baby blanket done

Evening

I got about 4 hours sleep last night
was tired, achy and very noisy in my head!
I got up at 7:30am as I had had enough of being in bed I needed out!

I got up and did 45mins of yoga
my body felt so stiff for some reason
i had breakfast
then went into my room for a bit
i was putting off the day i know i was
mum said she was taking dad out for a walk and to go do some dancing whilst she was out
she was right but i found it hard to motivate myself
i did however and achieved 30mins of dancing, i was sweaty and it was a real effort i have to say
i went for a shower
i was also putting off making the snorlax from clay i said i was going to do today
i think i did every other job but actually get started on it!

in the end i stopped putting off the day
and sat for 5 hours (with a few breaks) and made a snorlax from clay
he must weigh about 500g and about £20 worth of clay
he is a beast
no other word for it
i am pleased with it i guess especially as its probably been the hardest and most ambitious thing i have made with clay to date
i will photograph it tomorrow
in the mean time here is photo of the baby blanket i finished~

i spoke to jack
it was good to speak to him
he is on day 3 of doing exercises and he says he hurts XD finally knows what exercises is and the pain that follows bless him
good to speak to him
seeing him next saturday which should be good
he is missing me
i told i havent had any work through yet, he threatened to give me some >.>
i told him i wouldnt come over if he gave me homework XD

i ordered some hot chocolate online as i have got a shortage going off and i like it in the middle of the night, but the shop wont be open for some time cus of the virus so i ordered online, i didnt get quite what i wanted and was a little bit more money but hey if it helps
then mum said "you do realise there was a tub of it at the back of the cupboard?"...
no i did not, past Jo had stocked up and i had forgotten! but still it will get drank
whittards hot chocolate is amazing, i dont settle for less

i looked for jackets on the internet too
as i am gonna sell the ones i made which will leave me with no homemade jacket
i have got a design in mind but none of the stuff in
so i will need to sit down tomorrow and fully design it and order what i need
i want a red and black jacket
i just cant switch off its gone past 8pm and my head says to design but i need chill out time
so i will go chill out with Oz and my switch 
god i hope i sleep tonight im so god damn tired

tomorrow i have my cross stitch to do
i was gonna go post office but turns out it is shut tomorrow
i will design and order
take photos of snorlax 
and exercise

galaxy nails and finished baby blanket

Evening

I slept in my bed again and got off around 1am
woke up at 8am covered in sweat dreaming of becoming a wolf and
tearing a room full of people apart...ugh my head at times


i cleaned Oz out this morning
then went for like an hour's long walk with mum, up and down hills
my legs ached from an hour of yoga yesterday so they were aching today walking up and down hills but it was nice, was soon warming up tho
i came back and got comfy on my bed and shouted mum if she would throw a blanket on me
if i get comfy its very very very rare so i never want to move cus i want to disturb the moment of less-pain. mum understands this. she threw a blanket on me and i fell into a very deep sleep
mum said neighbours were out, people using lawn mowers, door bell rang, she came in my room with molly, nothing woke me. really odd considering i sleep incredibly light usually

i got up and went for a shower
then i finished the baby blanket it didnt take too much doing actually
then i was trying to work out a snorlax cross stitch for the hoop i ordered thats too big
decided to do snorlax but finding a design that will fit in the hoop has been hard
in the end i printed off a sprite of snorlax and drew a grid over the top of it
it just fits >< but hopefully it will work
ive made a bit of a start on it

ive played my switch
and sat with Oz and the girls, he groomed molly this time
molly is getting better with him whereas at first she literally used to chase him off

i might try working on a dance tonight
i wanted to work on it earlier but my parents were sat in the garden and have prime view of my bedroom and living room and i didnt want to be on show learning a dance XD



tomorrow i would like to make the snorlax clay
however i am not feeling particularly brave and confident with it
but if i take my time maybe it will turn out ok?
gonna take a long while thats for sure

my galaxy nails this week

which have all chipped now sadly
but if i use clay tomorrow they will look even worse
clay sucks off nail varnish for some reason

Flump's pumpkin girl

Evening

I tried to sleep last night
got up for a wee at 1am and climbed into my bed and tried to sleep
and i did get off around 1:30am and i remained IN my bed as opposed to ON it
like I have been the last several nights
got up at 8:30am

this morning i went to pet shop with mum, but i waited in the car
seeing as the pet shop was close to a park we walked round it
which made a change as we have been walking the same routes for weeks!
we walked for 40mins

i came back and had a brew
then i did an hour of yoga with my physio exercises
i was shaking and sweating afterwards
jack said he managed to do his weight work out, so hes doing well
but said theo killed him off XD
i went for a shower

after my shower i sat colouring in the bikini girl from yesterday
so she is finished

i wrote note with it saying "i caught flump trying to pin this to my wall. this is evidence"
im sure jack will laugh at it
only him will understand the joke
i swear our plushies have a mind of their own now
we have given them actual personalities and stuff
mum said it was good
later on i took a 20min walk and posted it to jack
he doesnt know i have done him anything
he should get it start of next week at a guess

i played on my switch a few times
i also had a stab at the baby blanket
it just needs quilting then its finished :) shouldnt take me too long

dad is home saturday and sunday ugh
how unfortunate 
so thats me staying well out the way this weekend
i cant cope with him right
to be honest i cant cope with much full stop
like i feel it wouldnt take much to make me cry or angry
prehaps im reaching breaking point?
due a cry maybe? i know i am bottling my emotions and feelings
we shall see

i have been watching jpop videos mainly keyakizaka46
i love the lyrics to 'eccentric' 
one like 'kawarimono de ii' - i am fine being strange
its a good song but i mainly enjoy:

