Evening~
Didn't sleep til like 3am
I hurt so much
I took a fair amount of pain relief in the night
mum woke me up at 8am
been a long time since mum woke me up actually
I got Oz in and ate my breakfast with him
then got him ready for the vets
to say I had first appointment they were running 20 mins late...
why do i even bother going to appointments on time?
the vet who saw him, never seen her before
my god she was soulless treating my Oz like a bit of meat
he was good boy but shot up at neck when she'd finished
i only just caught him
so glad i did his claws the other day otherwise id have a very good scratch i reckon
anyway hes put on 0.5kg since last year
the vet says its an acceptable weight but anymore would be classed as over weight
so ive got to watch what hes eating
i know its his pellets sometimes he just scoffs the lot
so im gonna have to limit that
he was very good having his jabs and on the whole he was fine
we came back and dropped Oz off
then we went to the shops
we stopped by a chemist and i handed over my weapons
a whole bag full of Tramadol
the pain relief I was on for years but as of this month I have been clean for a year
so i know its safe to say ive moved on from them
they were a horrible drug to take and had such a hold on me
i got some toy eyes and other bits whilst we were out
like a body spray that smells of candy floss *0*
we came back and i went to bed
my pain has been awful all day since the moment i got up out of bed
just awful awful pain
nothing helping ether
and when i woke up i felt sickly and off
mum made me eat cheese on toast
and i did feel better for eating but i had stomach ache for the rest of the day from eating that bread
i did some science
i can do one bit but not the other but i believe i can get through my interview without it
but i will talk to jack
dont want to appear too stupid
i eventually got myself motivated for 25mins of dancing which about killed me off
to say i did like an hour yesterday or whenever
just having an off day i think
mia says i can see her monday to watch fruits basket with her
did some more of my fruits basket drawing its coming along
dinner gave me awful stomach ache and it was only salmon
food is so deadly lately
Oz is feeling a bit off as well bless him but the jabs do that
tomorrow
dad is painting the kitchen....my brother helped paint last time and has refused to help this time
saying i should do it basically
and yeah i know i probably do have to help
i have nothing against helping
i just have a big issue with working with my dad
but if im allowed to stick my headphones in and get on with it i should be fine
i have a massage booked at 12 which i can not wait for!!!!
then i might sleep
as i have jack's house party to attend at some point
might see him earlier than what time people are getting there for
dont think im sleeping over tho
i feel a bit mental today
when im in pain and tired it just makes everything worse
my perspective on life, my thoughts, voices
ive had enough
ive had everything from
self harm
not to eat
how majorly overweight i am and how its only gonna get worse
that jack wont want to go out with anymore
im weird and freak case
just too much to deal with
Evening~~~
I took a load of tablets last night
one being a sleeping tablet
and it did knock me out
i woke up at 4am but managed to get off to sleep again
wooo
so i actually didnt feel shattered this morning
it certainly puts you into a deeper sleep anyway
it just makes you groggy the next day
but considering i didnt have anything lined up today it was fine
this morning
i did a whole hour of dancing
go me ^^
i go finished the 6 minute momoiro clover Z song - otome sensou
i got a little bit further with cross road
both of which i cant upload onto youtube due to copyright
but i do have 2 songs i am in need of recording! but i forget ><
i did some yosakoi too
and i think i am ready to have a go with the fan whenever it arrives anyway
i cleared out an accessory draw as i never used have of them anymore and it was getting hard to shut, i did some science revision as well which me and jack started
i did 1 of the questions he gave me but also wrote some for myself
i will do another one of his questions tomorrow
i want to revise every day before my interview
i went on my laptop for a bit
then did a bit of drawing
read in bed and fell asleep
went out with mum for a cup of tea
then came back and did some more work on the fruits basket drawing
its coming along
we went to yoga as we didnt go last week due to me having ed over
it was good as we did the dragon dance
i was quite hot after it all actually
then came back and had left overs
tomorrow think im going out with mum somewhere
but not 100%
all i know for certain is that my little boy has go his vaccinations tomorrow morning at 9am
knowing him he will probably be licking the vet >.>
befriends everyone that rabbit
he will have a health check as well whilst he is down there
Evening~
I'm back home~
Yesterday I went round the city centre with Jack and got the few bits he needed
we got back and watched Chrono Crusade
and then went to do dinner
I ended up doing dinner as he was annoying me so I told him to go away
which he said I was being bossy but he is bossy!
