Evening~~
So yesterday was my last day of school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
such a sense of freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was so damn hot and i dont feel like i did an awful lot
no lessons and no one could be arsed to work
i tried to spend as much time as i could with Liv
there was the farewell ceremony
i walked in the hall and was surrounded by staff and food and heat
i last 5 minutes before i decided i was gonna have a panic attack if i stayed longer
jack looked at me and said i didnt have to stay
that was all the permission i needed
i left
he came back and said "you made the right choice. that was long, boring and hot!"
we packed up and left early
i got home, showered and went to bed
i got up and had a bit of food and got ready and went to jack's
i was at his for an hour then we met liv, rebecca and alan at Wagamama's
i has Yasai (veg) Katsu curry
i was the only one who couldnt finish all their food
and they wanted dessert!! we walked to a dessert place and i ordered banana
and chocolate crepe but i had a few mouth fulls and left the rest
just didnt want it
then luke sent jack a text "what time we meeting beaut?" XD
so we left there and met some of the teachers at a bar
they all had drinks and jack offered me one but i knew if i had one id be sick
i was so full
i sat and had a laugh with everyone
but id had enough but didnt let it show
we walked to another bar but i didnt really stay i went for a walk by myself
yup alone in the city by myself
jack came to find me saying that liv, hannah, alan and rebecca were leaving
so we left and went home
it was a good night
but we didnt go to bed til gone 1am
i woke up and could not be arsed to get up
dont think i moved til 10am
today was all about taking it easy tho as i have a few busy days ahead
i went to sleep on jack's bed as his room is soooo much cooler than mine
then i went home
came in and got stuff ready for manchester tomorrow
tried my maid cosplay on
it still fits!
mia rang me to confirm times and stuff
and pretty much just died the rest of the evening
its 35c and very very humid
its like the littlest of movements causes you to break out in a sweat
no way was i going yoga tonight that was for sure
like no where has AC in this country
think its slightly cooler tomorrow and saturday
tomorrow im getting up at 6am like a school day
just cus ive got to be up and at jack's for 8:30am
at were getting the train at 9:45am
and i wanna make sure he has everything and is actually up and ready
then we will meet mia at the train station at 9:30
coming back to nottingham at 5:30pm saturday dressed as a maid
then me and jack have a family bbq at his house its his step dad's birthday
and i keep saying i will go dressed in my maid cosplay
hes like "do it" XD
i may end up staying at his on saturday night too depending what time his family
stuff finishes
so yeah i'll be away enjoying my new found freedom!
and and! hopefully seeing my cousin for the first time in a few years!!!!!
heres nails i did a few weeks ago
tonight im gonna do them shades of red to match my maid cosplay :3
Konbanwa~~
Last night things werent good
my head was soooo busy
and i ached
it was like growing pains
and it went on and on until i decided I would get up
problem is i took so much i felt so sick
then as i thought at 12:30pm id go to bed a police helicopter started circling above
course it did
and that too went on and on
so i stayed downstairs cus i knew i couldnt sleep with that banging on
safe to say i was tired this morning, the alarm was needed
it was 32c today and 29c in the prep room
god it was soooo hot its cruel making us work in that heat its so humid
we're all just puddles
luckily today i was able to just do my own thing and just did display work really
got another one finished
going to move onto the chemistry ones upstairs now not that the physics and biology is finished but the chemistry ones are BAD and the teachers want me to do some for them ><
it was the day of the fuddle
i saw past technicians which were just old retired people really
cant say i made much of an effort with them as they were boring and sciency
but it was sally's last day today T^T sally is an amazing teacher shes like 60 but so down to earth and tells me where to go, i can have such fun with her and im gutted to lose her
ive done "the science of cats" board for her, went out with jack on the weekend and got her a present, made her a card for the department to sign. so i have tried for her
the fuddle went ok i managed to eat bits and pieces and i wasnt too anxious
we gave sally her card and plant and head of science made a speech
then the group of 30 of us walked round to my science of cats display which id covered over with paper and we got sally to rip the paper off
she was amazed at what id done and knew straight away it was me who'd done it
she went to give a few words and got a bit upset
