or two times but yeah then i remember blood
and i forget it XD
i did get to sleep at 1ish and got up at 8:30am
I had an easy morning i didnt do a great deal
I did get this in the post, its new from ebay for £7 complete bargain
i mean its a few sizes too big but sometimes i want big baggy and loose
cute huh and has cat ears, neko mimi!
I got ready to go to Nigels
i was fine about going
he gave me my second treatment of bowen massage
hurt more this time round as hes on his second practice XD
so he can get his thumb and finger in deeper jesus it hurt in my neck
not much meat on a neck well not on mine anyway
he said the pain shouldnt be as bad as it was after my first session
and it turns out it isnt
afterwards i went home and had lunch with mum
then we went to a few shops just to pick up odds and sods really
we called into a pub for a hot chocolate which was nice
then we came home
i went and worked on her mother's day gift and i got all the machine
sewing i needed to get done
just got the hand sewing to do and its done!
we went to yoga
and we were separate from one another i was at the front next to karen
ugh i was not looking forward to it as she seemed too pleased to have me that close
but it turns out when im not next to mum im more focused and i did really well actually
it was slower this week but still i did do really well and im pleased with that
i said to mum i might go at the front by myself next week and see what happens
i liked that focus
and the yoga has helped eased the pain caused from nigel's massage
ive been called up by the agency with work
had so much work as of late which im totally grateful for
its just bloody hard with pain and not sleeping
tomorrow mummy and daddy go away T^T
i will miss them well i will miss mum anyway
they come back sunday
just going derbyshire
so i have work in the morning til lunchtime so i wont get to see mummy much
before she sets off but i will be fine
so just work tomorrow then anything else i wanna do
Good Evening~
I slept pretty well
I still woke up and stuff but I wasnt getting up or laying in pain
maybe the bath helped or taking these new calms tablets mum brought
who knows but im taking the tablets again tonight
I got up for school at 7am and had plenty of time to get ready
i didnt bother with mum make up as my face is still recovering
it looks a state makes me feel like crap
school was good
local school - adams old primary school
staff we lovely and the kids were pretty good
i had to do a lot so i was exhausted
but the teacher walked me to reception at the end of my shift and
told the receptionist to keep my details as theyd like me back ^^
makes me feel like I can do my job ^^
I went and met adam for lunch at the pub that practically faces the school
i had some vegetable thing wasnt that great or filling
i paid for lunch seeing as ive been paid and i ow adam like a million times
we came to my house to which mum said that Oz hasnt eaten
i informed her that last night i gave him new rabbit food - a new brand
he likes every other food i give him even the guinea food
but he doesnt seem to want this
and mum said he was desperate, even more so, for treats this morning
and savaged her plants as he was hungry from not eating from last night
so i said to adam we'd go get him some food i know he likes
it was a trip to pets at home and i stocked up on bags seeing as i had muscles with me
we went for a quick walk by the river
then came home and i grabbed Oz and locked him up with his new food
so he would actually eat something, not good for bunnies to stop eating
thank god he'd been eating little bits here and there of other stuff
so yes my fussy little bunny
didnt want his new food!
im gonna pass it on to tara i know her bunnies will eat it no doubt
never known Oz to be picky
i fell asleep on my carpet last night and he jumped on my leg and woke me ><
after the walk we sat down with my girls as alice has a real thing for adam XD
then we took Oz upstairs as i was falling asleep and i felt grubby from sweating
all day and being in a primary school
but i felt bad for adam having to wait but he insisted i had a shower
so i did and it did wake me up for a lil while
then i was nodding off on the sofa to the point where i did nod off for 10 mins mum and adam said to me, i must have left my DS on as when i came to later i hadnt a clue what had happened as id missed the cut scene -_____-
i was so tired so i took adam home at 5pm
i feel bad for him when im like when im not normal
but he assures me he understands, hes used to and he loves me and not to worry :)
he puts up with a lot
since then i havent done a lot really as i am worn out
i have nigel tomorrow for more Bowen Massage
see how i cope this time as last time i was in agony
and i have yoga as last week was cancelled due to snow
suppose to be having more snow
but i will believe it when i see it kinda thing
Konbanwa~~
Last night I did nod off and woke up at 12:30
then fell asleep and woke up at 2:30am and i had to get up
I ached far too much to drift back off to sleep
I came back to bed at 4am
I had been playing Okamiden for a whole hour X3
I woke up at 7:30am tired as usual
I mainly did sewing in the morning as I gotta get it done
I put anime on whilst I was sewing away
I txted adam to see what we were doing today
he just wanted to have a brew and walk to the shops
i didnt mind as it saved me thinking of what to do
I picked his butt up from the gym and we went to his house
for a brew and he went to shower
he offered for me to have a bath and i took him up on it as no one was home anyway
it was a real luxury honestly
i miss hot baths on my muscles
we walked up to the shops and i had pineapple juice in a cafe and he had some chips
we walked round charity shops and i picked up 2 pairs of tights nothing special
we walked back to his house and had a play fight or two on his bed
i couldnt stop sweating and having goosebumps its not nice
ive had bits of paper work to file and sort out which has been dull
but its almost done
ive got work tomorrow morning at adams old primary school
then ive got work on friday morning which i should have had last friday
but it was cancelled due to snow
its nice to just work mornings ^^
so tomorrow its work
then seeing as the gym adam will be at is a 1 minute walk from there
we said we'd meet up and have lunch
then not sure after that
Ive been drawing this week
and i made this little critter up at 11pm
drew him in pencil then been drawing him up digitally
Evening
Im currently on 4 hours sleep
so tired....