strangely we don't argue we know when to back down
but were playful with it
I made pasta
Then we sat talking with Theo they were talking about their
private school days
7 years in a boys private school
I have no idea how he did it
I would honestly have thought I was being punished if I had have to attend an all girls school growing up, I loved being around teenage boys they were so funny and great to hit as well ^^
so yeah they told me stories
they had such an amazing education
I mean what school still even teaches latin!?
We didn't go to sleep til late
didnt help me instantly changing to Eko I knew i would
i literally just went
I was gone for an even longer amount of time :/
its worrying me how often im changing and the longer periods im gone for
we didnt get out of bed til like 12pm
stupid of me really as i was well over due my medication
so i got up took it
and then we had some cereal
we had a study session, i was taught how to work out how much chemicals i would need when working out quantities, finally i know (well think i know) how to work it out as I was getting sick of asking how to do it
so Jack explained everything and wrote me questions to work out
and hes even given me homework ><
i will do it tho
most definitely need to practice
i want to get better at my job
we ate a muffin afterwards as he said i deserved it
my brain was fried tho XD
i left at 4pm
i wanted to get home before dad
as i needed to dance as i hadnt really moved all day
mum had made cakes as it is dads birthday today so that was nice to come home to
i had a shower and got into my pajamas that smell like Jack X3
Now Im just gonna start a fruits basket picture
as I finished my chrono crusade one
here is a water colour picture of 4 special little piggies
the original
i was asked by a dear friend to paint his piglets, and i suck at water colours and animals so i wasnt feeling that confident but i wanted to try for him
so i took my time
here it is in stages~~
tomorrow not sure what i will do yet ><
im hoping we're gonna go yoga tho as i didnt go last week
Afternoon
I couldn't sleep i ached far too much
so i went downstairs and ended up taking 3 types of pain relief
i ended up waking up every 90 mins throughout the night
im shattered!!
and fed up
This morning I did half hour of yoga
followed by half hour of dancing
then showered
then i sat with Oz for half hour as i wont see him tonight
Today marks the day Millie turns 4!!!
My milliekins is another year older
i love her so damn much
i know you shouldnt have favourites but shes been my favourite guinea
and i hope i have her for many more years to come
i took a couple of photos of her this morning
she looks beautiful as always! <3
Im just about to get ready and go to Jack's
im staying over tonight
not sure what we're doing tho
tomorrow is my dad's birthday and im all sorted for it
mum said she will bake cakes tomorrow~
wonder how i will sleep tonight
feels good to get away from my bed tho i have to say
Evening~~
and once again I was up at 1am and had an hour out of bed
and woke up at 4am again
its like stuck on repeat past 3 days
sick of it i truly am
anyway this morning
i did 40 straight minutes of dancing
some jpop and yosakoi my god i even had sweat going in my ears i worked that hard
i was just a puddle XD
it was good tho~
then i went on my laptop for a bit but nothing interested me on here
so i sat and had a brew with Oz then cut his claws as they were in dire need of being cut!
i didnt bother with lunch
so my stomach has been bearable today
i did go to sleep as my eyes were stinging me they were so tired
i didnt want to get up when i woke up but the thought of knowing id be stuck in that bed come tonight had me more than leaping out of the confines of the bed
i wrapped my dad's birthday present and wrote his card
didnt bother making him a card cus he doesnt appreciate it anyway
i went out with mum for a brew
and we picked up dad's birthday present from mum - a stone bird bath
i had the job of humping the bugger
god it weighs a tonne my arms ache!!
mum wouldnt have managed doing that errand by herself
the brew was good tho
we came back and i decided id put off my chrono crusade picture long enough
and i knuckled down and got it finished!
took a few hours but we got there!
guess it looks alright
not sure what i will draw next but im sure something will come to mind
today i have drawn out some easter nails and im gonna do em tonight
as my nails, to say i havent been at work, have chipped really bad!