Mou Mori He Kaerou ka? and fukyouwaon and silent majority and hiraishin

i was doing some research into dances, as i have a few i want to learn but when i try my heart isnt in it which means - it is not the time to learn those particular dances. so i researched hard into the one i do want to learn its by Monogatari and its called Monogatari. But there is no clear video of the dance and its a fast one at that. so i havent learned it in the past just cus ive struggled for videos to learn from but i have amassed a few and i hope i can learn from them - its just no easy learning this way. but i want to try as i can tell this is the one my heart wants to learn!

that will be something i work on tomorrow as its 8:30pm and im tired. plus i need something to work on over the weekend in my room!

tomorrow i will probably finish off the baby blanket
do some drawing maybe
i havent really been doing a lot on the drawing front, just bits and pieces
but there isnt any rush with it anyway
and i dont like sitting there for ages working on it unless i have to

thats all really

Pumpkin girl

Evening~~

Last night mum asked me why I had written "baked beans" on her shopping list
i hadn't as i knew we had a load of beans in
but when i looked...there was my hand writing
i have no memory of this at all
i think i am slowly cracking
i have been answering and talking to my mum and brother and not knowing
and now im writing stuff as well apparently
i know im stressed but yeah this is getting weird
psychosis is a strange illness
the wolf is literally at the door

Took me til 1:30am to sleep
I was restless and went to bed at like 9:15pm
for some reason i had even less reason to tolerate my dad's presence so i just went out the way
i woke up at 7:30am

this morning my mum went shopping and dragged dad with her this was 8:40am
so I decided that even tho i had only been awake an hour that i would dance
that way i can have the living room and have it as loud as i wanted
i was there a whole hour
i was a dripping hot mess!!! i had done 45mins dancing and 15mins yoga
god i was hot so dived straight into the shower 

i came out and mum and dad came back i helped unpack the food
then i began making my soup for the week
turned out alright actually so i had that for lunch
then ended up falling asleep on my bed afterwards
wasnt that tired but i was aching from dancing so much

when i got up the postman had been
my green frame for bulbasaur had come but sadly its half an inch too big
i had measured the outer ring not the inner one - i had no idea how they were measured
luckily they are only £2.50 but its annoying i have to wait for another ring now
as i have ordered the one i do believe is correct

i wasnt in the mood to do anything much creative today
just wasnt feeling it
jack rang spoke to him for a bit
i think he did most of the talking i didnt really have anything to say
he seems ok and is doing weight training with theo's weights 
as hes worried he will grow fat, lazy and even more unfit
i think cus he leaves the house once a day for a walk and thats it
but i cant say im doing much more really
i guess dancing hard is good for cardio and yoga is good for strength
so in that respect i am doing my body a better service than jack is doing for his
see how long he keeps it up
hes missing me
its bank holiday next weekend which means dad wont be at work on monday
its like hell for me
so i asked jack if i can stay over next weekend and he says it was fine
so it would have been 3 weeks again before we would have met up
seeing each other just twice in 6 weeks is hardly anything

after my video call with jack, mum wanted to know if i would go a walk with her
it was plenty hot out but i thought id go with her
we did a good route around the forest
so i think ive done almost 2 hours worth of exercise today

i played on my switch before food
then after dinner i got to work drawing a picture for jack
its a joke picture

im gonna say i caught Flump pinning it to my wall XD
i think he will laugh
i need to colour it in and get it sent off
he wont be expecting it XD
not to my usual taste i have to say, but its good to draw different things sometimes isnt it
the pen drawing took me 30mins
i will take my time colouring in
i showed mum she laughed and said she wouldnt be surprised if jack pinned it up somewhere in his flat XD

might do a bit of digital drawing tonight
then go down for my Ozwald

done charmander

Evening

I am so damn tired -___-
had a real rough night
couldnt sleep i ached and i felt sick
i did get up at 1am for a bit, couldnt take anymore pain relief as i felt like id actually be sick. i ate some cereal to try and help the sickness it didnt work >.>
i went to bed around 2ish and i was just drifting off when i heard someone on the street behind me holding down their car horn and i thought "what arse hole does that at 2am"
that was nothing cus then what followed was some sort of domestic
a woman screaming and shouting - i couldnt tell what i dont think she even knew what she was saying. a man yelling his F words left right and centre
i mean who does this? pulls up at 2am and has it out in the middle of the street?
such selfishness
it stirred me up really so it passed 3am by time i could actually settle
it left me thinking "i hope i never have to experience such things. why cant people just talk it out?"
i woke up at 8am, like death