I had yet another bad night
seriously it is relentless as of late
I played Okamiden going to bed and I defeated the boss I had sulked about
and I felt my pain coming on
there was no way id be able to sleep
so as soon as my dad came to bed I went downstairs
i did some stretching and had a hot chocolate
but didnt take any pain killers i felt pretty ok
and at 12:30am my brother came home holding a mcdonalds in his hand
he'd been over at a friends and had a couple of drinks
i didnt want to talk and wake myself up really
i came to bed at 1am and tried to for sleep
but at 2am i decided it just aint happening and i need pain killers
and i had cereal too
by 3:30am I was back in bed and fell asleep around 4ish
I woke up at 8:30am it was weird how last night ended up being very
similar to friday night
I had an easy morning of pet sitting
and then went for my pain clinic appt
i talked with a woman about my health and which therapy group id like to join
eventually we decided that the leisure group was more my thing
but it means waiting for the help like it always does
so im left alone for a few months
but it sounds good
over 6 weeks i go to sessions once a week for gym sessions and talking workshops
about how to manage pain
hopefully its worth waiting for
she told me that its a good job im trying to come off my pain killers as in the long run they have an effect in other ways on people's health which i wasnt told about but she said its the research thats happening now as the type of pain killer im on was only prescribed to people who were on death's bed so they could never see the long term effects. these days they do prescribe to people who arent going to die so they can research the damage really
i cant get off these quick enough
im a bit fed as of late
i mean every night going to bed in agony is depressing in its self
but its making me not being able to look to the future
adam and myself want to go away this year but all i can think about is how
shattered im gonna be or how much pain i will be in.
i scratch myself (my face shoulders and neck and tops of arms) when im in pain or stressed out with anxiety and cus its all been bad lately my face and skin is a state
literally i look awful and its so sore
ive worn away the skin round my bottom lip and that hurts
my eye lids are purply red were ive worn the skin away from rubbing them so much
the skin is like scaly on them so make up is outta the questions
ive got loads of red lumps on my face and everywhere i scratch
its more discomfort to put up with
im just a bit low with it all
so not only do i feel like crap i look like it also
god i cant even face tonight
i was suppose to go taras tonight but i felt like death and didnt
she was ok with it all
today i did go on my bike for the first time this year which felt
good but it was exhausting
i came back and had a brew anyway XD
mum wants a new ipod case making so i started that and cut out what must be 100 1" squares which i have now got to sew, i dont know why i give myself such tricky work to do!
tomorrow not sure whats happening i guess it depends on how dead i am
adam said that he and his parents thought i looked poorly yesterday
great
i want to go swimming but i will see
wednesday ive got work just for the morning at a local school i havent been to but it was adams old primary school! weird huh
im glad i am getting seen to by professionals this year but just everything is so slow
I got some face cream in the post today to try~
Yatcha~~
I slept pretty damn well
sleeping tablet was enough to sedate me but I still woke up
to literally turn over then went back to sleep
so it was good to not being laying in pain alone wondering when sleep will happen
This morning I got up and felt off but I kinda just
put it down to sleeping tablet and new antidepressant
I didn't do much all morning I have no idea where the morning even went to
i know 50 mins of it was spent on the phone to mia
talking about how we both have just got an invite from helina for her wedding this may
considering she booked it 18 months ago and were getting an invite less than 2 months away
we kinda feel like she feels she has to invite us
and we're only invited to the reception party
i havent seen her since april
cant say im fussed on going but seeing as the invite was to my family
dad seems to think it will be rude if we dont show for an hour
on the other side of town on a thursday night...
cheaper that way she says -______-
anyway i ate lunch then seeing as nether me or adam had made any
decisions on the day i got my pets out
i took millie and alice on my bed
to which i fell asleep...
i dont usually fall asleep with my pets
and i woke up i noticed the girls were missing
and worked out mum must have found them
turns out she had walked in and found me but i had responded! and alice even licked my face, mum thought i was awake but i dont remember any of that! strange
and i was very very annoyed i had slept in the day
i was trying not to sleep
but seems i didnt have a choice i just literally went
poor minni and alice
I had awoke to the sound of my phone ringing
adam had rang me as it 2:30 and we hadnt met up or talked about the day
i just mumbled out that i would get out of my pajamas and come up
but when i got up i felt just poorly really
and i was grumbling and moaning round my room
til my mum heard me and i had a rant at her about feeling off and having no strength or energy and my head was totally out of it i didnt feel well enough to drive
so she motivated me this talk took half hour XD
i got dressed and she and dad dropped me off at adams
i just felt dead
i didnt stay for dinner cus i was being picked up by dad at 5:45pm
so i didnt get long with adam but it was long enough as i was wiped out just from sitting around
since then i have battled finishing my dinner
and im just with an excitable bunny
but i feel like total crap
not sure if this is medication but the virus mum has been suffering with this week
shes been off work and just not well and she seems to think thats whats going off
i hope bloody not
sick of poor health
god knows how my night will go
jesus im dreading it which is why i didnt want to sleep today
tomorrow i have pain clinic at 11am then nothing all day
and seeing tara in the evening~
