Oz in front of the fan

 Evening~

I got to sleep pretty fast but woke up at 12:30 and tossed and turned trying to get to sleep, i started scratching myself so by 2am i decided to get up before i savage my skin

i stayed up for an hour, played some pokemon and did the last gym

this morning me and mum went to tk maxx

i got some leggings for work and fleece joggers for the winter ^^ mum got a few bits too so it was worth going, then we came home. i went to bed i had had enough of being in pain and it was only 11am...

i got up and made a couple of cute bows for the christmas tree

i looked into getting a sheet of glass cut for the magazine table i did, to keep it covered and safe. I was quoted £62....wow thats more than actual table! so i dont think i will be doing that any time soon...

ive had Oz in as well it wasnt that hot today but i still let him sit in front of the fan as i know he enjoys it so i took photos on mums phone of him happily sitting there

tara told me shes brought a new baby bunny and i saw a photo hes so cute, white and black and called Jasper, hes only 8 weeks old X3 i really wanna see him!

I went for a walk with mum which was hard work as the sun had come out

i did 30mins of yoga and 10mins of dance

i was done at that point and had a shower and got pyjamas on

i have struggled today as my jaw has come out of its alignment  

i still have full use of it but it hurts to open and close and to apply any pressure for example eating. i have a permanent ache in the joint and going down my face

last time it did this i had to go to a chiropractor and have it put back in and the relief was instant

im hoping it pops back into alignment soon as its another pain to deal with but makes eating hard work. it does this every now again. dont know how i get it out of place and its been cracking a lot so its not right :/ fed up

im fed up being in pain and taking so much pain relief. it sucks

tomorrow not sure what im doing

jack says theres an event at the park near him if i wanna go

but i will see how i feel to be honest 

few bargains and picking surveyors

 Evening

I went over to jack's last night

it was very warm so we didnt do a lot

i read my book and played my switch - which im so happy with! X3

jack was amazed seeing me a read a book

i said "what? i can read you know"

he said "i know, its just youre so quiet and i think its the first time i have seen you read a book before. its strange" how rude >.> its a book about psychopaths so i suppose no scene with me is 'normal' XD

i managed to get off to sleep

but woke up at 3am and found the bed empty i had a quick panic of 'where is he?'

i checked and could see the light on in the toilet so left him to it

but i felt very sick

he came to the bedroom and said "sorry did i wake you?"

i said "i dont think so i just panicked when you werent there for some reason"

he said he had had a nightmare of which he had to bury his family, he got up and went to check the windows and doors were locked. so maybe he had woken me up after all by plodding around. who knows but i was awake and now needed to get up

he got up with me we had hot chocolate and biscuits

then i fell back to sleep and we got up at 9am

we had breakfast

then looked over his driving pages, as he had got his 3rd lesson at 12pm

so i helped him with that - that week's topic was roundabouts

then we had a look at surveyors as we need the bungalow surveying 

it was time for jack to go i could see he was nervous, well it was easy to tell by how long he was spending in the bathroom and several times bless him

he left me with his flat keys

i decided to use the opportunity to go shopping by myself~

i managed to get a jacket reduced from £20 to £5 and skirt of the same reduction and price

then underwear reduced too~ that was just simple sale bargains

i didnt need anything really it was just nice to look round by myself

i got back with 10mins to spare before jack came back

me and theo watched him pull up X3

i let him inside and made him a coffee and got the soup ready for lunch as it was gone 2pm

we sorted a bit more of the surveyor work out we think we know who we want to go with, i have left it with jack to sort as everything is in his name and he wants to pay for the surveyor also

we fell asleep on the bed after that

it has been a lot cooler today thank bloody god

but still a bit warmer but way more bearable 

i left for home at 5pm

saw my Ozwald who has been grumpy today and wrecked his cage.....damn him >.>

sorted out my stuff and thats about it really

had dinner, 30mins of yoga and had a shower

i have had a splitting headache all day which i have been determined to get on with

but yeah my head frigging hurts i have even drank loads to try shift it

nothing has helped

it will be gone tomorrow i am sure

tomorrow

mum is on about going to tk maxx in the morning so i might join her

then do my exercise routine

then make some christmas decorations~

Pikachu Hamster wall hanging

Afternoon

I could not sleep

so I got up for a bit, had cereal and pain killers - the usual

and managed to sleep after that

had a dream I had ADHD, a lot of plushies were on the floor when i woke up

guessing i was moving around a lot in my sleep...

