Danced on Whats App

Konbanwa

Couldnt be arsed to start the day
it had taken me close to midnight to drift off
i felt stressed about the teaching assistant position and my dad
dad can usually stress anyone out
and jobs and money are prime topics for him
when id been on the phone to mum yesterday
he was chipping in, in the background
so when I woke up at 7:20am i just couldnt face it
and stayed in bed a whole 5 mins! XD

I did start my day
did a bit of dancing
my collar bone really hurts im getting pain up my neck to my ear from it and down my arm
must be a good muscle to create that much pain
then i went for a shower

i went out to the shops as we had no sugar
i looked round charity shops as well
but nothing good 
then came home
sorted washing out
ended up washing my brother's headphones he'd left inside a shirt
so yeah he was ok about it as it wasnt my fault
he should have taken them out 

i had some lunch in front of my laptop
then i went for a 45min walk which was alright

i did some dancing and Ed was messaging me on whats app
he asked if he could watch me practice my dancing
so thats what i did!
felt so weird and nervous showing someone my practice
as i havent even finished or perfected the dances!
but he said i did well and impressed i can remember all the moves
felt weird tho having someone there but not
video calls are strange things XD

adam txted me
felt like he was saying things to try and upset me
it was along the lines of that whilst we are away people will see me in a bikini
yes im aware of this which is why i havent brought a revealing bikini
he said "people will stare and try touch you and put their arms around you"
i said "no they wont, wont you help?"
he said "i will if they get too grabby but its different now im not your boyfriend"
so i said "thanks like i dont have enough to worry about and enough anxiety and now youre telling me stuff like that and that you wont be much help. why you telling me these things?"
he said "just to prepare you, for your sake i hope it doesnt happen"
i refused to txt him back
i felt quite sick
i was tempted to ring my brother who has been greece this year, and ask him if this behaviour does in fact happen. but i told myself i would wait til he got home
Ed message me so i thought id tell him what adam said
he said "if it actually happened youd hear about it, the most you will get is stares. you will be fine dont worry about it"
did make me feel a lil better
i havent text adam back cus that was totally not needed
and im surprised he said that
he knows i dont feel comfortable around men
what did he think i was gonna do? take him back just so hes my boyfriend on holiday?
like hes trying to get back at  me or something
who knows

i made myself some dinner which wasnt good really
did some yoga in front of a dvd
my brother came home so i told him my concerns and he said
that doesnt happen when youre away and if it does you just knee em in the balls
he says the sooner i ditch adam the better
he says even tho ive told adam im not leading him on that my relationship with him is weird and cant last. i told him what i keep telling everyone else
i have a holiday to go on, i dont want it to be hard work so im being nice now for the sake of the holiday, when i come back off holiday i will be starting my new job and wont see him as i wont have time anyway.

today has been very very slow if im honest
ive been in one of those moods were i wouldnt mind doing something
but i dont know what i feel like doing
i did do some japanese today as i didnt do any yesterday
too fried
oh i did the ironing as well today

tomorrow mum and dad return
cant wait to see mum i feel like i need the reassurance of her presence some how
need a hug and catch up with her
just seeing her will make me feel better im sure
they should be home around 3 - 4pm
im gonna clean up
and make some cookies too in case they want anything to snack on when they come in
maybe see mia at some point
but she hasnt txt me back 

not sure how well i have coped with my parents being away for a week
ive eaten less knowing i can get away with it
mentally ive struggled as i feel like ive tuned into any interaction i can get
so ive been very in tune to my other half
its been so loud like having another person in the room
just because i have no company
shows i couldnt live by myself right now
god knows what would be left of me
some anorexic schizo 

A big chance! Offered an actual Teaching Assistant job!

Evening

ahh it was nice to wake up at 7:30 and lay in til 7:40 XD
honestly it did make a change
but id had enough of just laying there so I got up
dont do lay ins its something i seem to suck at XD

I got ready this morning for my interview
and interview i really wasnt in the mood for!
usually i have mum there wishing me luck

I set off and allowed plenty of time
i got to the school and it looked alright really
i was told to wait in reception and watched all the students
come in from play 
i got plenty of stares XD

