only made it an hour

Evening

slept like a total log
but woke up 10 mins before my alarm

i didnt feel great this morning but kept going
thinking i will be alright in a bit
i drove to work feeling rotten and a lil tempted to turn round
but i kept going

then jack said when he saw me "you dont even look like death warmed up you just look like death" yeah i felt pretty much like death too
i put my lessons out
told head of science that i was struggling with my new medication
he said i could take this week off if need be and use that and half term to get myself right
and i went home
id only been at work an hour!

got home
crawled up in my bed
that was that

i stayed in bed all day drifting in and out of sleep
i felt rotten
not sure whats up as i wasnt like this over the weekend
so im unsure if i have a virus or if im just struggling with meds
im taking tomorrow off
but i dont really want to miss any more school if i can help it
theres a practical i dont want to miss on thursday id like to see

jack says hes sorted it all for tomorrow
so hes covered anyway
as for me as got a day to waste in bed tomorrow no doubt
i hate life
well i hate wasting life anyway

mum brought truffle to me in bed but i could she didnt have time for me XD
i had breakfast with oz who wanted fuss which was nice
hes been outside all day actually

right back to bed rest!

last week before half term!

Evening

I slept really well last night
just outta it XD alarm was needed -__-

School was alright really
couldnt get much ready for tomorrow due to it all being needed on the day
so i have a fair bit of running around to do tomorrow
i got cancer spray on my hands somehow
but im not overly concerned i think its only bad if you breathe it in
hopefully...
i didnt feel well this morning around 10/11am
jack said "are you alright?"
i said "yeah yeah im fine"
he said "you seem to lose your step and sway a bit"
"im fine"
"jo your hands are shaking"
"ugh will you leave me alone" ><
he said "jo" grabbed a stool next to me which is never a good sign
when he comes to sit down at my level a lecture is never far away
he said "as your boss, i need to know. Are you alright to be here? are you safe?"
i said "i dont know. i usually feel a bit crap with new pain killers this time of day then i pick up again"
he said "do you need to go home?"
i said "i really dont want to go home i will be ok. but if i get worse i will go home"
he said "will you actually say if you dont feel well tho?"
"yes I will say"
"pinky promise"
i pinky promised
i said "i hate giving in tho, i hate going home, it feels like im losing"
he said "its not losing jo, fainting on the prep room floor is losing"
yeah he has me there
but luckily i was able to stick the day out some how
i still had staff asking if i was alright today tho ><

i got walked to my car by jack with his umbrella as it was slashing it down
i told him i didnt need his umbrella as i had a hood
but he insisted >.>
honestly 

i got home and sat with ozwald with a brew
then mia rang me to talk about a few things
then i did some yoga in my pajamas 
then had dinner
sat with mum and went on my laptop
im so tired tho now
im having an early night

tomorrow its school
i might try dance after school or go for a walk
today i did yoga
wednesday think im staying at jacks

Went to Derby with Jack

Evening

My god I felt drugged up when I woke up yesterday
I hadn't slept that well as I woke up in the night feeling like
i was actually gonna be sick, you know when you keep burping it up?
really gross so i got up and got cereal and a drink

in the morning i did some yoga and some dancing
sat with my ozwald and the babies
and then got ready to see jack
i took my time as i knew he wouldnt be ready on time
honestly

but anyway i got to his and we walked to the bus shelter
and caught the bus to derby
we had a good day out
i managed to buy 8 different fabrics with dogs on!
i got 2 pairs of joggers as jo can never have enough joggers
some bunny fabric for my growing collection of bunny fabric
a new school bag by an artist i love - lisa parker 
mums stuff she needed
treats for ozwald
yeah i got everything on my list i did really well
it was worth the journey
jack got a few bits and pieces
we both brought anime dvds 
i found Digimon Tri!!! ive been waiting since 2015 to see it dubbed
i had to buy it even tho it was expensive

we got back and went shopping for food
made dinner and had that
then we watched the first digimon tri whilst eating pick and mix
then i took my new meds and it about did me in so i had an early night