when she eventually left she gave me a hug
earlier she added me on facebook so we dont lose contact
to say originally i didnt want anyone from work on facebook i currently have Jack, Alan, Rebecca, Liv, Hannah, Luke, Sally XD
they keep adding me!!! and i look rude if i dont accept them ><
i was glad to finish school today
as i was a melting puddle
when i came in i went straight in that shower
and laid down after that
i was so damn tired and worn out i felt ill
i was gonna do nails tonight but i cant be arsed quite frankly
ill do them before i go convention tho
heres the nails i did last week
Evening~~
Didn't sleep that great
think I was hot judging by the amount of tossing and turning I did and the amount of plushies on the floor in the morning ><
I beat my alarm by 10 minutes but got up anyway because i had a few extra things to do this morning like pluck leaves from the garden for a practical I had to do
I got to school and met jack off the tram as he had to come and collect stuff out
the boot of my car
we walked into school having a bet on what the temperature would be in the prep room
i guessed 25c and got it right
it reached 29c today
its like a green house
like no circulation of air and the windows barely open
apparently the building was built with AC in mind but it never got fitted for whatever reason
my god the difference AC would make to all our lives
the kids are hot and dont want to work, teachers are yelling at them and theyre just as hot an bothered by the weather. no one wants to work in that environment
so I got to work mixing chemicals up as i had a shed load to do
and all ones i hadnt done before so i wasnt sure what dissolved well and stuff
but i got it all done just as the first bell went
perfect timing for me and luke to have ago with the 3 practicals we were told to practice by the head of biology
both of us were totally winging it
we spend like almost 3 hours together
such a bonding sesh XD
we got there and it all just about worked
he was grateful of my help
we both needed air tho after being in a room with ammonia and spirits....
after all that
i had so much clearing up to do
the head of biology was on my back all sodding day
she was stressing me out big style
i cant do anything right for that woman at times
she makes my anxiety go through the roof
she keeps on reminding me how hectic september is gonna be
and id had enough today so i turned round to her and said
"you know if you tell me one more time how bad its gonna be in september, im just not gonna bother coming in"
i think she got the point as she said
"yes but we we will get into the flow of it im sure"
changes her tune once someone stands up to her
she does drive me up all the wall, and the way she speaks to me at times
jesus
anyway enough on that
i had loads of screw ups today
i blame the sheer mental overload in the morning and the heat
i was sweating buckets too
i cheered myself up with cake sally's partner made for us all ^^
and did some display work
i got another display finished
doing the forensic one next
so after jack spent ages clearing 4 weeks worth of crap off the 8 tables ready for tomorrow
i put on there display backing paper (when he wasnt looking) painted the soles of my shoes in brown and walked along the paper to create foot prints as i knew it would make an awesome background for the forensic display.
he came back and i showed him my shoes
i said "look paint"
he said "have you been painting with your shoes!?"
i said "yeah"
he looked so worn out by me XD
he said "this is what happens when youre not supervised for 5 minutes!?"
i said "do you wanna see what I did?"
he came with me and saw it
he said "actually that does look really good"
i know what im doing i know design
in fact everyone leaving for home walked by it and said how amazing it looked already ^^
i hope to work more on that~~
i showed Liv her picture and she truly loved it
so i was happy to do that for her
i came home and didnt go to sleep!
i cant remember what i did do tho
not a lot
saw my ozwald of course
watched killing eve last night
its good
and next week is last episode ><
tomorrow~
tomorrow is a semi-quiet day at work as classes are winding down
its suppose to be really hot
we have got the 'fuddle' were people bring drink and food in
im relying on jack buying plates and cutlery for me to take in tomorrow
he was bringing drinks which is what was in the boot of my car - saved him bringing it on the tram with him as it was like 10L worth of drink
im anxious about it as its a lot of food and a lot of people as previous staff have been invited in
its also sally's leaving fuddle and the Science Of Cats display will be uncovered to her
im sure she will like it and the card i made
i need to sign the card too ><
i just hope i cope with all the people and food and people not quiz me on how much ive eaten
here is an eyeliner i received last week
its really pretty and glittery came with freebies too!