so yeah easter nails tonight
hopefully theyll turn out ok
i kept forgetting to photograph my last two nail arts!
tomorrow i will probably exercise and take a photo of my beloved soul mate millie
as its her 4th birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
minnikins!!!
so il do a nice little photo for her
and then im sleeping over at jack's as he will be home alone
so glad to have some company tomorrow night
and to just escape my bed to be honest
my prison
wonder how tonight's sleep will go
Evening~
fell asleep around 12 to wake up at 1am
life is cruel -____-
i went downstairs for an hour
so sick of entertaining this whole not sleeping business
i woke up at 4:30am as well
and then 7:50am
i had an easy morning in my pajamas
i did do half hour of yoga tho
then went in the shower and had lunch
which was a mistake as its given me stomach ache all day
at 1:30pm i went to see jack
we went and brought convention tickets!
yup were going! believe its 4th may were going
hes never been to a convention so it should be good
then we went for a walk around the park in the town centre
i havent been round it since i was a child
so it was good to see
and its right next door to jack's old high school
so he was much more familiar with it than me
we went back to his as it looked like rain
it actually hailed today as well
we talked with Theo til he went out to the gym
then we sat and had a brew
and talked
i think i freaked him out a bit as i told him i dont have all my emotions which he knows as he's met Eko who has a good portion of my emotions but i think it hit him a bit when i said i dont have sympathy, empathy
yeah it hit mum hard as well
cant help it
im not proud of it
and yeah it bothers and scares me
as ive watched enough people to 'copy' these emotions or reactions
he said it was a bit psychopathic
but that i was still me and yeah. maybe i shouldnt have told him
i got home and had dinner
and then i decided to google the psychopath test as i know there is such a test
and 'normal' people score 0-5
i scored 17....
at least i know i can do well on tests XD
yeah its a little sickening i guess but then it doesnt actually bother me
im me and thats all there is to it
i told jack ive taken up yosakoi again
and he wants me to sleep over on tuesday
i said maybe by then id have a yosakoi finished and show him
he seems up for even trying it himself
so we shall see
i feel tomorrow i got to work hard at my dance practice!!!
dont want to show myself up ><
i have been putting off showing him tho i have to say
i guess i worry what he will think
as i know im not great at dancing i just enjoy it
i do wish i could dance better but yeah, i know improvement is slow when you only teach yourself, still i know i got to show him one day ><
ordered a new screen protector for my phone as i dropped mine this week (never drop my technology) and it scratched it up pretty bad
the one and only time i drop something and it scratches but i guess thats what the protector is for.
so tomorrow i am drawing and dancing
thats as much as i have planned so far
lets bring on another night of not sleeping
and another day time of stomach ache
woo go jo!
Evening
I got up at 1am but I went back to bed at 1:45am
was not in the mood to stay up
besides it was so damn cold!
i then woke up at 6am to find we had frost!
I cleaned my pets out this morning
then washed my hair ready for my hair cut
i was so quick at the hair dressers like 10mins!
and i can confirm i can see once again!!
my god its good to be able to see and not have hair
constantly in my vision
i came home and i actually just crawled up in bed
i just felt the need to be warm
and i read but i actually nodded off
i woke up to find mum had made me a salad for my lunch
it was really good
but gave me bad stomach ache
so thats it now i think im done with lunch
its not worth the sodding hassle
i did some dancing
more specifically yosakoi!
yup started that up again
i went through a dance i learned in the summer and i got to the end in half hour
i was shocked at how much i retained
it was fun and i forgot how fun yosakoi dancing is
i went for a shower as i got myself rather hot
i went back to bed
i just couldnt think and my body felt so heavy
i had fought the fatigue like all day and week
and i knew i was due a recovery period so i just laid in my bed for like 2 hours
then i got up and did some food
after food i went for a walk at 6:30pm down by the river by myself
it was nice but much colder than i thought it was gonna be!
ive just got in really and doing a bit more of chrono, i will watch some anime and sit with Oz and hopefully grab some sleep tonight
i must say these nights are becoming tedious im sick of entertaining them
tomorrow believe im seeing jack
think we're gonna get convention tickets
how far i am with chrono
i should have done a lot more on it today but had zero concentration or patience for it
