Got my 10th Anniversary ring!! :D

 Evening

I went over to Jack's around 8pm last night

we didnt do a great deal cus I was dead and it was getting late

we did have a hot chocolate and biscuits and talked with Theo

I sat with him on his bed and asked him why he told me he was in a mood on thursday

he brushed it off telling me he was fine now

i said "nope youre not getting out of it that easily, you always get me to tell you my troubles so lets have it"

and you know when you can tell someone has tears in their eyes but hasnt started crying

yup that was Jack

all over the fact he had spent too long over thinking (once again) about the forms we had to do next. Which is basically if the relationship goes tits up - -who gets what

and he was scared he would lose me and then we have to do Will's at some point (yes actually death wills) and he cant bare the thought of not having me anymore

now i know its nice feeling so loved and wanted 

but my god he over thinks

so i reassured him we would be fine and im not going anywhere for quite some time

but yeah nether of us were looking forward to the form 

i couldnt sleep

i was in too much pain and had forgotten my tens machine....

so we got up at 12:30 and had a brew  and biscuits and another pain killer for me

and after that i did sleep but woke up a few times to get comfy again

as i was sleeping on top of my covers

we got up at 8am

and had breakfast then had a bath and then we sat doing the form

i say "we" it more jack XD it involved a lot of maths and that is something i do not specialise in

Jack can just do numbers so i was in good hands ^^

he got it done and i was there to make tea and answer any questions he had on my money

we got it done but i had a massive knot in my stomach

we went to have lunch but i couldnt eat much

after lunch we had the good bit - collecting my ring :D

So here we have my 10th anniversary ring~

'celebrating' how far i have come in the 10 years since i have had my illnesses

i love it and my family like it and so did jack actually

the heat has made my fingers swell so the photo looks like i have chubby fingers X3 

its white gold with little diamonds

its so petite i love it and its goes well next to granny's sapphire ring~

well pleased with it

mum gave me some money towards it too, she didnt have to but she chose too

we had a rest then i had to come home for a pointless house viewing

one of dad's customers who is selling their house

but for like £40,000 more than i can actually afford

so it was pointless

but upon looking at it i felt a swell of pride at our future bungalow

cus my god it was a dump and totally ditched

too big as well, but yeah was nice tidy, clean or well kept

so it would have meant a lot of work for a big space we wouldnt have use for

and no grass for Oz it was all stone

i came back and sat with Oz and mum  in the garden

then i sorted out a  bit more of my lolita bow

i hadnt done any exercise but mum said to have a night off

i was really tired

so i had a hot shower and im gonna do my nails and have a hot chocolate

i will catch up with exercise tomorrow

im just exhausted and i ache anyway, exercises probably wont help much

so no point in pushing myself

tomorrow

probably finish lolita bow and exercise~

and send todays forms over to jack

Another hot day

 Evening

I couldnt sleep again, just too hot and in awful awful pain so i got up for a bit

but even with extra pain relief it didnt really help :/

I went for an hour's walk with mum this morning

then did 20mins of dancing but it was just too hot

ive been outside with Oz as i thought the sun on my joints would help my pain

ive rested inside

done some designing of christmas decorations

ordered a few things online

started  making a bow to go on top of the christmas tree 

a cute lolita bow XD

didnt get it finished tho as i had to cook the BBQ for my family

i wasnt in the mood but got it done

im gonna have a shower now and get my stuff ready to go over to jack's

we wont do much tonight probably

then tomorrow we have paperwork to do

then dad is pointlessly taking me round a house viewing of someone he knows

not that i can afford the house

but i cant seem to get out of it

so stupid

im annoyed about it but what can you do

waste of everyones time involved

Oz's first bath

 Konbanwa~

I couldn't sleep -____- 

So i got up for cereal and pain killers, the usual

I probably drifted off to sleep around 1am

woke up at 6:30am then 8am

my god it was already hot at 9am.....

But me and mum had decided we would bath the pets in the morning

the girls always benefit from a freshen up but Oz has never had a bath before...

we did him outside in a toy box instead of the kitchen sink - where the girls bathe

he was actually really good, he stood on his back legs unsurprisingly, then he was almost crossing his front paws like he wanted privacy XD 

he tolerated a bit of bathing but would not let me anywhere near him once he was out

so i wasnt able to towel dry him or brush him

he just sat in the same spot for 2 hours washing...

i went out to him later to see how he was, he hopped off

one disgusted rabbit....