Konbanwa~~
I slept over at jack's yesterday after doing some dancing
and other bits and pieces
we met up and i got a few bits from the city i needed
i did end up buying some more hair dye...
i brought some cute fluffy earrings for my cat maid cosplay ^^
we met up with Theo and Harvey and went to a japanese restaurant
i had chicken katsu curry
my god it came so big! so much food
and i ordered yakitori also
i couldnt eat it all
the guys all ate loads as usual
but theo ate the most
god only knows where he stores it
we brought a picnic blanket and sat out in the park in the sun together
it was nice to just hang out
we came back to jack's
and later on we went for pudding...i just cant keep up with them
i was so tired and full
safe to say i was ready for bed
not that i slept particularly well
this morning we had a very lazy morning which was nice in a way
we didnt eat breakfast til 11am
and we had a shower
i fell asleep whilst jack went for a shower
he was in the room eating crisps when i woke up
i didnt hear him come in the room or get crisps or open them or eat them
i must have been well away
i kept falling sleep all weekend to be honest
we left for a garden centre to go get a teacher a leaving present
we were just walking round then jack spotted said teacher
can actually believe that!?
same place
same time
for a present for her!!!!
small world x1000
we couldnt back peddle quick enough
we quickly picked up a plant and left
dont know the last time i was so tense!
we went food shopping as jack needed bits to bring to work
which i am bringing to work cus its easier as i have a car
so we did that and i dropped him off home
then i came home
mum dyed my hair
and it is the pinkest it has been yet!
im hoping when i come to washing it next time it wont wash out like it has been doing
i finished Liv's picture as i wanted to get it finished for tomorrow at work
so i could show it her
think it came out alright
her dad and dog
i had a bit of help from my brother with the photoshoping
but its done now
and so is jack's mug
so now i can start working on the things i wanna work on!!! woohoo
tonight watching the second to last episode of Killing Eve
looking forward to it!
tomorrow I have work....
my god i have so much to mix up in the morning....
bit anxious about it all but jack says he will help
i dont need the help i hope because hes usually busy monday morning
like we all are
then i have to spend 2 hours doing a practice practicals with a teacher
so we know how to teacher 18 year olds come septemeber
i hope i understand and dont screw it up
but the teacher is 26 and he says "it will be chill and bants" so im hoping we will be ok
but we're both anxious about it as the head of biology is on our backs...
she wants to much from me and im not 100% sure what it is she does want T^T
i hate asking and sometimes looking an idiot
then the rest of the day i hope to do display work~
but its been a much better, happier and healthier weekend
next weekend im in manchester for the convention
then i will start doubling my pain killer medication too
as i asked the doctor on friday if i could and he said i could
but not to go any higher
drugged up jo
Evening
I haven't been on my laptop
just haven't been interested enough to go on it
my week has been alright I guess
I have been doing displays at school
which has impressed all the teaching staff ^^
i feel useful for something as i am clueless about science
i have done a 'science of cats' display for a teacher who is a cat fanatic
and is leaving on tuesday so we will be unveiling then to her
ive done a GCSE biology display and started A Level biology display
been given a load of stuff to do a 'forensic' display
so yeah its giving me stuff to do which i enjoy
as ive been using paints, papers, pens, etc
and its nice to be able to show off my talents
ive had maggots to tend to
heart dissections
and bacteria to grow which i actually did wrong
but re-did it today hoping it will be alright for monday!
i stayed over at jack's on wednesday
i thought we were gonna have our first confrontation
he got out of me what i was like at the weekend
you know the overdosing, the suicidal thoughts
he was not impressed that i didnt tell him
in fact he was hurt, i thought he was gonna cry on me
he said he was upset that i couldnt rely on him enough to tell him, that i went through it, that he wasnt there to help me.
yeah i felt crappy as he said id promised him id tell him next time i felt like that
and i had forgot i made that promise
but i argued that i didnt want to ruin his weekend with friends
he said i was stupid for thinking that way
that seeing his friends wasnt important compared to me and how i was feeling
yeah i wasnt expecting us to hash all that out
i was scared he was gonna shout at me or something
but he didnt he was calm and wasnt hurtful so i coped alright
i understand hes just concerned really and loves me loads
i didnt manage to go yoga again
but i did do 30 mins tonight by myself which was good to do
id like to dance tomorrow morning if i can
ive been working on the picture Liv has asked me to draw
she wants a picture of her dad and dog so ive done this so far
just got the background to do
i got jacks mug in the post
it looks good i will have to photograph it
i dyed my hair again this week - pink
once again it didnt take
so im taking this as jo isnt suppose to have pink hair
as i dont want to bleach it
tomorrow i believe im seeing jack
but god knows what time he will wake up after a night of full on gaming >.>
he says he needs a bag and a suit so looks like we're shopping for him tomorrow
he hates shopping XD but i might be able to see him in a suit
which i can not imagine
Evening~~
Didn't sleep great
but i put that down to not having the sheer amount of pain killers
i have been taking as of the last 3 days
as my god i ached and it was waking me up ><
this morning i felt a bit better about life
i mean i didnt want to go to work really
i think a part of me could have buried my head under the duvet for the day
but thats not solving anything and letting people down
myself included
so i pushed on and went to work
jack gave me hugs and stuff today
think hes missed me
well i guess its been over a week since we've spent any time together
and i didnt see him over the weekend
i didnt want to tell him what id been like over the weekend
as i dont know if its male bravado of wanted to be needed or him wanting to help
but id only get lectured about not calling him or telling him
and its done now and theres never anything anyone can do
you have to ride it out
so i kept quiet about the extent of the damage
i talked to Liv about it all as she has depression
and i told her that i hadnt told jack
and she just said the same thing as i think
theres nothing anyone can do you just have to ride it out
i fetched maggots
gross little things and i could smell em too
i was getting everything done
but i had so many demands made of me today
and then at 2pm so with 2hours to go i find out bacteria is needed for tomorrow....