The head teacher called me through
it started to feel real then 
in the room interviewing me was the head teacher who was lovely
and 2 governors who were quite elderly but nice enough actually
they told me to relax as they understand how i feel as theyve sat
in the hot seat at some point themselves
i had a total of 9 questions
questions that we easy if im honest
i sold myself best i could
im so used to interviews now that my confidence has grown 
i know it has
i was only in there 20 mins!
they said id know at some point today

i drove home feeling a lil drained
i got in to an empty house
and decided to clean my girls out, i bathed them as well actually
as they stunk and it did quite warm today
really nice day actually and the pigs dried

with in the hour of me finishing my interview
i had a phone call
it was the head teacher, saying she was very impressed with my interview
and would like to offer me the job...
sorry wait im gonna write that again
OFFER ME A JOB!
i couldnt believe i got in
it wasnt a job i was dead hopeful for but my god im so desperate to work ill take just about anything at this point! i told her thank you so many times
she said someone would ring later to confirm when i could come in to sort documents out

i rang my mum
as thats what any normal reaction is isnt it
ring your mum XD
she was pleased for me ^^

i went for a massive walk in the sun as i hadnt done any exercise yet
it was nice but exhausting as it was long
i got back and had a sit with a book
then i went on my laptop but found it boring so i cross stitched but found that boring too
im just too tired and drained to think or know what i want to do
i had a brew hoping the caffeine would help me

i got a phone call from centre parcs asking me my shoe size
and confirming when im coming for training
i didnt mention my TA job

later on the school rang 
and i found out a bit more information on the job
its monday to friday
8:30 - 4pm
id start 5th November
and to come in on 16th October to sign paperwork

i panicked a lil bit because
5th november is when im suppose to have training at centre parcs
also when could i even do the elf job? weekends?
it looks like im gonna have to let that elf job go
i can see thats the outcome
i mean my god am i grateful for a TA position its just annoying
im missing out on something i really wanted to try
i rang my mum again and told her about this
she said dont say anything to centre parcs yet, sign the paper work at school first
shes right, its just hard dealing with this stuff as i havent been in this position before
and i have had no one around me to talk to

i went on just dance 3 and enjoyed it
wasnt in the mood to do jpop dances
i needed something i didnt need to think hard about
then i made dinner as i was hungry
it was leftover from yesterday really

then i finally spoke to Ed
hes on about seeing me this weekend as he has a long weekend
due to his brother''s wedding
so yeah that would be nice if i could see him

not sure what im doing tomorrow
probably doing a few chores getting ready for mum on friday
apart from that im not sure really

i was disciplined and didnt go running club tonight
i dont think i could of even if i wanted to
after that walk and dancing and the interview and stuff
im shattered!
i will stay up to 10pm watching Task Master tho :)

Oh i took a photo of the tissue box cover i made and designed
its suppose to be eevee from pokemon 

dont think its full sunk in that i will soon have a proper job
just like all my friends
 i will feel more normal and part of society
and ill have an income!

Found Just Dance 3

Evening~~

I woke up at 7:15 feeling shattered from the run yesterday
did not want to get up
but i did
for the phone not to ring

later on the phone DID ring
but for work tomorrow morning and lunch time
i have an interview at a crappy school tomorrow at 11am
so i told the agency id do the shift and re-arrange my interview
rang the school up, the interview was not changable
so i rang my mum
always resort to ringing mum when i feel im not capable of making
the right choice
work for £40 or go for an interview at a school i dont particularly
want to work at
she said to do the work
so i went to go ring the school up but i had an incoming call whilst
on the phone to mum
it was the agency, the school that wanted me now doesnt
he wanted to ring quick so i didnt cancel my interview
so all that stress for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i rang the school to say i was still coming


anyway i did a bit of dancing to get rid of the sheer annoyance i felt towards the human race, ended up pulling a muscle
over my collar bone it bloody hurts it truly does
but its nothing i cant deal with really

i went and had a shower
did some house chores then went to the city centre by myself
i was so fast getting there too!
i went to CEX to check for Just Dance 3 I've been after
found it! £5 which is good
they had number 4 but I didnt want to spend all  my money on games
then i headed for TK MAXX to try for a sports bra
and found one I liked for £12
happy with it actually as i didnt think id appreciate wearing a sports bra
but its comfy and will hopefully prevent me from getting Spaniel''s ears XD
i went further into the centre and came across a tea cafe ive wanted to try
for a while now and i saw it and thought "what the heck"
i was the only person apart from two woman in it so it was lovely and quite
proper tea too with sugar cubes and cute tea set
loved it
i took a photo somewhere
then i went to a retro game shop facing it, its new
so much stuff!!!! and theyre still setting up
i brought 2 manga for £2 each ive seen them for £9 before
then a Vans hat for my brother for £4

then i went to get the bus home
were this woman, 58, would not stop talking to me!
literally from waiting for the bus to getting off the bus
she did not stop! like she knew me
dead weird as not many folk are like that now days
quite cynical too i couldnt help but take a bit of a liking to her

i came home and had a bit of lunch which was just fruit
being careful what i eat today as my stomach is fragile
i did weigh my self this morning tho
8 stone 13 pounds!
back in the 8 stone boundary
but only just so more work is needed!