I did manage an hour's walk today

my clothes were ringing wet just from walking!

I came home and sat for half hour then did 25mins of easy slower dances

i couldnt do anymore so went for a shower

finished my wall hanging

had a 30min sleep

spoke to jack cus we have the horrible bit to do next...what happens to the property if the relationship goes tits up basically. it boils down to who gets what

and as im putting down the lion's share it cant be done equally like it can for most couples

as it wouldnt be fair if we did have to part ways and sell the property

so i have forms to print out and take to jack's to sign

we will get it done over the weekend im sure

its just not nice to think of, but its reality and we are only human

i cant see it happening. but then people dont get married expecting to get divorced do they

he also had his 2nd driving lesson today which he found terrifying but he is progressing well

tomorrow

im home all day then going over to jack's in the evening

hes going pub with his friends for lunch then playing board games with them

he said i could join but i thought its nice for him to spend time with just his friends 

and also i dont cope well with sitting for long periods of time 

i also dont like board games XD very short attention span and all that XD

so i will exercise in the morning then maybe do something creative in the afternoon

i havent got any crafts planned yet but im sure i can maybe think of something

it was like 31c today think its gonna be warm again tomorrow -____-

its wamr tonight and i have no fan or AC

i will no doubt find it hard to sleep in this heat

slept for 10 hours :D

Yo~~n

I overdosed last night and was out like a light til 8:30am

it was good XD

I went for a walk with mum this morning

then did 25mins of dancing as thats all i could manage

i was dripping and exhausted but it is once again humid today

so hard to work out in humidity and no fans or AC

after I had showered I sent off the paperwork I needed to, to Jack

im hoping he has forwarded it on to solicitors by now

i changed my bed as well

sat with Oz who is looking and behaving like an old man

his fur looks old and he just sleeps he cant be bothered to come out his cage

and hes been like it a while now 

i dont mind, be hard to tell when he is getting old and slowing down tho XD

i slept this afternoon just cus my body needed rest really

then i got up and had a brew with mum

then did some sewing

ive just got to quilt the piece then its finished

i could have got it finished today but to be honest i had had enough

i have managed to eat today

tonight i was looking at home stuff

but annoyingly i cant order some stuff til i have the house

and/or i know how the house will function

tomorrow 

i will probably exercise at the crack of dawn as its gonna be like 31c and humid as hell

so we will all die tomorrow

i will probably get the piece im working on finished too i hope

also i think we are gonna bath the pigs again tomorrow, they could do with a wash and its gonna be warm anyway. I suggested bathing Oz, he has never had a bath in his 3 years of life but im wondering if it will help his fur quality cus it usually helps the girls's fur

so that will be fun....

i think currently we are on top of house stuff which is good

Jack's birthday tomorrow

Evening

I couldnt sleep my pain was too great
my pain killers did nothing
so I got up and was up til 1am
it was a bit dull as i wasnt in the mood to read and didnt have my switch
and i was restless
honestly i pushed myself yesterday to do exercise so i wouldnt ache
i try to help myself and it gets me literally no where
life is not fair at times

i was up at 7:30am
i went for an hours walk at 9am then sat for half hour then did 30mins of dance
then had a shower cus my god i needed it

i texted jack to see if he was alive for his gaming day with theo (theo had today off)
and if he had any news about the house
he asked me to print off a load of stuff from the solicitors and there was a lot, i daren't look at it yet tho, and he said he had been in contact several times with estate agents
so yeah things are moving again
just makes me sick to my stomach, food is not sitting right at all

I wrapped jack's presents up so theyre all ready
his snorlax presents i made during lock down and i even wrapped it in pokemon paper!

i managed lunch then went to sleep
got up and worked on my sewing which is going well actually
i sat home alone and ate my dinner and watched the last episode of Fleabag 
felt good to finish a comedy series, i want to watch now "what we do in the shadows"
i started watching it and havent finished it

tonight im gonna sit with Oz 
then go over to jack's
we probably wont do a lot tonight seeing as it is already 8pm
but tomorrow is his birthday! he will be 27~
so i will wake up with him on his birthday and we will go to a park, have a picnic and a walk then come back to his for a rest then go to his mum's for a BBQ
should be a nice day, we might watch a film in the evening too
i will be home some time wednesday
i just hope he enjoys his birthday and his gifts
im sure he will
its gotta be better than his birthday last year...me getting rushed to hospital in an ambulance cus i had drank alcohol stupidly. those with psychosis should never drink....
lesson well learned that day