apparently jack was told but i wasnt
and it hadnt been made and it is not a 2 minute job
i was stressing a bit as i didnt know what i was doing
the instructions might as well be written in chinese
and i had little time left + the other jobs that needed doing
but julia and jack helped me
we got there and was only a few minutes late
i felt anxious about coming home
just didnt want to fall into depression again
i told jack and he offered to have me over but i wasnt sure if it was his way of wanting to help or pitying me. besides i know he wanted to game tonight
so i told him id be fine
i got home
and surprise surprise i went to bed!
just knew i wouldnt see the evening through
had pizza when i got up
tomorrow
cant face tomorrow
got maggots and bacteria to sort
but on top of that a stupid introduction for new staff at the school...
ive been there 7 months
bit late?
julia is doing it along with a biology teacher whos been there since november
jack is hoping i can get out early as im only support staff so stuff isnt really needed for me
julia as she has children at the school, i will understand if she wants to do the whole day
as for me id rather support jack
theres free lunch but im taking my own i cant be doing with the stress of that
Millie had the vets today
to check why she has fur missing
the vet suspects molly has been pulling it out...
so were keeping an eye on em
but glad she doesnt need treatment
i cant remember if i showed last week's nail
but i had a lot of compliments
speaking of compliments
jack said hes getting fed up of being told how cool Jo is XD
im just that amazing
he said "no one tells me how cool i am"
i said "thats cus youre not, youre not even in the same league as me"
a few teachers from work have even added me on facebook
even tho i dont use it XD
Konbanwa
I slept alright I guess
but woke up at 1:30am to find quite a few txt messages on my phone...
and i think thats what woke me up -- my phone screen illuminating my room
it was Jack
Jack who had clearly had one too many
cus my god those text messages XD
quite amusing
all declaring his undying love for me
i txt him back saying "think youre drunk cus we dont usually say this stuff"
we aint a soppy couple
and he continued sharing his feelings
i said "you are gonna want to die in the morning when you read all this"
after a while a turned over and went to sleep
this morning i felt slightly better than what i had done the night before
i kinda thought 'new day' sorta thing
at 10am i got a txt from jack "oh my god"
i said "seen last night's damage have we?"
he said "god i had a lot. could be worse i guess. at least my drunken thoughts are of you"
which is true i guess at least hes not going round touching up other girls whilst drunk
no one compares to Jo you see XD
I needed to have a bit of me time
or to feel something
i felt so numb
so i went down to the river and walked a long side it
which usually calms any unease im feeling
but it didnt do a great deal for me
so i decided to go shopping
shopping usually makes people happy right?
so i walked round tk maxx with my ipod in
i picked up a cardigan, new school trousers, joggers, body spray, eyeshadow, night cream
none it i needed, well the cardigan i kinda need but none of it i needed
i just brought
i didnt try on ether
cant say it made me feel any better
i decided to go home
jack had text me to see if i wanted to join them for food but food wasnt doing it for me so i couldnt see the point in wasting more money so i said for them to go without me
i went to sleep after i had lunch
got a txt from jack at 3pm saying they were going pudding place did i want to come
i said there wasnt much point in coming out as id have to get home for school and stuff
they kinda begged for me to come out
but i told them to leave it
i laid on my bed a bit then sat outside with Oz and a brew like i did at breakfast
cant really taste anything today
pretty numb to the world
ive got drawing i should be at least making a start on
id like to start it tonight if i can as ive done nothing towards it
hopefully i will feel more of the world tomorrow
tomorrow is school
again
and it starts again
work, sleep, work, sleep
not much longer i guess