i went for a short walk i had no energy to go for my usual walk
then i came back and went to chiropractor 
she is surprised at how much i click and my pain threshold
she is always surprised i dont wince
i just take it
i was a whole hour there as she was half hour late -___-

i came home and made myself vegetable noodles with salmon
it was alright and i will be eating the same tomorrow XD
then I came upstairs and did some drawing id tried to do all day 
but one thing and another pulled me away

might do japanese or play just dance
see how i feel about it all
i feel mentally drained so im unsure about japanese
i might still try tho

tomorrow i have an interview at this school at 11am
not really looking forward to it
but it seems easy for a teaching assistant interview 
so what the heck really
not sure after that what i will do  

at 3:30am it takes the pee

Evening~~

ahhhh tired

i went to bed at 9:15pm I was shattered!
I woke up at 3:30am with awful stomach ache
i had to dispel what felt like my entire stomach contents down the toilet
i felt so bad i thought i was gonna be sick as well but i wasnt 
just awful, and why at that time of day!?
i laid in bed til 6:30am unable to sleep due to it feeling like i had been
kicked repeatedly in the stomach
couldnt get comfy at all
i fell asleep around 6:30am then woke up at 7:15
what the point of those 45 mins were i dont know
i got to start my day
i was so damn tired but thought id start it just in case the phone rang
it didnt
by 9am i was back in bed and had just under an hour's kip
as i couldnt face the day feeling THAT rough

i got showered and dressed and went out with my brother
we dropped something off at the dry cleaners for mum
then we went food shopping 
that wasnt too bad actually 
and from leaving the house to leaving the super market we were exactly 30 mins
so we did do well
i came back and  unpacked

i went on my laptop and made a few work related phone calls
then i couldnt be bothered but i did a little bit of dancing
i ate some fruit and went for a 45min walk
i came back and went on my laptop

adam came over around 2:45pm
we sat and drank tea, saw Oz and caught up really
apparently his mum has spoken to his dad and his dad is a lil bit better with me now
honestly
not in a rush to go over and see him tho
i got changed and did some yoga stretches
then drove onto the running club, dropping adam off on the way

i could not be arsed
my joints hurt
i hurt
i was tired and i hadnt eaten much as my stomach has been off all sodding day
but i went
god knows why i went
i got into the 3mile group
and i was at the frontish of the group as some people are just too slow
we got to a certain point then this guy leading us just ran off saying  
"im running off home now, turn round when you want"
thanks
so this one and only other woman i had been following said 
"we will keep going til it says 1.5miles on my phone then back track"
she was so quick tho so i was running in the dark streets by myself effectively
i got back and she said "that was 28 mins"
i had ran too quick trying to keep up with her
my joints hurt
thank god im going chiropractor tomorrow
i dont think i should go running club on wednesday
i think i need to rest up a bit

i came home and microwaved my leftover dinner
sat at it and had a long hot shower
then rang my brother to say i was ok and stuff

ive wanted to do some drawing today but ran out of time
so id like to do that tomorrow if i can
the only thing i have on tomorrow is chiropractor at 4:30pm
i hope i have school but i doubt it

mia says shes brought trainers and that shes a bit sore from running
bless her
wonder if she will continue it 

Mia actually went running!

Evening~

I fell asleep so fast last night
shattered
I watched the 4th episode of Killing Eve it was good actually
and nice I could watch it in the peace and quiet

I woke up at 7:15 cus i knew mia was on about going for a run
between 7 and 8am 
so i havent had a single lay in til 8am all week
ive ether been awake at 7 or earlier T^T
i texted her but didnt hear from her til 8:20am
i was waiting round wanting to know what i was doing
as i wanted breakfast as i had taken my medication 
she said she'd be there just before 9am
then she txt me "rob is coming also"
ok...
shes been wanting someone to go running with for ages
but people bailed on her
the day she has someone to go with and her boyfriend decides he will go?
strange
but yeah he turned up and i dont have an issue with it its more i just couldnt understand it
but anyway he didnt run with us he went tanking off
he used to run but like mia he hasnt done any fitness in a long time

so i let mia set the pace
but i think pacing is something shes got to work at
as literally it was all or nothing
she ran not jogged she ran then walked 
but didnt get an awful lot of running done but thats fine
she said shes unfit
she was out of breath whereas i wasnt really
we did a loop round me so its very hilly anyway