sent my switch off

Evening

Yesterday I went to collect Jack
we spent the day together
we had lunch and dinner here
we did a walk and got all the paper we think the estate agents are after
and sent that over, so we are now on top of house stuff
we ate dinner outside which was french stick sandwich mum made us
Oz sat out with us and kept coming on the blanket for a nosey
i felt so much better for having Jack there
I had txted him friday night saying i think i will find the weekend hard
so i had actually asked for help as he keeps telling me to ask for help and i never do

we went over to his in the evening
on the way we called into Aldi for some milk - the same store i got Flump from
i was casually walking along an isle and i saw plushies
i said "look jack its the same brand as Flump" I picked one up think it was an owl
and under neath was a pink bunny one....oh my god i was so happy i about leap up and down XD
i was like "jack look!!!" he sighed and said "put it in the basket" i was sooooo happy X3
we didnt do an awful lot at night as i was quite dead at this point
dancing, two walks, and all day doing stuff is hard
i named the plushies Pearl as her given name was Fop and thats rubbish
shes not as big as flump but still very soft and squishy 
she is living on jack's bed, which is looking more and more like my bed....XD
so we were in bed for 10:30pm
and that was it from me i slept i was dead
jack said he didnt sleep that well too many idiots out side the flat but said everytime he looked over he saw me cuddling hammington

this morning we got up and ready and went to the shops
I havent been playing on my switch as my screen is so faulty now that i struggle to read the text on it. it hasnt been right since i brought it in february, and i thought maybe switch lite screens werent as good as normal switch screens so didnt think much of it, but its got progressively worse
i didnt know if anything could even be done, so i havent finished pokemon yet
jack keeps saying "it needs to go back to the shop" and i do have the recipt 
so i took it in today and the woman was very lovely and said it can be fixed by nintendo free of charge and should be back within a max of 20 days 
i said it was fine as i havent been playing on it anyway
she gave me some freebies too X3
so that was worth doing
i got back had lunch and a nap and went home
i was shattered it was hot and i thought id let jack game whilst i had a brew at home with Oz
so i came home and did just that

i did 25mins of yoga, had dinner and an hours walk
so i done some exercise even tho im shattered and quite pale

im still struggling to eat and things and suddenly feel anxious randomly
sometimes i feel like crying and yeah im just a bit mixed up right now
but i will get through it

tomorrow i am exercising then sewing
i will be going over to jack's in the late evening and sleeping over as its his birthday on tuesday
so i will wrap up his present tomorrow

not coping with house buying

Yon~

I have been at jack's since he came over the other day when we brought the house
we have since been in contact with estate agents, solicitors and such
its suppose to be exciting but i feel probably 25% excited and 75% overwhelmed and stressed
im not coping
im just not
ive cried - several times
im struggling to eat although i am trying hard with that 
jack is doing really well me bless him, he never gets annoyed or exasperated with me
hes just always there
the first night at jack's i couldnt sleep so he got up with me and made me tea and we had biscuits, i was stressed so my pain is BAD 
last night he couldnt sleep so i got up with him and we had tea again
we support each other which is what it is about really
i dont regret my decision on the bungalow at all
its just a lot you know? jack is so calm about it all and excited

we didnt do an awful lot the past 2 days
we did have take away which i tried to eat but i couldnt eat as much as jack and theo
we tried to get a joint bank account but you need a face to face appointment for that and the banks oddly enough are still unprepared and lack protection and therefor are not doing appointments and you can only open a joint account that way. so thats had to wait
i got him to ring his mum and tell her the news
she was dead pleased for the both of us and has invited us over for a bbq on tuesday which is jack's 27th birthday so that should be good

i had an appointment with nigel on the way home today
that was a bit punishing
but he said that maybe we could have his book shelves
since coming home dad has talked none stop about the bungalow and stuff
its stressing me out to be honest
i managed to eat dinner but after dad piped up i felt like bringing it all back up and still do now at 9pm. everyone is supporting us and telling us it will be ok and get sorted but yeah
its hard....

tomorrow not sure what im doing
ive told jack that if im left alone tomorrow i will probably just stew or cry or both
so maybe id like to see him but dont know what to do

i havent done any exercise today...
its been 32c today the hottest day of the year and also the most humid
the humidity is crazy, you walk from room to room and sweat, never mind going outside or anything
so i didnt even bother to attempt exercise today
ill catch up tomorrrow