went for a walk with mum this morning which was nice as we did a long route round the woods
i came back and did 20mins of dancing, i was sweating like mad
i went for a shower and apilated my legs again but this time wasnt as much hair XD

when i came out i started doing a bit more of charmander then ended up doing charmander
here he is with squirtle

ive played on my switch a few times today
sat with my lad
cleaned Oz out as well to which he helped of course
checked my work email but there was nothing there for me

sorted a few things on my ipod
and read on my bed
nothing much really
im so tired tho and ready to fall asleep

think jack wants to talk to me 
im so tired tho but i will talk to him for a bit i guess
dont think he's doing a lot with himself
i know hes having take away tonight and gaming online with theo and harvey
so the usual really there 

tomorrow
i want to do bulbasaur but i havent got the green frame as of yet :/ 
i dont want to do it without the frame really
it can wait
i have a baby blanket i can finish off so i might sit and do that

done squirtle

Konbanwa

I knew I couldnt sleep last night
so I got up at 11:45pm and stayed up til almost 1am
just had some cereal and  hot chocolate as i felt a bit sick and off
and thats when i worked out i had had 150mg again...
need to stop doing that -____- but its so easy to do when youre in pain
i woke up at 7:30am but went to sleep for another hour

I went for a walk with mum this morning for about 40mins
then came back and did 50mins of yoga
my body was shaking after all that exercise!
i had a shower then sat working on my cross stitch
i sat doing it in front of keyakizaka46 arena 2019 tour 
an i got squirtle done and the outline on charmander done

cute isnt it, considering the frame is only 3 inches

jack txted and said he had received my doodle ^^
he really liked it and said it had made his week :) 
so it was worth doing
thought we were gonna talk today but we havent 

my brother left for his girlfriend's family house today :(
hes gone for a whole week just for a change of scenery he says
i will miss him a lot i know i will
and means i will be eating my dinners by myself for a week ><
but if it makes him happy then so be it
jack has said i can go over to his but im ok at the moment
im only gonna go over if i am really struggling
although from sounds of it he would quite like me over

tonight i would like to work on some dancing
and maybe do a bit of drawing
i have really bad back ache tho so im not sure how things will go just yet
what will be comfiest to do kinda thing

tomorrow i might do some dancing and sweat it out
probably go a walk with mum as i know she likes doing that with me
do some cross stitch pokemon, drawing and anything else i wanna do i guess

No work luckily

Evening

I tried sleeping in my dressing gown on top of my bed last night
didnt work the other night but worked last night
took me til after midnight and few swipes at my face but finally got to sleep
i felt sore from running this morning and my face felt dry and sore from scratching it in a half sleep state - something i do when im unhappy and stressed and do without thinking -____-

This morning i went for a good walk with mum which was nice
then i came back and had a brew with the lad then had a shower
had my lunch then went and checked my work emails
i rubbed in jack's face i had 26 emails and no work XD woohoo!
i went to bed after that i was in pain
extra pain relief had done very little and i didnt want to take anymore if i could help it
i was desperate for escape so that what i did

when i woke up
i began planning out my snorlax candle holder as the clay came today all 454g of it!
its a brick! never had so much clay in one chunk before
but i needs to be weighty to support a candle
i might start it tomorrow maybe? not sure yet
i need hours at it and have to it in one day otherwise clay goes off
its gonna be a birthday present for jack
thats if it isnt crap!

i had an idea in bed last night about doing some cross stitch for my would be house
so i planned that out
i have 3 inch frames and inside i will cross stitch 
red frame - charmander
blue frame - squirtle
green frame - bulbasaur
theyre gonna be so cute as the cross stitch of the pokemon will only be like an inch big X3

today we had to ring the vets up and report my molly's runny eye shes had for the last 3 days
the receptionist said they will request a photo of molly's eye then the vet will decide on whether molly needs to come in or if they will just prescribe something for her
given shes already had a runny eye i was kinda hoping we wouldnt have to take her in
luckily they didnt even request a photo! they rang up and said they would leave us some eye drops on the desk for us. so mum went down to collect them
she said people had to leave the pets on the door step and a member of staff came and collected them. how hard must that be! to not physically give them over but to leave them in a box at the door!
god i couldnt do that to Oz! mum said she watched a woman leave her puppy in the box!

also today was a little gusty but nothing major but blew the felting off the shed roof
so dad had some come home and nail that back on

i had truffle on the sofa with Oz today
he was grooming her and he licked her ear and she shudder and shut her eyes
one happy pig, he loves his guineas

i did 20mins of dancing tonight but i was making myself hot and bothered so i gave in
i did 20mins of yoga earlier in the day and a 50mins walk so i havent done bad today

im gonna paint my nails tonight
as i got too distracted with watching killing eve last night

heres how far i am, i didnt do any last night
and only 15mins tonight and i mostly sorted the layers out