we ran to the shop as she wanted milk and cereal XD
and because her sister lives facing said shop
we called in as its her sister's boyfriend who kept bailing out on running with her
she wanted to prove she was able to do it i guess
saw her little nephew with his cousin, never met his cousin before
two little 5 year olds at 9:30am who acted like theyd had a sugar rush
mental

speaking of children a friend of a family had an emergency C section last
night and her little boy, born the day before his uncle''s birthday would you believe

anyway so we walked home
my joints hurt as id thrashed them at park run and doing the jog this morning
my body was sending up flags 
i needed to back off

i went and said bye to mia and rob
then had a shower and cereal and a brew

i started the pokemon tissue box cover i designed
did that for a bit

went and recorded a dance outside
wasnt the best but felt good for actually doing it
wish my joints and muscles werent hurting as much as they were at the time
i maybe could have done better then
i want to do my AKB48 Halloween Night before i go away
i came home and uploaded it really

continued sewing til i finished it at 5pm
then went for a 40min walk
muscles hurt but i hate sitting for ages 

didnt get any cross stitching done so i might do that tomorrow
i didnt see adam as apparently he was tired
but i wasnt fussed ether way
mum has sent me videos and photos from Spain which has been nice to see
my brother was home a bit today so ive had his presence 

tomorrow i will be awake at 7am no doubt
just in case the phone does actually ring! O:
if i dont have school i might go food shopping as we're a lil low on stuff
i have running club but im not sure i will go as joints are hurting now
i feel i may need to take a day off from running
got the chiropractor on tuesday anyway

i will photograph my pokemon tissue box
might do nails tonight

New PB in the rain

Evening

I woke up at 6:30 despite setting an alarm for 7am T^T
I could hear it lashing down outside and I went to take a look outside
saw the rain and the puddles and thought "ill leave park run then"
went to bed but couldnt sleep once im up im kinda thing
at 7am I couldnt hear the rain anymore and when i looked out
it was only drizzling
so i got myself motivated to go park run
had my girls out and stuff
and by 8am it was proper raining again >.>
i thought "no come lets go mums friends said theyd see me down there"
so i drove in the rain realising there was a lot of puddles around

i pulled up at the park and i slowed my car right down
looking at the sheer amount of water everywhere
i was thinking "my feet are gonna get soaked and my trainers are quite new"
i continued on tho
pulled into the car park and there wasnt many cars there at all
i waited in my car not wanting to stay in the rain any longer than i had to
its cold these Autumn mornings too! >< 

i walked up to the start line and mums crew eventually turned up
but not all of them did, the ones who said to me "see you down there saturday"
werent there!!
how annoying is that, theres me not wanting to let the side down and they dont turn up! XD
i was getting cold and wet
and mums friends told me not to wait for them to just go home and get warm
i was happy about that

i stood there watching two kids falling out
one flicked water from his shoe to his brother
and its on that clay path so the puddles are like white clay water
the brother went to do it back but was too slow
and hit me
i got all white spots up my trousers
i said "thanks" sarcastically to this 7 year old
one of mums friends turned to me and said "whats he done?"
i said "hes just splashed all up me"
the boy's dad turned at this and said "he what!?" 
and i could hear him rolicking his child and kid crying
justice was served 
i usually get paid to deal with that crap
dealing with that crap on a weekend is just not done!

so i pegged it basically
couldnt get it done fast enough
of course you have idiots running through the puddles
i was like a ninja dodging all them hundreds of puddles
i ran and ran, pushing on
crossed the line and went straight to my car
my car instantly steamed up all the windows due from me being warm and damp
i ran the heaters and then drove out the car park, passing a few of mums friends who had yet to finish. i got home for 9:55am, usually we havent even left the park by 10 as we wait for mum's crew
i was glad to get home, whacked the heating on and had  a long hot shower followed by a brew
glad i did it i guess
put washing on and cleaned my trainers that luckily werent too bad
i told mum i went she said i did well going through all that
turns out it wasnt a wasted effort ether as i got a PB
shows the rain is a good motivator XD
i did it in 27:09! look how close that is to 26mins!
i am impressed
i was knackered tho

i had a sit down for a short while then decided to clean pigs out
the rain clearly wasnt gonna stop so i did them in the rain
i watched some anime
Natsume Yuujin chou Roku OVA and then Garo
i watched two episodes of Garo and im not sure about it if im honest
but unsure what else to watch
i sat and did cross stitch whilst watching anime
made myself salad for lunch

i walked to the shop to get a few bits for dinner tonight
and to get out really
i looked if there was any christmas presents i could be making
and there is one i want to attempt 
pokemon tissue box