woke up this morning
and could not wake up i just kept falling asleep 
it was horrible, jack said i looked shattered but i hadnt had a bad night as nights go for me
i got up but we had a slow morning as it was throwing it down outside
apparently i saw on the news that out of all of october so far we've only had one day without rain 
we went out to the shops as we forgot we needed food for work
then as jack was meeting  harvey to go watch a film, i came home
felt a little drugged up but i got myself home

put my stuff away from derby
did half hour of dancing until i was dripping
went for a shower 
then i sorted out jackets and coat, chucked a load of stuff out
but two things i have made i plan on selling on ebay this wednesday
well i will list them for wednesday anyway
here they are 

i want them to go to a good home
i did other bits and pieces that needed doing
got my nails to do tonight also

we let oz in the hall with the pigs
molly was protecting her babies and literally chasing oz off
oz of course ran off despite molly being half his size
but the little ones were interested in him and followed him
he licked truffles ears too

school tomorrow -___-

new painkillers tonight and my greedy bunny

Evening~

I got up for school despite only having like 4 hours sleep
i felt soooo sick in the night and got for something to eat and drink
i decided to eat breakfast with oz as i was early this morning
not only did he get his usual wake up treat of cereal from me, the git tried to rob cereal from my bowl then when i booted him outside he turned 180 and put his paw on the back door step-begging
i couldnt very well shut the door on him like that now could i
so the little git got another treat outta me!
i went to say goodbye to mum who was in bed i told her oz had only been up an hour today and had got two treats out of me and not to give him anything else today!

i got to school
i didnt feel too bad an was determined to do the practicals
even tho the practicals didnt go well -___- not my fault it was the students
but i stuck the day out for those practicals damn it
it was a hard slog

i came home and pretty much just had a brew with oz and went to bed
and got for dinner
then later went for a walk
im tired now tho
and i have my new pain killers to start
i dont wanna take them but its necessary evil i guess

tomorrow i am going to derby with jack
well im going derby reguardless to be honest
whether hes alive or not
he said i could sleep over but i will see 
but i know hes seeing his friends on sunday and my friends are busy so sunday looks like a quiet day but i have stuff to do at home anyway
i need to write a list of all the stuff i need from derby
the list grows -____-

the babies are doing well
i hope to photograph them on sunday 
theyre very cute but tilly keeps trying to hump molly and truffle 

annoying thing is oz gets a treat every night
so hes won >.>

Home again

Konbanwa~~~

Yesterday it was work
nothing special and i felt fine
people were happy to have me back
jack said he had loads of people asking if i was alright
the head of science sat and talked to me for 10 mins
wanting to know if i was actually alright, healthy and safe to be in work
i told him i wont ever get better its a case of managing it and since summer holidays
my meds have been changing
i told him i do push myself to be in work as i worry about my attendance
and he said whilst my attendance is monitored, that he'd rather me take a day off here and there rather than me pushing myself, making myself sick, and needing more time off
and i know hes right i just said im stubborn and dont like giving in
he said i can  talk to him if need be and he will support me
he said the work i do is amazing and that everyone loves having me there ^^
always nice to get praise from the big boss XD

the prep room was a total total state -____-
i got on top of all my lessons and gave the room a good tidying
staff were coming through saying it looked so tidy
i was like "im gone for one day and the place falls apart, jack cant cope without me"
he was like "i actually cant" XD

jack said that the biology teachers had really helped him out by switching to other lessons in my absence or helping jack by getting their own lesson sheets and some equipment
so that was good to know
we have such a good team

jack asked if i wanted to stay over
so he came home with me to collect my stuff
we saw the babies and ozwald
then went to his
we made dinner which was a case of warming leftovers from the other night we made
then when that went down we went to get ice cream
i couldnt finish all mine and he rubbed it in my face that not only did he finish his
he took a mouthful of mine >.> git

we went to his were he was home alone
we were gonna watch an anime film but i was too tired to pay attention and wanted to zone out
so i got in pajamas and wrapped up in his dressing gown then under the duvet
he was like "you must be baking"
i said "i know but its nice"
and i just laid there talking to him he gave me cuddles and we had an early night
i was tired