I walked for an hour this morning

then i helped mum unpack the shopping

she wanted to do a walk so i went with her for 30mins

had a brew when i came in and then did 30mins of yoga

so i have already done my 2 hour exercise by midday!

done in!

i had a much needed shower then sat with a cold face sheet on with cucumber on my eyes

in front of the fan it was really good ^^

jack is currently on his way over

hes caught the bus i bet he must be roasting

hes bringing my switch!!

staying over at his tonight

but im staying home during the day to care for my pets

its hot so i will have to tend to them again

we missed the storms but my cousins up north got them

we should get them at some point tho.....

here is the wall hanging i made the other day

pikachu being nommed on by hamsters~

thats all for now

My switch is all better X3

 Evening

my god its hot

sick of this heat

we actually get a summer and its just unbearable it really is

its 37c!!

the humidity is gross, its never a nice dry heat here

its always wet heat

you sweat just sitting in your seat

i hate it, im sick of sweating!!

i managed to fall asleep pretty fast last night surprisingly

i thought with the heat it would be difficult to actually sleep

i woke up at 3am and got comfy again and went back to sleep

so it was a good night 

I got up and did my usual routine of breakfast and exercise

did an hour's walk followed by 30mins of dancing

i was sweaty~ but i was mainly practising the angerme dance

needs work, then i will work on fairies's mr.blue sky

i had a brew with  mum and Oz after my shower

then did a bit of designing in front of my laptop downstairs with Oz on the sofa with me

i had had enough of being in pain so i went to sleep in my bed for an hour

woke up wet through my god it was hot

i felt disgusting 

when i got up i got the pets inside with mum, a repeat of yesterday, and sat them in the cool and in front of the fan. its too hot outside for them and the sun comes on their cages around 3pm

so they leisurely laid around, Oz loves it and can stay over an hour XD

i said to mum "these are the fortunate ones, there are pets out there forgotten about at the ends of the garden in cages in the blazing sun probably dying"

she said "dont! i dont like to think about it"

its true, there are unwanted pets, uncared for pets. suffering whilst ours cool off on a sofa in front of a fan. we hear stories of people on the news leaving their dogs in cars! and people smashing the windows to get the dogs out. how thick can humans be. how would the like to be in a car in this heat!?

they deserve it to be done back to them

we were suppose to have thunder storms today at 4pm but then it was 9pm

its now 8pm and not seen any sign so we might miss it

but could be tomorrow

seeing jack tomorrow! he gave me a txt today to say my switch was back in store, then another txt saying he had been to collect it and that all my games and such were still on it :3

it was good of him to fetch it for me ^^ and im glad i havent got to download my games again

i cant wait to have it back and to be able to actually play on it

hes tested it and says its perfectly normal ^^

he is coming over  to me tomorrow as i said if its hot again i will need to supervise Oz indoors, i cant leave him for mum to tend to when she has the pigs to do as well

he was fine with that then i will sleep over at his and be back thursday

think he has a driving lesson at 12pm on thursday anyway

yay get my switch tomorrow ^^

i havent done much all afternoon its just too hot

i have started reading a new book - an actual book not an e-book

its The wisdom of psychopaths by kevin dutton, managed to read 20 pages so far

that is impressive for me i have to say

enjoying it tho, i like how the mind works

so yeah tomorrow seeing jack at some point

i was gonna draw or sew today but yeah the heat defeated me

defeated all of us i think

i alsp spent a lot of time with Oz, to be honest im always spending time with him. I cant imagine not having him there hes like my right hand man. God knows what i will do when i ose him. 

Ordered Bio Oil to repair the damage I have done to myself

 Evening

I managed to get to sleep but I woke up and then had to get up as I hurt so much

so i had cereal and pain killers

my usual routine in the middle of the night

i got up at 8am

This morning I got into the car with mum and got out where she worked

so I could walk home, just gave me a different walk really

i walked for 50mins i was a bit sweaty afterwards

got home and sent over the form me and jack filled out yesterday, sent it over to jack

then did 30mins of dancing til i was shaky sweaty mess -____-

felt better for exercise

had a shower and a brew 

then i worked on my christmas tree lolita bow

finally got it finished, looks cute.  i will take a photo~

i had a bit of a rest and mum woke me up with cake mix X3

sat with Oz in the living room with the fan on him

he had stupidly decided to lay under a bush but the sun was on him

so he was hot bunbun 

i cooled him off and he sat there for an hour on the sofa!

lazy bunny X3

then i was looking at stuff online, housey things and christmas decorations

stuff to design but was getting a little to immersed in it all

sometimes i get too carried away with design

so i got up and did 20mins of dance learning and i have just about finished the Angerme dance, a slower more controlled movement dance so i have been finding it tricky but i am getting the hang of it now and it feels good to have reached the end of the song

so today i have done 100mins exercise~

how im not skinny i will never know -____-

mum suggested i order some Bio Oil

i brought some online and my god its expensive it best work!