i signed up to sell my art online
well its worth a shot huh
on https://www.redbubble.com
think this my page but not 100% certain XD https://www.redbubble.com/people/lunatiquedesign?asc=u
i plan to put more up soon
it was just a lot to take in at first 

i made myself 
potatos, carrots, peas and turkey steak for dinner
did 2 portions so i can have the next lot tomorrow or something

my mum is alright
she sent me photos
looks pretty
she said dad is hard work
its almost like the holiday is a chore for him not an actual holiday
i had a look at places to go to in Tenerife but its not looking like loads
so i think i might say to adam we will wing it day to day
i cant seem to plan as its not clear whats around or how to get to these places
i didnt hear from him the whole day yesterday which surprised me
i havent heard from him today ether
but its good if hes able to break away a bit
think im suppose to be seeing him tomorrow but who knows

its the 3rd or 4th episode of Killing Eve tonight
cant remember think it is the 4th 
i will be watching by myself~

tomorrow 
well tomorrow morning mia was on about coming out to try running
keeping in mind she hasnt ran in years so she thinks she will be unfit
and asked me to go with her
whether she will go or not is another matter
we can only see
then if adam does want to meet up ive told him hes welcome to come here
apart from that nothing planned

i havent done any art
just wasnt feeling creative
might cut some fabric out tonight tho

Movie Night + first day back at work

Evening~~

Yesterday evening I was over at Adam''s house
we went to have a brew and the mug his mum brought me
the one with a rabbit on it, was missing
adam said "that will be my dad"
wow how immature is his dad, like seriously?
i wasnt going out with him but he acts like i broke up with him not adam
jesus
we had a brew then started watching The Avengers 
how friggin long is that film!?
and i hated it
reminded me strongly why i dont watch films
yeah wasnt my scene
we ordered pizza and he offered to have them delivered or go walk for them
i said "i definitely need to walk for them"
god it was hard sitting there
not only aching
but with adam
he cuddled me, he kissed my head and just general closeness 
hes not making this easy on himself
i will be harder on him next time i see him as sometimes i feel he treats me
like were still together 
and we''re not

i left his house at 9pm
had a lil catch up with Oz and mum
mum seemed alright
dad was stotic as ever

i went to bed but it was gone midnight by time i drifted off
i woke at 4:30am to the sound of my parent's blaring alarm
my god was it loud!
i didnt get up i just laid there and at 5am i went to see mum
dad saw me "oh Jo''s up its like a family outing"
thats all he said to me
i saw mum then she came to me in bed before left to say bye
i heard my brother load up his car and leave with them
at 6am my brother arrived home and i could hear a paper bag rustling
i thought "bet he''s be been for a mcdonalds"
he had XD
he went to bed
i laid there still hadnt been asleep
7am came round and i thought "screw it i aint getting up theres never work anyway"
there was work
thats sods law that is
at 7:20am my phone rang for a school ive been to before
local and just til lunch time
so i had a mad rush getting out the house

i left my brother a note saying id left Oz out and that could he have the girls out
he did luckily

school went fine theyre all nice there
i was in year 5 for the first time
working with 3 special needs kids
great
not what i wanted but i was grateful for work i guess
i got it done 

came home at lunch time
my brother had gone out with his bmx crew 
i made myself lunch and then i sorted a couple of bits out
then i went for a walk 

went to Mia's at 2:30pm
we chatted for a bit really and then at 5:30pm i left
id left Oz outside i needed to check him
mia says she''d like to go running on sunday
we shall see!
i took my art book thats full of the drawings ive been doing for a year now the ones of my dreams/thoughts/images and i only spend up to half hour on
ive never shown anyone them but chose to show her
not even family has seen them
she was amazed at my art work and what id drawn
she asked questions as i told her she could
she couldnt believe i had drawn those things in such little time
i honestly thought they were rubbish! so it was good to know i could draw
but its not the art its the meaning and she said she could understand all what id drawn
strange as i felt they only meant something to me, to me and my other half
she showed me her art shes been working on, shes doing an amazing job

came home and made myself dinner
my parents have got there safely and were by the pool 
I''ve had my first day well morning back at work
ive been offered and interview for a teaching assistant job on wednesday
might as well give it a go 

gonna do some dancing tonight
my brother came in and went straight back out
eating curry with his mate

if i have time i will do japanese 
didnt do any yesterday 

tomorrow morning i have park run
all of  mums crew just said to me "see you saturday"
dont feel i had a choice in it XD
so i will motivate myself for that im sure
and clean pets out and do any other business i need to do
hopefully art work

the make up i picked up with mum last week
im yet to have a go but smells of cocoa powder!
amazing stuff, kept meaning to upload a picture