this morning i got up and realised id left my make up at home but
i wasnt arsed really
its nice having someone to get up with and have breakfast with

school i kept going
i was starting to not feel good
like monday
but instead of fighting it i decided to listen to my body
so i got my lessons for today prepped and most of tomorrow
jack bless him gave me biscuits and made me a brew to help boost my sugar levels
but it wasnt helping and i said i needed to go home now if i want to be able to drive
so by 11:15am i was home
and ive been in bed all day feeling wiped out
ive sat with the babies and let oz sniff them
he didnt look impressed XD
he loved millie and i dont think any pig will replace her in his eyes

mum went yoga by herself as i felt i couldnt do it
but i got up and went for a walk as id been in bed all day
i ached and needed fresh air
it was good to get out
but my god i was knackered and a shower afterwards was just as tiring
im gonna get up for school and just see how i feel i guess
but id like to go as ive got two A-level practicals to do and its too much for jack to do
also being at home is boring!

new meds to try

Konbanwa

i got up at 8am
i didnt bother setting my alarm as jack txt me last night saying not to come in
honestly
it was hard resigning myself to a day or boredom
cus what can you do when you sick and home alone
so dull!

but  i had the babies out who were just running wild round the hall
theyre so fast!
they ran everywhere, climbed on shoes, pushed things over
we have our hands full with them
molly followed the once or twice to make sure it was safe
then simply let them burn the energy off
they were panting afterwards
i forget how active and playful they are as babies

i've showered and slept
and thats about my day
i did pick up a book ive been trying to read for a while now
im hoping i can keep continuing with it and move onto other books
i quit reading one on my kindle - the man who lost his shadow
as i totally lost the plot there
and was only half way through the book!

i was gonna go a walk but just felt too wiped out
jack covered for me today but has warned me the prep room is a tip....
not looking forward to seeing the state its in
some biology teachers havent done their practicals because they knew i wasnt in
so they didnt want to stress jack out with it so that was nice of them
i basically have a lot of work ahead of me just for talking a day off
this is why i dont want to go down to part time
its picking up pieces and not knowing what youre going into

i went doctors which was an hour out my day as they are always running late
basically he wants me on 75mg twice a day - my usual dose of pain killer
i wanted 100mg but he wouldnt budge 
he offered morphine but i turned it down
hes put me on another pain killer which isnt as strong but should still help
im not holding out a lot of hope as ive tried a form of them before
and they didnt do anything
but we shall see

ive got all my stuff ready to go school tomorrow
as i cant bare to waste another day of life
and im sure ill be fine tomorrow
it will probably be a hard slog yes but better than spending it in bed

once again wheel chaired out of school

Evening~~

I slept at jack's last night
not that i slept well i was aching
its nice getting up with him tho and not having to sneak round the house
i had a bit of issue with my meds tho i forgot to bring the lower dose
so i ended up taking the higher dose this morning

i was fine in the morning
doing my usually monday morning mad run around
giving out pond weed and other practicals
i felt fine
then after i sat with a cup of tea on the floor i started to feel a bit out of it
like if i was to stand up i would pass out
jack told me to stay sat on the floor
but it was lunch time and theres always stuff to do during lunch
also jack is off tomorrow morning for an appointment so hes been trying
to rush round getting his day and morning covered
i got fed up of sitting there
went to get up and passed out

think i was a combo of strong pain killers, no sleep, running around

the nurse was called
i had jack and julia fussing over me
mum was called
and i was once again wheel chaired out of school... >.>
i hate my life
so degrading 
and i hate causing trouble for people
my brother and mum fetched my car
and my mum has told me to take tomorrow off as she doesnt want to be fetching me again
so ive got a boring day ahead of me!!!

i slept when i got home and was just wrapped up in pajamas
mum brought the babies to me in bed which was nice
then later i sat with all 3 of them
then Oz later on 
i cant wait for him to meet the babies
mum said they were running round crazy in the hall then laid down
like they had tired themselves out
mum also put molly outside by herself for some rest time
as shes now full time mother X3

i got doctors tomorrow to talk about my medication
thats as about exciting as it gets for tomorrow