during lockdown i was a bit mental and basically removed the skin on my calves and shins using my nails, until it bled. it has taken sooo long to heal, cus i wear compression socks during the night and not letting my skin breathe, it is slowing the healing process down

i have tried to not wear my socks but i am just in too much pain without them sadly

so i have been putting expensive derma care cream on my legs and they are healing but the skin is now different shades - reds, purples, pinks

i have wrecked my skin

i am so annoyed at myself for doing it

but i was in so much pain and distress i just needed to feel something else

i different pain

so i scratched and i suppose its the same sort of release as self harming (not that i have ever done that!)

but im annoyed at the damage i have done to my skin

it looks a mess 

jack has seen them and he just looked sad at me and hugged me. he is just glad im ok but he does watch my hands as sometimes i scratch without thinking and sometimes it is my legs

but luckily the last few weeks i have made an active effort to not touch my legs and put cream on twice a day. but i need more than a cream. Bio Oil is suppose to be good for scarring basically

we shall see if its worth the time and money

tomorrow

probably find something creative to do after my walk and work out

my Switch should be ready for collection on thursday! 

Got my 10th Anniversary ring!! :D

 Evening

I went over to Jack's around 8pm last night

we didnt do a great deal cus I was dead and it was getting late

we did have a hot chocolate and biscuits and talked with Theo

I sat with him on his bed and asked him why he told me he was in a mood on thursday

he brushed it off telling me he was fine now

i said "nope youre not getting out of it that easily, you always get me to tell you my troubles so lets have it"

and you know when you can tell someone has tears in their eyes but hasnt started crying

yup that was Jack

all over the fact he had spent too long over thinking (once again) about the forms we had to do next. Which is basically if the relationship goes tits up - -who gets what

and he was scared he would lose me and then we have to do Will's at some point (yes actually death wills) and he cant bare the thought of not having me anymore

now i know its nice feeling so loved and wanted 

but my god he over thinks

so i reassured him we would be fine and im not going anywhere for quite some time

but yeah nether of us were looking forward to the form 

i couldnt sleep

i was in too much pain and had forgotten my tens machine....

so we got up at 12:30 and had a brew  and biscuits and another pain killer for me

and after that i did sleep but woke up a few times to get comfy again

as i was sleeping on top of my covers

we got up at 8am

and had breakfast then had a bath and then we sat doing the form

i say "we" it more jack XD it involved a lot of maths and that is something i do not specialise in

Jack can just do numbers so i was in good hands ^^

he got it done and i was there to make tea and answer any questions he had on my money

we got it done but i had a massive knot in my stomach

we went to have lunch but i couldnt eat much

after lunch we had the good bit - collecting my ring :D

So here we have my 10th anniversary ring~

'celebrating' how far i have come in the 10 years since i have had my illnesses

i love it and my family like it and so did jack actually

the heat has made my fingers swell so the photo looks like i have chubby fingers X3 

its white gold with little diamonds

its so petite i love it and its goes well next to granny's sapphire ring~

well pleased with it

mum gave me some money towards it too, she didnt have to but she chose too

we had a rest then i had to come home for a pointless house viewing

one of dad's customers who is selling their house

but for like £40,000 more than i can actually afford

so it was pointless

but upon looking at it i felt a swell of pride at our future bungalow

cus my god it was a dump and totally ditched

too big as well, but yeah was nice tidy, clean or well kept

so it would have meant a lot of work for a big space we wouldnt have use for

and no grass for Oz it was all stone

i came back and sat with Oz and mum  in the garden

then i sorted out a  bit more of my lolita bow

i hadnt done any exercise but mum said to have a night off

i was really tired

so i had a hot shower and im gonna do my nails and have a hot chocolate

i will catch up with exercise tomorrow

im just exhausted and i ache anyway, exercises probably wont help much

so no point in pushing myself

tomorrow

probably finish lolita bow and exercise~

and send todays forms over to jack

Another hot day

 Evening

I couldnt sleep again, just too hot and in awful awful pain so i got up for a bit

but even with extra pain relief it didnt really help :/

I went for an hour's walk with mum this morning

then did 20mins of dancing but it was just too hot

ive been outside with Oz as i thought the sun on my joints would help my pain

ive rested inside

done some designing of christmas decorations

ordered a few things online

started  making a bow to go on top of the christmas tree 

a cute lolita bow XD

didnt get it finished tho as i had to cook the BBQ for my family

i wasnt in the mood but got it done

im gonna have a shower now and get my stuff ready to go over to jack's

we wont do much tonight probably

then tomorrow we have paperwork to do

then dad is pointlessly taking me round a house viewing of someone he knows

not that i can afford the house

but i cant seem to get out of it

so stupid

im annoyed about it but what can you do

waste of everyones time involved